Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure Of The Noble Bachelor 2 Of 2

Hello,

It's Mandy here.

Thanks for joining me tonight.

I'm so glad that you've tuned in to hear the second part of The Adventure of the Noble Bachelor,

A Sherlock Holmes story.

In December 1893,

Because he wanted to dedicate more of his time to his historical novels,

Doyle had Holmes and Professor Moriarty,

His archenemy,

Plunge to their deaths together.

But public outcry led him to feature Holmes in 1901 in The Hound of the Baskervilles.

And in 1903,

Doyle published his first Holmes short story in ten years,

In which he had to explain that only Moriarty had fallen.

But since Holmes had other dangerous enemies,

He'd arranged to make it look as if he too were dead.

Holmes was ultimately featured in a total of 56 short stories,

Four novels by Doyle,

And he has since appeared in many novels and stories by other authors.

But before I go ahead,

And before we rejoin Holmes and Watson at Baker Street,

Please feel free to make yourself really comfortable and settle down into your chair or your bed.

Relax your hands,

Soften your shoulders,

And release your jaw.

That's wonderful.

So if you're ready,

Then I shall begin.

It is very good of Lord St.

Simon to honour my head by putting it on a level with his own,

Said Sherlock Holmes,

Laughing.

I think I shall have a whiskey and soda and a cigar after all this cross-questioning.

I had formed my conclusions as to the case before our client came into the room.

My dear Holmes,

I exclaimed,

I have notes of several similar cases,

Though none,

As I remarked before,

Said Holmes,

Which were quite as prompt.

My whole examination served to turn my conjecture into a certainty.

Circumstantial evidence is occasionally very convincing,

As when you find a trout in the milk,

To quote Thoreau's example.

But I have heard all that you have heard,

Without,

However,

The knowledge of pre-existing cases,

Which serves me so well.

There was a parallel instance in Aberdeen some years back,

And something on very much the same lines at Munich,

The year after the Franco-Prussian war.

It is one of these cases,

But hello,

Here is Lestrade.

Good afternoon,

Lestrade.

You will find an extra tumbler upon the sideboard,

And there are cigars in the box.

The official detective was attired in a pea jacket and cravat,

Which gave him a decidedly nautical appearance,

And he carried a black canvas bag in his hand.

With a short greeting,

He seated himself and lit the cigar which had been offered to him.

What's up then?

Asked Holmes,

With a twinkle in his eye.

You look dissatisfied.

And I feel dissatisfied.

It is this infernal St.

Simon marriage case.

I can make neither head nor tail of the business.

Really,

You surprise me,

Said Holmes.

Whoever heard of such a mixed affair?

Every clue seems to slip through my fingers.

I have been at work upon it all day.

And very wet it seems to have made you,

Said Holmes,

Laying his hand upon the arm of the pea jacket.

Yes,

I have been dragging the serpentine.

In heaven's name,

What for?

In search of the body of Lady St.

Simon.

Sherlock Holmes leaned back in his chair and laughed heartily.

Have you dragged the basin of Trafalgar Square fountain?

He asked.

Why,

What do you mean?

Because you have just as good a chance of finding this lady in the one as in the other.

Lestrade shot an angry glance at my companion.

I suppose you know all about it,

He snarled.

Well,

I have only just heard the facts,

But my mind is made up.

Oh indeed,

Then you think the serpentine plays no part in the matter?

I think it very unlikely.

Then perhaps you will kindly explain how it is that we found this in it.

He opened his bag,

As he spoke,

And tumbled onto the floor a wedding dress of watered silk,

A pair of white satin shoes,

And a bride's wreath and veil,

All discoloured and soaked in water.

There,

Said he,

Putting a new wedding ring upon the top of the pile.

There is a little nut for you to crack,

Master Holmes.

Oh indeed,

Said my friend,

Blowing blue rings into the air.

You dragged them from the serpentine?

No,

They were found floating near the margin by a park keeper.

They have been identified as her clothes,

And it seemed to me that if the clothes were there,

The body would not be far off.

