How To Find (And Keep) Your Soulmate

You're tuned to Radio Kidnappers,

The voice of Hawke's Bay.

This is a program called Your Time to Shine,

And it's our pleasure,

As always,

To have in the studio the host of Your Time to Shine,

Celine Harlow,

A movie star name,

If ever I heard one.

How are you going,

Celine?

I'm doing well.

How are you doing?

I'm doing good.

Today,

We're going to talk about soulmates.

I've maybe got two questions to start you off with.

Number one,

What is a soul?

Oh my goodness,

This is not the topic of the .

.

.

All right,

What is a soul?

Well,

I believe that we are unconditional love at our very core of our being,

And this is what connects us with each other.

That's my definition of the soul,

Which is our very core.

What is a soulmate?

Well,

A friend of the soul,

But generally speaking,

A soulmate is when people say,

I'm looking for my soulmate,

They're looking for that person that they're going to be able to fall in love with and truly connect on a very deep level.

How do you know that you're with your soulmate?

Well,

If you talk to somebody who's met their soulmate,

They will just say,

I just knew.

That's the best explanation that you can really give.

Everybody wants to have that experience of just knowing and just having that deep connection with that one person.

Okay,

So you just know it,

But does it grow on you,

Or do you just .

.

.

That's it.

It's an instant.

It's like love at first sight.

Is that what it is?

Well,

Again,

It's something that is difficult to put into words,

But it's something that you experience.

There's this sense that,

For example,

When I met my husband,

The man who is now my husband,

There was this attraction,

And it was very different to the past relationship that I had had.

It was something that I could not put an end to.

I really wanted to,

And I just felt like it was too big,

Too intense,

Too strong,

Too fast,

Too soon,

And I wanted to get away from it,

But I just couldn't because there was this attraction,

This sense that it was meant to be.

Was that an instant attraction?

It was.

It was fascinating to observe.

I was not ready for it at all,

But it still happened to me.

I wonder,

Though,

That they often say,

And it's true,

That your initial attraction to someone is generally,

For 99% of people,

It's looks,

Isn't it?

You think,

Oh,

He's nice looking,

Or she's nice looking,

And that's what starts your attraction off,

And then when you get together,

For instance,

You might find that,

Like that old saying,

Beauty is only skin deep.

Was it Richard's looks,

Or was it Richard's personality that you could sense,

Or what was it?

Well,

The looks definitely helped,

But for me,

It was really the vibration,

And I guess the qualities,

And Richard is actually in the studio with us today,

So hi,

Richard.

Thank you.

Hi.

So we'll ask him a few questions later,

But what was the question?

Yeah,

So I think people will mostly focus on having a nice smile,

And that person will be beautiful,

And muscled,

And whatever,

But the character is more important,

I feel.

What you want to get in that relationship,

And what you want to give in that relationship,

And what you want to receive as well.

I read a comment somewhere that it could be that your souls meet at the right time.

What does that mean?

Yeah,

The right time,

The right place,

Right?

Well,

I mentioned earlier that when I met Richard,

I was not ready for it,

But it was the right time,

Because it pushed me in the right direction,

And it made me become a better person faster,

Because otherwise,

He would trigger me.

So yeah,

But there is such a thing as meeting the right person at the right time,

At the right place,

And I think when you talk about,

I want to meet my soulmate,

Then people want to meet the soulmate now,

Even if they're not ready,

Or the soulmate is not ready.

So if you meet your soulmate at not the right time,

Because you kind of want to force the universe as a hand,

Well,

There is a chance that,

For example,

Your soulmate is going through a divorce,

And well,

You met your soulmate,

And you have that irresistible attraction,

And now you have to deal with your soulmate being in a divorce.

I wonder though,

Do you meet your soulmate perhaps on a spiritual level,

Which I would never know,

Because I'm not a spiritual person,

Or is it more than that?

Because I know that when you first get together with someone new in your life,

That everyone's on their best behavior.

You can't do enough for each other,

And there are no faults,

And then all of a sudden,

You get used to each other,

Or you become complacent with that other person,

And then maybe that real person shines through then.

