Have you ever felt like you're trying so hard to make positive changes in your life,
But nothing seems to matter?
Which is why I was so excited to see Mel Robbins on tour this week.
And in this video,
I'm going to share my biggest personal growth takeaways so that you can learn how to create a happier,
Healthier life.
But if you're new,
My name is Michelle Ferris.
I'm a psychotherapist and I love helping people create relationships that work.
So the first takeaway I had from Mel Robbins was people who are successful take action.
They don't spend all of their time thinking and ruminating and obsessing about the outcome or about what other people are thinking.
And honestly that hit me hard because I know for me when I get stuck that's exactly where I go.
I go to negative thinking or obsessing about what isn't working versus what is working.
And I love the way she breaks it down in such easy to understand language and that's what I'm really excited to share with you because this really can make a difference in your life.
Because maybe you're already finding yourself overthinking,
Waiting until something feels right to take action.
There's never going to be a perfect time to make changes.
But what she talked about was her confidence came after she took action,
Not before.
And that's why her 5-4-3-2-1 strategy really worked for her and so many others.
And basically,
She had trouble getting out of bed.
And one day she decided,
To count backwards from 5 to 1,
5,
4,
3,
2,
1 and then she made herself get up and move and take some action in that day.
That little trick made her take positive action even if it was just getting out of bed in the morning and I love this because sometimes it's those baby steps that make the most difference in our lives and she talked about how this strategy helped her avoid her own negative thoughts because she had to focus on taking action and when you're doing that you can't really ruminate about what isn't working because your mind is focused on what's ahead of you.
So the next thing she talked about was small steps add up over time.
So part of her story if you're not familiar with it is she was 41 years old.
She was $800,
000 in debt.
Her husband had a restaurant that was tanking and they were completely broke and she had tons of anxiety and wasn't functioning really well and that's why she couldn't get out of bed until that one morning where she decided to do something different and that was the start of her journey.
And what I loved was that it wasn't 41 to 45 and boom,
She had everything she wanted.
She's 57 years old now and she has the number one podcast in the world and that just happened three and a half years ago.
And what I love about that is that personal growth is a long game.
It's not something that's going to happen quickly,
But that doesn't mean you can't make significant progress along the way,
And she did.
She became a motivational speaker.
She got out of debt.
She found a new job.
She took baby steps every day to work towards her goal.
She didn't change everything overnight,
But she focused on the next right thing.
So if you're stuck right now,
I want you to ask yourself,
What's the next right thing you could do for yourself that could propel you into your goal?
Whatever you want for your life,
Whether that's a better job or a better relationship or just feeling more confident about yourself.
Maybe getting out of bed is going to do it or stop eating that junk food,
Join a 12-step program,
Take a walk,
Start taking better care of your body.
There are baby steps we can all do today to improve the quality of our life and I just love her focus on taking those baby steps because they do make a difference.
I know for me sometimes I think transformation should happen quick.
I've been doing this for several years and I should be growing in leaps and bounds in my business,
For instance.
But the truth is,
Is that real change takes time.
And some baby steps might be,
Maybe today you set a boundary.
You tell somebody that they hurt your feelings.
You say no instead of overcommit yourself.
You create a positive mantra instead of yelling at your kids.
You try again even though you're having a bad day.
These are all things that build self-trust over time because right action leads to a better life.
Sit and ruminate about what isn't working.
I know for me when I do that,
I have a big pity party.
And every once in a while,
Yeah,
We're going to do that because life is hard.
But if you can catch yourself doing that and saying,
Okay,
That's enough.
I've had a pity party for five minutes.
Now I got to take some action.
Now I got to do something for me.
That's how you're going to get out of it.
So another thing Mel Robbins talked about was that change happens when you focus inward,
Not outward.
And while most of us kind of get stuck in what other people are doing,
Why other people aren't changing,
Or what the end result is that we can't control,
All of those things are super frustrating.
When we shift that focus inward,
Then it all becomes about what can you do today to have a better life?
What can you do today to feel a little bit happier and take better care of yourself?
What are those things that we have control over?
Our actions,
Our behaviors,
Our moods,
Not what everybody else is doing,
Life is doing to us because everybody has challenges and we can't necessarily avoid that.
But shifting that focus away from what's happening outside of you to what's happening inside of you,
That's our point of power.
