by Ishar Keshu
In this talk, I go over agreeableness, which is one of five personality type traits in the Big Five personality test model. specifically, I go over how people who are high in agreeableness vs. low in agreeableness (sometimes referred to as being disagreeable) differ in lifestyle, career, and social preferences.
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Austin, TX, USA
Transcript
Hey, This is Ish, And in today's talk I want to continue my series on the Big Five personality type test. So in the previous talks, I've gone over the other traits, Which are openness, Conscientiousness, And extroversion, And this talk will be on agreeableness. And the following talk, I'll be going over neuroticism as well, So stay tuned for that. So what is agreeableness? So this is one facet of the Big Five personality type test, Which basically sees how much you value social harmony and you'd like to get along with other people. So if you score very high in this trait, Then obviously you'd be described as someone who is patient, Someone who is accommodating, Someone who is empathetic, Compassionate, Really understands the needs of others, And can, In extreme cases, Put other people above themselves. And then that could also resort to people-pleasing behaviors, Which I'll cover in a bit. And then if we look at the flip side, So someone who is very low in agreeableness, They can be described as someone who is disagreeable. And these traits would be someone who is very stubborn, Someone who is bossy, Who is competitive, Who is thick-skinned and very tough, And they tend to put themselves over other people. And in extreme cases, They have predatory behaviors where they'll see weakness in other people and try to exploit that. So I'll go over that in a bit. Now what I like about the Big Five personality type test is that they score each of these traits in a scale. So you can score anywhere between a score of 0 to 100. And where you score on this specific trait will drastically change how you approach life and also interactions with other people as well. So if you score, Say, 25% in agreeableness, You will definitely have a different outlook on life compared to someone who scores 50% or even 75% or even 90%. So where you score will actually change a lot of things in your life. So I'll be going over that. And in this talk specifically, I'll be going over some general mindsets that people who are high in agreeableness have compared to low in agreeableness, And then also some of the advantages of being one or the other, As well as some of the career choices that suit people who are high in agreeableness compared to low, And then how people in the spectrum approach social interactions. This can include dating, Romance, And also friendships as well. Let's first start off with people who are high in agreeableness. So this, Again, Is the trait where it's all about social interactions and harmony and keeping the peace. So people who are naturally very high in this trait are very compassionate, They are very good listeners, And they see the world as a place to contribute and collaborate with others. And everyone is generally their friend. So that's like the mindset that people who are high in agreeableness really interact with the world. And I can personally relate to this as I score pretty high on agreeableness, Actually somewhere between the 80s and 90s. So pretty high. And my general theme of life is when I go to public settings or different venues, When I see other people, I generally wish the good for them. And I see them as like part of myself. So there's a lot of social harmony and being very high in agreeableness because you feel that everyone's your friend, Everyone has good intentions. And obviously that will come at a cost, Which I'll explain in a bit. But generally the world is a good place and everyone's out to help you. And that's how you view the world. You typically don't see too many agreeable people causing disruption in a public situation or infringing on other people because we're typically very hyper aware of other people. And a lot of people who label themselves as empaths or highly sensitive people tend to be higher in agreeableness because they are acutely aware of how other people are doing and their concern is more so on other people than themselves. And this can come at a lot of great advantages and strengths because agreeable people are very compassionate and they seek to alleviate any suffering from other people. And they really care about other people. So this obviously comes at a great benefit because they make the world a better place with their presence. And if they have the opportunity to, They'll obviously go out of their way to help other people. Now, What are the downsides of being very high in agreeableness? Well, As you can imagine, If you're placing all this energy out to other people and you're really putting other people before yourself, Which is what people who are very high in this trade tend to do, Well, You can start to see that you may not get what you want out of life because you're constantly placing other people above you. You may also resort to people pleasing behaviors, Which isn't good. And I think what's even worse is that oftentimes people who are disagreeables, Low in agreeableness, Can sense that you have no boundaries about you because you let everything slide. You let you accept bad behaviors from other people and then they'll walk over you. So people who are very high in agreeableness need to learn how to be assertive at times because it's very easy to let things slide and say, Oh, You know what, It's okay. I'll forgive you because we're very compassionate and forgiving by nature. So that's one of the things that is a lesson that a lot of agreeable people need to learn is how to set boundaries, How to say no at times because they might have their boundaries walked over and destroyed, Or they might have their space invaded or other things and they need to step up on themselves. Now, People who are low in agreeableness, So they can be described as disagreeable, Have no problem saying no. In fact, That's their default. So people who are agreeable will typically say yes to other people and then no. So that's like the default of yes. And then they might be convinced to say no afterwards. But for people who are disagreeable, They first say no and then they might say yes. They might be convinced to say yes. The people who are disagreeable are very bossy, Like