Why You Need To Stop Bonding With People Over Complaining

Hey guys,

Just a fair warning before you dive in that this podcast does contain explicit language.

Hey guys,

So I'm here today with a funny little story and a little lesson about why you need to stop bonding with people over complaining.

This is a huge one that I see a lot of people doing and that I caught myself the other day just before I was about to do it.

It was really nice because I was really grateful that I avoided that situation.

Normally on the podcast I tell you a little ditty and then I kind of walk you through the steps.

But today we're going to do things a little bit differently.

I am actually going to tell you all the reasons why you need to stop this shiz immediately.

Why you need to stop bonding with people over complaining.

Because it keeps you stuck in the situation.

Let's be honest,

We rarely tell just one person our sob story.

We rarely just go home and tell our husband or tell our partner or tell our parents or our friends or whatever.

We never tell just one person.

We usually spread the misery as far and wide as we possibly can.

And unfortunately,

The more times that you tell this story,

The more people that you tell,

The more you're reliving the same story,

The same emotions and you're just keeping yourself stuck in the same crap.

I'm going to be honest.

Which is really not helpful to you or to anybody else around you.

Because that's actually the second reason why we need to stop bonding with people over complaining.

Because it perpetuates negative vibes.

So essentially you're not just ruining your own time.

But you're also energetically dumping on people that could probably have done without your bad vibes.

When we share these stories,

Usually we I mean,

Not usually.

Let me start over.

It's not that we don't need to share.

I understand that there are situations where we really need to feel seen.

We really need to feel heard.

We need to unburden ourselves.

And we lighten our load by sharing it with other people.

Absolutely.

It's necessary.

It's a part of emotional intelligence.

Not carrying things ourselves.

Not burdening ourselves with our drama.

And not repressing our emotions.

Because that inevitably leads to an explosion at some later point in a very,

Very opportune moment or situation.

The difference is here is that we're often telling stories that aren't like so terrible.

But like aren't so great either.

So we don't really need to tell these stories usually.

Because they're not something that's like burdening us or weighing us down.

We're just telling them because it's something to talk about.

How many times have you or someone you know gone out for like drinks or for coffee or whatever it might be.

And you're sitting there complaining essentially.

So you're saying like,

Oh God,

My boss.

He like just said this thing to me and like,

Oh,

How annoying.

And then your friend chimes in and is like,

Oh yeah,

Well,

You know,

My husband the other day for the last time.

He left his socks on the floor.

Or whatever it might be.

We're all in a constant state of bonding over shit that isn't worth spending oxygen on.

Unfortunately.

Because so often we could be using this time to talk about something that matters.

And in a lot of situations we don't.

Because one,

Complaining and gossiping has become a form of small talk in society.

Which is a problem in and of itself.

But number two,

Because talking about stuff that matters and talking about dreams and talking about what we're working towards is scary.

It is super,

Super scary.

Because you are putting yourself out there and you're sharing in a way that puts you in a vulnerable position.

And that can be really uncomfortable.

And I totally get that.

And this is not carte blanche to go share your stuff with everybody.

Because there's also something to be said with keeping your dreams to yourself and within a small group of supportive and welcoming friends.

It's not necessarily a great idea to go share your dreams with every Tom,

Dick and Harry that you meet on the street.

But there is something to be said for talking about what went well that day.

Or what's really making you happy this week.

Or something that you really,

Really love.

Or how the barista at Starbucks really makes your coffee just perfectly every morning.

And how she always greets you with a smile.

Or how someone held the door open for you instead.

Why do we not talk about these things?

Why do we kind of,

By default,

Go to a place where we're talking about something that's inherently negative.

Or complaining about what someone did or what someone said,

Etc,

Etc.

The third reason why we need to stop doing this is because gossiping is just gross.

What good does it do us to talk about other people?

Even when it has an impact on our life,

Okay?

So before I was talking about complaining about something that may or may not have happened to you,

Etc.

But then that often bleeds into talking about what happened to someone else.

And what do we gain from doing that?

And what does the person who's listening gain?

And then what does the person who we're talking about gain?

Every minute that you spend talking about someone else is a minute that you could be focusing on your own shit and moving forward.

And most people don't like to hear that.

And I get that because it's hard and it's not pleasant when you have to constantly be policing yourself and your thoughts.

