Dealing With Rejection - L,L,&L With Glenn Ambrose

Welcome to Life Lessons and Laughter with your host,

Glenn Ambrose.

Hello people.

Let's welcome Aubrey.

Aubrey's helping out today.

Hey.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

So we're back.

We're back.

And we're chatting.

We're chatting about rejection,

Dealing with rejection.

So this has been kind of coming up a lot with clients and stuff.

And so when I'm kind of talking about it with clients,

Stuff,

Information starts flowing.

And I'm like,

Oh,

Yeah.

So it's like I've just been getting some clarity on rejection or perceived rejection.

Because it's,

I think the reason that,

Like rejection really,

If you look at it from a psychological perspective,

What it does to people,

It's really one of the most difficult things to deal with.

It will take people who are pretty much functional and down to earth and grounded and donkey kick them into,

You know,

Freaking Mars.

And they'll be all like,

All messed up in the head.

You know,

So and I and most people have experienced it,

You know,

If not everyone.

So like so it's a major,

You know,

It's a major issue as far as,

You know,

Like they have things they have like a scale I saw years ago of like the most stressful things in the world,

Like the most stressful things to experience.

And some of them are like moving,

Divorce,

Stuff like this.

And they have like a big list.

Like they probably have a list of this stuff,

Too.

And rejection,

I bet you would be right near the top,

You know,

Because it really does.

It's very difficult to deal with.

And like I was talking with somebody about it a while ago.

And I was like,

You know,

The reason it's so difficult to deal with is because it's not real.

It's an illusion.

So like,

How do you deal with something that's an illusion?

You know,

It's not actually real.

Like so you can't you can't actually like do something with something that doesn't exist.

So it's hard to manage.

So so now all of a sudden you're playing in imaginary land because it doesn't really exist.

So so now it's just in your mind made up and you're dealing with this illusion that isn't real.

So the so then your emotions are going to control that because there's no facts to to to latch on to because it's not real.

So there's no grounding.

That's that's why it can take somebody that's grounded and send them off,

Because everybody knows what rejection is.

Everybody's felt it.

Everybody assumes it's real.

Everybody,

You know,

So when it happens,

You actually think you're it's real and you're supposed to deal with it,

But you can't deal with it because it's not real.

So it's just it throws you,

You know,

It throws people.

So I was looking at the dynamics of it and its rejection.

The reason I say it's not real is because.

Like a.

It kind of goes back to my favorite quote,

Nothing real can be threatened,

Nothing unreal exists.

Herein lies the peace of God.

Love that quote.

Me,

Too.

So so,

You know,

Nothing real can be threatened.

So that what that's talking about,

It's implying that about the soul,

Our eternal nature.

So like we can't be threatened.

So like our soul,

Who we really are,

Our consciousness,

Even,

You know,

Not only like our soul and on the other side and the eternal place.

But I mean,

Right now there is a level of consciousness that is what we are.

We are consciousness.

We are consciousness walking around in a meat suit for a while.

You know,

And and but what we actually are is consciousness,

And when that consciousness is gone,

We are no longer ourselves.

You know,

I was I was able to see that in one of my when one of my friend's fathers died and we're all in the room.

It's like I was just looking at him and there was there was nothing there,

Man.

It wasn't him anymore.

It was literally a meat suit.

Like you could just feel it,

You could tell that there wasn't any essence,

There was no life force,

There was no essence,

There was no consciousness,

There was nothing in that meat suit anymore.

You know,

So we are wrong,

But no one's home.

Yeah,

It's just it was just,

You know,

A used suit laying there that used to have a consciousness in it.

Now the consciousness transcended to the other side.

So,

So like.

Our consciousness is us,

That is eternal,

So it can't be threatened and it's real.

So like it's it's impossible for somebody who is like,

Let's kind of bring it to a.

Easy,

Easier to understand mentality,

Just like being present,

You know,

Most people can just center themselves and be present if you are fully present.

You can't get into an argument with somebody.

You can't you could have a difference of opinion,

You could be like,

I see it this way,

You see it that way,

But you would know that that's fine,

That it's OK to have a difference of opinions.

If somebody said you're an ass,

You're not going to defend yourself if you're completely present,

Because you know that that person is not either lashing out of anger or or who knows what's going on inside of them.

It could be lots of things,

But you know that doesn't have anything to do with you because you're fine.

It's along those same lines.

A soul can't reject somebody else's soul.

A consciousness,

A present consciousness cannot reject a soul.

You can't reject another present consciousness.

Because there's no judgment there,

There's no illusion of separation,

We're all one and it's just like,

You know,

You could not like somebody,

But you wouldn't reject them.

You'd just be like,

Oh,

We must just be different people.

And that's OK,

We need those.

We're supposed to be different.

It's wonderful.

It's actually a blessing.

But you're not going to get defensive over it and you're not going to reject them.

You might choose not to spend time with them because they're not your favorite flavor.

