Welcome to Waking Waves.
Taking in the good.
On day five we discuss some of the reasons why we might find it difficult to be self-compassionate,
Whether family or cultural experiences growing up,
Current or past life circumstances.
And as human beings it is hardwired into our very nature to react to stressful experiences.
Our stress response or fight-flight-freeze kept us safe from predators in prehistoric times and it does the same job now.
But even when we're not in imminent danger it can be easily triggered by the smallest of things,
A passing comment,
A phone notification,
A deadline.
So these two factors in combination,
One our tendency to not be self-compassionate as a default and two our bias towards the negative which generates stress can make life a lot harder for us.
But it is possible to change this story,
The story we might tell ourselves about self-kindness being selfish or self-compassion being self-pitying.
And it is possible to rewire our brains to respond to good experiences in a different way,
To balance our natural negativity bias with a bias towards positive experiences.
By doing this we create fertile ground in our minds and bodies for healing and healthy growth and we can sow some promising seeds of self-compassion by making space for more kindness in our lives.
Kindness for others yes but crucially kindness for ourselves too.
The following short meditation is adapted from the well-known Taking in the Good practice developed by the neuroscientist Dr.
Rick Hansen.
He writes about this in detail in his book Hardwiring Happiness.
I've taken the first three steps today and you can always revisit the rest in his work another time.
You can also revisit this practice and skip past the first few minutes if you choose.
So today let's find a posture or position that is most comfortable for you.
If you need added comfort now is the time to bring that for yourself.
A comfy chair,
Lying down or relaxed.
It is also a practice you can do anywhere you stand or find yourself in daily life or work.
It could be something you pause to do for 30 seconds,
A minute or a few minutes as we will now.
So as you settle in allowing the shoulders and arms to relax by your sides or on your lap.
Gently closing your eyes if that helps or for today's practice you may wish to have an object in the field of your vision.
Inviting a sense of calm and acceptance of whatever is here and begin by becoming aware of what you notice in the mind and body right now in this moment.
There may be a lot going on,
Thoughts about the practice ahead or what has been discussed,
The day you've had or what is to come.
Noticing the sensations,
Feelings and emotions that are present and letting them be as they are for now.
No rush,
Not pushing them away,
Showing them some acceptance and kindness and if it's comfortable for you perhaps focusing on a few breaths,
Following in each one in and out or if you prefer taking notice of the sensations in a part of the body,
The hands,
Feet rooted to the floor or other movements in the body.
And now in step one intentionally notice something positive or pleasant.
This could be anything in your immediate awareness.
It could be a feeling of relaxation,
Ease or calm generated by a blanket,
A sturdy or well-made piece of furniture,
A beautiful picture or an ornament or something you bring to mind,
A feeling of gratitude for a friend,
Situation or a difficult task you've completed,
A sense of security generated by the roof you are under,
A pet or animal that brings joy to your life.
Take a moment to decide what you will choose and now in step two we're going to enrich this experience to really open to the different aspects of it,
To let it become fuller in your mind and body.
Perhaps you notice or recall more detail,
A picture has more depth,
A piece of furniture greater support,
An ornament more style in its finish.
You might see another quality in a relationship,
Greater possibility in a situation or more accomplishment in a task.
Let the experience become richer and fuller now for a few moments.
And now in step three we really absorb the experience,
Let it sink deeply.
If a helpful image comes to mind or a physical feeling of warmth,
Let it be here too if helpful.
Intend that it will sink deep into your emotional memory.
A chair brings comfort,
Stability,
It is reliable,
Well-made and built to last.
It has done this for many years and promises many more.
Your gratitude for a friend deepens.
You see their good nature,
Their kindness,
Their flexibility,
The meaning they've created in your life.
Whatever your experience,
Let this sink in deeply now,
Become part of you and nourish you.
You are taking in the good and as we come towards the end of the practice,
Keeping in mind that taking in the good can be done anywhere,
Anytime.
The important thing is to actually do it,
To remember that negative experiences will always stick without any effort,
But positive experiences need to be really nourished,
Enriched and absorbed so that they have a chance of rewiring our brains and bodies,
To help us plant some seeds of self-compassion,
To help us make space for kindness.