I mentioned, They're pretty stubborn. They are thick skinned and very direct and blunt. So they just say what's on their mind. And they don't have that filter in place that a lot of agreeable people have. So this can cause them to say a lot of things that might hurt other people without realizing it or they're just not aware of how they come across. So the other day I went out to go see a comedy show with one of my friends who scores pretty low in agreement. So he'd be described as disagreeable. And I was sitting up there watching the show with him and he would constantly make jokes or talk during the show itself. And I became pretty hyper conscious because he was disrupting the show and he didn't realize it. And a lot of the staff members actually told him, Hey, Can you quiet down please? You're disrupting the show. And I was like, Oh no, I got all self-conscious. But for him, He had no filter. So he didn't even come across in his mind that he was affecting other people in a negative way. Now that's obviously the downsides of being disagreeable is that you can be perceived as very rude and you can hurt other people. But the plus side is you have honest communication. So you're very direct on what you want. And people who are disagreeable don't beat around the bush. So you exactly know where they stand. And they're more honest than a lot of people who tend to mask their true feelings. So with disagreeable people, You know what you're getting into. You know what they're all about. So you can choose to interact with them if you want. And if you don't want to, You don't have to. So people who are disagreeable tend to have people that really love them and a lot of people that hate them. But no one in between because they tend to have more of a what you call a strong personality or a difficult personality. Now when you score pretty low in agreeableness or you're disagreeable, Your general mindset into things is how can I succeed or how can I better myself or the organization I'm working with. And this is a different mindset compared to agreeableness people, Agreeable people who tend to take in other people and try to keep the peace. There's a difference between keeping the peace and pushing yourself to get better pushing your team. So the key word here is push because a lot of disagreeable people have no problem pushing or asserting their needs. Now moving on to social interactions, So this is relationships or friendships, You can clearly see that where you fall in the agreeableness scale will greatly inform and has a direct impact on the types of relationships and friendships you have. So people who are high in agreeableness really value their friendships and social interactions and they are generally very patient, Accommodating. They like to listen. So they're great listeners. So when someone is talking to them, The person has agreeableness will listen to them. And if they're too agreeable, They'll kind of go along with what they're saying. They never set their own opinion. So there's some negatives of that, But the positives is that they're generally very kind. They have no problem making friends. So people who are agreeable or are easy to get along with, Easy to talk to and are able to make friends pretty fast. So I find that this is very true for me. I can go to any place and generally get along with everyone in the room. There's no problems, Nothing like that. And I generally have ease about making friends and meeting new people. And it's very interesting because when I go out to different places, So I force myself to go to places that maybe don't go to normally. Like I've had like sales jobs, Which is something I personally didn't like, Someone was agreeable. But also when I go to like different social venues and interact with different people, You will get like a whole variety of different people that score on the scale. So I've also met a lot of disagreeable people. And for them, Like their mindset going to a public area is like, Hey, You guys should all stay out of my way. So it's funny because someone will just be walking down the street and another person actually like bumps their shoulder and the other person is like, Hey, You just walked into me. You want to fight? Like, And they'll just start like yelling at another person out of nowhere. Or you'll be walking to like Manhattan's a perfect place that has a lot of disagreeable people where it's a very extroverted city for sure, But it's also disagreeable. So you'll be walking down the street with like a thousand other people and then someone will like yell at another person, Like, Hey, Get out of the way or something like that. So it's interesting how like to see very disagreeable people go to social interactions and their mindset's very different. So it's, They still have this mentality of like, Hey, Can you get out of my way? So what you'll find with disagreeable people is that they have a smaller network of friends because they're a bit more difficult or challenging, Especially if they're very low in this quality. So you can describe them as difficult to get along with. And the plus side of being disagreeable is that you can, You'll have like very close friends that know what you're all about. And you are also have like a backbone because you communicate your desires very bluntly and very directly. And as a result, Like people know where you stand. So this is something I mentioned earlier. So very clear about their communication. They don't have any hidden resentments or passive aggressive behaviors, But at the same time they're also very hard to get along with. So they won't make as many friends and they keep their circle very small. And for extremely disagreeable people, They'll just say like, Who needs friends anyways? And that's kind of their mindset. So it's interesting, Like where you fall within this has a dramatically different approach. You'll have a differently different approach of how you approach relationships and friendships and all that as well. Now moving on to careers, Where you fall within the spectrum of agreeableness or being very disagreeable tends to impact or I guess filter the types of jobs that you prefer. So obviously if you are very high in agreeableness, You'd want a job where you're interacting with people and seeing a smile on their faces or just knowing that you help them out or you're helping humanity in a certain way. Now it's interesting because I work my day job at least as a recruiter. So as