Maybe you don't like freaking pistachio ice cream.

So it doesn't mean you're judging it like you just like chocolate better.

That's all.

So there's no judgment.

This is what I'm talking about.

So if you're completely present and centered,

Nobody can reject you that's centered and you can't reject anybody else that's centered because there's nothing to reject.

Yeah,

Right.

So therefore,

The only way we can have perceived rejection is on an egoic level.

Which,

You know,

Which is if that's your anchor for reality,

You're going to have lots of problems and rejection is just one.

So so it's you know,

When you're when you're aware of yourself.

And you're just like,

I am the way I am,

Then nobody can reject you.

You can't take it personally,

Somebody could look right at you and be like,

You're not good enough.

I reject you.

OK,

Well,

That's your opinion.

I mean,

It sounds silly to say it on a podcast like this,

Right.

But if it happens in person,

We're like,

Oh,

My God,

My heart.

Yeah.

So nobody without the emotion attached to it.

And it's just a perceived rejection.

You know,

It's right.

Yeah,

It's perceived.

So so if you start getting underneath,

Like what's actually happening with people in more of a realistic way.

What people perceive as rejection is simply non compatibility.

That's all it's just one side or the other felt or saw or experienced something or a lack of something that they decided that this was not the person that they want to be with,

You know,

Kind of talking about romantic relationships,

Because that's where we experience it the most.

So and the problem is,

Is that the the person being rejected did not see experience the same thing.

So so so they think that like the other person is supposed to feel the way that they feel.

Like,

Why?

You know.

Why?

We are all so different.

And what what means something to someone,

You know,

And what doesn't mean something because we just label everything.

Yeah,

And it's like miscommunicate,

It's just a miscommunication.

Well,

I think that it's.

Most people want to be in a relationship so bad that they romanticize and they rationalize and push away reality.

I mean,

We do that in all areas of life all the time on a daily basis,

We all do it.

And and people don't think they do.

And they do.

You know,

We do that with anything.

Watching TV will do it.

We'll do it like just all that.

They shouldn't have said that.

No,

I'm going to change the channel.

Well,

Some people like that.

They said that it's just your preference.

Like you don't have to judge it and label it.

And,

You know,

So like sometimes sometimes people.

Feel something or don't feel something that the other side hasn't picked up on yet because they're rationalizing behaviors.

Like,

You know,

Oh,

You know,

So he so he yelled at the waitress,

Maybe had a bad day,

You know,

It's like,

No,

He's being a jerk.

But you just rationalize that away.

Now,

You'll be sitting in the same restaurant two weeks earlier with a friend and somebody else at the table next to you yells at the waitress and they go,

Oh,

My God,

Do you believe the way that person talked to the waitress?

You know,

But if it's somebody that you want to have a romantic partnership with,

Well,

Now all of a sudden you're rationalizing their behavior and most people do this,

You know,

Because they feel that romantic spark and they want it to work.

So they just rationalize behavior.

So they're not really seeing this person for what they are.

And maybe that person,

You know,

Maybe that person.

So sometimes I guess the two main things is sometimes there's a compatibility issue that one side picks up on before the other side picks up on.

And it doesn't matter who picks up on it first.

What matters is just that it's picked up upon.

Yeah,

So whether you want to address it or not,

It's still there.

Right.

So like so if I'm dating somebody for a while and I haven't really made up my mind whether this is going to go somewhere or not,

Because I like to take my time and relax and not try to figure everything out,

Maybe they kind of I honestly I think women are more in tune with their feelings with this type of stuff than men are as a general rule.

To me,

It takes a little longer.

And I've had several women that I was dating come up to me and go,

You know what?

I don't I don't think this is going to work.

I don't take it personally.

I'm like,

Cool.

I'm glad you picked up on it,

Because if it was up to me,

We'd probably waste another three months.

And then figure it out.

And then figure it out.

I mean,

We'd still get there,

You know,

I mean,

I know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because and I mean,

I really I think I date what I consider.

Like really quality women,

So like I think so,

So I'm kind of enjoying their company anyway,

You know,

So so to me,

It's like I mean,

It's not really a waste of three months because it's like,

Hey,

I could go hang out with somebody cool for three months.

Who cares if it doesn't work out,

You know?

Right.

But the woman is kind of more in touch with this stuff.

And they're like,

Yeah,

I don't think it's going to work.

And I'm like,

Oh,

OK,

Cool.

Yeah,

I get it.

You know,

And then a lot of times I'll slow down and just kind of put my attention on it and I'll be like,

Oh,

Yeah,

They're right.

I can see it now,

Like now that I just stopped and thought about it.

And I have been on the other side.

I've seen it before.

Some women have seen it.

I even had one time I broke up a relationship and this woman told me she goes,

Thank you so much for breaking this off.

She couldn't do it.

Yeah,

She goes,

If it was up to me,

We'd probably end up married.

She's like,

I never would have broken it off.

