The Power of Choice

Just a fair warning that this podcast does contain explicit language and should be listened to in an appropriate environment.

So guys,

I'm back and I'm excited.

Can't wait to talk to you today.

Today I've got a cheeky episode to be honest with you.

All about the power of choice.

I really want to talk about some things that people have said to me in the past that kind of grind my gears.

It's like a little pet peeve of mine and I want to like tell you my point of view on the situation.

So yeah,

Today we're talking about choice.

But let's start with a backstory.

I've lived in Italy on and off since 2012.

I moved here the first time on my own to live in Rome for six months.

And then I moved here again in 2015 in Florence while I was there studying abroad.

And then I met my partner and we moved back to Canada for about six months.

And then I moved back to Italy permanently basically in 2016.

So I've been here for four years with a brief interlude where I returned to Canada for a little short amount of time.

But when I first moved here in early 2016,

I wasn't really sure like what was going to happen,

Whether or not I'd be able to get a job and where I'd be working.

And like it was all just kind of new because I was settling into this place and I didn't really know what was going to happen.

Normal,

Right?

Once I kind of got it figured out,

I got really lucky.

We got here in June,

Midway through June,

And I was really ill.

I had caught pneumonia on the plane over and we ended up going directly from,

We landed and two days later or not even two days later,

The next morning,

The day after we arrived,

We left for Sardegna and we went there for three weeks.

And I was so sick.

I was on antibiotics.

I couldn't even go to the beach.

But when I came back,

I began applying for jobs immediately.

And I got really lucky as soon as I got back from this like three weeks in paradise,

I got a job.

And yeah,

I've always felt really blessed.

And to be honest with you,

My mindset around work and finding work has always been like ironclad.

So I have a mindset that like if I want a job,

I will find a job.

If I want a job,

I will get a job.

And to be honest with you,

That has always been my reality.

And I'm not saying this to be a snotty bitch.

I'm saying it because it's like the one area that I've never really struggled with.

Whereas like if you ask me how well I rest or relax,

Like I'll tell you I'm absolute crap at it.

So everybody has an area of mindset where they really excel.

And this just happens to be mine.

So in September,

I start working and I'm working 25 hours per week teaching at an elementary school here in Lucca,

Where I live.

And it was such a great experience,

But it was so funny because I had been living in Lucca for about three months.

And I kept getting all these messages and comments from people back home in Canada who would say things like,

You're so lucky to live in Italy.

You're just so lucky.

Oh,

My God.

How cool is it that you live in Italy?

And it sounds like,

You know,

An innocuous comment,

Like no big deal.

And on the one hand,

Of course it is.

But at the time,

It really frustrated me because I felt like,

Yeah,

I mean,

I am lucky to live in Italy in the same way that you're lucky to live wherever it is that you live.

I live in Italy and I live in this ancient city that has ancient walls.

And yes,

It's really beautiful and it's unique and that's really cool.

But you have bonuses to wherever you live.

Like everywhere that you live has cool stuff about it,

Too.

And my life is no different than your life.

I get up in the morning,

I get ready for work,

I go to work,

I come home,

I make dinner.

You know,

I have to clean my house.

I have to do all the same things.

The only difference between my life and your life is where I live.

So that always really irked me.

Fast forward two years and I am working on my own because I know that I have to go back to Canada.

So it's 2018.

I'm well aware that in the fall of 2018,

I have to go back to Canada.

And so I'm not able to return to my position teaching at the school and I begin working for myself full time.

Well,

Full time.

But anyways,

I begin working for myself.

And this was like a really interesting situation because it came about just because out of necessity,

I had to go back to Canada.

I had to begin working for myself.

And then the comments started again.

Not immediately,

But then thereafter when I was back in Canada.

This is when it kind of got like it reached its peak.

But you're so lucky to be able to work for yourself.

You're just so lucky that you have a job that you do online that you can do from anywhere in the world.

Yes,

I am.

But so could you have the same job if you wanted to.

Comments like this have always really irked me and I'll tell you why.

Because they are damaging to the person who is making them.

It doesn't make any difference to me.

