This is profound for me.
When I encounter relationship conflict,
I see it as an alarm that is pointing to a conflict within the relationship I have with myself.
It's a mirror.
Here's what I want to dive into as it relates to our relationship experiences.
As I've mentioned,
The deeper desire is to crave an internal experience that is some reflection of love.
And furthermore,
That reflection of love is a natural byproduct.
Because you deeply see what's true.
We could also alter this a little bit.
And say that because that's true,
Then what it is you really want is the truth.
And as it relates to relationships.
I wonder if you can see this and I'll just say it plainly and maybe we will unravel it.
There's only one relationship.
And all of your apparent relationships with other people or things.
Are a mirror reflection.
Of the one relationship.
Which is the relationship you have with yourself.
And we could also say that.
The point of these relationships are in service to helping you heal the relationship you have with yourself.
So if you have conflict and drama in how you relate to yourself,
You will most certainly see that show up in what appears to be your relationships with other people.
And an easy way to confirm this,
Which is kind of funny.
Is you have those moments where you're perfectly at peace with yourself.
Meaning,
You see that you're whole and complete.
You see that nothing's missing.
And in that recognition,
It's very difficult for other people to bother you.
And likewise,
If you hate yourself.
If you're dissatisfied with yourself.
If you see yourself as broken or not enough.
Then you are encountering other people all the time that just irritate you.
Or appear to have the power to disturb you.
And so.
This is profound for me.
And take it for what you will,
But for me it's profound because When I encounter,
Relationship conflict,
I see it as an alarm that is pointing to a conflict within the relationship I have with myself.
It's a mirror.
Now,
The reason this is so profound is for a few reasons,
But understanding that.
I am in an experience of life where what I encounter is ultimately in support of me healing the relationship with myself.
Therefore,
I become way less resistant to what appears to be showing.
And in my relationship now with my wife.
And throughout many of my relationships,
I'm actually fundamentally excited about conflict.
Because it exposes a profound opportunity for growth.
And this is something I've had so many conversations with my wife about this.
And granted,
My wife,
You know,
She has no frame of reference really for the work that I do.
She grew up Catholic and is Catholic and has that sort of worldview,
Which is perfectly fine.
But it's been so amazing to see this sort of transformation of her embrace that conflict means there's an innocent misunderstanding.
Conflict is not a problem.
It means that there is an innocent misunderstanding in how things are being perceived.
Meaning the truth isn't being seen because if the truth was being seen,
Then the natural byproduct would be more peace and connection and yada,
Yada,
Yada.
And so if those things are not there,
The truth isn't being seen.
There's an innocent misunderstanding.
And so in this,
We don't have to be afraid of the conflict.
We can recognize the alarm of conflict,
Which is,
Oh,
Something's out of alignment here,
Which means there's a misunderstanding.
So let's explore the misunderstanding.
Which means we can actually talk to each other like two adults.
What's really going on here for you?
What's going on here for me?
Here's what I see.
What do you see?
That kind of thing.
And it can be approached in a very loving way because the conflict isn't being resisted.
It's information.
It's informative.
That is ultimately pointing towards what we crave.
That's sort of the foundation,
Or at least a part of it,
That helps prepare us.
For navigating our relationship lives.
There's a.
.
.
I don't know if I want to say major caveat here,
But.
.
.
There's a very pronounced reason about why this is so difficult.
And that difficulty is part of the growth journey.
So it's perfectly fine.
But in effect,
We have to learn how to get out of our own way.
And as I mentioned,
The purpose of life,
The more you understand the purpose of life,
It's easier to get out of your own way.
Because if your purpose is to see what is true,
Then you're way more open to be present and observe.
In contrast,
If you think your purpose is getting something in the world,
Then you're very defensive to what is happening and showing up in the present moment.
In this transition.
To what we might call an openness to what is.
Becomes much more prevalent.
The more we get radically honest.
About what it is that we actually want.
And your radical honesty can go in stages?
Whereas you can see it for yourself,
20 years ago,
You thought you wanted something that was very superficial,
And that was your sincerity at the time.
And that was perfectly fine because that was the deepest sincerity.
And then after giving some more experience and some more reflections from life,
You got to a deeper level of sincerity that said,
Actually,
I don't want that at all.
That's irrelevant.
There's something even more honest that I want,
More real.
And so the more we get honest about what we really want.
We get taken on that journey that what we really want is on the inside.
What we really want is to see what's true.
And therefore we show up with that sort of openness that's willing to see.