She's like,

You're a great guy.

And I never would have ended it.

But I knew that it needed to end.

But I never would have done it.

Well,

That's a good thing in itself,

You know,

Knowing it's not going to work and then being like,

Yeah,

If it were up to me,

We'd end up getting married.

But I knew there was an issue.

I just I didn't care.

Somebody I knew somebody many years ago and he was doing dating sites and he said one time he said to me,

He goes,

Yeah,

Because I'm literally driving to a first date to meet somebody for the first time.

And you want to know what's going through my head.

I hope I like her because I'm probably going to be with her for a long time.

Yeah,

I feel like,

OK,

So.

About anything.

So anything on your mind,

Like me and you,

We're going to be a couple for a while.

So I hope I like you.

This is what I do.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So,

You know,

So sometimes it's an incompatibility issue and sometimes it's a bad timing slash.

Like block,

Like emotional block,

Like sometimes people have fear of commitment or fear of abandonment issues,

You know,

So fear of commitment,

Fear of abandonment are two of probably the most common issues that people have when it comes to relationships.

And they both well,

They can manifest in different ways.

But the most common way is that when you start feeling emotion for somebody,

When you start feeling that connection,

It scares the crap out of them and they run.

That's the most common way that that manifests.

So like a lot of times,

There's two people that like if you're not BSing yourself and you really do feel a connection and then all of a sudden that person bolts,

It's just like I have to end this and walks away.

A lot of times that's a fear of commitment,

Not always,

But a fear of commitment or a fear of abandonment,

Because when they start feeling that,

You know,

That little thing in your chest when you wake up one day and you're like,

Oh,

My God,

I think I really have strong feelings for this person.

Like at some point that happens.

And when that happens,

It scares the living bejesus out of people.

And I like,

You know,

And then they both and then the person that seemingly got rejected is going,

Oh,

My God,

I have feelings for this person.

I must be out of my mind.

I thought it was something special and it must not be something special because they didn't feel it because they just dumped me.

Yeah,

It's like,

No,

That's actually not what happened.

They actually did feel it.

And that's what scared them.

And that's why they dumped you.

Right.

Because it was too real for them to handle.

Yeah.

You're not looking at.

Yeah,

I guess.

I guess.

So is it a lot of just like taking on the other person's perspective and it helps kind of like settle down your end of things emotionally?

Does that make sense?

Yeah,

I mean,

A little bit.

I mean,

Like I think it's it's a little bit playing the hypothetical game just to get it's kind of a two part thing.

So with this,

Some things you can just play the hypothetical game to get to a place where you know you don't know.

Yeah,

And then that's fine.

So you can be like,

Maybe they have a fear of abandonment.

Maybe they have a fear of commitment.

Maybe they picked up on something that I didn't pick up on,

Maybe whatever.

So I don't know.

So and if you can just let it go like that,

Then great.

Yeah.

You know,

A lot of people,

That's not enough when it comes to rejection,

Though.

So they have to go deeper.

You know,

That's kind of a surface way of dealing with it.

A one step deeper is actually understanding that there's no such thing as rejection.

I'm going to.

Their soul can't reject my soul.

It's literally impossible because there's no judgment.

And no,

No,

No being is better than another being like we're spiritual.

We're all spiritual beings.

No spiritual being is created better than another spiritual being.

Right.

So there's no competition.

There's no some people,

You know,

Like you could look at somebody and be like,

Oh,

My God,

They're a wonderful singer.

They're very attractive.

They they're worth millions of dollars.

They're very successful in business.

They own 14 homes.

They they do this.

They do that.

They do that.

And I am collecting food stamps.

Yeah,

They must be a better person than I know.

They're not.

They're not a better person than you.

They're different,

But they're not better.

You know,

Nobody is better than somebody else just foundationally.

It's literally impossible.

Yeah,

It's it's like,

You know,

Energy and energy.

It's just energy.

It's like,

You know,

So so nobody's better than anybody else.

So therefore,

There's no judgment.

So therefore,

There's nothing to be rejected.

You can't.

You know,

Rejection implies that I'm better than you're not good enough for me.

That's what it implies.

That's why it hits so hard in the self-esteem,

Because it's like,

Oh,

Oh,

My God,

Like I thought there was something here and now all of a sudden I'm not good enough for them.

Which is no such thing is not good enough for somebody.

There's incompatibility.

There's there's off timing.

There's fear blocks.

There's trauma issues.

But there's no such thing as not being good enough.

It's impossible.

It's impossible.

It just doesn't.

There's no such thing.

You know,

This is why it's so hard to deal with,

Because people don't don't bring that in.

So like if it's impossible.

Then you you can't overcome something that doesn't exist.

There's nothing to overcome.

It's like being on a hamster,

Like you're just chasing your tail.

Right.

And that's why.

Mm hmm.

And that's how,

You know,

It's completely ego based because there is no end.

It's just the dog chasing its tail,

Feeding off of itself.

