Dating - L,L,&L W/ Glenn Ambrose

Welcome to Life Lessons and Laughter with your host,

Glenn Ambrose.

Hello,

Welcome everybody.

Y'all doing well.

I was well here in the mountains.

So,

So yeah,

Today we're going to talk about dating.

Ooh,

Dating,

How exciting.

Anybody that's tuning into this,

This is probably a loaded topic,

Right?

So,

God only knows where this one's going to go.

You know,

There's I have some things in mind,

But there's so many offshoots that can happen.

We'll see.

So,

Yeah,

Dating has been coming up lately.

So that's,

You know,

Usually the reason why I do a podcast on something.

So it's in.

I've often mentioned that living in Dominican Republic makes me more aware of things.

Just for,

You know,

For many reasons.

One,

Because it's so different.

But,

Yeah.

So when things are very different,

Right?

You see things in a different way,

Obviously,

Right?

Because they're different.

So you see them differently.

You interact with them differently.

So you now you become aware of the differences.

That's the obvious aspect.

But the other aspect that I really enjoy is that you get to look back on what you was your norm before you were exposed to these differences.

And compare.

And that's very interesting to me.

So I really enjoy it.

That's one of the reasons why I enjoy living over here.

Because I can do that with just about anything and everything.

Including dating.

So I'm sure that's going to be an aspect of it.

The dating here as opposed to the United States.

And the difference between the two.

And there's quite a few of them.

But before that,

I want to touch on dating in general.

You know,

Dating,

To me,

There's just too much pressure in dating.

You know,

I think back when dating was,

I don't know if I want to say easier.

But more simple,

Maybe.

And that was when I was in high school.

Or around then.

It was like people dated all the time.

It wasn't a big deal for somebody to go on a date with somebody.

I mean,

You know,

You were kids.

So maybe you made a big deal out of it.

But everybody else was doing it at the same time.

And sometimes you would go on a date or two.

Sometimes you might not even tell anybody,

Right?

Or just your close friends.

And then sometimes you'd date for a little while.

And it just didn't seem right for some reason.

And you'd just stop dating.

And people didn't really take it personally so much.

Or if they did,

They'd get over it quick.

Because you're in the same school.

You saw each other all the time.

And it was like,

You know,

What are you going to do?

Walk around pissed off at this person forever?

You know,

And like.

And then sometimes it would last.

And then you'd break up.

And those would be a little harder.

And it would be all the emotions and all that stuff.

But my point is,

Is that there was lots of dating.

And it didn't seem.

And I know there's variances in this.

But it didn't seem so much,

At least from my perspective.

That everybody was so focused on finding who they were going to marry.

It was just,

You just dated.

You just dated.

And if you enjoyed the date,

You went on another one.

And if you didn't enjoy the date,

Maybe you didn't.

Or maybe you went on one or two more.

And then you stopped it.

Dating them.

It wasn't that big of a deal.

And I believe that that is the mindset that adults need to get back to.

We make too big of a deal out of dating.

And it's this quest.

Like,

When we give our brain a job to do.

It attempts to complete that job.

Okay?

And this works in all areas of our lives.

So we can say,

Okay,

I want to change careers.

But I don't know what to do.

So then we put all this pressure on ourselves.

What should I do?

What should I do?

What should I do?

And then we look into something.

And it's like,

Oh,

No.

Well,

I don't think I'd like that part of it.

And we get confused.

Because we're always trying to get to the answer.

Like,

What am I supposed to do?

We're too focused on that.

And we're not focused on gathering information.

And allowing the answer to just show itself.

I've talked about this before.

So dating is the same thing.

Stop trying to figure out if the person you are with has flaws.

Or doesn't have flaws.

Or if they're the right person.

Or if they're right for you.

Or if they're not right for you.

Or if you like this about them.

Or you don't like that about them.

Like,

It's like going on a freaking job interview half the time.

You know,

Energetically.

You know,

And it's not real comfortable.

Like,

If you actually pick up on the energy of somebody doing that to you.

It's not real comfortable.

You know,

When they're drilling you and questioning you.

