Confessions Of An Aspiring Postmodernist

12:19

12:19

Confessions Of An Aspiring Postmodernist

by Wade Tillett

Rated

0

Type

guided

Activity

Meditation

Suitable for

Everyone

Plays

8

As a follow-up to the Embrace the Profane: Postmodern Meditation, this meditation explores the daily failures to accept disjointed worlds and selves, despite aspirations towards acceptance. In a confessional mode, the guide describes further the acceptance of "failure" with the goal of forgiving our failures and embracing our daily struggles. By stating difficulties, the guide rejects a progression of improvement. In this way, the guide and listener are freed to embrace their current state.

Acceptance Conflict Duality Forgiveness Self Acceptance Existential Reflection Acceptance Of Uncertainty Searching For Meaning Duality And Non Duality

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Transcript

Confessions of an aspiring postmodernist. I make big claims, As if knowing these are ideas, Hopeful perspectives, Comforting ideas, Somehow abrogates needing them. As if saying there is no ultimate truth changes the fact that I assume all sorts of them. Just to live my daily life, I assume I am good. I live as if some things are certain. Most things are certain. Not only do I seek certainty, I rely on it. I breathe it like air. Every moment assured of the solidity of this object and that. I don't really have answers, But I live as if I do. I try to choose new embraces with the sheer weight of habit. It's inescapable. I know this life is too much and not enough, And I try. I pretend to accept that. I pretend not to desire the sacred while I inhabit the profane, But I do. I pretend to take joy in the overflow, The overload, The surplus, But part of me mourns the loss of each moment. I pretend I am not torn apart by contradiction, That I am not overwhelmed. These eyes that see multiple, I keep trying to stop the room spinning. My body. Yes, Yes, I know it uses tools, But I can't help but look away. Make it sacred, Embrace the profane. Mainly I just. . . As if I could choose not to abandon things to loss. So much of our life is loss. I try to grab hold. I try to grab hold. I claim not to negate, But to remake. And yet. . . I resist and embrace. I resist embracing. I resist the embrace. This is a constant cleavage between me and you. Incomplete. Is that what I feel? Wondering what you feel? Oh, I am profane. Embracing it doesn't make it sacred. Feeling aimless, Desiring a purpose, Wanting to be of service. Conflicted inside as to how or what. It doesn't matter if I both accept and reject these conflicts, These desires. I can't cast a circle. Belief encloses me and escapes me. I can barely make a budge. Yes, I move between circles. But hypocrisy is more of a convenience than a design. So much of me escapes me, Works beyond me, Decides for me. Yes, Yes, There is a plurality of the profanes. But mostly I ignore the discontinuities, The inconsistencies. I live this one life. My eyes are open. My eyes are closed. But mainly I care about when they are open. I live this one life. This one body. This one world. I know it may be only the way I see it, But it's how I see it. In everyday life, On an operational level. I've already lived more than I expected, Received more than I deserved. But I want more. Make no mistake. Yes, Yes, Thank you. But please, More so. Yes, Yes, Thank you. But please, More so. I will never escape my restrictive beliefs. Nothing is for certain. And yet, Here I live, Daily, Picking up objects, Putting them down. I believe because I cannot not. I live because I cannot not. Probably no one is fooled by this pseudo confessional, Not even me. I was smitten. Then, And then, And now again. You know how it is.