In most organizations,
Power isn't only defined by title.
It's defined by who sets the emotional and behavioral terms of the environment.
And one of the most overlooked ways this happens is through reliability,
Or the lack of it.
Because when someone is unreliable,
They just don't create inconvenience.
They also create instability,
And instability shifts power.
And if that feels familiar,
Please stay with me.
My name is Martha Curtis,
I'm a psychotherapist and coach,
And I work with creatives and support individuals who are or have been in controlling and abusive relationships.
And alongside that,
I run a training program where we develop coaches and leaders in building clear,
Healthy,
And high-functioning environments.
So,
When one person becomes unpredictable,
Everyone else starts organizing around them.
Did you know?
In this talk,
We are going to look directly at the power dynamics created by unreliability.
And we will explore what happens when someone begins to claim space and influence through inconsistency,
And how this affects your nervous system and decision-making.
And what you can do to stay grounded when you are working with someone who is difficult to predict.
But I'm sure now you're wondering,
How does unreliability shift power?
When someone is reliable,
You can stand on your own feet.
You know what to expect,
You can make decisions,
You can trust your interpretation of what's happening.
But when someone is unreliable,
That changes.
Because you start second-guessing suddenly,
You start scanning,
You start adjusting.
And in that moment,
Something subtle but important happens.
You lose your footing.
They become the reference point,
And that is the shift in power.
Not because they have taken it directly,
But because the system now orients around them.
And that way,
Unreliability is a way of claiming power.
And sometimes this is unconscious.
A person may be inconsistent because they are overwhelmed,
Disorganized,
Or unclear themselves.
But sometimes it functions differently.
When someone is difficult to predict,
Others often tend to wait for them,
Check with them,
Defer to them,
Avoid getting it wrong with them.
And that creates tension.
It also creates caution and dependency.
And for some people,
This becomes a way of holding authority.
They don't need to assert control directly.
The unpredictability does it for them.
So why is it destabilizing?
From another system perspective,
Unpredictability is activating.
Your system is trying to track something that doesn't follow a pattern.
So instead of focusing on your work,
Part of your attention stays with that person.
What are they going to do next?
Have I missed something?
Do I need to adjust?
This creates a low-level state of alertness.
And over time,
That is exhausting.
And if you grew up around unpredictability,
Then this dynamic often lands more strongly,
Because your system has already learned that inconsistency can carry consequences.
So when it shows up at work,
Your response is faster and sharper and more consuming.
And you might find yourself becoming more careful than usual,
Trying to anticipate everything.
You might also be overthinking your responses and feeling unsettled without knowing what to do.
And that is not overreaction.
It's recognition that your system is identifying a familiar pattern.
And this dynamic is often misread.
Because from the outside,
This can look like engagement,
Attention,
Responsiveness.
But internally,
Something else is happening.
People are organizing themselves around instability.
And that is not neutral.
It comes at a cost.
A cost of clarity,
Autonomy,
And focus.
And when it comes from someone you lead,
Well,
If you are a leader or someone in your team is unpredictable,
The same pattern can emerge.
If their work is inconsistent,
If their communication is unreliable,
If their behavior shifts,
You may find yourself checking more often,
Holding more in mind,
Adjusting your expectations constantly.
In that situation,
They begin to take up more space than their role requires.
And that is not through performance,
But through unpredictability.
And again,
That is a shift in power.
So what can you do in these situations?
First of all,
This is not about controlling the other person.
It's more about stabilizing your position.
So first of all,
You need to notice where your attention is going.
When someone is unpredictable,
Your attention naturally moves toward them.
Simply noticing that shift begins to give you choice.
And secondly,
You need to separate their behavior from your footing.
Their inconsistency does not require you to become uncertain.
You can stay anchored in what you know,
What has been agreed,
And what is actually happening.
And then you need to reduce over-adjustment.
The more you adapt to unpredictability,
The more the dynamic strengthens.
And staying consistent in your own communication and expectations,
That helps,
And it's very important.
Also,
Make things explicit wherever possible.
Because clarity interrupts ambiguity.
Written expectations,
Clear agreements,
And direct communication reduce how much interpretation is needed.
Very important,
Maybe most important,
Is to pay attention to your nervous system.
If you feel unsettled,
Distracted,
Or overly focused on one person,
That is information,
Tells you something,
And the environment is unstable.
And finally,
You need to reclaim your position.
Power shifts when you lose your footing.
And you can return to it by orienting back to your role,
Responsibilities,
And what is within your control.
And here,
You might want to take a moment to reflect on your own environment,
And feel free to pause after each question.
Is there someone whose unpredictability pulls your attention toward them?
How does your behavior change around them?
What happens to your clarity and decision-making in those moments?
Where do you lose your footing?
And just noticing this can shift how you relate to it.
Unreliability is not just a personality trait.
In systems,
It becomes a force.
It pulls attention.
It creates dependency.
It shifts power.
Sometimes unintentionally,
Sometimes as a way of holding position.
But the key point is this.
You don't have to organize yourself around someone else's unpredictability.
You can stay oriented in yourself.
And that changes the dynamic.
And if this resonated with you,
Please consider sharing it with someone who might be navigating a similar dynamic at work.
Thank you for listening.
Until next time.
