Over this past summer,
I took a little journey.
My brother and his girlfriend had been on a road trip across the country,
And their car had broken down in Iowa.
So they had to leave it there and get a little rental car to bring back home to New York.
About a month or a few weeks later,
The car was ready to go,
So I decided I'd fly out and take it on my own little road trip.
And I knew I wanted to use this road trip as an opportunity to connect deeper to God or truth or divinity or whatever you might want to call it.
And I also wanted to use it as an opportunity to be more free and get more in touch with my own intuition and my own inner guidance,
Which had been a bit difficult for me living at home.
So I went and I got the car,
The rental car.
Or not the rental car,
Our car.
And it was nighttime when I got it,
And the guy that had fixed it for us was really,
Really kind,
And he offered to let me stay at this Airbnb that he had renovated,
Or another Airbnb that he was renovating.
And I was just like,
Wish everyone would be more convenient for you.
And the Airbnb that he was renovating was closer,
So we ended up going to that.
And it was a good,
It was a nice place to lay and to rest.
But it was really being renovated.
There was not much there,
Kind of just the bathroom had paint in it,
So you couldn't really use the bathroom.
Like there was paintbrushes and paint,
And I don't think the toilet was connected.
There was a lot of things going on,
A lot of renovations going on.
But there was a nice room to sleep in,
And that was awesome.
So I slept the night there,
And then hit the road the next day.
Not exactly sure where I was going.
I knew I had this little singing gathering that I was potentially going to go to in Pennsylvania,
Or I had also signed up for this thing in California.
And I wasn't sure if it would be worth it to go all the way back to Pennsylvania and then go to California,
So I was considering just going straight west.
But I was open to whatever the possibilities might hold.
I knew I also wanted to spend a few days in the woods to try to just chant and meditate and connect deeper to my own self and find truth,
Whatever that is.
And so I was driving,
And I was on this program as well where I would run every day.
And I also wanted to do some fasting,
Or at least just kind of eat really healthy and sort of live off the grace of God or the grace of the higher power or whatever it might be,
Just sort of seeing what food might come my way instead of actually trying so hard to make it happen or going to restaurants or anything.
I just went to a grocery store,
And I picked up some fruit and some chia seeds and a few other things,
Very light food.
So I got that,
And then I went to a park and ended up going on a run,
A really long run,
And had a nice time.
And then I knew I wanted to just make this decision pretty quick,
I think,
Or at least see what was trying to happen or meant to happen,
If I should just go straight west or go east.
So I remember I got to this freeway where it was either I could go east or west.
And I just waited,
And I was like,
What should I do?
How should I make this decision?
And I decided I'll just flip a coin.
So I flipped a coin,
And I don't remember if it was heads or tails,
West or east,
But I flipped the coin,
And it said go east.
So I just went east,
And my plan was just to book it to Pennsylvania and then find a nice spot to camp out there.
So I just drove and drove and drove,
And I ended up sleeping in my car in a rest stop like one or two nights,
And I would wake up in the morning.
I would just go on a little run by the rest stop,
If I could,
Or drive somewhere and then go on a run and then shower off in whatever way I could.
Sometimes I wouldn't shower right away.
I'd wait until I found a hose or a fountain or something.
And this was kind of a challenging time.
It was bringing up a lot of stuff for me because during the car ride,
I would just spend the whole entire time chanting.
And I feel my line of approach is through the Divine Mother because I feel that the Divine Mother aspect of God or truth or source or spirit is really approachable for me,
And it's easy for my heart to open when approaching the Divine Mother because I'm just imagining this existence,
Beingness of spirit,
Of just like ultimate compassion and motherly love and acceptance and forgiveness.
And so I'm just praying or chanting to the Divine Mother for as long as I'm driving,
Like eight hours at a time.
I'm just driving straight to Pennsylvania,
And it's doing this and being alone is just bringing up some things and allowing me to grieve and not even grieve,
Just like let go of things that aren't serving me anymore because I feel like most of the time I'm either just doing meditation or on my phone or doing something.
And so there's not a lot of time spent just doing one thing,
And that thing being something that's bringing me to my own self or truth or whatever.
And I feel like when we're actually trying to go to the highest part of our beings,
Then it allows everything else to fall away gently.
So that was happening,
And I was sleeping in these rest stops.
And it was feeling very freeing too,
In a way,
Because I was realizing,
Oh,
I actually don't have to do anything.
I don't need to go to Pennsylvania.
I don't need to do anything.
I'm very free right now.
I'm just driving this car.
The only limitation is money,
And even that I was thinking to myself,
I'm not even going to look at my bank account.
I'm just going to buy gas,
And then when I get to a place where I don't have gas anymore,
I'll just go work there or something like that,
If that is even possible.
But the other aspect of this journey was building faith.
I knew that if that happened,
That things would align in a way that I would be provided for.
Or if I'm not,
It would be a necessary part of my journey that I would have to struggle a bit or ask someone for money or do whatever it would take in a highly inspired way.