By the same brilliant reasoning,

Every man's body is to be found in the neighbourhood of his wardrobe.

And pray,

What did you hope to through this?

But some evidence implicating Flora Miller in the disappearance.

I am afraid that you will find it difficult.

Are you indeed now,

Cried Lestrade with some bitterness.

I am afraid,

Holmes,

That you are not very practical with your deductions and your inferences.

You've made two blunders in as many minutes.

This dress does implicate Miss Flora Miller.

And how?

In the dress is a pocket,

In the pocket is a card case,

In the card case is a note,

And here is the very note.

He slapped it down upon the table in front of him.

Listen to this.

You will see me when all is ready.

Come at once.

F.

H.

M.

Now,

My theory all along has been that Lady St.

Simon was decoyed away by Flora Miller,

And that she,

With confederates no doubt,

Was responsible for her disappearance.

Here,

Signed with her initials,

Is the very note,

Which was no doubt quietly slipped into her hand at the door,

And which lured her within their reach.

Very good,

Lestrade,

Said Holmes,

Laughing.

You really are very fine indeed.

Let me see it.

He took up the paper in a listless way,

But his attention instantly became riveted,

And he gave a little cry of satisfaction.

This is indeed important,

Said he.

You find it so?

Extremely so.

I congratulate you warmly.

Lestrade rose in his triumph,

And bent his head to look.

Why,

He shrieked,

You're looking at the wrong side.

On the contrary,

This is the right side,

Said Sherlock Holmes.

The right side?

You're mad.

Here is the note written in pencil over here,

And over here is what appears to be the fragment of a hotel bill,

Which interests me deeply.

There's nothing in it.

I looked at it before,

Said Lestrade.

Oct fourth,

Rooms etc,

Breakfast two shillings and sixpence,

Cocktail one shilling,

Lunch two shillings and sixpence,

Glass of sherry eight pence.

I see nothing in that.

Very likely not.

It is most important all the same.

As to the note,

It is important also,

Or at least the initials are,

So I congratulate you again.

I've wasted enough time,

Said Lestrade,

Rising.

I believe in hard work and not in sitting by the fire,

Spinning fine theories.

Good day,

Mr Holmes,

And we shall see which gets to the bottom of the matter first.

He gathered up the garments,

Thrust them into the bag,

And made for the door.

Just one hint to you,

Lestrade,

Drawled Holmes before his rival vanished.

I will tell you the true solution of the matter.

Lady St Simon is a myth.

There is not,

And there never has been,

Any such person.

Lestrade looked sadly at my companion.

Then he turned to me,

Tapped his forehead three times,

Shook his head solemnly,

And hurried away.

He had hardly shut the door behind him when Holmes rose to put on his overcoat.

There is something in what that fellow says about outdoor work,

He remarked,

So I think,

Watson,

That I must leave you to your papers for a little.

It was after five o'clock when Sherlock Holmes left me,

But I had no time to be lonely,

For within an hour there arrived a confectioner's man with a very large flat box.

This he unpacked with the help of a youth whom he'd brought with him,

And presently,

To my very great astonishment,

A quite epicurean little cold supper began to be laid out upon our humble lodging-house mahogany.

There were a couple of brace of cold woodcock,

A pheasant,

A pate de foie gras pie,

With a group of ancient and cobwebby bottles.

Having laid out all these luxuries,

My two visitors vanished away,

Like the genie-eye of the Arabian nights,

With no explanation,

Save that the things had been paid for and were ordered to this address.

Just before nine o'clock Sherlock Holmes stepped briskly into the room.

His features were gravely set,

But there was a light in his eye which made me think he had not been disappointed in his conclusions.

Ah,

They have laid the supper then,

He said.

You seem to expect company.

They have laid for five.

Yes,

I fancy we may have some company dropping in,

Said he.

I am surprised that Lord Saint Simon has not already arrived.

Ah,

I fancy that I hear his step now upon the stairs.

