Well hello everyone and welcome back to this session of Beyond Legal Advice.
My name is Virginia Warren.
I'm a lawyer and a conflict alchemist and co-founder of the organisation called Lawyers for Love.
We at Lawyers for Love believe that the legal system and the way it solves problems is underpinned by fear and that when you're going to solve a problem you need a higher level of consciousness than that which created the problem to solve it.
We say that that particular level of consciousness is love,
Love-based consciousness where love is of the essence.
Now today I want to talk about truth.
What is truth?
Everyone wants to know what the truth is,
More so than ever because it seems that we've been all tucked in the dark,
We're sitting by ourselves and getting input from outside of us,
From social media,
From news,
Sometimes from friends that are telling us stories about how we're going to move forward in the future.
So we're concerned about what that truth might look like and what can we trust.
We've heard there's fake news about and we're then obviously wanting to know what is the real news.
I just want to take you a little bit back to when I worked in a newspaper many,
Many,
Many years ago and I discovered at that particular point that these sorts of news sources are most often slighted by the person running the newspaper.
There is some lean of bias in what is gathered as news or who's paying for the advertisement and this type of thing.
Now I want to sort of relate that a little bit to life.
So I'll say that yeah,
I found that really surprising.
I thought that the people that wrote the news,
The journalists,
Were coming from a completely unbiased place to give us all out there in the world the truth.
However,
That wasn't to be the truth.
I have soon discovered.
And then I started noticing the news was a little bit like that as well.
Let me take you to the legal system firstly before I go into why that level of truth exists as it does.
Let's think of a courtroom.
We would think that the most truths are told there.
That's where evidence is gathered for truth finding.
We're going to find,
You know,
Look at all the evidence and find the truth in it.
In court you say things like,
I swear by almighty God or I affirm this to be true or whatever you like to state your case upon and your version of the truth is delivered.
What you know to be true and most of us try and tell the truth in every situation.
But I saw a documentary not that long ago where we had witness testimony.
It was a marvelous little example of we had people gathered just for the experiment and what we saw before us on the screen was a scene where there was a man and I'm probably not telling the truth either back when I recall the story,
But the elements are like this.
There was a woman walking along with holding her handbag and a man ran along and grabbed it.
And of course they put all these people in the witness box and asked them things like,
You know,
What jacket was the man wearing?
What was the color of the woman's handbag?
All these sorts of things.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
And what we found was everybody really,
There was a minority that agreed,
But other people absolutely swore that what they saw was true and it was different.
And we're putting people to death on that kind of witness testimony,
Which I find really amazing.
But why is that?
Why did we all see something different?
Well it comes from our own belief systems.
We're all raised with a set of rules.
The tribes rules.
These are our biases.
These are the things we say,
Well,
My mum and dad told me this,
I learned that.
So that is the truth.
And I'll go out there in the world and live that truth.
Because why?
Because that kind of truth got us love.
It got us acceptance.
We were fed and clothed and looked after.
And of course when we made these truths for ourselves,
When these truths were created,
We were too young to rationalize otherwise to say,
Oh,
I'm questioning that truth.
Why does my family believe that this God is the right God or this deity is the right deity?
What about these other people?
What do they believe?
Now this isn't a religious discussion.
It's just an example of these are very strong beliefs that people have.
Where were they formed and why?
Why is that the truth for them?
And these usually are unconscious belief systems and we take it back to that little classic chestnut boys don't cry or girls don't get angry.
Don't be a show off.
Don't be silly.
Be good.
Get good grades so that you can be a success.
All these things were taught and unconsciously follow and believe them to be true.
And as of course as little children,
That's absolutely ideal.
We do what we're told because the tribe said so we keep ourselves safe and loved.
We're born as perfect loving little beings wanting for nothing.
We just think everything out there is love and then it loves us.
And then we're soon taught the rules.
How to tie your shoe less.
What are the ABCs?
All those things and other rules,
Other rules we don't question.
But again,
They kept us nice,
Safe within our tribes.
So we take these realities.
This is creating our reality.
This is how we see the world.
And it's particularly evident in religion because this is our belief systems.
Or it might be you don't put your elbows on the table or the manners,
The certain manners that we are taught and we follow and we think if someone else doesn't follow those manners,
Doesn't do it the same and they're rude or whatever it is we're told.
So we go out into the world and we carry these beliefs with us.
Lawyers for Love call that your internal legal system.
You've got all these little laws.
And if you don't follow them,
You're your own judge,
Jury and executioner.
You feel guilty for not doing that.
This is your truth.
This is your reality.