And it seems like they're trying to decipher who you are.

And if you're a good fit for them.

And it's like,

You can't even get to know somebody that way.

Not really.

All you do is get a bunch of answers to questions.

Like,

If you want to do that.

Just have people fill out resumes to date you.

You know?

So to me,

You know,

The dynamic.

The healthy dynamic in dating.

And quite honestly,

It makes it a lot more fun.

Like,

Dating in general.

As well as the date you're on in the moment.

Is just doing that.

Being in the moment.

Being present with the person that you are with.

And just allowing whatever's going to unfold to unfold.

Not trying to control it.

Not trying to figure it out.

You're just there with another human being.

Like,

It might be a good example for some people.

Some others not.

But some people.

To think of it like you're going to have lunch with a new friend that you met.

Of the same sex.

Assuming you're not dating somebody of the same sex.

Right?

So you're going to go out to lunch with somebody of the same sex.

Or somebody that you're not interested in dating.

It's just obvious that it's just a friendship.

Or it's just somebody from work that you seem to get along with.

So you're going to go have lunch.

What do you do in those scenarios?

You sit there and you just enjoy the moment.

You have a conversation.

The conversation isn't forced.

And you know what happens by proxy of that conversation?

You get to know the other person.

Just in a natural way.

Organically.

So.

And usually both parties are relaxed.

Right?

Which allows them to show their authentic self more.

You know,

That's the other thing.

People read energy better than we realize they're reading energy.

And if it's this inquisitive,

Fact-finding mission.

It feels like an inquisitive,

Fact-finding mission.

Even if people are unaware of it.

On a conscious level.

Like a lot of times people who read energy unconsciously.

Okay?

So that would play out like this.

Like two people are on a date.

One or both of them are in an inquisitive state of mind.

Trying to figure out if this is the right one.

Or if this is somebody that they want to continue dating.

Or if there's any parts of them that they don't like.

Or any parts of them that they do like.

It's very inquisitive and fact-finding.

And if the other person picks up on that.

What they're going to do is they're going to unconsciously.

You know.

Sometimes consciously too.

But this happens on an unconscious level a lot.

They're going to try to give the right answers.

Why?

Because.

Like people aren't stupid.

They know what you want to hear.

You know.

Like,

Oh,

Do you get mad all the time?

No,

Of course not.

Like who's going to say yes all the time?

And I like punching people as well.

Nobody's going to say that on a date.

So why ask the question?

Hopefully you guys aren't asking that question.

But this is kind of what happens.

You know,

It sounds silly when we say it on a conscious level.

But this is what's happening on an unconscious level.

Where,

You know,

We're drilling people energetically.

To try to find out if they're good enough.

And then we wonder why these people try to act like they're good enough.

Because that's what we want from them.

We want.

We're trying to get them to be good enough.

We're trying to find out if they're good enough.

And people pick up on that.

So they try to act good enough.

You know.

So.

It's about relaxing,

Man.

And just enjoying the time with a person.

As if they're just a friend.

You know.

And that can actually be a very helpful way to look at it.

To mentally prepare yourself.

Be like,

You know what?

I'm just going to go out.

And maybe women are better at this than men.

You know,

We're all a little bit better at certain things.

Because of the dynamic.

See,

Men are usually the pursuers.

We have been for generations.

And women are usually the pursuees.

So women have a tendency more to sit back.

And kind of say,

Like.

I don't know if I.

If I want to be with this person romantically.

I want to get to know them first.

Plus they're more emotionally based,

Right?

Where men are more fact-based.

And more visual.

So sometimes they might look at a woman.

And be like,

Oh,

I definitely want to be with her romantically.

From a visual standpoint.

And maybe I'll get to know her too.

You know.

So it's like.

There's all that dynamic.

But if you just.

We can push all that aside by just kind of going.

Hey,

I'm just going to enjoy this moment.

You know.

And like I said.

I think maybe women are kind of set up to do that a little bit.

More naturally than men.

So maybe men need to do this a little bit more.

But if we're both conscious of it.

We both can do it.

Consciously.