It was indeed our visitor of the afternoon who came bustling in,

Dangling his glasses more vigorously than ever,

And with a very perturbed expression upon his aristocratic features.

My messenger reached you then,

Asked Holmes.

Yes,

And I confess that the content startled me beyond measure.

Have you good authority for what you say?

The best possible.

Lord Saint Simon sank into a chair and passed his hand over his forehead.

What will the Duke say,

He murmured,

When he hears that one of the family has been subjected to such humiliation?

It is the purest accident,

Said Holmes.

I cannot allow that there is any humiliation.

Ah,

You look on these things from another standpoint.

I fail to see that anyone is to blame,

Said Holmes.

I can hardly see how the lady could have acted otherwise,

Though her abrupt method of doing it was undoubtedly to be regretted.

Having no mother,

She had no one to advise her at such a crisis.

No,

It was a slight,

Sir,

A public slight,

Said Lord Saint Simon,

Tapping his fingers on the table.

You must make allowance,

Said Holmes,

For this poor girl,

Placed in so unprecedented a position.

I will make no allowance.

I am very angry indeed,

And I have been shamefully used.

I think I heard a ring,

Said Holmes.

Yes,

There are the steps on the landing.

If I cannot persuade you to take a lenient view of the matter,

Lord Saint Simon,

I have brought an advocate here who may be more successful.

He opened the door and ushered in a lady and gentleman.

Lord Saint Simon,

Said he,

Allow me to introduce you to Mr and Mrs Frances Hay Moulton,

The lady I think you have already met.

At the sight of these newcomers,

Our client had sprung from his seat and stood very erect,

With his eyes cast down and his hand thrust into the breast of his frock coat,

A picture of offended dignity.

The lady had taken a quick step forward and had held out her hand to him,

But he still refused to raise his eyes.

It was as well for his resolution,

Perhaps,

For her pleading face was one which it was hard to resist.

You're angry,

Robert,

Said she.

Well,

I guess you have every cause to be.

Pray make no apology to me,

Said Lord Saint Simon bitterly.

Yeah,

I know I've treated you real bad and that I should have spoken to you before I went,

But I was kind of rattled,

And from the time when I saw Frank here again,

I just didn't know what I was doing or saying.

I only wonder I didn't fall down and do a faint right there before the altar.

Perhaps,

Mrs Moulton,

You would like my friend and me to leave the room while you explain this matter,

Said Holmes.

If I may give an opinion,

Remarked the strange gentleman,

We've had just a little too much secrecy over this business already.

For my part,

I should like all Europe and America to hear the rights of it.

He was a small,

Wiry,

Sunburnt man,

Clean-shaven,

With a sharp face and alert manner.

Then I'll tell our story right away,

Said the lady.

Frank here and I met in 84 in Macquire's camp near the Rockies,

Where Pa was working a claim.

We were engaged to each other,

Frank and I,

But then one day Father struck a rich pocket and made a pile,

While poor Frank here had a claim that petered out and came to nothing.

The richer Pa grew,

The poorer was Frank,

So at last Pa wouldn't hear of our engagement lasting any longer,

And he took me away to Frisco.

Frank wouldn't throw up his hand though,

So he followed me there,

And he saw me without Pa knowing anything about it.

It would only have made him mad to know,

So we'd just fix it all up for ourselves.

Frank said that he would go and make his pile too,

And never come back to claim me until he had as much as Pa.

So then I promised to wait for him till the end of time,

And pledged myself not to marry anyone else while he lived.

Why shouldn't we be married right away then,

Said he,

And then I will feel sure of you,

And I won't claim to be your husband until I come back.

Well we talked it over,

And he had it fixed up all so nicely,

With a clergyman already in waiting,

That we just did it right there,

And then Frank went off to seek his fortune,

And I went back to Pa.

The next I heard of Frank was that he was in Montana,

And then he went prospecting in Arizona,

Then I heard of him from New Mexico.

After that came a long newspaper story about how a miner's camp had been attacked by Apache Indians,

And there was my Frank's name among the killed.

I fainted,

Dead away,

And I was very sick for months.