a person who is agreeable, How I'm approaching the job market and my job is that I'm is knowing that I get satisfaction by helping someone get a job and putting a smile on their face or getting the phone call from them saying, Thank you so much for getting this job and seeing happiness and knowing that I made another person happy. On the flip side, We'll have someone who is disagreeable and they work in the same company and same field as me as a recruiter, For example, And they'll approach the job very differently. So for them, It's not about helping others, But rather how can I place more people into jobs and get a higher commission check? How can I advance in the company? How can I be the best recruiter out there? So there you tend to look at the certain fields in a different light, Whether you're very agreeable compared to low in agreeableness or somewhere in between. And this will kind of filter how you view different jobs. But certainly there are certain jobs that will correlate or correspond with people who are very high in agreeableness or very low in agreeableness because people will tend to gravitate towards those fields. So what are these fields? Well, Any kind of hospitality or customer service type jobs will tend to attract people who are high in agreeableness because they want to give people a good experience. So obviously hospitality is a good thing because you are interacting with customers and you want to make sure that they have a good experience in your venue. And as you know, In any kind of hospitality industry, There's going to be annoying customers and people just drive you crazy. And you need to have the patience there to deal with that. So someone who's disagreeable will curse out a customer. I've seen that happen actually. So there are people who are disagreeable, They don't last long in the hospitality field or customer service fields because they have no patience for other people. But people who are high in agreeableness are very patient. So they are willing to work with difficult customers or people who are angry or upset and they will try to do their best to make them feel better because there's nothing more satisfying than making other people feel better for agreeable people. So fields like hospitality, Like I mentioned, Customer service, For people who are high in agreeableness. I'm also a yoga teacher. So that's something that is related to agreeableness because you're working to help other people in a spiritual aspect. You can also be a therapist. There's so many different fields where you can really succeed as someone who's agreeable that really capitalizes off the fact that you are interacting with people and making them feel better and you're helping the world in that sense. Now for someone who is disagreeable, Instead of the collaborative frame where you're trying to make sure that everyone is doing well and they're only peaceful or happy, What are the cases? The mindset is switched. So instead this becomes more of a competitive frame rather than collaboration. And as you may know in the job market now, The job market is very competitive in most fields. It pays to be competitive. So if you look at any job listing, You'll see like we're looking for a competitive person or someone who's willing to work hard and blah, Blah, Blah. And surely enough, This attracts a lot of disagreeable people to these very cutthroat kind of jobs where you have to prove yourself every day because people who are disagreeable really want to push themselves and also push other people. And I personally had jobs like this, Like sales jobs where you are looking at metrics and trying to compete with yourself and also other people trying to be the best salesperson there, Or get more sales or commission. So anything that is competitive in that aspect draws a lot of disagreeable people in because they have this whole field to prove themselves. So things like law, Being a business is another one, Like a perfect one. Like sales, Like I mentioned, All these types of jobs where you're kind of pushing yourself is really great for disagreeable people because it pays you more money the more you kind of get your own way and you succeed. So it's more about winning than making everyone feel happy because oftentimes in my sales job, I would notice there'd be times where like a business owner would, When you try to like call them and try to sign them up for advertising, They would be like, You know, I'm actually at luck right now. I can't take this call. Would you call me back later? And an agreeable person would be like, Oh yeah, It's okay. I'll just call you back later. And then, You know, When they call them back later, They just don't pick up. Because they were being empathetic in the moment and they want to make sure like they are accommodating to another person, But a disagreeable person would kind of push through and say, Okay, I know you're at lunch right now, But let me continue. And you know, We can see if you can get you more business and they'll push a little harder. And as a result of pushing a bit harder, They do get the sale. Although they made an awkward situation happen, Maybe an uncomfortable situation, They don't really care because they don't have that, As much of a filter as agreeable people. So they're able to push a bit more and they end up getting the sale or becoming more successful. So where you score between this whole range between being very agreeable or disagreeable will influence what types of jobs you want, You'd succeed in. So would you succeed more in a job that values competition and personal achievement, Or would you prefer something that is more collaborative in nature and more nurturing? And that would be something that people who are high in agreeableness would prefer instead. So where you fall between the spectrum would inform your decisions on which career choices you take. So I hope you liked this talk on agreeableness. I find this topic very interesting. And again, This is just one of the big five traits. So we also have openness, Conscientiousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness, Which is talked about right now. And the next talk, I'll be going over the last of the big five personality type test and that is neuroticism. So this is essentially how prone to stress you are and how confident you are in your own skin. So there's different levels of that. And I'll be talking to you about that in the next video. So stay tuned for that. Thank you.
