The Fear Of Being Ordinary

10:15

10:15

The Fear Of Being Ordinary

by Anthony V. Lombardo

Type

talks

Activity

Meditation

Suitable for

Everyone

Plays

4

We often tend to think that one of our biggest fears is failure. But I'm not sure that's the whole story. Sometimes the deeper fear is that we'll do everything right, work hard, grow, heal, pursue our goals... and still end up feeling ordinary. Just not special enough to finally feel at peace with ourselves. In this reflection, we explore the subtle ways ambition, self-improvement, and achievement can become attempts to prove our worth—and what happens when we stop asking our lives to be evidence that we matter.

Fear Self Acceptance Ego Self Improvement Relief Authenticity Paradox

Meet your Teacher

Anthony V. Lombardo

East Islip, NY, USA

Meet your Teacher

Anthony V. Lombardo

East Islip, NY, USA

Transcript

What if the way you are right now is as good as you'll ever be? Really think about it. What if this is it? What if there is no future version of you coming to make you exceptional? What if no amount of success or self-improvement? Finally saves you from being human. You see, We think we're afraid of failure. But I don't think that's the real fear. Because what if you try your best to achieve your goals, To grow, To become better, And your life still turns out to be a failure? Not bad, Or unsuccessful, Or meaningless. Just ordinary. A normal, Simple life. A life that does improve. You were special and friends. That is the real fear. Not that we'll fail, But that we'll do everything right and still not become remarkable enough to feel safe inside ourselves. So in this video, I want to talk to you about this fear. That hides underneath ambition and self-improvement. And by the end, I want to help you notice when your ambition is coming through from something true, And when it has subtly become a way to prove that you are enough. Because the uncomfortable truth is. . . That some of the goals that you may be chasing may not only about building the type of life you want, But about escaping the fear of being ordinary. So let's walk through this together. So to start off, Let me say this, I am no stranger to this pattern because I've seen it in myself. I often wonder how much what I'm doing building my business, Creating things, Is really about the thing itself. And how much has started to feel like a reflection of me? I share something online, And I tell myself I only care if it helps someone. But then I keep checking views and comments. And it made me realize that some part of my work has become a mirror. It wasn't just, Did this matter? It was, What did this thing say about me? You ever felt that way? When your goals start carrying extra emotional weight, Like your worth, Your identity, And your future is riding on it? That it has to prove you are becoming who you thought you were always supposed to be? Consider the work you do. Something you're putting a lot of energy into. On the outside, It may look like you're just working hard. But underneath, There may be a question that you're scared to say out loud. What if I'm just another person doing this thing? Or working toward this goal. What if this work actually matters to me, But never becomes as big as I hoped it would? What if I'm not chosen? In the way I secretly want to be chosen. This is where that sneaky fear of being ordinary reveals itself. When the sincere desire to create or build something isn't just about the work. But about being seen, Being validated, And being reassured that you matter. And that's a hard thing to admit, Because no one ever really says out loud, I'm terrified my life won't be exceptional. Or I'm scared I won't be special. It usually gets disguised as, I'm ambitious. I have high standards. I'm just trying to improve myself. Or the typical self-help line. I'm just becoming the best version of myself. And sometimes it is. And those are beautiful intentions. Sometimes our ambition is sincere. Sometimes what you want really does matter to you. But sometimes what we call self-improvement is a refusal to meet yourself where you are at. A way to run away from the present day you. You see, A goal is meaningful when it feels aliving and expanding. However, It becomes a disguise when it has to save your identity. That is when a goal stops simply being a goal and becomes evidence for yourself. Evidence that you're talented and that you're not behind. Evidence that your life is becoming something worth noticing. And that is exhausting, Friends, Because now your work. . . Your goals, Your healing, Your success. All of it starts feeling like it's on trial. In some way, It has to prove, I'm exceptional. And we don't realize that we're not fully living anymore. Instead, We're building a case for why we matter. And this is why being ordinary feels so threatening. Not because ordinary is bad, But because we think ordinary means we're unseen, Unchosen. Replaceable. Easy to forget. So ask yourself honestly. What would it mean to you to be ordinary? Would it mean you wasted your time? Would it mean no one is coming to discover you? Would it mean your life matters? But not in the impressive way. That you hoped it would, Because often the thing we're chasing is not success. Its relief. Relief from no longer having to worry that we are enough. Because all of our accomplishments and all of our achievements would prove it. Because you see, Our ego doesn't only want a meaningful life. It wants an undeniable one. A life no one can question or overlook. One that finally says, See, I mattered. But the problem is when your life has to prove that much, You start treating your life like a project. It's a project that you constantly have to prove, Control, And optimize. You stop asking, Is this true for me? And you default to, How does this look? Will this make me impressive? So let's come back to the core question from the beginning. What if the way you are right now is as good as you'll ever be? There may be a part of you that feels fear when you hear that question. Or disappointment, Because it signals the collapse of the identity that yearns to earn peace, Freedom, And worth by becoming impressive and special. So if the way you are right now is as good as you'll ever be, The mind hears that and goes, Uh-oh. Then I'm just ordinary. And to the ego, That feels like death. Because the ego does not want to be ordinary. It wants to believe that with enough growth, Enough attention, Enough success, Enough self-mastery, It can become untouchable. But there may be another part of you that hears that same question. What if the way I am right now is as good as I'll ever be and feels relief? Not because it wants to give up on its goals. But because it's tired. Tired of turning life into a performance review. Tired of becoming more just to feel acceptable. Tired of waiting for a future self to give it permission just to be here now. So the same question that feels like death to the ego. Feels like mercy to the body. That is the paradox of that question. One part of you is chasing more because it is afraid, And another part of you just wants to come home. But the goal isn't to resolve that paradox, Nor is the goal to give up your ambition. The point is to see that both responses can be true. That part of you may still want to build, Create, Improve, And become. That's called being a human. But there is another part of you that's starving for relief from the pressure. The pressure to make your life mean something. The goal here is to become honest and aware of what is actually driving your ambition. So go ahead, Work towards your goals. Build that epic, Beautiful future. Write the book. Create beautiful art. Build that business. Improve your life on all accounts. But don't let it become a verdict about who you are. And the ultimate value of your life. If the dream is true, It could survive without being used as proof of your worth. If the path is honest and real, It can survive the possibility that no one claps for a while. That is the test, Friends. That is the invitation. Can you still do what is yours? When it does not make you look special. Can you still live the life in front of you? Without treating it? Like a waiting room. For the more impressive one to enter. Think about it. If this video helped shift something in you or help you see yourself more clearly? I'd love to hear about it in the comments. And if it did, Let your mantra today be, I am choosing what is real. Over what appears remarkable. Thanks for watching today. Talk to you soon. Much love.