It doesn't change my life in any way whether you think I'm lucky or unlucky or otherwise.

Whatever.

How I feel about my life is the only thing that matters.

But when people say this,

It really takes their power away because they're making it seem like there's something weird or special or unique about me that has allowed me to have these experiences.

And I actually don't think that's true.

So I'm going to take a side note here because I feel like it's really important.

Obviously,

In our current climate,

It's really necessary to assess sorry to address the discussion of privilege.

Yes,

I come from a privileged background or life.

I am white.

I am cisgendered.

I am.

I have never been in poverty.

I've never been like super affluent either.

But and I don't come from money,

But I have always had a really stable home environment,

A really safe and comfortable upbringing that allowed me to believe in myself and to feel like I'm capable of doing whatever I want to do.

So I want you to keep that in mind that this this whole discussion is coming from my unique perspective and my unique perspective does have privilege woven into it.

I'm trying to be awake to it.

I'm trying to make this conversation relevant for everyone.

But I recognize that I'm going to fuck up and I'm not going to be able to meet everybody exactly where they are.

But I promise I'm trying my best.

So,

Yes,

I am lucky to have all these things.

But so could you if you chose to.

Even when people say like,

Oh,

You're so lucky that you travel.

No,

I make it a priority.

I remember last year I went to Asia and I was there for a month and I worked while I was there because I can because I work online.

And I remember coming back home and having dinner with a friend who then said to me,

Well,

I guess it's like time for you to get a real job now.

Right.

And I felt like like this is my real job.

This is my real job.

This is what I do.

And she was like,

Well,

You probably have like a massive amount of debt from Asia.

And like normally when people say things to you,

My advice to you would be like,

Just drop it because they're going to think whatever it is that they want to think about you in any case.

But here I responded like,

No,

My trip is already paid off because I have a job and I work like I don't have to justify my experience to other people.

But there I felt like,

OK,

Like you've got to be kidding me.

Like you can't even be happy for me that I've managed to do this on my own.

And it goes back to this idea,

Well,

You're so lucky.

And it just drives me nuts.

So let's go back to this idea of choice.

OK,

Because I think it's so important and I can see already that this podcast is getting a little bit too long.

So every single thing that I have in my life,

If we exclude the fact that I started off with a leg up because of privilege,

As I mentioned previously,

Boils down to a choice.

I chose to leave my old life,

My friends and my family and go on an adventure in 2012.

OK,

I moved to Rome on my own.

And there are pros and cons to everything.

But like doing this changed my life.

If we go even farther back,

To be honest with you,

When I was 16,

I was supported by my parents to come to Europe on a school trip.

And that changed forever the trajectory of my life because I fell in love with Rome.

I fell in love with Italy even more so than I already was coming from an Italian background.

And I knew that I wanted to come back.

And then I had a job that allowed me to save up money.

And then when I saved up enough money in 2012,

I in 2011,

I booked the ticket.

And in 2012,

I left to live in Rome by myself for six months.

And I mean,

Like I said,

There's good and bad to everything.

I miss my family like crazy.

And to be honest with you,

Now with everything that's going on with covid,

It's making it even more like accentuated because I actually don't know when I'm going to get to see them again.

Yes,

I could go back to Canada,

But Canada isn't my home anymore,

Even if my family is there.

And yes,

They could come here.

But of course,

With quarantining and so on and so forth,

It becomes it becomes difficult.

But all of this started with a choice.

The first choice was to come to Rome.

The second choice was to do the study abroad.

And then the third choice was to stay with my partner that I met while I was doing my study abroad in 2015.

And to move here ultimately in 2016.

And I'm grateful for every choice that I made.

But I made those choices.

I had the opportunity,

The income,

The support,

Everything.

Absolutely.

I was working again in 2016.

I had a job in Canada for six months.

I saved up and we moved back to Lucca and then again for like choosing to work with myself.

So I feel like I've always been a really good employee.

I always give 150 percent of myself because I actually don't know how to function at any other level.

But I've never been happy working for someone else and feeling like they own my time.

I've always wanted something different.

And I allowed myself to be open to that as a possibility.

