My name's Nat and this is the Wonder of Life.
Today's subject is about needs.
How we meet our own needs and to meet the needs of others.
Before getting comfortable,
Please make sure that your phone is switched to do not disturb and that if you're in a room that the door is closed.
If anyone else is around you,
Ask them kindly to not interrupt you or ask them to join you.
This is your time to relax and to wonder about life from a place of peace.
Make sure you're comfortable and warm and cosy.
Get yourself settled and relaxed.
We're going to tune into the breath.
We'll do the first breaths using only the nose.
But before taking your first breath,
Please be aware that when you breathe in with your nose,
Your stomach should inflate.
If it doesn't,
It means you need to correct it.
Breathing through the nose,
Deep into the stomach will relax you.
So breathing through the nose,
Watching the belly rise and then lower is the way to do it.
Let's start.
Breathing in through the nose and out through the nose.
And again,
In through the nose and out.
One more time.
In through the nose and out.
You're now ready to wonder about life.
Today we're talking about needs.
Meeting your own needs and having your needs met are two entirely different things.
A lot of people think that having needs is a bad thing.
Some of you may think you know really needy people and you may not like the fact that they're needy.
You may judge them because you feel that it's a weakness.
But needs are powerful and understanding your needs and having your needs met and helping you to meet your own needs is something we all need to learn more about.
For me,
Meeting my own needs is something I do every day.
It's something I've become accustomed to doing every day because I've actually been single for almost 10 years.
I meet my own needs on a daily basis because there is nobody else there to meet my needs for me.
Now,
Some of you might think that's really strong.
But in that lies a weakness because I become too dependent upon myself.
I don't allow other people to help me or to do things for me.
And I find it annoying sometimes when people try to offer their services or they want to cook something for me or they want to hold my hand or they want to give me a cuddle.
Sometimes I'm not used to that feeling because I'm so used to not having it.
It's uncomfortable when I get it.
So having needs and being open to meeting your needs and also for other people to meet your needs is something good to learn.
I once read a book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
Now if you've read this book,
You'll know what I'm talking about.
But if not,
I'll leave a link for where you can buy it in the comments section.
Now there's five ways that we show and need love in our life.
It's important to get used to these love languages and to use them in your own life.
So what are these love languages?
One is words of affirmation.
We may like people telling us things.
We may like to hear that someone loves us or needs us in some way.
Two is time.
We may like to spend time with someone.
We may feel even more appreciated when they give us their time.
After all,
Time is something you can never get back.
So if someone offers time,
It's precious and it means that they value you.
The other one is acts of service.
Some people,
Especially men,
Like doing things for people.
It's a way of showing love.
But women who may like maybe time,
For example,
Won't necessarily see an act of service as an act of love.
It may just be a to-do list that they think that their husband's getting on with.
But what's actually happening is the man is showing his love by performing these acts of service.
Another love language is gifts.
Now this isn't something to judge and think that you're not somebody that likes to receive gifts because you may think that that's materialistic,
But it's not.
Gifts can come in all shapes and sizes and they don't always have to be bought.
It's the thought that counts.
And one of the final ones for love languages is touch.
So when you have a need of touch,
You like to be touched,
You like to be cuddled,
You like your hand to be held,
And you like the constant action of touch.
Most people will say that's related to sex,
And sometimes it is.
And again,
That's nothing wrong with liking to have sex if it's a need.
But understanding these needs and understanding what they are and the way you love to be loved will help you to identify what you can meet within yourself and what you can meet with someone else.
Understanding these love languages can help your life become a lot easier.
It's not just something we have in relationship,
But it's also something that we can use within our friendships and within our family.
Finding out what your partner's love language is or what your friend's love language is can help you to communicate in a better way.
I know my love language is time and words of affirmation.
If you bought me a gift,
That's lovely and I'm grateful,
But it's not something that I truly appreciate as much as I do time and words.
If you do something for me like fix a door or maybe fix the plug of my hair straighteners,
Then yes,
I'm going to appreciate it,
But it's still not words or time.
Knowing these languages and knowing the understanding of myself and what I appreciate allows me to then ask other people around me for the things that I need.
I love spending time with my friends and I love talking to them.
All of my friends know that if you call me,
I prefer a video face time.
I want to see who I'm talking to and I appreciate that connection more than I would do if they got me a gift every now and then.
If I can find out the love language of a partner,
Then I know that there's a certain part of them that maybe loves gifts or for example,
They love time as well,
Which means that we've got the same love language on one part and we'll enjoy each other's quality time.
But if they like gifts,
Then I'd put more effort into communicating with them via gifts.
I'd make them something fun or cool or I'd buy them something that they like.
Showing appreciation.
Even though I don't speak that love language and I don't usually like to receive that,
It means that if I can actually do it for my partner,
They'll feel quality,
Respect and love from me because I've understood their needs.
Meeting your own needs,
As I say,
Is really important.
Always making room for other people to meet your needs as well is needed.
Otherwise we can be too defensive.
We can become shy and we can become moody.
When we're not communicating strongly what our honest feelings are,
It's difficult.
But if we can be open to love,
We can be open to these new love languages and that we cannot be in denial about anything,
That gives us a better chance for relationship.
And having needs we need to remember is not a bad thing.
Meeting the right needs is what's important.
Thank you for listening to the wonder of life.