So how do you know that you've got a soulmate,

Or how do you know that instant attraction wasn't just good looks,

Or they were funny on the night that you were at the pub together,

Or,

But how do you work around that?

I think what you're talking about is true love,

And I think about Shrek when I think about that,

Shrek and Fiona together,

That's true love,

Right?

And it's something that when you have it,

It's truly special,

And it's very rare.

It's like a beautiful flower that you need to cherish,

Right?

And it's not something you need to water it,

And to take care of it,

And to pull the weeds out every now and again,

And it's something that you're going to take care of.

But it is something that's very special,

And that is going to be treated as such.

Now you can also fall in love with,

Well,

I guess you could call them temporary soulmates,

Or people that are going to be in your life for a certain amount of time,

And who are going to teach you things.

And so people who are listening to this show now will think,

Well,

My first boyfriend,

He was a butthole,

But he taught me a lot,

And we weren't meant to be together for a long time,

But still,

Yeah,

I learned so much from him,

And I learned how to attract a better soulmate for myself.

But would they be soulmates,

Or just an attraction?

Oh,

Soulmates,

I believe that.

People think,

Oh,

I just have this one soulmate in the entire human population,

And this one person who is completely meant for me.

But there are different kinds of soulmates,

And there are soulmates who are going to be compatible with you,

And there are soulmates who are going to be incompatible with you.

And then for compatible soulmates,

You're going to have soulmates who are compatible with you for a specific time,

Or who are going to be life partners,

Divine life partners in that sense.

I wonder,

Could you be married to Richard,

Which you are,

But your soulmate be someone else?

Absolutely.

I don't think that there's only romantic soulmates.

I believe that I could have a friend who's a soulmate for me,

Or somebody who's known me for a very long time,

And we have this attraction,

Although I am married to Richard and I am committed to that relationship,

And this is the priority in my life.

I can still have friends,

Soulmates.

So you can have more than one soulmate.

This seems to me to be a bit unusual,

That you would have more than one soulmate.

Well,

I feel like it takes the fear away from the whole process.

If you have just one person,

Is there a chance that you could miss that person,

That you would not recognize the opportunity that's right in front of you?

But if you believe,

Oh,

I have more than one soulmate,

There's so many opportunities in front of me,

There's so much for me to learn,

And there's so many people who are going to love me for just the way I am,

Then the stress disappears.

So I prefer to believe that theory.

Okay,

Another quote I read was that you can hear silent thoughts.

It's almost like reading someone,

I suppose.

Is that what happens between you two guys,

That you can hear each other without talking?

Well,

You know what?

It does.

Sometimes I'll think,

Oh,

I really want to vacuum the floor today,

And I'll think about it and I'll put it in my schedule at some point in the afternoon or whatever,

And then Richard will pick up the vacuum cleaner and do it.

Is that how it works,

Richard?

I don't read her schedule,

So that does happen.

I wonder,

Though,

Is that just because you're in a routine,

You know,

That once every week or so you're going to vacuum the floor,

And it just so happens that Richard vacuums the floor and you didn't have to ask him,

So you're like,

Wow,

He's been reading my mind book.

Yeah,

That's what I thought too in the beginning,

And then it started to happen more and more and more.

I would think about something,

And then Richard would start talking about it.

It's fascinating for me,

And I'm just like laughing to myself.

Like,

It could be a coincidence,

But it's happening way too often.

Does that happen to you at all,

Richard?

I'm not sure.

We'll take that as a no.

Yeah,

We probably should take that as a no.

Why does it happen,

Richard?

I'm not sure.

I think generally my experience,

I mean,

I have a spiritual sort of mentality,

And I think of things more than just physicality,

But I think there's various things that happen in my life.

Maybe a family member might be in trouble or sick or something like that,

And you find out about it a few days later or that day,

And you think,

Why didn't I get that feeling that something was wrong,

That I had to contact that person,

Or things like that,

And then I worry about my wife and things like that,

And you worry about your loved ones,

And you sort of think,

Wouldn't I get a feeling that they are okay or that there is something that I need to attend to?