But then you start fighting with somebody else because someone else says,
No,
My version of the truth is truer than your version of the truth.
We do put our elbows on the table.
It means that we're satisfied,
We're happy.
Just make a rule,
A new rule.
Or my deity is better than your deity.
Or my personal favorite is I like pineapple.
Maybe you don't.
I would say that pineapple is the best fruit on the planet.
Why would that be my truth?
Why would I need to convince you otherwise?
I'm allowed to just go ahead and like pineapple.
I don't have to tell you that you have to like it and you have to call it the best fruit that exists.
You might like prunes.
I mean,
Who'd like prunes?
But the funny thing is,
This is what we're doing.
This is what we're all doing.
We're living our lives from somebody else's truth,
Actually.
And we're trying to convince others that our truth is the truth.
That's the bias.
But you see,
Everybody really is telling the truth from their point of view.
And this is the big deal.
This is the difference.
And this is why we're saying in the legal system,
The legal system isn't functional the way it is.
Because it's saying,
Well,
One of you is right and one of you is wrong.
However that can't be true.
How can you say that I like pineapple and pineapple is what we said we'd have in this household and then you suddenly don't like pineapple and so we're going to argue about that?
You might have been faking your love of pineapple to get my attention or to make me think you're one of me and we're all great but deep down you didn't like pineapple.
And of course then that was basically lying to me.
Why did you lie?
It was even your truth to lie because you felt that you were getting love.
We're motivated to do anything,
Anything at all,
Because we think we'll get love from doing it.
Love motivates us.
All getting relief,
Feeling better at the minimum,
Love at the maximum.
We're born into love.
We're fragmented by all these rules.
And then we're looking for ourselves again.
We're looking for our authenticity.
We're looking for love all the way through our lives.
And so that might mean telling a lie to get love.
Now you don't mean to tell a lie to be malicious.
That's not really what it's about.
It's about you and your desire to be loved.
So if we can see that everybody is coming from that place of I want love,
You can understand what they're doing.
You don't have to agree with it.
I'm not saying agree with everything.
Yeah,
I like pineapple,
You don't,
For example.
So why do I have to make you like it?
Why do you have to make me not like it?
Why do you have to make me like prunes?
It doesn't make any difference.
We have each individual here,
We are a unique perspective on the planet.
Each one of us is perfect.
Even if we're saying someone else's truth,
It is true for us at that time.
But sometimes when we're doing that,
We're not feeling our best.
So for example,
If you were trying to say to me,
I'm just going to pretend I like that pineapple so she'll like me.
Then you're not feeling good are you?
Now you could go and live that lie all your life and whatever.
That's fine.
That's fine.
It's free choice.
But at the end of the day,
You're not feeling good.
Because you're not aligned with your own truth.
And your own truth is that you might like prunes.
Fundamentally,
I mean,
Even if your family said you have to like pineapple when you really like prunes,
It's like there's something within you that doesn't align.
And it doesn't feel good.
And that's the indication.
That's where truth is.
So coming to truth from a place of love is all about how you feel.
So I just want to get back to the legal system for a moment.
Because when we're fighting with anybody,
Sometimes it ends up in a lawyer's office.
And they're positional.
The law is positional.
The lawyer is trained to put your best foot forward if you like.
Create a truth that's truer than your truth to help you meet an objective.
And you might think that objective is,
Yeah,
It's a property settlement to get the house or the kids or whatever that is.
And so your truth is suddenly enhanced from a different place.
And so is the other parties.
So that you're both right.
And of course you are both right.
That's why it's a bit of a weird thing,
This win-lose model of law.
I mean,
What is that?
There is no winner or loser.
It's just two truths.
And we're seeing them from our own points of view.
And our points of view are right.
So what's the better option?
That's the bigger question.
What is the better option when we know everything is true for the person from the perspective of the person looking out of their own eyes?
Actually,
Next time you're in a gathering of people,
This is a fun exercise.
Next time you're in a gathering of people,
Just imagine you're standing in the shoes of each person in that gathering.
Now look out of their eyes.
Imagine you're looking out of their eyes.
Now they see the world from a different point of view than you.
So you might be looking at the coffee machine and they're looking out the window seeing cars driving by,
For example.
And so your experience of that moment is entirely different.
Their life is actually completely different to yours,
Even though you were in the same place at the same time,
Probably talking about the same thing.
But they'll walk away with a different impression.
Some people like to say,
Stand in someone else's shoes.
That is,
That's great to a point.
It's a good thing to be able to do that to a point,
Only to understand that they're not seeing the same thing as you.