Of course,
Just trusting my heart and feeling into what the best way to go about it would be.
But luckily that didn't have to happen,
And I don't even know why I went into such a tangent.
But I continued on my journey,
And eventually I got into Pennsylvania near the Poconos area.
My thought was,
I'll just pull off onto the side of the road and then walk into the woods and then just like chant for a few days.
And so I got to this place in the Poconos that seemed pretty wooded,
And I walked to a little river and took a bath in the river.
And then when I got back,
I remember this security guard sort of came up to me,
And he's like,
Hey,
You know,
This is private property,
You're not allowed to be parked here.
And I was like,
Okay,
Cool.
So then I realized that I would need to find a different place.
And so I started looking up some national parks and things of that nature,
And I ended up figuring out that I was near this place called Delaware Gap,
Which is like this very beautiful national park,
I believe,
Or park.
And so I ended up driving there,
And it ended up being that it was on the Appalachian Trail.
And one desire I'd had is to hike part of the Appalachian Trail or the whole Appalachian Trail.
And so I thought I was pretty fortunate that,
Well,
I just stumbled across this Appalachian Trail.
So by the time I got there,
It was pretty late,
So I figured I'd sleep in my car and then head out the next day.
So I slept in my car,
Went on a run in the morning.
And at this point,
I hadn't eaten a whole lot in the past few days besides drinking a bunch of chia seeds and eating fruit,
And I might have had some peanut butter or something.
But that run was making me feel lightheaded or something.
But it was good,
Nice,
And I ended up coming back.
And then I thought,
OK,
You know what?
I'm not even going to bring food into my little journey.
And I was reflecting on some of these quotes by great saints and even Jesus,
Like,
Don't even think about what tomorrow or the future for the higher power or God or whatever will take care of everything.
And like the one Jesus one is like,
Look at the birds.
They don't think about the next day and they get fed.
So why are you so worried about everything?
Something like that.
I don't know the exact quote,
But there's a lot of quotes like that where it's like,
You can trust that you will be taken care of,
You will be provided for.
So I went in with that knowing and also knowing on the same time that I had spent multiple days without food and even over a day without water.
So I knew I'd be fine either way.
But I also knew I was going on a long hike and I didn't know where I would be going.
So I knew I could that that brought in a little bit of faith and also just the inner knowing that everything would be OK,
Even even if I didn't have the faith,
But I did have the faith.
So and even if I don't have the faith,
There is still that that power,
That energy.
Life itself is taking care of us.
And so I just embarked on this hike through the Appalachian Trail.
And I remember I started off the journey and I was kind of just like I kind of just didn't really want to fast.
But I knew that I was just using it as a way to build my faith.
So I just I just went along with it.
And then pretty quick into the journey,
I saw there's cut up grapefruit that had landed on the floor.
And one piece of grapefruit was standing up like pretty,
Pretty clean.
And I was like,
Well,
Maybe this is a sign that I'm already being cared for.
So I picked up the grapefruit and ate it right away and just kept walking.
Wasn't the most sanitary thing I could do.
But,
Hey,
It was it was a nice grapefruit.
And I kept walking and walking,
Walking for for a few hours,
Ran into some people in the way.
And I wasn't sure where I would hike.
I found this lake and it was really beautiful.
And I went down a hill to look for a place to camp,
But I didn't find anything that felt right.
So I just kept walking and walking.
I would ideally I wanted a place with a nice body of water or a really nice view.
But I hadn't really seen anything that was quite perfect yet.
And so I kept hiking and I was chanting along the hike.
And then at one point I just started praying like,
Hey,
I've I've done these fast.
I've done these austerities.
And so far,
They haven't really made me feel connected to my heart.
And I want to do this for you,
Lord or God or Divine Mother.
But only if that's what you want for me.
If you want me to eat,
I'll eat.
But if you don't want me to eat,
Then I will not eat.
And so I was just praying like I just I'm just I'm doing this for you.
I'm not doing this for myself.
I'm doing this to connect and for the higher connection.
And I just was like praying and praying and just trying.
And then finally I started feeling like,
OK,
This is I'm starting to feel the connection in my heart.
Like I'm making sense a little bit.
And just as that feeling started to come into play,
I turned a corner and I saw this guy just standing,
Looking at his bag or fixing his bag,
Adjusting his bag.
And he's like,
Hey,
Man,
Would you like some snacks?
And I was like,
Whoa,
Divine Mother came through.
And I was like,
Sure.
And he handed me a few bars.
And,
Yeah,
Just like plenty.
Yeah,
If you like three bars,
I think three granola bars.
And I was just so grateful.
And I was just like,
OK,
Now this this is just going to be the stream,
The constant stream of food is going to be coming my way.
And so I just ate the bars up right away.
And he was really sweet.
I thanked him and went went on my way.
I gave a prayer of gratitude first to the bars and then I ate them because I did.
I wasn't trying to,
Like,
Hold on to anything,
Just keep keep things flowing.
