When I'm on a book tour,
I couch surf with different host families along the way.
A few years ago,
An elderly and physically disabled host was generous enough to have me in his home for a couple of nights.
He wanted to attend my book talk,
But he had trouble seeing at night,
So he asked that I drive us to and from the event in his car,
Which more easily accommodated him.
We were so engaged in conversation on the drive back to his house that I missed a turn.
He casually said,
Oh,
We were supposed to turn left back there,
So I made a U-turn in the middle of the street.
He gripped the door handle with one hand,
Grabbed the center console with the other,
And screamed,
What are you doing?
His reaction surprised me.
I pulled over and said,
I turned the car around because you said I had driven past your street.
He just looked at me and said,
You don't know about DWB,
Do you?
DWB,
Driving while black,
Means he would never attempt to get away with the kind of maneuver that I just pulled.
If you were black,
He told me,
And a certain type of cop saw you do that,
You would get pulled over,
Have your head slammed against the hood of the car,
Arms handcuffed behind your back,
And likely get arrested.
That night,
I learned the difference between white privilege and white ignorance.
I was ignorant of my privilege,
Yes,
But Privilege,
With a capital P,
Is when you think something isn't a problem just because it doesn't affect you.
Racism is a problem bigger than job inequality or persons of color serving prison sentences four times longer than whites who commit the same crime.
Racism is bigger than my parents forbidding me from dating anyone in my teens who wasn't Jewish,
To which I obviously rebelled by dating the darkest-skinned Christian I could find.
Racism is a matter of life or death.
I hosted an online discussion about the murder of George Floyd,
A black man choked to death by a police officer who knelt on his neck for 8 minutes and 46 seconds while George cried,
I can't breathe.
Three other officers stood by and watched as George's body became unresponsive.
When I posted information about the online discussion,
Many claimed I had no business talking about racism because I'm not black,
Which is a fair point,
Though I've had my share of death threats,
Hate crimes,
And even swastikas carved in my locker in high school simply because I'm not white.
Other people said it would be irresponsible for me to ignore what's going on and pretend nothing happened,
Which is also a fair point.
Others understood my effort as an ally to bring mindfulness to a very sensitive and horrifying situation.
I felt everyone's rage coursing through my own veins.
The protests and riots reminded me of the aftermath from the beating of Rodney King in 1991,
And I was furious that we've made so little progress in the 30 years since then.
This brutal crime was videotaped and caused outrage all over the world.
Being enraged was the most appropriate response,
So my fury was certainly justified,
But I had to keep reminding myself that if I start hating the haters,
I become a hater myself.
My mantra became feel your temper,
Understand your temper,
But don't lose your temper.
Let's not stoop to the very violence we wish to eradicate.
As we chant in Zen temples every morning,
Greed,
Hatred,
And ignorance rise endlessly,
I vow to abandon them.
I have said this before and I will say it again.
We are taught to be tolerant and accepting,
But tolerance does not mean accepting what is harmful.
8 minutes and 46 seconds.
Let each second sink in.