That's what the ego does.

It loves open ended things.

That's why it loves rejection.

Rejection is like food for years in a lot of situations because there's no answer to it.

As long as you stay in that egoic loop.

It's just like I'm not good enough.

Well,

Yes,

You are.

Oh,

But what if I'm not?

Well,

Yeah,

But you could be.

Yeah,

But I wasn't for that person.

How do I know if I'm going to be for the next person?

I don't know.

How do I know?

Well,

It seemed right for that person,

But then it wasn't right because then they rejected me.

And it's just this wheel that that problem will never get solved.

It's not a Rubik's Cube.

There is no sides.

It can't ever be solved.

So it's just that the ego loves that because it's just like as soon as you think you've got it cornered in,

Say,

Well,

You know,

I'm better than this person,

So maybe I shouldn't feel bad about not being good enough for that person.

Then all of a sudden you get an ego stroke for a moment and you go,

Oh,

Yeah,

See,

I'm I'm better.

And then all of a sudden it's like,

Yeah,

But you weren't good enough for him.

It's like,

Oh,

No.

And then the wheel starts again.

So it's an endless source of food.

Wow,

That's the best way I've ever heard that explained.

That's why I'm all ego is like that.

Yeah,

Everything egoic is like that.

That's that's like one of the that's one of the ways that I find out if if I'm.

Like ask the questions that I'm asking myself if they're worth pursuing.

Like if I start like like contemplating something over and over and it starts taking up more of my awareness,

I'll like a lot of times I'll just stop and I'll be like,

Is this an ego question?

Like,

Is this my ego just feeding off of itself?

Or do I really like is there really an answer to this?

Because I'm starting to spend a lot of time,

You know,

Thinking about it.

So am I wasting my time feeding my ego or am I actually trying to find out an answer?

And usually like if you if you act like most questions have two possibilities.

So you just look at both possibilities and see if they're going to affect your life.

And usually like you're it's not going to change anything in your life.

So like come of a situation,

Basically.

Yeah,

Like like kind of anything that people contemplate.

So we're talking about rejection.

So like if if the egoic question is,

Did this person reject me?

Right,

So okay,

Look,

There's two answers either yes or no.

Hypothetically,

If it's,

You know,

We know that it's not a real question and it's an illusion,

But let's pretend we don't.

And we just go,

Okay,

You know,

Did this person reject me?

Well,

If the answer is yes,

What what does that mean?

You're not good enough or however you label it.

I mean,

Like,

Like if you're going so actually,

This is good.

So I can clarify the question.

Because like there's a there's like reasons why this question works.

But they're kind of second nature to me.

So I have to go back and remember why.

So if.

If I'm going,

I just want to live a healthy life.

I want to live a healthy,

Happy life.

So that's my foundation.

That's where I'm trying to get to,

To be able to live a happy,

Healthy life.

So if the answer is,

Did this person reject me?

And the answer is yes.

What how is that going to affect your life?

If the answer is yes.

What how is that going to affect my decision making moving forward?

Like it's it's not I still have to get up in the morning.

I still have to make sure my self-esteem is up.

I still have to make quality decisions as if I love myself.

I still have to go for my dreams.

I still have to I still have to,

You know,

Think about I still have to be in touch with people.

I still have to work through whatever traumas or issues I might have to become healthier.

So it doesn't really change anything.

If they did reject me.

Yeah.

What if they didn't reject me?

Same thing.

I still have to work on my self-esteem.

I still have to make good decisions.

I still have to so like when it comes to my foundation of living a peaceful,

Happy,

Contented life,

Whether the answer is yes or whether the answer is no.

It doesn't change my game plan moving forward,

Right?

That's when I know it's an ego question because it doesn't really matter what the answer is.

Gotcha.

Thank you for clarifying.

Yeah,

And I'll do that with lots of different things,

You know,

Anything that I'm contemplating.

It's like,

Yeah,

Is it going to change the way that I live my life?

Do I need to do something different?

If the answer is yes,

Or if the answer is no,

Right?

No,

I just have to keep going with the same,

You know,

I like being honest living with integrity chasing my dreams pursuing relationship.

Like all the stuff that I'm going to do moving forward in my life is exactly the same either answer.

So it's different so it doesn't matter.

No,

So it doesn't really matter.

So if it doesn't matter,

Why am I spending all my time thinking about it and contemplating it?

That you know,

Because it doesn't matter.

It's a waste of time and energy.

The outcome is regardless.

Right.

So and I mean,

We don't,

You know,

We're not going to like if something doesn't work,

We don't do it.

Like people don't waste energy for the sake of wasting energy.

They waste energy if they don't know that they're wasting energy.

So,

You know,

So when you get caught in that egoic loop,

Your ego is getting something out of it.

That's why you keep doing it.

Your ego is like,

Oh my God.

Oh man,

Jeff.

Wow.

Yeah,

It's like this is delicious.