So I guess,

Yeah,

I haven't really had experiences where I've had that feeling and it's been sort of accurate,

But I would invite that sort of thing.

So I guess it's sort of just kind of standing back and observing what's happening,

And I'm not really ready to read into it too much in that respect.

We'll still take that as a no.

But also,

A lot of it is familiarity,

Isn't it?

Absolutely.

Just knowing when your wife wants to have the floor vacuumed,

Definitely.

Or the look on your face.

And that's the same that goes for you,

Isn't it?

Oh,

Yeah,

Well,

She's just given you the look,

Or he's just given me the look,

I better get the.

.

.

Well,

The dog's just throwing up on the line over here.

I know,

Yeah.

It needs to be done.

In my notes that I've written down,

It says that you know you've got a soulmate when you can feel each other's pain,

But again,

I wouldn't agree with that,

Because again,

I'm not a spiritual person,

But I know,

For instance,

If my children are hurting for whatever reason,

I hurt with them,

Because they're my children.

Not because they're my soulmates,

But because they're my children.

Or if you were hurting,

Or you were hurting,

I would feel for you,

I would have empathy for you.

So that means I'm your soulmate,

Does it?

No,

It means that we're,

Like I said earlier,

We are all unconditional love at our core,

And that's what I believe.

And so in this way,

We're connected to each other.

It's not silliness here,

And Richard is there,

And Ken is there.

We're all connected to each other.

So it makes sense for me that you would be able to feel the suffering,

Or feel the joy.

It's something that we know,

Like when you have somebody walking in the room,

And they're really happy,

And confident,

And they feel sexy,

You feel that energy.

And when somebody comes in the room,

And they're depressed,

And you don't know anything about them,

You know you feel that,

Simply by reading their body language,

But also by feeling their vibration as well.

Yeah.

Do you have to be,

Sort of,

As one,

Totally in love to be a true soulmate?

Well,

Love is a big part of the relationship,

Right?

If there is no love,

Then there is no purpose in the relationship.

So love is,

I think,

The egg that binds the cake batter together,

Right?

It's the thing that makes it all worth it.

Because it's so beautiful to be able to love,

And to be loved completely unconditionally.

And to be able to be vulnerable,

And authentic with that person who's going to accept you just the way you are,

Without trying to change you.

It's amazing.

It's an experience that I wish everybody to have.

Do you generally find that soulmates are women?

What do you mean?

Well,

Women have a soulmate who is another woman.

Or would it be common for men to have soulmates amongst themselves?

Or as partners?

Men and women?

Or men and men partners?

Or women and women partners?

But in the main,

Are soulmates.

.

.

Because,

You mean,

A lot of women,

They tell each other everything.

They're very open with their feelings,

Aren't they?

Whereas men,

We keep it to ourselves.

We just get on with it.

But women are much more sharing,

Aren't they?

So are women more likely to be soulmates with another woman?

I don't have any opinion on that.

I just believe that we're all looking to have this experience of unconditional love.

And if you're more attracted to men or to women,

Then this is what you're going to be drawn to.

Because that's where you're going to be looking.

That's where you're going to be looking.

I feel that love is only expense.

And,

Yeah,

Everybody should experience unconditional love.

It says here that if you're a soulmate with someone,

You don't experience jealousy.

Would you agree with that?

Well,

If you are with your soulmates,

You're still going to come with your limiting beliefs,

Right?

And your limiting stories.

So if you're somebody who's very,

You're not very sure about yourself and you feel that,

You know,

You have your soulmate now.

But,

No,

He's going to be taken away from you.

Then this is going to come in your relationship.

It's not necessarily the truth because,

You know,

Your partner might be as committed to the relationship as you are.

But your fears are still going to be there.

So you need to work on that in order for the relationship to be able to thrive and for your partner to feel confident in the relationship as well.

Soulmates don't argue.

They do.

Do they really?

How do you know?

It's definitely a myth that,

You know,

When you are in love,

And that's the fairytale story,

Right?

When you have your true love,

Everything is going to be so fantastic.

