Lauren had challenges,
Dodging the teasing,
The comments,
The various questions from friends about loving both brothers.
She'd convinced herself that choosing Nathan,
The dynamic,
Sexy,
Fun,
Easier brother,
Was the right path for the life she wanted.
Nico's love had been like plunging into the sparkling ocean.
Vast,
Consuming,
Impossible to measure.
With Nathan,
It was more like wading into the shallows,
Safe,
Easy,
Never overhead.
Yet with Nico,
She had never felt alone.
He saw her.
He met every feeling.
There were never any that seemed too much.
Instead,
He was curious to know more.
He wanted to know all about her dreams,
Her fears,
Carefully listen to where she doubted herself,
To offer careful,
Loving reassurance.
When Nico looked at her,
It was as if he wasn't afraid of her darkness or depth.
It was more like he wanted to step inside of it,
Sit there with her.
His presence was an aphrodisiac all on its own.
His love wasn't lighthearted.
It was fierce,
Completely consuming.
Once she'd been loved that way,
She could finally admit to herself that it was almost impossible to be satisfied with anything less.
All those years with Nathan,
There was laughter,
Adventure,
And a kind of laid-back ease.
It was a love that promised connection but often slipped into avoidance.
The contrast gnawed at her,
Especially now,
Now that she knew the passion between her and Nico was very much still there.
What Nico made impossible to let go of wasn't just his intensity.
It was the way he looked at her,
Like she wasn't too much.
Instead,
Like he couldn't ever get enough,
His attention poured into the hollow places her father had left behind.
Nathan felt like the party that never really ended.
He made her laugh.
He built a kind of life that prioritized fun and experiences and living life to the fullest.
Nico was the deep water she'd been dying of thirst for.
With him,
She could stop pretending she was satisfied with lighthearted fun.
Stop acting like fun and excitement was the same thing as love and devotion.
And just maybe,
If she was being honest for once in her goddamn life,
They were both just different ways of trying to fill the same hole.
The one her father had created when he still hadn't ever reached out to explain why he'd never come home all those years ago.
She could see how secrets clung to Nathan and Nico,
Holding them back.
And the more she sat with her own past,
The more their silence,
Their shutdowns,
It made sense to the places that she felt love had disappointed her and left her brokenhearted.