I can eat off this forever and then like that will go to work tomorrow.

We'll get stressed out in traffic and I'll feed myself then and then if like they really Center themselves and calm themselves and are in good space for a couple days.

I start getting hungry.

I'll just bring up the old rejection thing.

And I got a I got like a freaking all you can eat buffet for as long as I want.

Yeah,

The energy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh my gosh.

I've never looked at it this way.

I mean I have but like just the way you're phrasing it yet.

It's like you're just setting ourselves up.

But it's just crazy because like you're feeding your ego and you're feeling like complete shit at the same time.

But like this is still have the ego fed while you're feeling like like it's just the loop to me is just so.

And people don't think and it is like when you really look at it like that.

I think that that's one of the reasons why people don't refuse to allow themselves to see that they're doing it.

Because it doesn't sound like it makes sense.

They it doesn't they don't think they would do that which they wouldn't if they were conscious if they were aware of what they were doing and why they were doing it.

They wouldn't be doing it,

But they're not they just rationalize and push the you know,

This is why like the one thing the one example that most people agree with this dynamic and most people have seen it and I like oh,

It's with kids.

They say kids just want attention.

They don't care if it's positive and negative.

They just want attention.

Most people that have been around kids have seen that in action.

Yeah,

Right.

So they're like,

Oh,

We're the same way like what you know,

Like kids are just human beings,

You know,

They're just spiritual beings having a human experience too.

And guess what when they're acting dysfunctionally it ain't a spiritual side.

It's a human side.

So you think that just goes away when you grow up?

You learn to do it as a child as your ego is being developed.

It's a tool for your ego to grow and expand and take you over you.

So like you don't just let that go.

It's in us since children since childhood.

We all do it.

Yeah.

But most people if you said do you do that?

They'd be like,

Oh no,

Man.

Why would I do that?

Sounds horrible.

We all do it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's interesting like the different ways that you know,

We feed the ego want to keep it going.

I just don't understand like why it's there.

Why is the ego there like that?

Right?

Like if it's only purposes to like be fed and take us over.

What where does this come from?

Why is it here?

It's it's big.

It's like everything.

The problem isn't the ego.

Because because like you said,

I mean what it that wouldn't make any sense.

Right?

If the ego is just negative,

It wouldn't make any sense.

So it's not the ego isn't the problem.

Our brain is not the problem.

It's the our emotions are not the problem.

What the problem is,

Is that those things are in control of us instead of our consciousness.

We are consciousness.

We're supposed to be conscious.

We're supposed to be aware.

We are consciousness.

We're supposed to be in control of our mind.

We're supposed to be in control of our ego.

We're supposed to be in control of our emotions and we're not.

They're in control of us.

So we have the chickens running the roost.

That's why it's a melee is because the stuff that isn't our ego are in our emotions are non-thinking entities.

And they are making decisions on how we live our life,

What we do,

What relationships we get into how,

You know,

They basically control how we live our lives.

And they're not supposed to.

They're supposed to be tools that we use.

Our emotions are supposed to capture our attention and say,

Hey,

This is more important than other things than the other 30,

000 things that you've experienced in the last 60 seconds.

So like,

Hey,

Pay attention to this.

It could be good.

It could be bad,

But this is you might need to make a decision here.

But so our emotion grabs our attention.

Snaps us out of walking around bouncing off stuff all day and goes,

Hey,

This is something important and then we're supposed to go in there and use our consciousness to decide what we want to do.

And it's the same thing with our ego.

Our ego originally was a warning mechanism for danger.

When we had physical danger,

Most people's lives,

The physical danger is completely removed.

Like nobody's fearing for their life as a general rule in the United States,

You know,

I mean hell even,

You know,

Even half the gang members in the inner city,

You know,

Not on a Tuesday afternoon,

Maybe a Saturday night,

You know,

But you know,

Maybe at a club,

But not at home.

Right?

Oh,

Yeah.

Well,

Or maybe near the window in the living room,

But certainly not at the back of the house and the bedroom on the floor.

I mean,

A lot of the physical danger has been removed and that's extreme situations.

I'm trying,

You know,

90% of people don't live like that.

So,

So in most people's lives,

I mean,

I'm in Dominican Republic.

I don't fear for my life on a daily basis,

Right?

You know,

So the physical danger has been mostly removed from our lives.

So then and the ego is out of control.

We're not controlling it.

It's controlling us.

So it wants food.

All it knows is protect,

Protect,

Protect.

So this is the This is the foundational basis for basically the Terminator movies.

We project what's happening in our ego.

We are projecting into AI and robots and computers.

But our ego is already doing it to us.

So it's saying I want to protect you,

But it's non-thinking.

So it can't determine what a threat is and what a threat isn't.

So it just protects you from everything.

Watch out,

Like,

You know,

Like you're not going to be able to put broccoli into your casserole when you make dinner.

This is horrible.

And then we feel that we feel fear.

