Welcome Awake and Creative In the life of the artist,
Energy is more important to the presence of your being than your physical body I explore that and what it takes to believe in it,
Trust in it,
And persevere in it in this lesson here today and if you enjoy it and are interested in more check out my course here on Insight Timer,
Sacred Uselessness,
The monastic path for the creator I look forward to seeing you there Welcome Awake and Creative we're here now to talk about creative energy that is trusting the vibration of your art I've spent a lot of my time trying to reconcile two different versions of being in the world there's the version I was trained for,
I was raised in,
And society forms us in that is that survival and physical hustle are what we're here for a byproduct of capitalist society and the consumer culture there's a place for it,
Sure,
But it's also been conflated and misused not all of us are meant to engage with it directly I for one am of that ilk but that's where the conflict comes in,
That reconciliation I'm constantly seeking it's not natural or organic for me to get out there and occupy space and show up in the conventional ways,
Even when I've done it in my own creative engineering it's worked,
But not in the most healthful and healthy way perhaps though,
And this is me making sense of it,
It sits there at that time in my life and served a great purpose,
And therefore at that time in my life,
In my development,
In my soul's journey,
It was just what it needed to be so pretty much that conventional map has been followed I've spent a great deal of time familiar with it I thought it was the right way to survive and I'm still in conflict as to that tenuous balance but inside me,
Inside me,
There's always been this monk this part of me that craves the silence and the solitude I find it in my art studio,
It feels like my cloister it's a place I feel truly aligned but it's hard to get the outside forces out of my head to be able to listen to my gut voice rather than my mind rather than my head voice for years I've felt a deep guilt,
Even shame,
About this how much it feels right,
But the world says it's wrong I felt that if I wasn't out there in the conventional sense,
I wasn't doing it right I'm constantly worrying that my desire for solitude is actually a weakness and a failure to face the real world amazing how we can beat ourselves up for many years now it's been unavoidable a paying attention that has been needed of myself to feel what it feels like when I'm out there doing the things I thought and think I'm supposed to do this is applicable to everything from getting a real job to to posting images of my art or studio on social media all the way through to hosting the retreats and workshops I've come to realize there's resistance in my body when I'm doing those things,
Reticence when I actually follow through with them and make the post,
Create the event look for the job the resistance is so high that I'm actually consciously shutting off my soul's voice screaming my intuitive voice hearkening to stop and I'm purely following my manic brain saying,
Do what the world says for a long time when I was still teaching I felt myself present but my energy was pulled back this is something I started paying attention to I was constantly wishing I was somewhere else or there was another way for this to work don't get me wrong,
I love the relationships,
I love the deep connections that happen in those spaces but all in all,
Even those,
Those beautiful touch points end up being a distraction and they call so much from me that the presence that I believe anymore is where I'm supposed to be,
Doesn't happen that's not what I want to be doing my physical presence but energetic resistance these aren't a contribution I can stand there and look good doing a demonstration or showing my work but if my energy is coming off of me with resistance what are these moments actually putting out?
