Just William: The Show, Part Two Of Two

Hello,

It's Mandy here.

Thanks for joining me tonight.

We're going to be listening to part two of the Richemule Crompton story about William,

The Show.

But before I begin,

Please feel free to make yourself really comfortable.

Okay,

That's great.

Then I'll begin.

Part two.

The children ascended the scullery roof and approached the window.

These were the first arrivals who had called on their way to Sunday school.

Henry took their pennies and William cleared his throat and began.

White rat from China,

Ladies and gentlemen.

Pink and blue striped.

All rats is pink and blue striped in China.

And this is the only genuine China rat in England.

Brought over from China special last week just for the show.

It lives on China bread and butter.

Brought over special too.

Wash it,

Jeered an unbeliever.

Just wash it and let us see it then.

Wash it,

Repeated the showman indignantly.

It's got to be washed.

It's washed every morning and night.

Same as you or me.

China rats have got to be washed or they die right off.

Washing them don't make no difference to their stripes.

Anyone knows that that knows anything about China rats.

He laughed scornfully and turned to Smuts.

Smuts had grown used to the basket chair and was settling down for a nap.

William crouched down on all fours,

Ran his fingers along the basket work and,

Putting his face close to it,

Gave vent to a malicious howl.

Smuts sprang at him,

Scratching and spitting.

Wild cat,

Said William triumphantly.

Look at it.

Kill anyone if it got out.

Spring at their throats,

It would,

And scratch their eyes out with its paws and bite their necks till its teeth met.

If I just moved away that chair,

It would spring out at you.

They moved hastily away from the chair.

And I bet some of you would be dead pretty quick.

And I bet some of you would be dead pretty quick.

It could have anyone's head right off with biting and scratching.

Right off,

Separate from their bodies.

There was an awe-stricken silence.

Then,

Garn,

It's Smuts.

It's your sister's cat.

William laughed as though vastly amused by this idea.

Smuts,

He said,

Giving a surreptitious kick to the chair that infuriated its occupants still more.

I guess there wouldn't be many of us left in this house if Smuts was like this.

They passed on to the giant.

A giant,

Said William,

Rearranging the tinsel crown,

Which was slightly too big for him.

A real giant.

Look at it.

As big as two of you put together.

How do you think he gets in at doors and things?

Has to have everything made special.

Look at him walk.

Walk,

Ginger.

Ginger took two steps forwards.

Douglas clutched his shoulders and murmured anxiously,

By Jove!

Go on,

Urged William scornfully.

That's not walking.

The goaded Ginger's voice came from the giant's middle regions.

If you go on talking at me,

I'll drop him.

I'm just about sick of it.

All right,

Said William hastily.

Anyway,

It's a giant,

He went on to his audience.

A jolly fine giant.

It's got Douglas's face,

Said one of his audience.

William was,

For a moment,

At a loss.

Well,

He said at last,

Giant's got to have some sort of a face,

Hasn't it?

Can't not have a face,

Can it?

The Russian bear,

Which had often been seen adorning the shoulders of William's mother,

And was promptly recognised,

Was greeted with writhed ears.

After each speech,

William had to remove from his mouth the rug fringe,

Which persisted in obeying the force of gravity,

Rather than William's idea of what a moustache should be.

Then came a sound from the next door,

A gentle sound,

Like the sighing of the wind through the trees.

It rose and fell.

It rose again and fell again.

It increased in volume with each repetition,

Till,

At its height,

It sounded like a wild animal in pain.

What's that?

Asked the audience breathlessly.

William was slightly uneasy.

He wasn't sure whether this fresh development would add luster or dishonour to his show.

Yes,

He said darkly,

To gain time.

What is it,

Indeed?

I guess you'd like to know what it is.

Garn,

It's just snoring.

Snoring?

Repeated William.

It's not ordinary snoring,

That isn't.

Just listen,

That's all.

You couldn't snore like that,

I bet.

Huh.

They listened,

Spellbound,

To the gentle sound,

Growing louder and louder,

Till,

At its loudest,

It brought rapt smiles to their faces.

Then ceasing abruptly,

Then silence.

Then again,

The gentle sound that grew and grew.

William asked Henry in a stage whisper if they oughtn't to charge extra for listening to it.

The audience hastily explained that they weren't listening,

They just couldn't help hearing.

A second batch of sightseers had arrived and were paying their entrance pennies,

But the first batch refused to move.

William,

Emboldened by success,

Opened the door and they crept out to the landing and listened with ears pressed to the magic door.

Henry now did the honours of showman.

William stood,

Majestic in his glorious apparel,

Deep in thought.

Then to his face came the faint smile that inspiration brings to her votaries.

He ordered the audience back into the showroom and shut the door.

Then he took off his shoes and softly and with bated breath opened Aunt Emily's door and peeped within.

It was rather a close afternoon and she lay on her bed on the top of her eiderdown.

She had slipped off her dress skirt,

So as not to crush it,

And she lay,

In her immense stature,

In a blouse and striped petticoat,

While from her open mouth issued the fascinating sounds.

William thoughtfully propped up a cushion in the doorway and stood considering the situation.

In a few minutes the showroom was filled with a silent expectant crowd.

In a corner near the door was a new notice,

Place for taking off shoes and taking oath of silence.

William,

After administering the oath of silence to a select party in his most impressive manner,

Led them shoeless and on tiptoe to the next room.

From Aunt Emily's bed hung another notice,

Fat wild woman talking native language.

They stood in a hushed,

Delighted group around her bed.

The sounds never ceased,

Never abated.

William only allowed them two minutes in the room.

They came out reluctantly,

Paid more money,

Joined the end of the queue and re-entered.

More and more children came to see the show,

But the show now consisted solely in Aunt Emily.