Pa thought I had a decline,

And took me to half the doctors in Frisco.

Not a word of news came for a year and more,

So that I never doubted that Frank was really dead.

Then Lord St.

Simon came to Frisco,

And we came to London,

And the marriage was arranged,

And Pa was very pleased,

But I felt all the time that no man on this earth would ever take the place in my heart that had been given to my poor Frank.

Still,

If I had married Lord St.

Simon,

Of course I'd have done my duty by him.

We can't command our love,

But we can our actions.

I went to the altar with him with the intention to make him just as good a wife as it was in me to be,

But you may imagine what I felt when,

Just as I came to the altar rails,

I glanced back and saw Frank standing and looking at me out of the first pew.

I thought it was his ghost at first,

But when I looked again,

There he was,

Still,

With a kind of question in his eyes,

As if to ask me whether I were glad or sorry to see him.

I wonder I didn't drop.

I know that everything was turning round,

And the words of the clergyman were just like the buzz of a bee in my ear.

I didn't know what to do.

Should I stop the service and make a scene in the church?

I glanced at him again,

And he seemed to know what I was thinking,

For he raised his finger to his lips to tell me to be still.

Then I saw him scribble on a piece of paper,

And I knew he was writing me a note.

As I passed his pew on the way out,

I dropped my bouquet over to him,

And he slipped the note into my hand when he returned me the flowers.

It was only a line asking me to join him when he made the sign to me to do so.

Of course,

I never doubted for a moment that my first duty was now to him,

And I determined to do just whatever he might direct.

When I got back,

I told my maid,

Who had known him in California,

And had always been his friend.

I ordered her to say nothing but to get a few things packed and my ulster ready.

I know I ought to have spoken to Lord St.

Simon,

But it was dreadful hard before his mother and all those great people.

I just made up my mind to run away and explain afterwards.

I hadn't been at the table ten minutes before I saw Frank out of the window at the other side of the road.

He beckoned to me and began walking into the park.

I slipped out,

Put on my things,

And followed him.

Some woman came talking something or other about Lord St.

Simon to me.

Seemed to me,

From the little I heard,

As if he had a little secret of his own before marriage also,

But I managed to get away from her and soon overtook Frank.

We got into a cab together,

And away we drove to some lodgings he'd taken in Gordon Square,

And that was my true wedding after all these years of waiting.

Frank had been a prisoner among the Apaches,

Had escaped,

Come on to Frisco,

Found that I'd given him up for dead,

And had gone to England,

Followed me there,

And had come upon me at last on the very morning of my second wedding.

I saw it in a paper,

Explained the American.

It gave the name and the church,

But not where the lady lived.

Then we had a talk as to what we should do.

Frank was all for openness,

But I was so ashamed of it all that I felt as if I should like to vanish away and never see any of them again.

Just sending a line to Pa,

Perhaps,

To show him I was alive.

It was awful to me to think of all those lords and ladies sitting round that breakfast table,

Waiting for me to come back.

So Frank took my wedding clothes and things and made a bundle of them,

So I should not be traced,

And dropped them away somewhere where no one could find them.

It is likely we should have gone on to Paris tomorrow,

Only that this good gentleman,

Mr.

Holmes,

Came round to us this evening,

Though how he found us is more than I can think,

And he showed us very clearly and kindly that I was wrong,

And that Frank was right,

And that we should be putting ourselves in the wrong,

If we were so secret.

Then he offered to give us a chance of talking to Lord St.

Simon alone,

And so we came right away round to his rooms at once.

Now,

Robert,

You have heard it all,

And I am very sorry if I have given you pain,

And I hope that you do not think very meanly of me.

Lord St.

Simon had by no means relaxed his rigid attitude,

But had listened with a frowning brow and a compressed lip to this long narrative.

Excuse me,

He said,

But it is not my custom to discuss my most intimate personal affairs in this public manner.

Then you won't forgive me?

You won't shake hands before I go?

Oh,

Certainly,

If it would give you any pleasure.

