by Ari Tuckman
Quiet the ADHD mind by moving tasks out of your head and into a reliable external system. This grounded approach helps you bridge the gap between planning and doing, using simple tools to protect your focus and lower daily stress.
Meet your Teacher
West Chester, PA, USA
Transcript
In the last video, I talked about why you probably, By which I mean definitely, Need some sort of a real schedule. And in this one, Unfortunately, I'm also going to tell you, You need some sort of a real to-do list, Right? Like probably you just do because. Life tends to have too much like random stuff, Right? All those sort of different things that you just got to like somehow keep track of. So, You know, We always hope that like our internal memory is going to just do the job, Right? I'm just going to remember it. I don't have to deal with writing it down or setting a reminder or anything. We love that idea. And the reality is, Unless your life is really pretty simple, Which, You know, Boring, You need some sort of a way to keep track of all done like just right now although obviously if you just do it now you don't have to keep track of it later but that doesn't always work out so In terms of then different ways of sort of capturing and holding and sort of externalizing, Meaning out of your head, But like out here, Different ways of externalizing to-do list items. I mean, There's a long list. You could do whatever it is that works as long as it works. So it could be like one of those official paper lists that has like to-do lists printed on top or some snarky saying or whatever. It could be something online like Google Tasks or Outlook or whatever. Notebook right where you sort of scribble things and that way you can kind of flip back and you know grab an old phone number or something could be like a whiteboard where it's sort of there and it's big and it's visible although obviously you probably can't take a whiteboard with you but that's fine different tools for different jobs I don't know, You could email yourself or text yourself something or leave yourself a voicemail. So if you're at home, You leave a voicemail at work. I don't know, You probably don't have a home answering machine. But back in the day when we used to, That was a thing we could do. You could scribble it on a scrap of paper, Right? Sometimes that's all you need. Or you could leave, Use the item itself as a reminder. So for example, I don't know if you got to go get some new meds, Right? You take your empty bottle and you stick it next to your keys. Right there or even some other random item right like you take a sock and put it next to your keys which probably doesn't mean i need more socks it just sort of like oh right i have to let the dog out before i go right it's just any random thing that breaks the flow that kind of like grabs your attention One of the things that I often recommend to clients is this idea of taking stuff off of your to-do list and actually like scheduling a specific time to do it. And the reason why I recommend this is that the problem with to-do lists, Like they're important and they're helpful. But the problem is it's like this list of things and it's like. Should I do this or maybe this? Actually, You know what? Maybe like flip, Flip. Maybe this is the thing to do, Right? So it's sort of like things that are on a to-do list have this unfortunate habit of just sort of sitting there forever, Right? Because they don't have a designated time. They just sort of like. Somehow they just don't happen. So the advice then is to take items off of your to-do list, Which are sort of time non-specific, And instead to make them time-specific, Meaning. . . Tuesday at three, I'm going to do this. Or on Friday morning, I'm going to work on these sort of things. Anything that's in your schedule and has a designated time is more likely to happen than something that isn't time specific. This is especially helpful if there's some sort of a time constraint, Meaning, You know, I got to call her back, But it's got to be before lunch because she's leaving or, You know, Anything like that. So you don't remember like, You know, At three in the afternoon, You're like, Ah, Crap, I should have called her. I think, You know, In terms of this idea of putting stuff into your to-do, Into your schedule, Often there's a resistance to it in the sense of, Like, How do I know what I want to do on Friday morning? Maybe I don't want to do that thing, So I don't want to, Like, Commit myself. But, Like, It's fine. It's not a blood oath, Right? You're not, Like, Morally obligated to do that thing at that time. If other things come up, Whatever, Just move it somewhere else. Just don't let it not go anywhere. You can do it at some later point. The other benefit of this for folks who tend to like take too much on or agree to things and then realize like, Oh, Man, I don't have time for this. As you begin to see your schedule fill out, You might realize like, I don't actually have as much time as I thought. I need to be more strategic about what I take on. I probably need to say no a little bit more often or at least sort of push things out a little further, Right? Can't get to it