So when I went back to Canada and like knowing that I couldn't keep my elementary school teaching job anymore,

It forced me to be creative and find new ways to earn money and like figure out that I wanted to work online.

And I will like just sidebar here,

Tell you some of the things that I did to make money.

I did everything from like filling out quizzes online to get coupons for Starbucks.

I was in Canada for eight months and I didn't pay for Starbucks once.

But I had to like spend the time doing these like surveys and quizzes and stuff like that.

I signed up for like mystery shopping.

I was teaching online.

I was doing coaching.

Like I was doing whatever I could possibly think of in order to keep this lifestyle.

Also,

Because I knew that when I got to Canada that I ultimately didn't want to stay there long term and that I would be going back abroad.

So,

Yeah,

I wanted to make sure that I could support myself in doing that.

And yeah,

I I just feel like,

OK,

I'm lucky in a lot of ways.

I've have supportive friends and family and a lot of privilege,

But that doesn't take away from the fact that whenever I wanted something,

I chose to go after it.

That's on me.

It helped my privilege,

Helped put me in a position,

But I'm the one that had to choose to take the leap.

And so that's where I'm going to switch things to you now.

What is it that you want?

What is it that you want to go for?

What is it that you're dreaming of or you hope to have?

And like,

Is it is it beyond your basic needs?

So do you have your basic needs met and are you in a position to dream for more than that?

Maybe your your you're so lucky moment is you getting a job somewhere.

You just really want to get a job.

Or maybe it's that you want to travel post-Covid,

Of course,

Given the situation.

Maybe it's that you want to open your own business or you want to get healthier.

You want to get fitter.

You want to create a morning routine,

Whatever it is that you want.

And seeing somebody else have it,

It doesn't make them lucky.

It means they made a choice and you can do the same thing.

But I have some questions to ask you.

How badly do you really want it?

I want you to think about whatever it is that you're trying to achieve right now,

No matter if it's like luxury or like extreme or if it's just basic.

I want you to tell me how badly do you really want it?

And what are you willing to do to get it?

And what are you willing to give up for it?

Because it doesn't matter if you get your dream,

Whatever it will be,

And no matter how amazing it is,

It will change your life and inevitably you will end up giving up something.

And that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Like,

For example,

I chose to live in Italy.

I choose daily to live in Italy.

And that means giving up being close to my family and my close friends and being constantly pushed out of my comfort zone.

I interact daily in a language that is not my first language.

Sometimes I have difficulty expressing myself well,

Even though I'm fluent in Italian.

And so like there are a million pros to living here.

I love my life here,

But I do have to give up things in order to make this a reality.

And that's not something that's easy every day,

Especially when it has to do with relationships,

Friends and family.

So let me go through those again,

Because I really want you to dive into this.

You can have what you want.

I genuinely believe that from the simplest thing to the most extravagant thing.

But the questions remain.

How badly do you want it?

What are you willing to do to get it?

And what are you willing to give up for it?

And I really want to encourage you to have a conversation with me.

If you're listening to this on Insight Timer,

Please feel free to leave a review and tell me what you thought.

I am so open to being educated.

I'm so willing to learn.

And if you have a perspective that's different than mine,

I'm really happy to hear it.

Same goes if you want to reach out to me on Instagram or Facebook or even on my Web site,

You can send me an email.

I am happy to interact with you guys any way that you feel comfortable,

Especially if you have a different opinion and you want to.

Yeah.

Teach me something new or just engage with this conversation.

I'm so open and excited to connect with you.

So,

Yeah,

You can find me on Instagram at Candace,

Alicia,

On Facebook at Candace,

Alicia Coaching or on my Web site.

W w w dot Candace,

Alicia dot com.

And my email is available on there,

But I'll drop it here as well.

It's Alicia A L E S S I a at Candace,

Alicia dot com.

Yeah.

I hope you have the most amazing weekend.

And no matter what you do,

I hope you choose whatever it is that you want.

And that you remember that you really can have whatever it is that you're working towards,

Whatever it is that you want.

You can move in that direction every single day,

Baby steps,

And you can make it happen.

So,

Yeah.

Have the best weekend and I will talk to you soon.