The china rat had licked off all its stripes.

Smuts was fast asleep.

Ginger was sitting down on the seat of a chair and Douglas on the back of it.

And Ginger had insisted at last and had put his head out where the two sheets joined.

The Russian bear had fallen onto the floor and no one had picked it up.

And no one cared for any of these things.

Newcomers passed by them horridly and stood shoeless in the queue outside Aunt Emily's room,

Eagerly awaiting their turn.

Those who came out simply went to the end again to wait another turn.

Many returned home for more money,

For Aunt Emily was a penny extra and each visit after the first a hate-ney.

The Sunday school bell peeled forth its summons,

But no one left the show.

The vicar was depressed that evening.

The attendance at Sunday school had been the worst on record.

And still Aunt Emily slept and snored with a rapt silent crowd around her.

But William could never rest content.

He possessed ambition that would have put many of his elders to shame.

He cleared the room and reopened it after a few minutes during which his clients waited in breathless suspense.

When they re-entered there was a fresh exhibit.

William's keen eye had been searching out each detail of the room.

On the table by her bed now stood a glass containing teeth that William had discovered on the washstand and a switch of hair.

And a toothless comb that William had discovered on the dressing table.

These all bore notices.

Fat wild woman's teeth.

Fat wild woman's hair.

Fat wild woman's comb.

Were it not that the slightest noise meant instant expulsion from the show,

Some of their number had already suffered that bitter fate.

Some of their number had already suffered that bitter fate.

There would have been no restraining the audience.

As it was they crept in,

Silent,

Expectant,

Thrilled to watch and listen for the blissful two minutes.

And Aunt Emily never failed them.

Still she slept and snored.

They borrowed money recklessly from each other.

The poor sold their dearest treasures to the rich and still they came again and again and still Aunt Emily slept and snored.

It would be interesting to know how long this would have gone on had she not,

On the top note of appeal that was a pure delight to her audience,

Awakened with the start and glanced around her.

At first she thought that the cluster of small boys around her was a dream,

Especially as they turned and fled precipitately at once.

Then she sat up and her eye fell on the table by her bed,

The notices,

And finally upon the petrified,

Horror-stricken showman.

She sprang up and,

Seizing him by the shoulders,

Shook him till his teeth shattered and the tinsel crown fell down,

Encircling ears and nose and one of his moustaches fell limply at his feet.

You wicked boy!

She said as she shook him.

You wicked,

Wicked boy!

He escaped from her grasp and fled to the showroom where,

In sheer self-defence,

He moved a table and three chairs across the door.

The room was empty except for Henry and the still-sleeping Smots.

All that was left of the giant was the crumpled sheets.

Douglas had,

With an awe-stricken By Jove!

Snatched up his rat as he fled.

The last of their clients was seen scrambling along the top of the garden wall on all fours with all possible speed.

Mechanically,

William straightened his crown.

She's woke,

He said.

She's mad wild.

He listened apprehensively for angry footsteps descending the stairs and his father's dread summons.

But none came.

Aunt Emily could be heard moving about in her room but that was all.

A wild hope came to him that,

Given a little time,

She might forget the incident.

Let's count the money,

Said Henry at last.

They counted.

Four and six,

Screamed William.

Four and six.

Jolly good,

I should say.

And it would only have been two shillings without Aunt Emily.

And I thought of her,

Didn't I?

I guess you can all be jolly grateful to me.

All right,

Said Henry unkindly.

I'm not envying you,

Am I?

You're welcome to it when she tells your father.

And William's proud spirits dropped.

Then came the opening of the fateful door and heavy steps descending the stairs.

William's mother had returned from a visit to her friend.

She was placing her umbrella in the stand as Aunt Emily,

Hatted and coated and carrying a bag,

Descended.

William's father had just awakened from his peaceful Sunday afternoon slumber and hearing his wife had come into the hall.

Aunt Emily fixed her eye upon him.

Will you be good enough to procure a conveyance?

I have been subjected in this house.

I refuse to remain in it a moment longer.

Quivering with indignation,

She gave details of the indignities to which she had been subjected.

William's mother pleaded,

Apologised,

Coaxed.

William's father went quietly out to procure a conveyance.

When he returned,

She was still talking and playing and horrible indecent placards all over the room.

He carried her bag down to the cab.

And me in my state of health,

She said as she followed him.

From the cab she gave her parting shot.

And if this horrible thing hadn't happened,

I might have stayed with you all the winter and perhaps part of the spring.

William's father was dreadful,

Said his wife,

But she avoided meeting his eye.

It's disgraceful of William,

She went on with sudden spirit.

You must speak to him.

I will,

Said his father determinedly.

William,

He shouted sternly from the hall.

William's heart sank.

She's told,

He murmured,

His last hope gone.

William,

Repeated the voice still more fiercely.

Henry moved nearer the window,

Prepared for instant flight if the voice's owner should follow it up the stairs.

Go on,

He urged,

He'll only come up for you.

William slowly removed the barricade and descended the stairs.

He had remembered to take off the crown and dressing gown,

But his one-sided moustache his father was standing in the hall.

What's that horrible thing on your face,

He began.

Whiskers,

Answered William,

Laconically.

His father accepted the explanation.

Is it true,

He went on,

That you actually took your friends into your aunt's room without permission and hung vulgar placards all around it?

William took hope.

Mr Brown was no actor.

Yes,

He admitted.

It's disgraceful,

Said Mr Brown,

Disgraceful,

That's all,

But it was not quite all.

Something hard and round slipped into William's hand.

He ran lightly upstairs.

Hello,

Said Henry,

Surprised.

That's not taken long,

William opened his hand and showed something that shone upon his extended palm.

Look,

He said,

Crumbs,

Look.

It was a bright half crown.