today, Hopefully next week. Now, The thing about this, About to-do lists, About putting things on your schedule is. . . You know, I sort of talked about this in an earlier video, But like. It doesn't generate the motivation to do it just because it's there doesn't mean that you're gonna be like, Yeah, That's the thing. I'm super psyched to do it. But what it does help with is planning and awareness, Right? That you're like, That you become aware of like, Oh yeah, That is the thing. I had a plan for that. We'll talk in other videos and we have talked already in other videos about how to build a motivation. But at least if you have the awareness of this is the time I thought I would do that, At least you're like halfway there or you're some part of the way there. Because if you forget to do it, Then you're no part of the way there. So at least you're a little bit closer and then you've got less work to do to sort of get it to the end of actually being done. Now, One of the issues with to-do lists is. . . Not everything actually gets done off of the to-do list. And we can sort of say that graveyards or that to-do list can become a graveyard of failed hopes, As in like, I had this grand vision that one day I would call the plumber, Right? And then somehow you just never do it. So this kind of gives us a couple things to consider here. One is, Should this thing even get written down in the first place, Right? Do I even add this into my to-do list? Or is it sort of like a lovely idea? Like that would be nice if I was going to get to this. But I'm not going to get to it. Like, Let's all be honest here. Ain't going to happen. Right. Just probably unlikely. So let's just leave it off entirely. Like don't even touch it. There's something to be said for that. Like that is a real skill when it, Or that's a real kind of important part of managing a to-do list. Well, It's not just checking stuff off that you've done. It's also not putting some things on in the first place. And sometimes also getting to a point of like checking them off as, Or at least crossing them off, Like didn't do it, Not gonna do it, Out it goes. And the reason why that's important is that if you have too many things on your to-do list, Besides the fact that it is just sort of depressing to look at this massive to do list and know that you're going to have to live to 300 to finish it all. Also, What happens is the sort of like low priority, The stuff that like it's time has passed, You know, Ain't going to happen stuff. It hides the things that are actually worthwhile. Right. So like you want your to do list to be the things that are important and that are actually, Actually going to happen. As in like I should read War and Peace one day because, You know, That would make me a literate person or something. That's fine. But then have a second list somewhere, You know, Have keep that in a different place from daily things like get milk. No, Part of this is that it takes actual thinking. It takes like cognitive effort to think about this task, To think about what else you need to do, To sort of compare the relative value, To think about where it might fit in or won't, To think about who is this important to? Is this your thing? Is this somebody else's thing? If it's someone else's, Should you do it anyway? There's real effort there that goes in. Every passing idea so like it does require some real cognitive effort to use it well But that's okay. And it might also be that if you've struggled with a to-do list, Maybe this is part of it, Right? It's that you haven't really invested the energy to do it right. But the good news is if you do invest the energy, You're going to find this a much more helpful tool that, I don't know, Makes your life better, Right? It's not about having a to-do list to make other people's lives better only. It's about making your life better. So let's put it to work. First of all, Think about your existing to-do lists. Hopefully you have some sort of something. Is it really the thing that's best, Right? Is there some sort of an upgrade of sorts or some sort of an addition or just something different? Or honestly, Maybe you need a downgrade, Right? Maybe your existing system is too complicated and you just need something simpler, Right? Let's really kind of think about it. Is your to-do list serving you well at this point in your life? Second here is identify some tasks off of your to-do list that would be good to transfer over to your schedule, Right? And it's like, There it is. I'm going to schedule, You know, Like Thursday morning, I'm going to do this. And on Tuesday at one and, You know, Blah, Blah, Blah, Right? Like move some things over into your schedule and see if that helps you get them done more effectively. And then finally, You know, Clearing the deadwood. So go through your to do list and just cross off this stuff that ain't never going to happen. Right. Like, Let's just. Accept defeat. Let's move on with life. Sorry, You didn't make the cut. I got more important things to do with my time. Right. And then after you clear that all out. See how much less stressful it is looking at your to-do list. So give it a shot. Let's see what you do with it.
