How to Overcome Fear

18:59

18:59

How to Overcome Fear

by Dr Robert Puff

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4.5

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talks

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Meditation

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Everyone

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5.7k

In this podcast we explore the causes of fear, how to overcome fear and how to live a fearless life.

Fear Awareness Public Speaking Fear Of Intimacy Anxiety Fear Of Illness Awareness Guidance Overcoming Fear Of Heights Future Anxiety Public Speaking Anxiety

Meet your Teacher

San Clemente, Ca

Meet your Teacher

San Clemente, Ca

Transcript

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast. I'm Dr. Robert Puff. Fear. A lot of people struggle with fear. So in today's episode, We're going to look at how to overcome fear and find happiness no matter what. So where does fear come from? What is the root of our fears? It begins at a very young age. We have things that happen when we're younger that we don't like. And when these things happen, These things that we don't like, Our mind, Our egos come up with an idea. They tell us, Hmm, I'm going to protect you from these fears. I'm going to really help you so you're not afraid anymore. But in the act of trying to protect ourselves from these fears, Our fears actually grow. And fears can be so paralyzing. Let me use an example to illustrate just how devastating fears can be. There are a lot of people out there that struggle with something that in the psychology world is called agoraphobia. I don't like labels, But just for this example, Let's go ahead and try to understand what agoraphobia is and what happens. It actually starts off very subtly. A person, Perhaps you, May know someone like this, Goes out to a public place and is uncomfortable, Perhaps even afraid. They don't like being around a lot of people. Maybe they went to a concert one night and got very uncomfortable and had to leave. Maybe they went to the mall and there were a lot of people there. And fear slowly started creeping in saying, What if I got trapped? What if I couldn't get out of here? I need to not go to places like this anymore where there are a lot of people because I'm afraid and I don't want to be trapped. So the best way to avoid that is just don't go to them. Then they may notice that, Hmm, I'm now not very comfortable driving on the freeway for the same reason. What if I get trapped? There are a lot of cars. I'm going to stay off the freeway and take side streets. And with time, Perhaps, They start thinking about just going to smaller events like the local grocery store or just picking up their laundry. And it gets hard. So they really create a routine where when they go out, There aren't a lot of people there. They may do their shopping at midnight. They may go out and wash their clothes at two in the morning. They do things so they don't interact with people much at all. And then finally, They just stay home. They have people that help them, But they won't leave the house. They just stay home and seclude themselves from the rest of the world, Sometimes for the rest of their lives, If they aren't helped. This fear of disease really does exist. And let me give you three famous examples of people that struggled with agoraphobia. Howard Hughes, Emily Dickerson, The novelist. And more recently, You probably know the young boy who played in the series Home Alone. Macaulay Culkin. He too is a self-proclaimed agoraphobic. Now, I know this is an extreme form of fear, But fears are very pervasive. I mean, Think of the different fears that you may struggle with or people that you know. Fears of flying. I remember once being on a plane and we had to go back to the terminal because I thought a young lady was having a heart attack. What she was having was a panic attack because of her fear of flying. I'm not sure if there's anything we can't create a fear of because our minds can create fears of anything. Fears of dogs, Fears of cats, Fears of elevators, Fears of public speaking, Fears of spiders, Fears of success. It's amazing what our minds can do to protect us and create fears so that in the process we're paralyzed. And these can truly have devastating effects. I mean, Think of the one about fear of flying. If we're afraid of flying, A lot of the world becomes not accessible anymore. I've known people who don't visit their relatives ever again because they're too afraid to go there or they'll drive for hours, Sometimes days, To see relatives because they'd rather do that than fly. So fears can be incredibly paralyzing in all aspects of our lives if we're not careful. But in today's episode, Let's talk about how to overcome fears so that we can have freedom and so that we can live fearless lives. The first thing we have to realize is that fears are based on thoughts. They are rarely based on reality. For example, Think of flying. It is far safer to fly than it is to drive our cars. Far safer. We probably all know people that have died in car wrecks, But how many of us actually know someone who's died in a plane crash? Very few of us because it's much less likely. So fears are based on our minds. We have to learn to be afraid. And of course, There's a little bit of utilitarian usefulness in our fears. For example, It's good to be afraid of heights. Otherwise we might jump off cliffs