So,

You know,

Go.

Just enjoy the time.

And when I really started doing this.

It's I.

You know,

I've been doing it for quite a while now.

And I really.

I enjoy dating.

Like I used to hate dating.

Oh,

My God.

Like with a passion.

It was.

Oh,

I did not like it.

A lot of things about it.

I did not like.

And now I really enjoy it.

Because I'm not expecting anything out of it.

And I'm just there.

And if I go on a date with somebody.

With a woman.

And like,

Let's say.

It's obvious to me.

That I don't want to be in a romantic relationship with her.

That's.

Fine.

Like I still really enjoy the date.

Because my goal.

What I tell my brain I'm trying to do.

Is to go enjoy the company of another human being.

Specifically a female in my case.

That.

And that's it.

You know.

Just I'm just going to enjoy my time.

With a woman.

And then.

Go enjoy my time.

Because there are different dynamics between.

Men and men and women and women.

So that's why I include that piece.

Because like if I go hanging out with friends for a year.

And never date a woman.

And then all of a sudden I go hang out with a woman.

One on one.

There's a different dynamic there.

Right?

So I include that piece.

I'm going out to spend time.

With a woman.

And enjoy that time.

That's it.

And I really do.

And it doesn't.

Like it doesn't matter.

If they're not somebody I want to be with.

In a relationship.

I can still connect with them as a human being.

And enjoy the time together.

Enjoy dinner.

Or talking.

Conversation.

Or a walk on the beach.

Or whatever.

I can just enjoy that.

Because I don't have any expectations.

So therefore I'm not let down.

I'm not like oh is this the one.

Oh is she.

Oh no.

Look I just wasted an afternoon.

Because like I went on a date.

And this person isn't perfect for me.

And I'm probably not going to see them again.

So what a waste.

Like people think.

People think moving towards what you want.

Is a waste.

If you don't get it right then.

Which is absurd.

You know.

Like it's.

It's actually been coming up in sports a lot.

But I'm not going to get into that.

But it's.

You know.

You play a whole year of sports.

I'll touch on it.

You play a whole year of sports.

Then you don't win a championship.

And everybody's like oh that was a whole.

That was a waste.

So I spent a whole year.

Doing what I love.

Playing a sport that I enjoy.

Pouring my heart out.

With my blood sweat and tears.

To be the best version of myself.

In a particular outlet.

And that is a waste.

Because I didn't win a championship.

Like my whole year.

Like we just.

That's just trash.

Doesn't mean anything.

Because you're not the grand champion of the world.

Because you lost one game at the end of the year.

Or something.

You know.

It's like.

Of course it's not a waste.

Like dating isn't a waste.

You're just going out socializing.

You know.

Working towards a career change.

Isn't a waste.

If it doesn't work out right away.

It's like we want guaranteed results.

In everything.

Before.

And it doesn't work out perfectly.

Then the time that we were shooting towards what we wanted.

Was a waste.

No it's not.

What were you going to do instead?

Sit on your ass on a couch all day?

That's a waste.

Going towards what you want.

Is not a waste.

Ever.

It's not a waste of time.

Whether it works out.

Or whether it doesn't work out.

It's not a waste going after what you want.

It's not a waste of time.

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It's not a waste of time.

It's not a waste of time.

It's not a waste of time.

It's not a waste of time.

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It's not a waste of time.

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It's not a waste of time.

It's not a waste of time.

So,

The differences that I've seen is the United States,

I found extremely difficult to date because it was hard.

How do I say?

I don't know,

Man.

It just seemed like I could not do anything right around women in the United States.

That's how it felt.

Fortunately,

I worked through this so I understood it wasn't my problem.

But in the United States,

And it's not just women.

It's the culture itself.

In the United States,

If you look at another person too long,

Or sometimes smile or say hi to somebody that you don't know,

They think it's weird.

Whereas over here,

Everybody's smiling or saying hello to one another.

That plays into it when you start getting a little deeper into a dating dynamic.

Women get offended in the United States sometimes if you compliment them.

I guess it's perceived that you're just looking at them as a piece of meat.

