Hello,
And welcome to this talk on empaths and narcissists.
My name is Ana Kondrueva,
I am a licensed therapist,
A meditation teacher,
And an empath.
In this talk,
I will explore what happens when an empath merges their energy and their life with a narcissist.
Empaths are individuals who have a heightened ability to sense and feel the emotions,
Energies,
And even physical sensations of those around them.
They don't just observe someone else's feelings,
They actually feel them as if they were their own.
Many empaths are also highly sensitive people who process sensory input and emotional experiences more deeply than others.
This depth of processing allows them to really appreciate beauty and nuance,
But also makes them more susceptible to overstimulation and stress.
As you can probably relate,
The qualities of empaths are both their strength and their challenge.
Empaths tend to be deeply compassionate,
Very intuitive,
And quite nurturing.
But,
Because they feel so much,
They can easily become overwhelmed in crowded places,
Emotionally charged situations,
Or when surrounded by negativity.
And one of the most significant challenges for empaths is their tendency to absorb the energies of others.
This is called the empathic merge.
It is something most empaths are born doing,
Allowing their energy field to merge with another person's in order to read them,
Who they are,
And what they need from the empath,
Which in turn lets the empath know how to best blend or fit in.
This gift of merging can be useful in many circumstances,
But only if it is done consciously and ethically.
Most of the time,
Empaths are unaware they are doing it.
It is simply how they exist in the world.
It is worth noting that being entrained in another person's emotions makes it hard for empaths to be honest about how they feel if there is a chance they could upset,
Anger,
Or hurt the person they emerged with energetically.
Think about it.
Upsetting the other person will make the empath feel the negative emotions that person is feeling,
So empaths subconsciously avoid upsetting them.
This ability to merge becomes especially dangerous when an empath meets a narcissist.
And when I say narcissist,
I don't necessarily mean someone with a narcissistic personality.
I don't mean someone with a personality disorder,
Although that would definitely count.
There are people out there who would not qualify for this diagnosis,
But who still have narcissistic tendencies.
And I am including them when I say the word narcissist.
Narcissists have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance.
They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them.
They also have a low level of empathy and tend to blame others for their own behavior.
Energetically speaking,
A narcissist is someone who drains the energy of others through manipulation and a lack of empathy.
Their agenda is to use other people's energy for themselves.
The codependency between the narcissist and the empath begins energetically through unconscious merging.
Empaths can intuitively sense that narcissists are deeply wounded people who need healing and are thus attracted to them because empaths are natural healers.
In many ways that empaths don't want to know or think about,
They have a lot in common with narcissists.
Both empaths and narcissists read energy and they read it well.
They both can energetically merge with others consciously and unconsciously.
In a way,
They are on the same spectrum,
But at different ends of it.
The difference is an empath is going to have a lot of empathy and compassion for others,
Whereas the narcissist will be the opposite,
Completely devoid of empathy.
And a narcissist's sole purpose for reading your energy is to know how to manipulate you into whatever will feed their very broken ego.
For an empath,
Empathic merging is about connection,
About seeing someone clearly and being seen by them in return.
At first,
The empath feels seen by the narcissist and understood in a way no one has ever understood them.
And they start to think that they have met someone special,
Usually because of love bombing.
Love bombing by narcissists is a manipulative tactic that involves showering someone with affection and attention in the early stages of a relationship.
The goal is to make the other person feel dependent on the narcissist for love and validation.
They will often issue excessive compliments,
Give extravagant gifts and push for commitment early on.
Narcissists are even adept at isolating you from your friends and family by convincing you that they will have all you will ever need to feel good about yourself.
Energetically,
They open up their energy field to you and say,
Drink up!
I will always be here for you,
And you will not need anyone else.
After the love bombing stage has ended,
The narcissist will no longer allow the empath into their energy.
They will,
However,
Continue to enter the empath's energy and continue to build the energetic connection that is now and forever more tainted with their toxicity.
Narcissists will dump their negative emotions and their insecurity into the empath's field,
Leaving quite a mess for the unsuspecting empath to heal from once they quote-unquote wake up and end the relationship.