We literally feel fear and we're like,

And then since we feel fear and we're not in control of our emotions either,

We go,

I'm supposed to get upset.

I'm scared.

I'm supposed and then we're like,

Then I need to talk to the manager.

This is unacceptable.

We have to take action on this because it's a major problem in my life.

Broccoli is going to make or break your dinner.

And people are like,

Is that what she's crazy?

I don't want to put in a vegetable,

Just the broccoli.

Now it's principle.

It's always the broccoli.

They should ask for it back.

I mean,

I and I love broccoli.

Maybe I should,

I use broccoli all the time because I think it's funny.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I use broccoli all the time because I think it's funny,

But maybe I should change the vegetable to give,

You know,

Like give cauliflower a chance or something,

But,

But this is like,

So,

So we react emotionally to things that are not actual danger because we have no danger.

So anything that makes us feel.

Off center,

Unsafe,

Not like,

Not like we're in control,

You know,

Most developed countries.

It's like,

We're in control.

You go there,

You,

You go to the grocery store and you get the broccoli.

I've done it a hundred times.

I'll do it a hundred times more.

Right.

And it's in your brain like that.

And then all of a sudden when the broccoli is not there,

It throws off the whole puzzle.

And it actually induces stress is ridiculous as it is.

See that.

So this is really the piece that I think ties it all in.

It's stress.

Like that stress is fear.

That's what like,

So it's like,

You know,

Uh,

10,

000 years ago when we're walking and,

You know,

Like where we're kind of daydreaming or something and then all of a sudden our ego senses something in the bushes and we go,

Oh,

And the tiger jumps out.

And then,

You know,

Little,

We escaped out one,

Then a little while later,

You know,

We hear it again and we get on defense and then all of a sudden it's a chicken this time and we're like,

Oh,

Okay,

We can relax.

Then we relax and we go back.

Like all that stuff that our ego used to warn us over.

It's just not around.

So now anything that makes us,

We think we can control things because of how robotic we've created society.

So consistent.

So that gives us a sense of control.

Whenever something interrupts that sense of control,

All of a sudden we don't feel like we're in control of what's happening in our own lives and we feel unsafe,

Which strikes fear.

So that's what our ego is doing.

And since we're not,

We're not looking at it going,

Dude,

It's just broccoli.

Relax.

We're not,

We're not looking at when our,

When our mind sends us a signal,

This is crap.

We don't sit there and go,

Should I be upset about this?

Or is this really nothing?

We just believe whatever it says.

This is crap.

Yeah,

It is.

I'm going to talk to a manager and you're off.

You don't even know how you got there.

We just believe everything that goes through our mind.

Right.

As if it's fact.

Yeah.

Yeah.

From a different place.

And you're like,

Why am I here?

So it's,

You know,

Our ego actually is the one that's controlling us.

Our ego actually loves us and wants to protect us.

And it just,

It doesn't make decisions.

It's non-thinking.

It's just warn,

Protect,

Warn,

Protect.

If you're going to build a robot,

That's its only purpose was to protect you.

What would you have it looking for?

Things that made you happy?

No.

What the hell good is that?

What,

You know,

You wouldn't have it looking for danger.

Is that danger?

Is that danger?

Is that danger?

And that's all the ego does.

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It creates a separation.

The separation.

So you don't feel like it is you,

It's alright as one.

So then it's something to deal with.

Oh,

I have anger attached to me.

I should look at that and maybe process it or deal with it or do something with it.

Cause I don't like the way it feels when it's attached to me.

But if you think I'm angry now,

All of a sudden you're judging yourself.

There's something wrong with you inherently.

And a lot of times most people's minds,

Especially if they're more of a surfacy thinker,

They believe that there's something inherently wrong with them that cannot be fixed.

Like they're broken or something.

Yep.

I hear that.

I hear the broken.

Yeah.

And it's damaged or,

You know,

Whatever,

Whatever.

It's such a,

Um,

It's so disempowering those labels,

You know,

Because broken is implying it can't be put back together or fixed or that it was even able to be broken at the first time.

Right.

And that's why I love that quote.

Nothing real can be threatened.

I cannot be broken.

I cannot be dimmed,

Tarnished.

My light that was created,

That is my consciousness is as bright now as it's ever been since its creation.

And it will be just as bright as it ever was.

Always period bar none,

No excuses ever,

No matter what I've ever done,

No matter what horrors I've experienced,

No matter what tragedy,

No matter what trauma that I've experienced,

It has not dimmed my light one iota at all.

You know,

That's eternal.

That cannot be touched.

Now I might've packed a bunch of crap on top of that,

Scratched up the top of whatever I packed on top of it,

Dented it,

Whatever.

But if I remove that,

My light is right there.

Yeah,

It's,

You know,

This is like,

I really got to get this clear when Matteo was little.

You know,

I used to,

You know,

He meant so much to me that I would really,

I wanted to be a good father.