He put out his hand and coldly grasped that which she extended to him.

I had hoped,

Suggested Holmes,

That you would have joined us in a friendly supper.

I think that there you ask a little too much,

Responded his Lordship.

I may be forced to acquiesce in these recent developments,

But I can hardly be expected to make merry over them.

I think that with your permission,

I will now wish you all a very good night.

He included us all in a sweeping bow and stalked out of the room.

Then I trust that you at least will honour me with your company,

Said Sherlock Holmes.

It is always a joy to meet an American,

Mr.

Moulton,

For I am one of those who believe that the folly of a monarch and the blundering of a minister in far-gone years will not prevent our children from being someday citizens of the same worldwide country under a flag which shall be a quartering of the Union Jack with the stars and stripes.

The case has been an interesting one,

Remarked Holmes,

When our visitors had left us,

Because it serves to show very clearly how simple the explanation may be of an affair which at first sight seems to be almost inexplicable.

Nothing could be more natural than the sequence of events as narrated by this lady,

And nothing stranger than the result when viewed,

For instance,

By Mr.

Lestrade of Scotland Yard.

You were not yourself at fault at all,

Then,

I remarked.

From the first,

Two facts were very obvious to me,

The one that the lady had been quite willing to undergo the wedding ceremony,

The other that she had repented of it within a few minutes of returning home.

Obviously something had occurred during the morning,

Then,

To cause her to change her mind.

What could that something be?

She could not have spoken to anyone when she was out,

For she had been in the company of the bridegroom.

Had she seen someone,

Then?

If she had,

It must be someone from America,

Because she had spent so short a time in this country that she could hardly have allowed anyone to acquire so deep an influence over her that the mere sight of him would induce her to change her plans so completely.

You see,

We have already arrived by a process of exclusion at the idea that she might have seen an American.

Then,

Who could this American be,

And why should he possess so much influence over her?

It might be a lover,

It might be a husband.

Her young womanhood had,

I knew,

Been spent in rough scenes and under strange conditions.

So far I had got before I ever heard of Lord St.

Simon's narrative.

When he told us of a man in a pew,

Of the change in the bride's manner,

Of so transparent a device for obtaining a note as the dropping of a bouquet,

Of her resort to her confidential maid,

And of her very significant illusion to claim jumping,

Which in miners' parlance means taking possession of that which another person has a prior claim to,

The whole situation became absolutely clear.

She had gone off with a man,

And the man was either a lover or was a previous husband,

The chances being in favour of the latter.

And how in the world did you find them?

It might have been difficult,

But friend Lestrade held information in his hands,

The value of which he did not himself know.

The initials were,

Of course,

Of the highest importance,

But more valuable still was it to know that within a week he had settled his bill at one of the most select London hotels.

How did you deduce the select?

By the select prices.

Eight shillings for a bed and eightpence for a glass of sherry pointed to one of the most expensive hotels.

There are not many in London which charge at that rate.

In the second one,

Which I visited in Northumberland Avenue,

I learned by an inspection of the book that Francis H.

Moulton,

An American gentleman,

Had left only the day before,

And on looking over the entries against him,

I came upon the very items which I had seen in the duplicate bill.

His letters were to be forwarded to 226 Gordon Square.

So thither I travelled,

And being fortunate enough to find the loving couple at home,

I ventured to give them some paternal advice and to point out to them it would be better in every way that they should make their position a little clearer,

Both to the general public and to Lord St.

Simon in particular.

I invited them to meet him here,

And as you see,

I made him keep the appointment.

But with no very good result,

I remarked,

His conduct was certainly not very gracious.

Ah,

Watson,

Said Holmes,

Smiling,

Perhaps you would not be very gracious either,

If,

After all the trouble of wooing and wedding,

You found yourself deprived in an instant of wife and of fortune.

I think that we may judge Lord St.

Simon very mercifully,

And thank our stars that we are never likely to find ourselves in the same position.

Draw your chair up and hand me my violin,

For the only problem we have still to solve is how to while away these bleak autumnal evenings.