without any regard to our own safety and a lot of people would die. At a very young age, We developed this fear. It's almost instinctual, The fear of heights. So it's a good thing. But the problem with it is our minds create a lot of stories that cause us to suffer. So that 10% of the time where fears are effective and useful is based upon right now. Is there right now something I need to do to protect myself? For example, If it's stormy weather outside and I start hearing sirens going off and I live in either tornado or hurricane areas, I need to find out what's going on and take appropriate actions to keep myself safe. That's an appropriate fear because that fear mobilizes us to be safe. How fears evolved inside of us is that we were hunter and gatherers and there would be saber-toothed tigers, There would be lions, There would be dangerous animals. And when we saw them, If we wanted to live, Fear needed to kick in so that we would either fight or run away from the dangerous situation so that we would live. But what's happened is we've taken that fear and now instead of being afraid of something that's before us that we need to address right now, We create stories in our head, Stories about things that may happen far in the future or may never happen, But we're trying to protect ourselves and in the act of protecting ourselves, We're not living. Our fears paralyze us and we stop living. And as I said, They can become so strong, We get paralyzed so that we stop living. And that's a horrible way to live. We don't want to do that. And it's subtle. It doesn't happen overnight. It takes time for these fears to grow and get strong. So we're here to learn about how to have beautiful lives and fear is not the path towards this beautiful life. So what do we do instead? Well, The first step is awareness. We need to be aware of what's going on inside of us. What are we thinking about right now? And if we're noticing that we're thinking about something fearful, Then the next thing we have to do is ask ourselves, Is this a real fear? Something that I can address right now. For example, Let's say we're walking down the street in a public neighborhood and we see someone stepping out of the car and they have a gun in their hands. That probably is a good time for fear to kick in and remove ourselves from that situation and call the police. But if we're laying in our bed and it's nighttime and we begin to think about tomorrow's presentation at our office and how fearful we are of being rejected, How fearful we are of losing our job, How fearful we are of what people will think about us, Then that's a fear that we need to work towards eliminating. Because right now, That fear isn't happening. We aren't really facing it. It's in our mind. And not only that, It's keeping us from living. It's keeping us from sleeping right now. Or another example, Let's say we're afraid for our child because it's past 10 and they were supposed to be home and we get fearful. We think, Where are they? We call them and their phone is dead so they're not picking up. What we need to do is call around and see if we can find them. That's proactively addressing our fear. And then when they get home, We need to talk to them and discover what happened. But at the time, Reading stories that they're dead in the ditch or dying a horrible death is not going to be good for us. Those fears paralyze us. And at the deepest level, They keep us from living, Living our lives well when we're afraid and we're not needing to be afraid. Then we're missing out on life. And that's the real danger of fears. They cause us to miss out on life. And not only that, They tend to be paralyzing. So instead of doing the fight or flight thing, We just stand there with ourselves being paralyzed, Not knowing what to do at all. When we do this instead, We say, Okay, Right now, Is there anything that I can proactively do to alleviate or eliminate this thing that I'm concerned about? And if the answer is no, Then we have a choice. We can continue to feed that fear or we can focus on something else. For example, We're lying in bed and we can't sleep because we're fearful of something happening the next day or the next week or the next year. When we're lying there in bed, What we ask ourselves is, Is there anything I can do about this right now? And again, If the answer is no, Then we say, Okay, Fear, I'm going to let you go. I can only focus on one thing at a time. So I'm going to focus on something else. I'm perhaps going to put an audio book on and listen to that. I'm going to perhaps listen to this happiness podcast until I fall asleep. I'm going to do something different because my mind will cause me to suffer if I feed this fear. But if instead I focus on something else because I realize the uselessness of feeding this fear, Then I'll begin to live and live well because fears have to be fed and they're fed by our thoughts. Once we are aware of this, Then we say, Okay, I'm going to stop feeding this fear. I'm going to do that by acknowledging it isn't helping me and there's nothing I can do about it right now. And I want to live well. I want to have a beautiful life. So I'm going to focus on something else and stop feeding this fear because the feeding of the fear is keeping my fear alive. Now there are two types of fear that I do want to address to make sure we know the difference. The one is ones that we create in our minds. For example, We read a story