Episode Eighty-Six: The Byte-Tomahawk Martini

Welcome to episode 86 of Bite-Sized Blessings,

Where I get to interview the gorgeously talented Tomahawk Martini.

Not only is she Miss New Mexico Pride 2022,

But she's a fierce,

Fierce advocate for the LGBTQ community here in the desert Southwest.

If you check out Tomahawk's Instagram and her TikTok,

You'll see beautiful makeup,

Incredible costumes,

And in general,

A thriving community of drag queens who support each other and lift each other up.

But it was Tomahawk's stories of the women in her life,

Her grandmother,

Her aunties,

Those powerful women that surrounded her with love,

With acceptance,

And when you listen to this episode,

With protection.

There's a great sacrifice and great love that happens in this episode.

And I'm so very grateful to Tomahawk for sharing it with me.

I think when you listen to this episode,

Tomahawk's reverence for the women in her life will be very clear.

So now,

Episode 86 of Bite-Sized Blessings.

Everyone was out playing outside.

All the adults were inside were playing.

She walks outside,

And she realizes that Bert is choking.

She's like,

They're trying to do CPR and whatever.

And then he ends up dying in the dream,

And then I end up choking.

And then I just remember my grandma's being like,

I saw Thomas fall down,

And he didn't get back up.

And so she tried to bring me back to life,

And I wasn't able to come back to life.

And my grandma was like,

Pretty much my grandma said,

She didn't want this to happen to me.

So she came to get rid of that dream because she didn't want nothing to happen to me.

Because again,

Like I said,

I'm a big dreamer.

My grandma was a big dreamer.

She saw visions.

I saw visions.

And she saw this happening,

And she was like,

This is not going to happen.

And when we did that ceremony,

Pretty much my grandma offered her place for me.

I'm excited to share.

I normally don't share a lot of things.

Personally,

I'm a very closed off person.

But again,

When you had reached out to me and asked me about all these topics,

I was like,

Wow,

This is going to be really fun because I never really talked about it,

But I'm comfortable talking about it.

The way this interview is turning out,

It's kind of nice because I gave a little foreshadowing to what I'm going to explain.

Like I said,

When before my grandmother had passed,

It was December of 97,

My grandparents passed away.

A few weeks before.

And I want to say it's a week,

But I can't recall because I was seven.

And that part of my,

After my grandparents passed away,

I just kind of think it's just suppressed from my memory.

But I remember one evening when my dad,

Because my dad married an Apache woman and we lived in Saley,

Arizona,

Which back in the day was about a 45 minute to an hour drive.

I remember my grandparents,

It was like maybe 7 o'clock,

8 o'clock,

And they knocked on the door and my dad was surprised.

And I was surprised because I was like,

I don't usually see my grandma because I was trying to live with my dad and be a part of his married life and have that family sense.

So I stepped away from my grandparents for a little bit.

And one day,

One evening,

My grandmother stopped by with my grandfather and they had all their,

They had a gourd box,

Which is where it carries like their rattles,

Their feathers,

Smokes,

Pipes,

Crystals,

Everything they need to do a ceremony.

And I remember my dad and my grandma talking,

But I wasn't listening because as kids,

You're told not to listen in on adult conversation.

So I was just minding my own thing,

But I was like so excited my grandma was there,

But I wanted to like run up,

But I was like,

They're talking.

So my grandfather like set up and my dad was like,

We're going to do a quick ceremony.

Your grandma wants to do something for you.

And I was like,

For me,

I was like,

Okay,

Like that's special because it's kind of a special thing.

And so I was like,

Okay,

So we sat there,

We set up,

Turned off all the lights.

We had a fire stove.

They had like a pot that they put in the middle.

It's like embers.

And usually the embers send the messages where whoever's doing the ceremony,

My grandfather,

My grandma,

They can read into these embers.

These embers send messages,

Like pictures,

And they take those readings.

And I didn't know what was happening.

I just knew my grandma wanted to do something for me.

And so I sat there,

We did the whole ceremony.

It takes maybe like an hour,

But it's like complete silence.

You just sit there,

Sing,

Chant,

Talk.

And I just remember my grandparents leaving and my grandma gave me this,

Oh my God,

I'm gonna cry.

The last time I saw my grandma,

She gave me a big hug,

Which was right after the ceremony.

And she said,

Well,

My nickname was Mouse.

And she's like,

I love you so much.

God,

I'm gonna cry.

She said she loved me so much,

She gave me the biggest hug.

And I just,

Every time I was around my grandma,

I just felt love,

I felt warmth,

I felt comfort.

I was never,

Never scared.

And so when my grandma gave me that hug,

I was just like,

Oh,

Thank you,

Thank you.

Because I didn't see her for a bit because that summer I think we moved away.

And so I would see my grandma every time we would go back to Crystal.

But that was the last time I seen her.

They went about their day or their night.

They drove back that night,

Which was also kind of weird because I'm like,

My grandparents would never drive at night.

It's dangerous to drive on the reservation at night.

There's livestock you could break down.

And there's like,

There was no cell phones back then.

It was not paved roads.

So it was just very like,

It wasn't safe to be outside.

But they drove home anyways.

And then I went to sleep.

And then I think like a week later,

Someone showed up,

Talked to my dad.

And I could tell something was wrong.

I just knew something was wrong because just I feel that energy,

A feed off energy.

And I could just tell in the body language and just watching my dad because I really do love my dad.

I just saw his body language.

And I just read this energy.

And I was like,

Something's wrong.

And next thing you know,

He just started crying.

And then he immediately looks to me.

And he was like,

Your grandparents have passed away.

They were involved in a car accident.