Which isn't necessarily true.

It's difficult to compliment women because half of them.

.

.

It's not all women.

That's what it is.

It's just that there's enough women that behave this way that if you're a guy.

.

.

It's difficult to lead with the chin if you get punched in the face all the time.

If you do something as a man,

You're the pursuer.

As a general rule,

If you're a woman,

You could go your entire life without asking out another human being.

You could be in as many relationships as you want.

Date almost as much as you want.

Whereas men,

If you do not develop the courage to go up,

Face rejection,

And ask a woman out,

You're going to be alone for the rest of your life most likely.

Very rarely do women approach men.

It happens,

But it's very rare.

Most of the time,

You have to put yourself out there as a man and face rejection.

When you face rejection and you get the negative consequences.

.

.

I don't mean the,

Thank you,

I appreciate that.

It's like a compliment.

Being asked out should be like a compliment because somebody's looking at you for some reason.

Even if it's physically,

It's okay.

They think you're pretty.

That's a compliment.

When women say you're pretty,

It's a compliment.

When men say you're pretty or act like you're pretty,

That should be a compliment.

As long as they're not being creepy about it.

If a man asks you out,

There's something about you.

May it be physical or something else that they find attractive.

One time I asked out a girl because she was laughing.

Literally.

I was like,

I like being around women that are happy.

That was in the forefront of my mind.

I saw this woman and she was laughing and having fun with her sister.

I was like,

I'm going to ask her out.

I did.

That was the main reason.

She seems happy.

She's laughing,

Having fun.

It could be a lot of things,

But it's always a compliment.

They like.

If you go ask women and you get rude responses.

I understand it's difficult for women.

I have to speak from a man's perspective because that's what I am.

I do understand a female perspective.

Sometimes when you're going out with your friends or when you're with your kids or with your family or just in a mood,

You don't feel like getting hit on by a guy all the time.

If you're attractive,

It probably happens more than you like.

I get it.

It's not easy.

Do we have to be rude to strange people that are just trying to compliment you?

I think that that's too far.

Life isn't easy sometimes.

It's not easy to put yourself out there as a guy and face rejection.

It's not easy for us.

I understand that it's not easy for you,

But we're both doing things that are easy.

If women could be a little bit kinder to men when they're approached and asked out and not make fun of them in front of their friends or make them feel like a jackass for asking them out or something like that,

That would be really good.

Just take it as a compliment.

Say no thank you and move on.

If they keep pushing and you need to be rude to get them away,

Fine.

They deserve it because they're pushing and they're not taking no for an answer.

Fine.

Got it.

At first,

Could we assume that the guy asking you out is giving you a compliment and trying to be nice and they actually have a heart in there and maybe you shouldn't stab a blade into it?

It can feel like that sometimes,

Especially depending on the confidence level of the guy and where they are.

I've gone through stages where sometimes when I was younger,

I could ask out any girl and I could give two craps what she said.

Yes,

No,

Screw you.

I didn't care.

It didn't affect me at all.

I was very self-absorbed at that time.

Then as my heart opened more as I got older,

It's like when somebody was really rude,

It freaking hurt until I learned that it wasn't really about me and it was about them.

That's.

.

.

Anyway.

It's difficult.

I found it difficult to date in the United States because it's not as friendly and it's not as open and it's not as relaxed.

I honestly don't think I'm doing a very good job explaining it.

I apologize.

I'm trying.

Remember,

My words are just signposts pointing towards things that it's just difficult.

Dates felt like I was being judged immensely.

I never knew.

I never knew who was attracted to me.

Never.

Almost never.

Maybe one or two girls actually started behaving towards me in a way and it was so weird that I didn't even understand what was going on until after a while.

I looked at them and I'm like,

Are you hitting on me?

They're like,

Yeah.

I'm like,

Oh,

My God.

This is so rare.

I didn't even know how to recognize it.

It's just difficult because the rejection is harsh over there.

It's hard to know if any women are interested in you because they don't show it at all.

If you're not making six figures,

This is.

.

.

Hell,

I'm a freaking spiritual guy.

