Hi,
It's Ann.
Happy to be here with you.
I was just thinking today about decisions and choices,
How we can't always make the right choice.
Sometimes we mess up.
But if we listen to ourselves,
We can find out that a decision we made wasn't the right one.
And we can pivot.
Change course.
You know,
That happened to me many years ago when I realized the profession I'd gotten into being a college teacher.
Wasn't right for me.
Well,
It wasn't easy because I didn't know what I was going to do instead,
But I left.
And in a few years,
I'd started teaching focusing.
Well,
Something very similar happened to my student Lola.
Lola was in a nice relationship with a nice guy.
They were dating and sharing some good times.
But then Lola learned focusing.
You know,
Sometimes I think that.
Getting to know yourself better should come with a warning label like,
Look out.
The process of greater self-awareness might mean that you need to change your life.
Well,
You know,
With the greater self-awareness she found doing focusing,
Lola realized that the relationship with the nice guy wasn't right for her.
Like when she wanted to move toward more commitment,
It turned out that he had unresolved trauma from past relationships that stopped him from committing further.
And for a while they continued this way.
But Lola kept getting a stronger and stronger feeling that this relationship wasn't working for her.
And an increasing sense that she didn't want to repeat a pattern of holding on to bad relationships.
So she broke up with him.
But that's not the end of the story.
In a way,
It's only the beginning.
After the break.
Love,
Lois.
Flooded with all kinds of feelings.
She was terribly tempted to get back with the nice guy,
You know,
Settle,
Just to.
.
.
Just to stop all the painful feelings.
So Lola did something I really admire.
She decided she was in a project she called Breakup Recovery.
And she decided to do focusing every day so that all her feelings could be acknowledged and heard.
Well,
First,
There was a lot of sadness.
The sadness came in huge waves and Lola did two things.
She acknowledged the sadness as in a big something in me is really sad.
And she sensed more precisely,
More specifically,
What the sadness was about.
She didn't just assume she already knew.
And it turned out that the sadness was not for the loss of the relationship exactly.
It was for the loss of the relationship's dream,
The loss of what it could have become.
And being able to hear and acknowledge exactly what the sadness was about.
Help it move on.
And after the sadness moved on.
.
.
Anger started to arise and Lola acknowledged,
Something in me is angry.
She stayed with the body feeling of angry.
Heaviness in her chest.
And again,
The step beyond acknowledging,
Which is to sense what this angry feeling is angry about.
Lola learned that the angry place was about being in a relationship that wasn't equal.
And she let it know she really heard it.
Well,
The angry place said back to her,
I'm here so you won't forget you did the right thing by leaving.
And acknowledging that.
Brought a feeling of peace in her body.
You know.
Noticing your feelings is a really good thing.
But people often stop there.
They say,
I'm sad.
I know why I'm sad.
I just need to be with it or get over it.
Or I'm angry.
Of course I'm angry.
I already know why.
But actually,
You probably don't already know why.
You feel the way you do.
All you can know for sure is that there's some very good reason.
The focusing process teaches us how to listen to the feeling itself.
It knows.
It can reveal very precisely what it's about.
So if you're on a journey of recovery,
Whether it's from a breakup or an addictive habit or anything else,
It's a very powerful thing to do to bring awareness to your body.
Acknowledge your feelings and then listen to what they're really about.
Our feelings want to be heard.
And then they want to evolve and move on.
And that's the beauty of it.