And this podcast is all about mindset.

And I talk to you guys all the time about how you need to focus on the positive.

And you need to be really mindful of the things that you're saying and the people that you're interacting with and the situations that you find yourself in.

And I know that that gets really exhausting after a while.

But at the same time,

What are you getting from talking about yourself in a negative way,

Your life in a negative way,

Or someone else's life in a negative way?

When you could be talking about something positive or working through your own negative shit to make it positive.

So now I want to share a story about this because I think that this really kind of puts these three things into perspective.

So the other day,

Someone made a comment to me,

Which for the sake of the argument,

I'm actually not even going to repeat here.

But this comment was kind of unkind and to be honest with you,

A little bit condescending.

And I was thinking about this comment in the shower,

As one does,

And about how I should share it with my friends because very a la Stephanie Tanner.

How rude.

But what good does this really do me?

The comment that this person made was relatively innocuous.

OK,

It was kind of rude,

Kind of condescending.

Sure,

Doesn't actually have any bearing on my life.

Didn't really change the way I thought about myself.

Didn't make me cry.

Didn't didn't even really upset me.

It was more like irritating.

And I think that's maybe even being a little bit,

You know,

Intense about it.

It was nothing to write home about.

And it was based entirely on their own bullshit and their own insecurities.

And like I said,

Didn't even bother me that much.

So if this comment that was made to me wasn't actually about me because it was a reflection of that person's way of viewing the world and the reality that they are living.

And it didn't really upset me.

What is the reason that I would go and tell someone else about this?

But that's kind of what I was getting at earlier.

How often do we do this?

How often do we take life's small annoyances and turn them into stories that we share with friends over coffee or drinks just so we have something to say?

I know I've done it in the past.

I was about to do it with this story here.

I seriously had a hand reaching for the phone to tell my friends what this person said to me.

But like,

That's not the kind of person that I want to be.

And it's really not the kind of person that I am.

And it's definitely not somebody I want to be in the future.

So,

Yeah,

No,

I mean,

I have big plans.

I have big dreams.

And I'd much rather talk with my friends about those plans and dreams and their plans and dreams and how good things are.

Because the more you focus on the good,

The more good comes to you.

Like I said earlier,

The three reasons why I kind of stated that you shouldn't bond with people over complaining is because it keeps you stuck in the situation.

It perpetuates negative vibes.

And because gossiping is just gross.

And going back to what I just said,

When you focus on the negativity,

It's calling more negativity to you.

But when you focus on the good,

It calls more good to you.

I feel like we've all heard these examples of people who are like,

Oh,

You know,

You've got Debbie Downer and she's sitting in the car and she's stuck in traffic and she's miserable and she's complaining about it.

And then she gets to work and the elevator's broken.

So she has to walk up the stairs and then she gets to her desk and she spills coffee on herself.

And it's like a series of unfortunate events.

But then the other side of the coin is that if you can find a way to turn a seemingly negative comment or negative person or negative situation into a positive experience,

Or you can see the lesson that they're trying to teach you and you move forward from that space,

You are putting yourself in a position to win.

You are putting yourself in a position to attract even more good into your life and you are reframing your mindset.

So the next time a similar situation happens,

You're going to see the good instead of the negative.

And that is so freaking powerful.

And it's literally the basis of all mindset work.

That's all we're ever doing is reframing the negative into the positive.

So I'm really curious to hear how this episode reflects in your life,

If it does,

And how it's impacted you if it has.

So you can reach me on Instagram at Candace Alacia,

On Facebook at CandaceAlaciaCoaching,

And on my website www.

Candacealacia.

Com I would love to hear from you guys.

Seriously,

I would love to hear if you have any comments,

Critiques,

Or feedback in general about the podcast.

If there's any topics that you want me to cover,

If there's any people that you want me to interview,

I'm going to look into interviewing people soon.

So I'm really excited about that.

But yeah,

Just reach out and let me know how this affected you or any of the above.

As always,

I hope this podcast serves you.

I hope that you get something really juicy from this episode.

And I genuinely hope that if you saw your reflection in any of the things I said today,

That this podcast inspires you to stop,

Drop,

And focus on the good and focus on the positive.

So you can bring even more of the good stuff into your life.

Looking forward to talking with you guys on the next podcast.

Until then,

Take care.