And back then,

You couldn't call or do cell phones.

So people had to drive to people's houses to tell them.

And they drove all that.

It happened that evening.

And they came to us at night.

It's kind of like around the same time my grandmother knocked on our door.

And so I was just like completely shocked.

And I just was like numb as a kid,

Honestly.

When I found,

When they broke the news to me,

I just,

I was like,

I shut down.

And I was like,

This isn't real.

I don't know what's going on.

And so my dad did his best to like talk to me and whatever.

And he was like,

Do you remember why your grandma came to see you?

And I was like,

Yes.

And as a kid,

I put it together because what my grandmother,

And this is where I believe in things beyond like upper power,

Higher power,

Just that magic of unexplained,

That no one else can explain unless you actually experience it.

And my dad was like,

When your grandmother came here,

Do you remember why she came?

And I was like,

Yeah,

She had a dream about me.

And he was like,

What was the dream?

And I was like,

My grandma had a dream that I died in her dream.

And she was,

And then he was like,

Do you remember the dream?

And I was like,

Yeah.

I remember we were all playing at grandma's house.

And my aunt,

Who's my dad's sister,

Her husband is Rick.

One of his brothers,

I guess,

Was choking in the dream.

That this is,

I'm going to tell you my grandma's dream.

She said,

Everyone was out playing outside.

All the adults were inside were playing.

She walks outside,

And she realizes that Bert is choking.

She's like,

They're trying to do CPR and whatever.

And then he ends up dying in the dream.

And then I end up choking.

And then I just remember my grandma's being like,

I saw Thomas fall down,

And he didn't get back up.

And so she tried to bring me back to life,

And I wasn't able to come back to life.

And my grandma was like,

Pretty much my grandma said,

She didn't want this to happen to me.

So she came to get rid of that dream.

Because she didn't want nothing to happen to me.

Because again,

Like I said,

I'm a big dreamer.

My grandma was a big dreamer.

She saw visions.

I saw visions.

And she saw this happening.

She was like,

This is not going to happen.

And when we did that ceremony,

Pretty much my grandma offered her place for me,

For my family consoling me.

And then they had to go to the burial site,

Which it was in the middle of December,

So it was kind of muddy.

So you just had like these hearses trying to make up a mountain to get to the burial site.

They eventually made it,

But when you go to my grandma's house on the land,

There's one part,

Because it's a private family plot.

When you go left and you go right,

I didn't go to the funeral site.

I was the only one who didn't go.

And my dad was with my mom at that time,

Because my mom came back.

Because she knew my grandmother,

And my grandmother knew her.

She just had respect for my grandma,

So she came back.

And I remember my dad and my mom walking with me.

I just went straight back to my grandma's house.

And everyone else went to the family plot to do the burial and the ceremony and all that.

And I just remember turning on The Lion King,

Because that was my favorite movie.

And my grandmother bought me this Pinocchio recliner.

It was like a kid's size recliner.

And it was Pinocchio.

And I just remember sitting in the chair,

And my grandmother always had cheese in the fridge for me,

Which is where I got the nickname Mouse.

I would just eat cheese all the time.

And sure enough,

I opened my grandma's fridge,

And there's cheese in there.

And I don't know,

It's like,

Did my grandma just constantly keep cheese in here?

Like,

Why is it sitting here for me?

And then there was also Lunchables,

Which was like a luxury as a kid.

Like,

If you got Lunchables,

Baby,

You were living life.

And there was Lunchables in there,

And I was like so confused as to why is there all my favorite snacks in here?

And then so Lion King 2 was already ready for me.

And I just kind of felt like my grandma was like,

You know,

Just come be by yourself.

Come process this on your own.

You don't need to be doing what everyone else is doing.

Just have a snack.

Sit in your chair.

Watch TV.

And I just felt so much comfort when I was in my grandma's house.

And I think that was another thing besides the ceremony,

Again,

Where my grandma was just there.

And she was like,

Relax.

Be comfortable.

Eat some cheese.

Watch your favorite movie.

Sit in the house.

The house.

Even though in such a negative place in time,

It just felt warm.

And there was no fire going because there was no one staying in the house.

And so it just felt warm to me.

I felt happy.

And I just sat there,

And I just sat there.

And I just ate my snacks.

And then I fell asleep.

And then my parents took me home.

My dad took me home and then carried on from there.

So it's just like things.

Like,

My grandma keeps constantly putting reminders in my life to say,

I'm still here.

I'm still watching you.

Keep going.

Thank you so much for listening to episode 86 of Bite-Sized Blessings.

I'm so grateful to my beautiful guest,

Tomahawk Martini,

For sharing her precious story with me,

A story of sacrifice,

Of deep love,

And of dreams that can save lives.

To see more of Tomahawk and her beautiful work,

Please visit her Instagram,

At TomahawkMartini,

Or her TikTok,

TomahawkMartini.

Tomahawk is truly changing the lives and lifting the spirits of everyone around her.

I need to thank the creators of the music used in this episode.

Alexander Nagurada,

Winnie the Moog,

Taiga Sound Productions,

John Bartman,

Music L Files,

Frank Schroeder,

Horst Hoffman,

And Sasha End.

For complete attribution,

Please see the Bite-Sized Blessings website at Bite-SizedBlessings.

Com.

On the website,

You'll find links to other episodes,

To books,

Music,

And change makers,

Like Tomahawk,

Who will lift and brighten your day.

Thank you for listening.

And here's my one request.

Be like Tomahawk.

Be beautiful.

Be gorgeous inside and out.

Lift others up.

And on the grand adventure that is your life,

Bring everyone else along with you.

Thank you.