Hello down there,
I say,
Are you here for the balloon ride?
Of course you are.
I'll find a spot to touch down and we'll get you on board.
Okay.
Jump in then.
My goodness,
You look terrible.
What on earth have you been doing?
Fear not,
We'll have you right as rain in no time.
Hmm,
You sure don't travel light either,
Do you?
We'll never get airborne with all that stuff.
You won't be needing that.
Or this.
Don't worry,
Mr Bleeters is in good hands.
Our local shepherd Merlin will look after him while we're up there.
Okay,
Let's go.
Um,
Don't be put off by the fact we're floating around in a wicker basket.
Okay,
What can I do for you today?
I understand.
You best have this blanket then.
Cup of tea?
What?
You don't like tea?
Come on,
You've never tried my tea.
You're good.
Just sip and listen while I spin the yarn and we'll have you on your way to wherever you're going in no time.
And what it is to be an explorer of the infinite abyss.
Cheating evolution for a glimpse of the great beyond.
Escaping our frantic existence on this often overwhelming planet.
In search of a sense of ease and comfort.
And perhaps some meaning.
But alas,
Wherever we go,
We are sure to bump into ourselves,
Sooner or later.
But at least this time you're no longer looking up,
Longing for what could have been,
Or might be.
But instead,
You're gazing across and away,
Far down below and in between.
While the geese guide your safe passage through the thinning air.
Let me help you remember.
And to begin,
I suggest that you relax that weary face until you look deeply unimpressed.
Then let your shoulders drop down,
Down,
Down.
Until your arms feel completely pointless.
Relax your face a bit more,
Especially your jaw.
Let it drop down a bit more.
Taking a nice deep breath in.
Breathing out.
And letting your whole body sink into the mud of despair and crushing regret.
Then allowing your body to sink down a little more.
Until you reach the sands of perfect toast and good fortune.
And smile.
Smiling at the ridiculousness of life.
And letting go of all the stuff that you've not done.
And letting go of all the stuff you did do,
But completely messed up.
And now letting go of all the stuff that you've finished with great success.
But were then left with a deep sense of emptiness.
While questioning your entire existence.
Allowing your body to sink down a little more.
Letting go of your current existential crisis.
And imagine opening the window of contentment.
Allowing the bird of moderate happiness to fly in and land on your shoulder.
Yeah,
It probably won't actually.
And bringing acceptance to the fact that the vast majority of people you will meet in your life will not meet the threshold for friendship.
And letting go of being so serious.
Life is far too precious to be serious.
I'd like to say that you're doing well,
But I doubt it.
You're probably not even listening to me anymore.
And that's okay.
Actually it's quite timely.
As we're almost at the end of this most majestic and transformative journey.
Now we're getting close to home too.
Don't worry,
I'll drop you close to your front door.
Nothing but the best service here.
Oh,
Left a bit.
Right a bit.
It's a bit windier than I thought.
Just spring around.
Yeah,
We're actually way off.
It's about a three mile walk back to your house.
I'll drop your stuff around next Wednesday.
Including Mr Bleater's.
Anyway,
Traveller.
I wish you a smooth onward journey.
And try to stop missing everything that pays.
You're doing alright.
Don't want to bring you down.
Just saying.
You're not really hitting the markers,
Are you?
Of life.
Rock bottom is fine.
It's really quite a good place to start.
Alright.
I'm off.
Bye.