This low vibration is an absence and I want to show up fully present when I'm in the studio something else altogether happens joy,
Pleasure,
The brushstrokes,
The truth of a poem it's the inverse of my soul energy shutting down,
It's my head energy shutting down and that pure joy place of my soul in flow is coming through it's dawned on me recently in slow doses and I'm still trying to trust it that this energy,
This joy is the actuality of what I'm offering the world not my physical presence,
Even if I'm not there to see it happen when my work leaves the studio,
When a painting is hung or a poem is read it's carrying that joy energy,
Pleasure vibration in it so in effect I'm showing up better than I ever could physically these creations of mine are something like my ambassadors they're going out and speaking with the clarity and the rightness that I never could achieve by standing in front of a room where I don't really physically belong I'm learning to trust this vibration of the work to be my presence it has more power and place to go out to the places I don't really want to go and to speak the words I don't really want to speak it carries my light so I can stay home and tend the fire I must be honest though,
I still get tripped up by the survival piece I'd be lying if I said I had it all figured out there are regular moments when the old fears creep back in the real world worries about money and how to keep going,
Invade my system I have spent many sleepless nights trying to outrun that voice trying to squelch its bullhorn ringing in my ears I've tripped over the fear that my choice to be a solitary is actually a choice to be a martyr I'm regularly thinking that I have to leave this truth at the studio door,
This truth and trust that I seek so passionately for my life but I have to leave it and go out and hunt for my life,
One that is conventional sustainability but I'm beginning to look at survival differently it's a hard turn,
It doesn't come easy and there's still a lot of conflict I don't know if it's age,
Wisdom,
Production of work or a blend of all of these that are continuing to stitch just enough trust into this cloak that I put on this cloak of believing in energetic presence over physical presence it's interesting too to study the history of a solitary and the history of an artist,
There are a lot of us out there,
Monks,
Solitaries,
Artists,
All to see the different trajectories that these lifestyles have given these people and how they've survived,
What attention and energy they've thrived or faltered in a monk for example in a cloister doesn't survive by running into the city to scream for attention they survive by tending a garden caring for their animals managing prayer and community creating with such devotion that the world eventually comes to their gate and that's what I'm trying to do with my art studio,
My art studio,
My art space if I best frame this path I feel is true to me as a solitary,
As a monk in the cloister of my art studio then the best marketing I can do isn't to post on social media my best marketing is to keep the energy of that inner fire glowing so that it becomes so bright that people come from distances far and wide to see it not me,
Not me reaching,
The creation in the conventional way of survival,
To go out,
To seek followers or even to get that real job I'm actually leaking the very resources I need to create how's that for a stunner?
If life and trust and truth is based in energetic vibrations over physical presence the physical being is necessary,
Trust me I know,
I need it to create the art but it's meant as a vehicle,
Not a primacy so every hour that I spend performing a version of myself that feels wrong is an hour I'm stealing from the right energy of the work that wants to come into being my baseline desire for life has always been to find the truth,
To find a sense of trust and the truth I keep coming back to is that I cannot thrive by betraying my own nature I have to trust,
I have to stop calling it self-serving or selfish I have to know that my better self cares for,
Loves,
And nurtures what is called for in my life I have to trust that if the energy is right the path to that survival that is so necessary will reveal itself even if I can't see the whole map yet and the conventional path is not one open to me so I'm inviting you into a space of consideration with me not a space where you have to do anything but a space where you can simply be it's where we start on this path of identifying an energetic over a physical take a breath as you exhale imagine you're stepping into your own version of a sanctuary for me it is my studio the smell of the oil paints brushes standing on the floor the smell of the sun shining at the ready notice where you feel right energetically move around your space,
This sanctuary you have in your mind's eye where is the space you don't have to explain yourself you don't need to justify you're not trying to make room for where is there a humming quiet joyful interest now have you got something you're working on a composition an essay a painting see it sitting there waiting for you in this place if you feel your mind engaging and trying to analyze how you will sell it or finish it or promote it stop feel the energy of that identify imagine what it needs as if a tender being,
Child,
Flower,
New sapling you've just planted what does it need what is it asking for of you what is it asking from you a stroke of red a fresh line added to the poem feel that energy feel that connection feel that expanse of joy to complete this energetic story imagine this this project you've been working on this painting or song or poem what should grow wings you've filled it with joy your passion you've shared communion with it as it requested a color or a stroke and you've done that and you've given that you've watched it grow into everything it is now ready to fly into the world let it go watch it go and you stay right where you are your work carries all your joy all your pleasure of production settles into the heart and home of the person it needs and the place it belongs and you and you you get to stay right where you are and keep going what if what if the survival that's so easy to let ourselves get mired in the worry of what if it doesn't come from running after something or stepping out to fulfill conventional need what if it comes from the depth of roots you grow as you stay here now this is your place this is your place this is your place i'm still learning this every day i still wake up some mornings and feel the pull of the old way frantic need to be seen the impulse to search for a job but then i step into the studio i pick up my brush or my pen and that's where the truth is this is right this is right the energy over the physical truth is right here in the vibration of the making as you gather yourself back all your energy into this physical being that is so necessary to the production of your energetic vibration into the world choose to trust that this joy this presence is enough to sustain we can't predict the future we don't actually know where those wings will carry our work but when we can trust when i can trust that my work has a voice that speaks louder than i ever could i can get back to work awake and creative today you