They will never really see the same thing as you.
This is what I laugh about,
Something like contract law,
Which says there's a meeting of minds.
There can't be any meeting of minds.
There can probably be an idea of an agreement right now where you say,
Oh yeah,
That feels really good.
Yeah,
That feels really good.
Let's do this thing together.
That's great.
But some ways down the track,
It might be,
You know,
You've got this plan to be together for five years working on a project and it's all going to be just so because you've got this great vision,
The two of you.
However,
How can you both see the same thing?
You can't.
Your histories,
Your rules,
Your programming is completely different.
So you are seeing different worlds,
Different dimensions.
You know often in an argument you'll be talking to someone and you'll say,
Well,
They didn't hear me.
They can't hear me.
What you,
Why aren't you listening to me?
It's often because I can't.
They simply cannot hear you.
Your point of view comes from basically a different dimension entirely.
You have lived a different life.
You've had a different experience than they have and neither of them is right or wrong.
You are right and they are right.
Nobody is wrong ever.
It's just a point of view.
Even a deception,
As I said,
Isn't wrong.
It's just an experience.
It's a point of view.
And the beauty in all that is when we can see that,
When we know that all the other person is coming from a place that I don't even know,
But it's part of their journey.
It's part of what they've experienced.
How can I know that?
I can't.
And if you don't agree with their point of view,
That's okay.
You just say,
Oh,
I have compassion for you.
I see what's going on.
I can't resolve it.
That's nothing to do with me.
Because everyone's journey is their own.
It's not your journey.
You might be experiencing them in your experience for lessons for you.
So when the student's ready,
The teacher appears.
Then turn up in your lives for the perfect reasons.
Everything is always perfect to teach you something about your own truth.
So for example,
You might go along in your belief systems and say,
This is my truth.
That's fine.
I'm just going to keep believing what my parents told me,
My tribe told me,
My friends told me,
Whatever it is.
Do that.
That's fine.
If that feels good to you.
And even if it doesn't feel good to you,
It's your choice to say,
Oh,
This doesn't feel good to me.
I'm just going to stay feeling like this.
Or why do I feel like this?
Why do I feel rotten?
It's a choice.
Then you know you're not in alignment with your truth,
Your fundamental truth,
The truth you were born with,
The authentic you.
Isn't this amazing?
It's amazing stuff.
So coming back to,
Coming back to a point of I'm going to have my truth from my most authentic place means it feels good every time you make a choice.
If someone says something to you,
It doesn't hurt your feelings because you just know it's not true about you or you just know and you're okay with it.
People can say or do whatever they like.
If you don't react to it from a negative point of view,
It doesn't make any difference.
But when you're arguing with somebody trying to convince them your truth is true,
It ends up in this really negative ball of energy and you really get locked in,
Don't you?
It's the focus of like,
Oh,
I've got to think of a better argument and you're thinking it.
There's nothing to do with thought.
The thoughts,
Your thoughts are based on your programming.
It's like,
I know this from the past.
This is the data I have.
I'm going to process this through this thing and project a future based on that.
Why can't that person see it?
They can't.
They haven't had the same experiences.
They're not going to see the same thing at all.
They can't.
So to discharge that energy that's instead of like focusing on trying to get them to see your point of view,
Even though they might've said some nasty things to you,
That's not pleasant and it's not acceptable.
But you're not going to change them.
This is the point of this discussion is you're not going to change their point of view and what they said about you.
They can think whatever they like about you because effectively when they're saying something about you,
They're saying it about themselves.
The world's our mirror.
So to discharge that negative energy is to really then stand in your own truth and say,
Well,
This is true for me right now and I see that's true for you right now and well,
I don't agree.
And you know,
Even if you think that,
Well,
Where do they come get that from?
You at least have compassion knowing that's their truth,
That's their story and they defend themselves because they need protection like you defend yourself because you need to feel safe and protected.
It's as simple as that.
So when we're feeling bad,
What we know about ourselves is,
Well,
This is what I like to say.
I have a little mantra which says,
How do I feel?
How do I feel?
How do I feel?
How do I feel?
How every moment,
Because life is just a series of moments.
Now moments,
How do I feel in every moment?
If someone's talking to me,
I'm feeling good,
Great.
If they're feeling bad or they've asked me to do something,
I think,
The negative energy I have can either inform me and guide me or if I'm reacting to it,
It's also informing me that I have a rule present.
Why am I reacting?
If it's a reaction,
It's just like,
Oh,
I don't like that and I want to change it.
No.
There's nothing to change except how I reacted.