about something that's never happened to us and we become afraid. For example, I don't know if you remember this, But in the year 2000, A lot of people were afraid that the world was going to come to an end because computers weren't going to be able to transform into the new millennium and everything was going to crash and the world was going to end. I know that sounds silly now, But at the time there were millions of people that really were afraid of this, That a lot of bad things were going to happen because of the millennium and yet it didn't. I think a lot of us get those type of fears, But let's talk about a tougher one. Let's say we had an event that happened that caused us a lot of fear. For example, Maybe when we were a kid our house was broken into and someone held our parents and us by gunpoint. They stole everything. Maybe they even beat us up a little bit and then they left. That of course can create a very strong fear later in our lives. We may be afraid of abandonment because one of our parents left when we were younger. We may be afraid of sexual intimacy because someone raped us once during a date. We may be afraid of failure because we lost a job 10 years ago and we never want to have that happen again. On and on I can go how these fears, These real fears can be created because of something that happened in the past. But we're here to have beautiful lives and the way we're going to do that is by facing these fears and saying that was wrong. What you did was wrong and I'm not going to let you control me anymore. Whatever that you may be, The person that robbed our home, The person that raped us, The time in the past where we got fired, Whatever it may be, We have to face those fears and we face them by looking directly at them and saying, I'm not going to let you control my life anymore. I'm going to let this fear go because I am not afraid anymore. And we keep saying it until we believe it and it can take a while because sometimes those fears, Those events were pretty tragic, But we don't run away from those tragedies. We look them square in the face and say, No more. Do you remember the movie by Phil Jackson called Lord of the Rings? There's a point in there where Gandalf is on a bridge and this horrible demonic monster is coming to get all of them. And he stands on the bridge and he looks at directly in the eyes and says, You cannot pass. Gandalf! I will serve you to the secret fire, The wielder of the flame of our law. Dark fire will not avail you. Flame of Udon! Go back to the shadow. You shall not pass! Our fears can seem very overwhelming at times, Particularly when they're based upon past events, But we need to face them. We need to challenge them. We need to say, Enough. I'm done letting you control me. I'm going to live a life that's beautiful, Unafraid, No matter what. So whatever those fears are, We do need to face them. We need to look them straight in the eyes and say, I'm not afraid anymore. I know I may not be able to stop you from happening, But until that happens, I'm not going to be afraid. And if that happens again, I will face it fearlessly. I will face it with freedom. I will face it unafraid. Sometimes life throws really big things at us, But if we're not afraid, If we stand and look it straight in the eye and say, No matter what, I'm going to live a life that is fearless. I really believe we can find fearlessness throughout our lives. It is hard sometimes, I know, But if we again realize the only thing keeping us from us is not the external events, But it's our fears, Our fears that we create in our minds. And after we've done everything we can to protect ourselves, Then we take a deep breath and say, I'm not afraid. I'm going to live a fearless life, No matter what. And I want to end with one last technique that can really be helpful to live this fearless life that we're talking about today. It is a challenging one. It is one most people will reject, But if you're open to it, It really does lead to fearlessness. It has to do with control. We're fearful because we want to control our world. And because of this control, We let our minds create all these doors to protect us. What if, Instead of trying to control life, We flow with life, Realizing that there really aren't that many things we have that much control over. Life has that ability to surprise us, To throw us things that we just didn't see coming. So instead of being afraid, If we just say, I get it, I'm not in control as much as I think I am, And I'm going to do my part as best I can, But mostly, I'm just going to flow with life. And whatever, Whatever life gives me, I'm going to flow with that and do my best not to be afraid because I'm not trying to control things. I acknowledge that I'm not sure how much control I actually have. So instead, I flow with life. And when things change, I just change with them. I'm not afraid. I just flow. This can seem a very scary way to live life for the ego. But if we're able to let go, If we're truly able to just flow with life, What we'll find is fear has nothing to grasp onto. And we discover that life can be a beautiful adventure, One breath at a time. Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast. If you are wanting to learn more about the world of happiness, Please go to www. Happinesspodcast. Org. That's happinesspodcast. Org. If you are enjoying this podcast, Reviews are awesome. Until next time, Accept what is, Love what is.