Self-sacrifice carries many forms.
It is complex and at times complicated because there can be a fine line between doing for others out of love and loving them completely,
And action that is driven by fear and impressed upon by ego.
Fear of losing someone's love,
Fear of another's judgment,
Fear of negative consequences,
Fear of recrimination,
The ego's need for power,
Praise,
Authority,
And self-righteousness.
Anytime that you act out of fear or ego rather than pure love,
You risk sacrificing yourself,
Your happiness,
Your needs,
And your highest level ideals because your intentions and actions are misaligned.
They are not pure nor authentic nor honorable.
It is dishonoring yourself and your morals and values in a way that causes you to feel diminished and less than,
Whether in return for something that feeds your ego or offers a false sense of respect,
Power,
Comfort,
And privilege.
There are ways in which we sacrifice ourselves without realizing.
One example is in continuing in a relationship when we already have reconciled that the relationship is unhealthy,
Damaging,
And the person we are in relationship with has acted dishonorably and with no action to be remorseful and to exhibit lasting change.
We may convince ourselves that we have valid reasons for continuing in this abusive,
Toxic,
Harmful relationship,
But the true reasons are tied to fear and or ego.
In this episode of Ask Dorothy,
We dive into a Q&A.
I answer the questions,
What is self-sacrifice and how do I know if I am doing this?
Here we also look at what behavior set us up for acts of self-sacrifice.
For example,
Are you insecure?
Do you struggle with low self-esteem and low self-confidence?
Do you hold the messages and beliefs that you are in some way undeserving of more?
Do you lack belief in your own ability to thrive,
To be liked and loved for all of who you are as you are,
And to know the value that you bring to the lives of others when you are authentic,
Loving,
Whole,
And kind?
You may also tell yourself that sacrificing a need or desire is necessary,
But that is never so.
Those who love and respect you will never ask of you to do something or to not do something that would jeopardize your desires and needs and the ideals you have for yourself.
Rather,
Being wholly honest with your loved ones,
With your work colleagues,
Even with someone you've just met,
Is how you go about expressing your needs and seeking these out in a healthy and mature and responsible way.
Sometimes this means that we need more time before we reply to an email or text,
Before we say yes or no to a request or a demand that someone has made of us.
You have to first be clear about your own needs and desires in order to give this to yourself,
To remember that it is not the responsibility of another to make you,
And you can fill in almost any word here based on what you have been in search of.
Loved,
Important,
Cared for,
Appreciated,
Worthy are some of the most common and to instead ask yourself,
How can I give this to myself?
Self-sacrifice is sacrifice of one's self or one's interest or for others or for a cause or ideal.
Self-sacrifice is a form of self-sabotage.
When we are afraid of what it means to step out of our comfort zone,
When we diminish ourselves by not living as large and as grand as we could by being true to ourself,
When we deliberately go against our own values and beliefs and the self-discipline that we thrive in,
When we fail to believe in our greatness,
And by greatness I mean our ability to live life to the fullest and to override our own insecurities,
Some of which are the teachings of others and also as a lack of self-love and confidence.
It can feel initially safe to remain small when really safe is not comfortable but lonely and void of happiness and diminishing of our true self and not truly what we want to be.
It is opening our self to who we truly are.
It is daring to dream and manifest our deepest wishes and to do so with unbridled excitement for what the possibility holds and for allowing yourself to hold onto your dreams,
To focus on these,
To never settle for less.
Whether your dreams remain secret or you boldly share them out,
It matters only that you believe in the possibility of what is most desired,
Of your highest ideals,
And as you see them as your certain destiny.
The definition of self-sacrifice is not holding belief in yourself,
In allowing others to direct your life,
In needing false approval and permission from others rather than following through on your own ideals and what matters most to you,
And of standing tall and in the full authority of knowing that you are more than good enough,
Accomplished and successful as you are.
At any time if you make decisions that impede your life,
If there is damage that you cause to yourself because of action or inaction that is unkind,
Unrelenting,
Self-critical and self-effacing,
You are creating damage and suffering.
Sometimes we convince ourselves that the sacrifice is justified,
That it is somehow for a greater cause and that it is worth the pain.
In reality,
When you devalue yourself,
When you hold yourself back rather than leap forward,
Is this not sending the message to yourself and others that your words are not important and that you are not willing to believe in your merit for success and happiness through self-devotion to whatever feels and nourishes your soul?
Love is the antidote.
Be willing to examine the places in your life in which you are less than honest,
Less than sincere and truthful and instead be willing to point the finger at yourself,
For you are the source of your happiness.
You are the creator of your destiny.
Is it enough to make yourself a victim and to claim defeat?
Your professional and personal power are the seeds to which you sow the most beautiful expressions of who you are.
This can only be made possible as you hold yourself accountable,
As you witness the grace of your life and the certainty of all of who you choose to be.
Let me leave you with some questions to help you uncover the ways in which you self-sacrifice.
Out of your answers,
You will have the new behaviors that you need.
First,
How am I allowing others to treat me that is contributing to my unhappiness and suffering?
Second,
What am I willing to do to change this now and to enforce the new behavior that I uphold for myself?
And third,
Can I trust that I am deserving of self-respect and support first and foremost?
And finally,
The formula to release you from self-sabotage and self-sacrifice.
This consists of three solutions.
Use the definitions to help you better understand and then formulate what new protocols you will choose to live by.
Let the questions for each part of the formula be your guide for building the right daily habits and best practices to inspire your confidence and self-approval.
It's time.
You are ready for this.
First,
Self-honesty,
The definition of which is to loyally live by the facts and truth of what is in the continual and ever-present observation of yourself.
Here are a couple of questions to help you formulate and live this construct.
First,
What are the behaviors of self-honesty?
Feel free here to dive into a Google search and make your list.
And second,
How can I practice self-honesty in all moments?
The second part of this three-part formula is self-love,
The definition of which is the present moment thoughts and actions of love and loving kindness directed unto the self.
Here are two questions to help you with self-love.
First,
What are five practices of self-love that I vow to live each day?
And second,
How can I include self-love in all of my decisions?
And the third part of this formula to free you from self-sacrifice,
Self-respect and self-kindness,
The definition to which is the willingness and presence of self-honor and dignity and the kind and generous actions that build and nourish your character and all that you continue to become.
The questions to help you build greater self-respect and self-kindness are the following.
One,
What are three new habits of each of self-respect and self-kindness that I vow to live now?
And second,
What decisions can I make today that illuminate self-kindness and self-respect?
If you have been struggling with a lack of self-respect,
If you continue to self-sabotage thinking it is the answer to feeling loved or cared for,
Please let me help you live your truth.
Self-sacrifice is not a solution.
Self-sacrifice is a lack of self-respect.
Let me help you rebuild the honor and dignity that you deserve.
Thank you so much for listening.
Sending you great love.
This is Dorothy.
Namaste.
Thank you so much for joining me in this episode of the Wisdom Podcast.
To hear more,
Please check out the other episodes here,
As well as my guided meditations,
Including my signature prose meditations and I Am Montreux,
And as well the meditations to guide you into a deep and restorative sleep.
Please also visit me on social media and say hello.
And a special thank you to Insight Timer for this beautiful space to share all of my love.
Allow yourself to go within,
To access your inner wisdom,
And to live this.
Awaken your authentic power,
Live your truth,
And be love.
Namaste.