And it is.

It is.

It really is.

For the first couple of weeks.

But you're still going to be triggered by your partner and you're still going to come,

As I said,

With your limiting beliefs and stories.

And if you don't work on them,

They're going to,

You know,

Become louder and louder and louder until you work on them.

So,

You know,

It's a relationship.

It really is like a plant that you need to take care of.

You're a soulmate if you've given in because you want to make your partner happy.

Would you agree with that?

Compromising?

No.

Giving in doesn't mean compromising.

Compromising is where you meet in the middle.

I see what you mean.

Well,

Again,

It depends on the relationship,

Right?

It depends on the standards and the qualities and rules that you have in a relationship.

So I feel that everybody in a relationship should be happy and feel confident.

And if that's not the case,

Then something needs to change.

Would you give in to make Richard happy?

I sometimes do.

But then I take a step back and I feel what I want isn't really that important.

Like if Richard is happy and I'm happy,

I can just let that go.

Is that making an excuse for giving in?

No.

I think it's all about compromising and just putting the relationship first without compromising myself,

If that makes sense.

Yeah.

I personally think there's a difference between giving in and compromising.

What do you think,

Richard?

Have you ever given in just to keep Celine happy?

I'm very stubborn.

Who's going to say yes?

Yes,

I definitely have given in at times.

It's more small things with me,

Though,

Like there'll be the last piece of chocolate or the last piece of cake.

And I like the cake,

But I know that Celine really loves the cake.

So instead of me having a little bit of joy,

I'll see her have a lot more joy out of it.

What if it was more than a cake or a bit of chocolate?

A bit of chocolate.

Oh,

I'd have to think about it,

Wouldn't I?

It's really like I think about how much joy could I get out of it,

How much joy could she get out of it.

Sometimes I just eat it myself or have the experience myself.

You've got to do that sometimes.

Because sort of giving in is almost being subservient to the partner,

Isn't it,

Rather than compromising?

I believe that there's a balance between giving and receiving.

It's not really a game of power and authority.

I think that both partners want the relationship to thrive,

And so make decisions in order for the relationship to thrive.

And sometimes you're going to have arguments.

It's inevitable,

And we talked about that in the last episode.

But yeah,

I think it's all about giving and receiving.

It's not really about giving way or fighting or who's winning,

Who's losing.

It's just about building something that's beautiful together.

You complete each other,

Would you say?

As a couple,

Do you complete each other?

Absolutely.

I feel that I have a lot of shortcomings,

And Richard is a lot wiser in those areas than I am.

Yeah,

I agree with you.

Yeah.

Touche.

For example,

He knows how to handle people who are angry,

And I just want to step away and don't deal with it until they stop being angry,

And then I can talk to them.

But he knows how to handle these situations,

So I can let him handle,

And I can learn from him so that the next time I can handle those situations myself.

So if you complete each other,

Might you say then there's nowhere for you to go in your relationship?

You're 100%.

Is that what that means?

Well,

I believe that our nature is always to grow and change and evolve,

And we all have fears and resentments and regrets and anger that's hidden within us,

And it's going to come forth.

And when that happens,

It's good to know that somebody has got your back no matter what.

Would you agree with that,

Richard?

Yeah.

For me,

The completing each other is really a matter of I absolutely feel that now that I am in this relationship with Celine and now that we're fully committed and married and all that,

Even before we were married,

I've felt like more is possible.

I can achieve more.

I can reach further because,

As Celine says,

There's always someone there that has your back.

I went to Europe,

Did lots of things with minimal resources,

Did lots of crazy things because of this relationship,

And that's the completeness for me where if I didn't have that side of me there,

I don't think I would have reached out that far or gone out that far on a limb on many things in my life.

I wonder then why so many couples split up because we would all feel the way you guys feel or felt when you first got together,

That here I am,

I've met my soulmate.

What happens to those people?

Where does that connection go,

That spiritual connection that they had?

I think there are two things that can happen.

Either you both have learned enough in the relationship and you have nothing to learn from each other anymore,

So there's no purpose in the relationship anymore.