So I would think about things,

You know,

And so if I told him he could be anything that he ever wanted,

That he wanted to be,

I was like,

Is that true?

I don't want to lie to him.

Can he be anything,

You know,

And you just look in a little kid's eyes and you see that spark,

Man.

And you know,

It's true.

So I was like,

Well,

If that's true,

Is it,

It's got to be true for everybody.

Like,

Yes.

Is it true for me?

I was like,

Yeah,

It has to be because nothing real can be threatened.

So I have to be as bright as he is.

Maybe you can see it through his eyes better than you can see it through mine.

But underneath,

Whatever I've packed on top,

I'm just as unique as he is.

And I'm just as unique and special and filled with possibilities as he is.

And how can I teach him through integrity and authenticity and truth that he can be anything that he wants to be if I don't even believe it about myself?

You know,

And that was when I,

So I would sit there.

It took me,

I think if I remember right,

It took me like a week.

I didn't contemplate this because I didn't feel it was true about me.

I knew it was,

But I didn't feel it was.

So I would sit there at night and lay in bed and go and just go over the rationale and the reasoning.

It's got to be true for me.

It has to be true because of this spiritual law,

That spiritual law,

Or the way the dynamics are until I really could say it and feel it about myself.

You know,

Then it was part of my truth because I actually believed it.

And I believe that to be true,

Not only about myself,

But about everybody on this planet.

You know,

We all are divine and perfect inside.

We just sometimes have to uncover the illusions and all the bullshit we put on top.

Yeah,

But underneath,

It's always the same.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Nothing you've experienced has ever tarnished that in any way,

Shape or form.

That's,

You know,

It's a beautiful thing.

It is.

So it's,

You know,

The rejection.

So how can somebody reject a perfect ball of divine energy?

You're not good.

You're not good enough for me.

Right.

Right.

Huh?

Yeah,

It doesn't.

It holds no weight.

And,

You know,

The other thing that people do a lot.

I was talking to somebody years ago and they met,

They were dating.

And they met this guy,

And they really started liking this guy.

And this guy broke it off.

They said,

Listen,

You know,

Like,

You're really great person and everything.

But I'm just I've got a lot going on career wise,

And I'm just not capable of being in a serious relationship right now.

So like,

It doesn't really matter if you want to,

You know,

Who knows what's going on inside of them.

Maybe,

Maybe it was maybe he's so career driven that that's exactly what it was.

Maybe he had a fear of commitment.

Maybe it doesn't matter.

The point was,

Is he was incapable for one reason or another being in a committed relationship.

Just was and he said so.

Right.

So this woman says to me,

She's like,

I'm distraught.

I don't know what to do.

Like this person was perfect for me.

And I said,

No,

They weren't.

They're like,

Oh,

Yeah,

They were.

They're perfect.

Like,

What do you mean they were perfect for you?

Like,

Oh,

My,

You know,

The way they look,

The way they talk,

The way they treated me the way we got along the way I felt when I was with them.

They were perfect.

How am I ever going to find another guy that's as perfect as this person for me.

And I was like,

Well,

If you're going to create a perfect man for your future,

Would,

Would be would they have to be capable of being in a committed relationship?

Would that be part of them?

Well,

Yeah.

But this person was incapable of being in a committed relationship.

They said so.

So by your definition of your perfect man,

He ain't it.

He's incapable of being in a committed relationship.

How could your perfect man not include capable of being in a committed relationship?

How is that not part of your fucking puzzle?

Well,

It has to be.

Yeah.

Because otherwise,

You can't be your component.

That's their whole relationship.

Yeah,

You can't be in a committed relationship with somebody that's incapable of being in a committed relationship.

And yet they just skipped right over that one.

Yeah.

It happens.

This is,

Yeah,

But this is why we have to slow down and realize what we're looking for.

You know,

We're like,

You know,

I have so much fun with this person.

Okay,

But there's lots of people I have fun with.

I shouldn't be in a committed relationship with most of them.

Like,

You know,

To me,

It's not like they have to be capable of being in a committed relationship if I'm going to have consider them for a committed relationship.

That's pretty important.

Yeah,

That's up there on the list.

Another thing is I have to be able to get through difficult times with them.

I think that's more important than having fun with them.

I mean,

You know,

Having fun with somebody is cool,

But I have fun with all kinds of it's easy to have fun with people.

Like,

Hey,

Let's go have some fun.

That's no,

We won't take anything too seriously.

We'll go,

You know,

You can join a hiking club.

If you like hiking and find 50 people to go hiking with and have fun,

Because they all like hiking.

That's easy.

But if you go through those 50 people,

Which ones are you physically attracted to?

Which ones are capable of being in a committed relationship?

Which ones can you navigate difficulty with?

Which ones can you work through problems with?

Because they're going to be problems in life.

And when crap hits the fan,

You don't really need somebody that's going to take you out and have a beer with you and laugh it off and pretend nothing's happening.

What you need is somebody that can work through your problems with you and not run or shut down or,

You know.