I've been on this spiritual path for 20 years.

I'm a good guy.

I like being in relationships.

I have no fear of commitment.

I can't find a steady girlfriend.

I can't even find women to date.

Why?

It's not just me.

Especially when I go to another country and I love the dating over here.

It's so much easier over here.

There's so many women that I hear describing me as the perfect guy that they want.

The qualities that.

.

.

I'm not saying that I'm perfect.

I have my flaws.

What I'm saying is most women,

When they describe a man that they want,

They're describing me.

Yet,

I can go years without finding anybody to date.

Why is that?

Because it's freaking hard.

The dynamic is difficult.

That's why.

In my opinion.

It's just my opinion.

I'm saying it's hard.

I'm not saying it's not navigatable.

I did date when I was over there.

Don't.

.

.

I think this is important for me to say.

I don't want to give the impression that the stuff that I just said made it impossible to date in the United States or other developed countries.

Or there is no good aspects to dating.

Yes,

There is.

You know what?

When I did the work on myself,

My dating life got better.

I'm not trying to blame women either.

What I'm trying to do is give a realistic aspect that the dynamic is difficult over there.

It's difficult for a man to date in the United States.

Now,

Men who live in the United States that are listening to this,

Do your own self work.

Work on you.

You can't change the dynamic of social.

.

.

The social dynamic.

Because it's not just women that are the problem.

It's men and women.

Even if it were just women,

You can't change women anyway.

All we can ever do is change ourselves.

No matter what I ever say a problem is or how I explain it,

The work is always internal.

We always have to work on ourselves.

I did that and I had more success dating in the United States when I really did the work on myself to become more confident and to be.

.

.

It's not that I couldn't date or I had no dating.

I had some wonderful dating experiences in the United States.

I'm just saying there were fewer and far between because of the dynamics there.

That's all.

I don't want to give the impression that it's impossible or you can't do it.

Of course you can do it.

And to do it,

You need to work on yourself.

Men and women.

That's the only thing you can control.

You can become aware of the dynamics and then figure out what you need to do to work on it.

In me,

I needed to become more confident and more resilient to rejection and more forward and less affected.

When I would try to go out there and put myself out and then I would get attacked by women,

I would get attacked all kinds of different ways.

You're too masculine.

You're not masculine enough.

You're this.

You're that.

Because I usually dated a spiritual woman.

They're talking energy and spirituality to me.

I'm like,

What the hell?

I second guessed myself.

Is there something wrong with me?

Am I too feminine?

I realized after a while there wasn't anything wrong with me.

I did need to settle in and be more myself,

More confident in who I was.

But who I was was fine.

They were just projecting their crap onto me.

They hadn't worked through what they needed to work through and they were projecting it onto me.

I needed to let that go.

Just be confident that my level of balance between the masculine and the feminine was good.

It worked for me and I'm confident in it.

Is there a little work I can do in the future?

Sure,

I can.

But I like me and I like where I am and settle into that and not let their words and rejections knock me around anymore.

That was my personal work.

Hearing the DR,

It's awesome because there's beautiful women everywhere and what it is,

Is like when you if there is a woman that is single and or interested in you over here,

There are dating complications over here too,

But if there's a woman that is interested in you then she will look at you.

It's that simple.

She just looks at you.

You can be walking down the street towards each other and like if there is a woman that is either in a relationship and not interested in dating or she's not interested in you in particular for some reason,

She will not look at you.

You might make eye contact for a moment and she'll look right away and immediately you know,

Okay,

Well she's not interested in me.

Maybe she's got a boyfriend.

Maybe she's married.

Who knows?

Maybe she's busy.

Maybe she's with her kids and doesn't want to talk.

It doesn't matter but I know she's not interested right now and that's all I need to know.

Now,

If there's a woman that is interested,

They'll look right at you.

Make complete eye contact.

No shame.

They look right at you and if you you're walking towards each other and you pass each other,

If you haven't stopped to her and you turn back and look,

She'll turn around and look back at you every couple steps to see if you're looking at her and then if that happens a couple times,

Like I played with this,

So if that happens a couple times,

She'll literally stop on the sidewalk,

Turn around and face you to see if you're going to come talk to her.