Or the other thing is that sometimes people get into relationships because they don't feel happy within themselves and they're looking for another person to complete them.

Obviously,

That person is never going to be able to do that for you.

If you're not happy,

If you don't love yourself,

If you don't accept yourself,

Your partner is never going to be able to do that for you.

I think that a lack of self-love definitely pushes two partners in a relationship to just go their separate ways because they have more learning to do alone.

Just about out of time,

I've got one more very relevant question for you.

I'm excited.

It's good that you came in today,

Richard,

Because this is a very good question.

I know what you'll say anyway,

But would you marry Richard again?

I would.

Actually,

Sometimes I go to places and I feel like,

Oh,

It would be such a beautiful place to get married again.

I would just want to,

I guess,

Divorce Richard and get married to him again.

I bet you didn't know that.

That's not right.

Probably not the best solution,

But I feel like what I have with Richard is such a beautiful thing that it came completely unexpectedly in my life.

When I was not ready for it,

I had a lot of acne.

I was on the other side of the world.

I was completely alone,

And I felt like nobody knew me.

Then I met Richard,

And I was like,

Oh,

This is amazing.

This guy is amazing,

And he can play the guitar,

And he can sing,

And this is so beautiful.

This is given to me and how beautiful a gift it is,

And I have to cherish it.

I won't divorce you so that I can marry you again,

But I would like to renew our vows soon.

Would you marry Celine again?

If you could wind the clock back,

Knowing what you've been through together,

And you had to make that decision?

I definitely would,

Yeah.

For me,

It's like aspects of that,

Of actually doing that and making that commitment and many of the things that we've been through together.

It's really that I didn't really fully understand what I was doing.

I understood it to a point,

But in the emotional part of it,

There was still some,

You know,

There was like,

Oh,

What am I doing?

This is crazy,

But I want to do it,

You know.

It's that going out on a limb where I can't see completely into the future,

But I still wanted to make that step.

And even now,

Still,

Like,

There are emotions around that that I don't completely understand.

But for the most part,

I know that it was,

I wanted to do it and I would do it again,

And it was right for me.

Could it be that you've just become complacent and you like the way things are going and,

You know,

You have someone to go home to and you get on pretty well?

Could it be that?

Not at this stage,

No.

No,

Absolutely not.

I definitely think that can happen.

You know,

As Celine says,

The relationships run its course,

Perhaps,

And people just sort of stick around because it's convenient.

Yeah.

Could it be that for you,

Celine?

That I'm getting complacent in a relationship?

That's why you've married Richard again.

No,

Honestly,

Sometimes I look at Richard and I think,

Oh,

He's just so gorgeous and I'm just so lucky.

You're a lucky guy.

I know.

Thank you.

It's just insane.

I don't know how this happened to me,

But I'm so lucky.

Okay,

And on that matter,

We'll bring this program to an end.

So just to recap,

So someone listening to this program who might be doubting that they know who their soulmate is,

How would they know?

Okay,

So the first step is do you love yourself?

If the answer is yes,

You can go to the second step.

Are you ready for your soulmate?

And the answer is yes,

Of course.

Then ask yourself,

Are you ready for your soulmate?

You know,

What do you want to get from the relationship and who do you want to attract as well?

You know,

What kind of partner do you want to have?

Somebody who's,

I don't know,

Rich,

Generous,

Who's going to make you laugh,

Whatever,

Who's going to love to travel.

You know,

What kind of relationship do you want to have with your soulmate?

And once you get to that stage,

Then attract,

Attract,

Attract.

Do you know what Richard's thinking at this moment?

What is he thinking?

What are you thinking?

I don't know.

Do you know?

This is a question I didn't ask you.

I'm not sure what I'm thinking at the moment.

It says here if you've got a soulmate,

You can hear their silent thoughts.

That's a good sign,

I suppose,

But I wouldn't just go on that.

Good on you,

Selina.

It was always a pleasure.

You look after yourself.

Talk to you same time,

Same place next time.

And thank you for coming in,

Richard,

And becoming part of this program.

Yeah,

You too.