Yeah,

Yeah.

So this is really I mean,

I get like this is kind of I don't mean surfacy in a bad way.

I mean,

But it's more it's not as deep as there's no such thing as rejection.

You know,

It's more surfacy than that.

So this is another thing on the surface why people deal with the rejection is because they're not looking at things like this.

Like,

Oh,

My God,

He's perfect.

Oh,

My God,

She's perfect.

Yeah,

But she don't like you.

Like,

Shouldn't that be included?

That should be a major component.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Somebody that wants to be in a relationship with you should be really high on your list of things you're looking for.

You know,

Not like do they brush your teeth silently?

Do they look good in the morning?

Who cares?

Yeah.

Do they want to hang out with you?

That should be up there.

Can they actually have feelings for you hang out with you without running away?

You know,

Like,

So instead of putting this,

This,

This rejection on us,

Just look at it for what it is.

It's like,

A lot of times it's their incapability of being in a relationship with you.

Yeah.

It's the four agreements.

Go read the four agreements.

Don't take things personally.

It's not about you.

It's about them.

Yeah.

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I For this podcast,

If you're experiencing rejection,

Then your ego is in control.

It's that simple.

I mean,

It just is because there's no other way for you to feel rejection,

Rejected.

There's no,

You can only experience rejection on an egoic level.

Yeah.

You can't,

You can't experience it on a true level.

You know,

So if you're experiencing rejection,

You're caught up in the ego.

Now,

That's usually not enough to,

To navigate it,

You know,

Listen to the rest of this podcast for that.

But,

But,

You know,

Like the,

The,

But that,

That's your warning flag.

If you feel hurt.

Through a sense of rejection.

And I mean,

You can apply this to other situations and romantic,

You know,

That that's just the most obvious.

So we use that as an example,

But please,

One of the biggest things that people don't do is they miss the message because they're experiencing rejection at work instead of in a romantic partner.

And they're like,

Well,

I don't know.

He didn't talk about work.

Yeah.

It's like,

Well,

I can't talk about every single situation that,

You know,

Like it,

I got to pick something.

So like,

Just it's,

It's rejection,

It's topic,

You know,

So take the topic.

And if,

If you didn't get a job,

It doesn't mean you're not good enough.

It just means for some reason,

You're not right for that job in that particular person's mind.

Yeah.

Oh,

It was the perfect job.

Does the perfect job have you working at it?

Yeah.

Well,

Then I guess it wasn't the perfect job because you ain't working at that one.

So obvious.

Like,

Like the blinders are just.

Yeah,

Yeah,

This is what we have to start removing and start looking at things realistically,

Because the answers are right there.

Like,

Oh,

It's my perfect job.

Did you know?

Oh,

Did does your perfect job include a company that wants to hire you?

Yes.

Okay,

Well,

This one didn't.

It didn't live up to that.

So apparently it wasn't the perfect job.

It didn't work out.

If it's not Yeah,

It didn't.

It's,

It's something going on inside of them,

They saw something maybe you didn't.

You know,

And we can learn from it.

Right.

You know,

Like,

I mean,

If you take the ego out of it and the emotions out of it,

And and I mean,

You could even do this in a romantic aspect,

To some degree,

You know,

I really try to learn as much as I can from relationships.

Because they're like the final frontier,

Man.

I mean,

There's so much emotion around them.

If you can navigate a relationship,

You can navigate anything.

So so it's like I really try to learn from them,

Because it's very painful experiencing the same lesson over and over.

But you can go to,

You know,

Some,

Depending on how enlightened the people are that you're dating,

You can go have conversations with them.

Or you can go to bosses or,

You know,

People who didn't hire you and say,

Hey,

You know,

I'm really trying to grow as a person,

Do you have any insights on how I could do better moving forward?

And you might actually be able to learn something.

Yeah,

You know,

Maybe your resume sucked.

Maybe you answered a question egoically,

Or poorly,

And you can fine tune that.

So if you just learn it as a learning it uses a learning experience,

Instead of perceived rejection.

You can actually learn things.

Yeah,

I could see that.

Yeah,

It's not taking it personally listening from objectively from a third party,

Like it,

Right,

Especially in a job,

Because a job is more task oriented,

Right?

In relationships,

It's harder.

That's why I was saying,

Like,

You know,

Depending on how enlightened the people are,

Because like you go to most people,

Like that's,

You know,

Come on,

You can't go running around doing that.

No,

Please,

I want to grow,

Like,

Get off of me.

So,

You know,

That's a little trickier.

That's probably a whole nother podcast.

But probably.

Yeah.

But we got to wrap this one up.

I see the time.

So,

So cool.

All right.

Thanks,

Aubrey.

Thank you.

And thanks,

Everybody for listening it.

So you know,

You're not being rejected.

There's no such thing as rejection.

We just have to go.

We just have to go.

This is nothing personal.

Yeah.

So peace out.

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