This is something that will linger until the empath has fully healed from the narcissistic abuse and has learned how to spot other narcissists before the narcissist can hook energetically into them.
This will likely take a few toxic relationships of one sort or another,
Romances,
Friendships,
Siblings or parent relationships to figure out.
If you are an empath who has been hurt by merging with a narcissist,
I want to encourage you to do your own healing and learn how to be present in your body and in connection with another person through skilled,
Conscious merging.
The beauty and magic of healthy conscious merging is what makes being an empath wonderful.
And I will be honest with you,
It has taken me a long time to learn how to merge consciously and how to step back and unmerge.
This is not something you can learn in a day or a week.
It takes practice and effort.
And I hope to teach you how to become a skilled empath who is able to merge consciously through these talks.
Right now,
I want to give you some tips on dealing with narcissists.
First of all,
Learn to spot narcissists early on.
This is a crucial skill for empaths.
Watch out for that love bombing.
Look out for signs like excessive flattery,
Overly enthusiastic declarations of love very early in the relationship,
Constant attention,
Pressure to commit quickly,
Sharing very personal details too soon,
And an intense focus on making you feel special,
Often to the point where it feels disingenuous or overwhelming.
Especially watch out if this person tries to isolate you from your friends and family,
Often under the guise of wanting to spend more time together.
And to me,
A dead giveaway of a narcissist is if they love bomb you and then turn around and treat others,
Especially service workers,
With disdain and disrespect.
If you are ever on a date and your date is doting on you but being rude to the waiter,
Make note of that and consider not getting into a relationship with that person.
My second tip for you is to learn the conflict tactics of a narcissist.
Narcissists will use what we call DARVO,
D-A-R-V-O,
In conflict,
Or when you highlight their abusive ways.
That's an acronym many of you are probably familiar with,
But let's go through it anyway.
DARVO stands for deny,
Attack,
Reverse,
Victim,
And offender.
And this is how it usually goes.
First,
The narcissist will deny your account of what happened.
This can involve gaslighting you to make you doubt your memory of events.
You may begin to question whether or not you are blowing it out of proportion as the narcissist continues to minimize.
Then the narcissist will attack you by shifting the focus to your credibility and whether or not others should believe you.
This could include bringing up past indiscretions,
Questioning your mental health,
And many other tactics.
The final step of this twisted manipulation tactic is for the narcissist to secure their title of victim and position you as the offender.
They might say that you have some vendetta to destroy them and that you are lying to get your way.
If you notice someone using DARVO against you,
Do your best to separate from that person if you can.
I want to share something with you and it's called The Narcissist's Prayer.
It's written by Dana Craig and it beautifully illustrates the inner workings of the narcissistic mind.
Here's how it goes.
That didn't happen.
And if it did,
It wasn't that bad.
And if it was,
That's not a big deal.
And if it is,
That's not my fault.
And if it was,
I didn't mean it.
And if I did,
You deserved it.
This poem features denial,
Gaslighting,
Minimizing poor behavior,
Blame shifting,
And shame dumping.
All of those are hallmarks of emotional abuse by narcissists.
My last tip for you is if you have found yourself attached to a narcissist,
Either in the past or now in the present,
Is to do a cord cutting practice.
There are many meditations on Insight Timer for cord cutting,
Including mine.
Cord cutting involves visualizing the energetic cord that attaches you to the person and then cutting it,
Either with scissors or a sword or a beam of light,
Really whatever tool comes up naturally for you.
You may need to cut the same cords more than once.
This is especially true if your relationship with this person has to continue and they continue to merge energetically with you.
Cord cutting does not permanently protect you from merging with that person.
It is simply a way to start anew.
Cord cutting also does not mean you are completely disconnecting from that person.
It could just mean you are starting a new connection with them.
Once you cut the cord,
You can form a new attachment,
One that's more beautiful or safe and one that serves you better.
If you enjoyed this talk,
Please follow me here on Insight Timer.
I have a morning and evening practice for empaths as well as many other meditations you might find useful.
Remember,
You are a vessel of love,
Compassion,
And intuition.
And with care and mindfulness,
You can protect your energy while embracing your unique nature as an empath.
May you continue to shine your radiant light on everyone around you.
Namaste.