You see,
Life is your experience of it.
Life is your reaction to it.
So however you're reacting to your life is going to be your experience.
If it's negative reactions all the time,
You're going to have this negative experience in life.
So to get a better experience,
You figure out,
Well,
What would I need to say about myself that's true for this to be a truth in my life?
I mean,
I believe this.
And so then you can relate back to perhaps a rule that you might have unconsciously created because these are unconscious rules.
So you look at the people around you.
They are giving you the information about you.
And that's the most awesome part.
So it's nothing to do with them at all.
No blaming them,
No blaming the tribe,
No blaming anybody anymore because it actually has nothing to do with anybody.
Everyone's living their own truths and doing their best.
But if you are coming back to a place of authenticity,
If you're learning to start not living by others' rules anymore,
Finding them in the mirror that see other people around you and dissolving those rules,
You're actually coming back to your authentic place where you know that nobody can actually hurt you.
No one has that power.
No one has power over you.
Isn't that beautiful?
No one has power over you.
So the authenticity is really a case of just the fundamental truth.
I believe that's love.
Love is the fundamental truth.
But we're all on the journey to find it.
And that's the whole point of this life,
I believe,
Is to explore and experience.
Don't push away the negative energy.
Just let it go.
That's part of my lesson plan.
Okay,
Okay,
Yeah,
Sometimes it gets a bit heavy,
But you think,
Oh,
All right,
Here it is.
What am I facing now?
Take a breath.
I'm in it.
Let's accept this.
Next lesson,
Ready to go.
You're never given more than you can handle.
You really aren't.
Sit in the energy of it.
Just say,
Oh,
All right,
Here I am.
I accept this right now.
How does it feel?
How does it feel?
We're all so disconnected.
We all became so disconnected from how we feel.
We are experiencing machines.
We're here to experience it all.
And this includes the good,
The bad,
The ugly.
It's all good.
It's just a judgment call.
But as soon as you have worked through all those beautiful emotions and all those beautiful experiences,
You're really,
Really moving yourself back to love,
Back to home.
See,
A lot of people come into the legal system and like,
Oh,
Whoa,
Yuck,
This is,
You know,
Whilst I believe the legal system will dissolve over time,
If we're all looking like this,
We just won't be needing to fight anymore.
But whilst it's here,
Use it.
Use it to your advantage.
So this experience has walked into my door.
Don't just put it in a box and say,
Throw it away.
Let it flow.
Because you know what?
As soon as you let these energies flow,
The faster it flows through you,
The more you push it away.
It's energy.
Resistors.
How's it going to move?
How's the energy going to flow through and move?
How's it going to get resolved,
Dissolve,
Flow out?
How's it going to happen if you're like,
Oh,
Because of course you can't box up energy anyway.
That's another story.
So yes,
The truth.
It's all true.
If we start looking at life from that perspective,
That everything is true,
Then wow,
It's such a shift.
No more will we have political parties where like,
I,
You know,
People,
People choose a politician for example,
Because they're representative of what their values are and what they want to say.
But then they say the other politician and the other people and their values aren't any good.
Why?
We're all humans.
We all want what we think is best for us rather than what we're feeling is best for us.
And often we're giving that power to somebody else to find it rather than us sitting in our own space and thinking,
Oh,
It's just how I react to the world.
That's all it's about.
These experiences are all mine to have.
Don't hand them away to someone.
Don't let someone else be your parent anymore.
This is what we did to keep ourselves safe and we all did an awesome job as children.
We absolutely did.
And that's the other thing.
We need to validate ourselves for the great job we did,
But now it's time to parent up.
Mature emotionally.
Become the children that we want to be,
But with mature emotions.
Have fun.
Be creative.
Play.
Laugh.
Laugh at how fun this experience can be.
If you're watching everyone going through their own drama and saying,
Oh my gosh,
Look at you.
Look at what you've created.
How fun.
You can actually get another bonus out of this.
You can hop into their experience with them and say,
Wow,
What an experience.
I can get some value out of that experience as well because we are here to experience it all.
We are all that is.
And when we do that,
We're adding value to the pot of experience in life for everybody.
Say,
Oh,
Look at you.
I'll hold compassion for you.
I'll hold a compassionate space.
I mightn't love what you're doing right now.
So thank you all for listening to Beyond Legal Advice.
I hope you'll join me next time.
We're looking at this legal system being underpinned by fear,
So we're trying to shift it toward a loving responses to life,
Love-based decision making.
Love is of the essence.
Thank you.
Take good care of you.
Who needs to be happiness?