And for me,
I always know when I'm off track because I'm focused on the end result.
I'm focused on why don't I have more YouTube subscribers.
I can get stuck in that and then I can go down that rabbit hole of,
Oh my channel isn't good enough or I need to do something different,
Blah,
Blah,
Blah.
But here's how I get out of that,
And Mel Robbins talks about this,
Is you have to find your why.
Because if you're tying your happiness to the end result,
You're going to be miserable.
And I know for me that's always true.
So what I do is I shift my focus,
Like Mel Robbins says,
Back to your purpose.
When do you feel most purposeful?
For me,
It's when I'm helping people.
When I'm doing this video,
Even though I have no idea how well it's going to be received.
When I'm doing something in my business to help people.
People,
That's when I feel lit up.
That's when I feel the most alive because I'm contributing.
What is that for you?
When do you feel the most alive?
Because that's what we want to cultivate is those activities or people in your life that make you feel good about yourself.
Because your life changes when you stop focusing on what's happening to you and shift it to what you can do today to make it better.
And I know that sounds super simple but honestly it works.
Because every time I go from externally focused to internally focused,
I feel better because that's what I have the power to change.
So what's one thing you could do today to take better care of yourself?
I want you to leave it in the comments and I'll answer everyone.
Now the next thing Mel Robbins went over which I loved was don't stop because you're having a bad day.
We're all going to have bad days.
We may be in grief or fear or don't give up because you're having a bad day.
We all have bad days.
We all have days where we just don't feel good or we're afraid or maybe we're in the middle of a breakup or somebody we love has passed on recently and we're having a tough time coping.
All of that is part of life.
It's normal to struggle sometimes but that's when you want to remind yourself don't focus on the weeds.
Step back and focus on your end goal.
What's your end goal?
I want to have better relationships.
So maybe you reach out to somebody today that you know is really kind to you or you get some grief counseling because that is your next step because we're all going to have days where we're frustrated.
I've had pity parties many times in my life,
But I don't stay in that very long anymore because I know that they're going to pass.
So the key takeaway from Mel Robbins was that she talked about let the bad days happen but don't stay stuck in them.
Let them pass and when we take small but steady action to do the next right thing for ourselves that is what makes you feel better.
So if you notice you're having a bad day ask yourself are you focused on the outcome?
Are you focused on other people instead of yourself?
Can you do something to take better care of yourself?
Can you do something to get some support?
Because that can also help minimize our bad days by being heard and seen and getting a hug from somebody.
The other thing Mel Robbins talked a lot about was the stories we tell ourselves and how those shape our lives.
Maybe you have a story that you're not enough or that you'll always be alone the rest of your life.
So for me,
This was a huge AHA listening to Mel because I realized part of where I go when I try really hard in my business,
If I don't get the result I want,
I want to give up and I want to say,
Oh,
This isn't going to work for me.
Everybody else is going to be successful on YouTube except me.
And I know that's a bunch of crap,
But that's where my mind goes.
That story is being untrue because if I let that story of giving up control me I'm never going to take positive action but if I can look at that story and say you know what that's not necessarily true I have had some success in my business I have helped people I've had hundreds and hundreds of comments on my videos and I'm so appreciative of that because my goal is to help but in order to help I have to be willing to change that negative story so I want you to think about what is one negative story that rules you in your life right now.
Whether it's not having what you want in your life,
Feeling like you're not good enough,
Feeling like you'll always be alone.
What is it?
And then I want you to write down a few small decisions you could start making to change that story.
Because what I notice in my negative stories is that they're based in childhood.
They're based on things that have happened in my life that really don't have any relevance to me anymore.
But I have to be willing to let go of that story in order to move forward and maybe it's time for you to let go of your story and challenge it as being untrue because I guarantee if you have a super negative story it doesn't mean there isn't any grain of truth in it but it also may mean that it's outdated.
So Mel's advice was create a new story.
So for me that story is instead of giving up what small actions can I take to improve my business and to help more people because I'm taking positive action and that's what I want you to do because it's not too late to change your relationships or to have a better life.
It all starts with taking small baby steps and that's why I love listening to Mel Robbins because she really breaks it down into identifying and challenging your stories and really taking those small 5,
4,
3,
2,
1 steps towards positive action.
Thanks so much.