It's freaking awesome.

It's that easy,

You know.

Then you just ask for her phone number,

You shoot her a message,

You go on a date.

This can happen anywhere,

On the beach,

On the sidewalk,

Anywhere,

In a restaurant,

Anywhere.

It's that easy.

Then you go on dates.

Then sometimes you go on one,

Sometimes you go on multiple,

Who knows.

Then the dating,

Everything I said previously about the dating thing continues but that makes life so much easier.

I'm telling you,

If people in the United States could start doing this,

Dating would take on a whole new life because most people think dating is difficult and struggle with it.

Over there,

I think,

Like I said,

I did have some success dating.

It's not that you can't have success dating,

It's just that the successes are fewer and further between because of the dynamic over there,

This game.

There's just so much density and crap and BS and surfacy and egoic.

All this crap.

It's just a man and a woman,

Man.

It's all,

Relax.

Relax.

If there's somebody you find attractive,

It's okay.

Women over here do it.

Can it be that hard?

Women can be attracted to men physically.

I know that an emotional connection is really important and all that stuff.

That's where the rubber meets the road and all that.

That's the real important stuff.

I agree.

It is for men,

Too,

If they're honest with themselves.

I really believe you need an emotional connection with somebody.

That's very important to me.

When I'm just dating,

How the hell do I know?

How am I trying to skip to step four or five before I've done step one?

That's what I love here.

It's just step one,

Man.

It's just,

Hey,

You interested?

I'm interested.

Okay.

Cool.

Let's go out.

You can tell that in a millisecond.

Just look at somebody.

Ooh,

They're attractive.

Or,

Oh,

I like that shirt.

Or,

Oh,

They're laughing.

Maybe they're fun.

Maybe they're a happy person.

It doesn't matter what it is,

But you can tell just by looking at somebody for a moment.

If you're repelled by them or if you're not.

If you're not,

Then who gives a crap?

Go on a date.

What's the end of the world?

You're all in public.

Don't put yourself in a situation with a stranger where something bad might happen.

Other than that,

Go get to know somebody.

Worst case scenario,

You get to know another person that you'll never see again.

It's okay.

If we could bring some of that relaxed state and just if we could let,

Like over here,

Let the other sex know or the other person know that you're interested in them,

It makes life so much easier.

Then go spend some time with them to figure out if they're actually the one instead of trying to figure that out before you even decide whether you want to go on a date with them.

That's how you figure it out.

Dating is to get to know people.

There isn't such a thing as pre-dating to date.

This is what I meant earlier.

People are so concerned about wasting their time going on a date with somebody that they're not compatible with.

Don't worry about it because there is no other way to find out if you're compatible with somebody.

Stop with all the BS texting and pushing people off because you don't like that their third pitcher on their profile has a dog without a collar and that means that they're irresponsible with their dog or something.

I don't even freaking know the level of stuff that people come up with why they shouldn't date somebody.

Relax,

Man.

Just go to get to know somebody.

Easy.

Let it be easy.

That's how it is over here and it's great.

Over here,

It's difficult because I'm the minority and they see my white skin and that represents money to them so I have to watch that dynamic.

It's not that it's perfect over here.

I have to watch dynamics but as long as I'm open and honest and kind and caring,

Whoever they are and whatever their intentions are bubble up to the surface and I don't judge them for it.

If somebody wants to use me,

If some woman wants,

I find out some woman's using me for money or wants to,

It's okay.

I don't think they're a bad person.

It's the culture.

It's like,

Okay,

I get it.

They've been through some tough times.

They could use some money.

They want a man to come save them.

It's a different culture.

I get it.

Whatever.

I'm not interested in that and I move on.

No judgment.

That's the other thing.

Don't demonize the other person.

You don't have to.

If it's just not right for something that doesn't work for you,

That's good enough.

You can just end it and walk away.

Alright.

Thanks all.

Hopefully that's helpful and yeah.

I gotta end so I'll talk with you guys soon.

Peace.