But of course,
Now that that that I was provided for,
I sort of had this like expectation or this this like whenever I would meet someone,
I'd be like,
OK,
When are you going to offer me that like beautiful ice cream or that amazing sandwich that you have or whatever it is?
And that that feeling or that thought of like,
I deserve this or this is like like instead of being present and just being there with the people,
It was kind of like this expectation.
And I felt like that was sort of almost like blocking this connection.
So I just tried to loosen up and remember that my intention was to connect to the Divine Mother.
And so I continued on my journey and eventually that as the night approached,
I found this beautiful spot that was pretty close to the road,
A little closer than I would have liked or the trail.
But it had a beautiful overlook.
And so my plan was I was I would camp out there and then the next day I would just spend the whole day going a little run in the morning and then spend the whole day chanting and praying and then spend one more night and then depart the next day.
And so I put up camp and just started praying and and giving gratitude for the space that I was I was camping in.
And I think I set up a little fire and I was just chanting and praying.
And the view was totally beautiful and amazing.
And so the next day I ended up going on a little run in the morning and I was feeling pretty lightheaded because I'd done a whole hike the day before without food.
And at one point during that day,
I think I'd found some water supply and I filled up my water.
I'd filled up my water once with just creek water.
And then the next day I found an actual hose and a place where you could eat.
But since I didn't have money and or I didn't even bring my phone or anything,
I figured,
OK,
I probably won't be able to eat unless somebody offers me something.
So for part of the time,
I was like for like maybe an hour,
30 minutes or something.
I was just drinking water and chilling around that spot.
This was just in the early morning,
Hoping maybe somebody might offer me something,
Which that didn't happen.
So then I drank the water and then I started going back.
Actually,
On my run even,
I got to a certain amount of miles that I wanted to get to.
And then I was hoping that I would.
I had to.
I ran all the way down this hill and I really didn't want to walk up.
And luckily this bus was driving by.
So I put out my thumb and luckily the bus driver came and he picked me up.
He was such a kind dude,
Just dropped me off and I went on my way.
And so on the way back,
I had this like inspiration that,
OK,
I've I'm going without food now.
But if I really want to like show my faith,
Like if I really just like want to just prove to Divine Mother that I have absolute faith in her,
That she'll be there and that she'll provide all my needs,
I'll dump my water too.
So I just at that moment,
I just dumped my water.
So it would be like a day or something without water,
Maybe.
Or maybe it was a little bit less.
Maybe it was just the evening and or around a day,
Like 10 hours.
I don't know what it was,
But it wasn't that that long.
But I just wanted to prove,
Not even prove,
Just like I wanted to just show I trust you.
I have faith.
And that that message,
Even now repeating it,
It sort of feels like,
OK,
The Divine Mother,
She's all forgiving.
She's all loving.
She's always there.
She doesn't need you to do that for her.
That's what I kind of started feeling after.
But at the same time,
I wanted to just show that love.
But at the same time,
There are other ways I could have expressed that love that would be more connected with the heart.
And I even picked a flower and I was like,
OK,
Mother,
Divine Mother,
You will be there when I arrive.
And I came to the campsite and I didn't see the Divine Mother yet.
So I was just like,
OK,
I'm just going to keep chanting and chanting and chanting.
So I just chanted and chanted and chanted.
And I started feeling like I was like,
Maybe there's this Divine Mother presence here,
But I haven't actually seen her or experienced this oneness with God or truth or anything.
I'm just chanting and chanting and chanting.
And I started feeling like maybe I need to connect more with what my heart is asking for.
What is my heart asking for?
And then I felt like this message and in these words,
Too,
That was like,
Listen to the whispers of your heart.
And that message really resonated with me because I feel like a lot of my journey has been sort of ignoring my heart.
And just like wanting to find this truth,
Even though I don't I'm not listening to my heart,
Which is telling me how I can find this truth,
How I can find this love,
Because at the end of the day,
They say God is love.
God is truth and you are also love.
And so if my if I'm not listening to my heart,
Then how am I going to find the love or the truth?
And the heart is the Divine Mother's way of speaking to us,
Too,
I feel.
And so this listen to the whispers in my heart,
Quote,
Felt like it just lifted off so much weight,
Like,
Well,
And it just opened up the world to me like I can I don't I don't need to.
Like I can do I can find the Divine Mother in my day to day life.
And so I was like touching into this listen to the whispers of your heart thing and then it brought it opened up like all these possibilities like,
Oh,
I could go visit friends in this in this state or I could do this thing or I could do this thing.
But the key and the theme behind all of it is just to be present and loving for those around me.
And it's not like the Divine Mother was in the future.
She's here right now.
But I just my my intense need for her to be there as something or some someone that I'm expecting in my mind was sort of,
In a way,
Preventing me from seeing the flow of love that was already there.
This is just the way that I'm interpreting it.
I feel that there is also a strong need and and importance in putting in our prayers and our,
Our divine,
Our divine meditations and longings and rituals and performing our small fasts and exercises that we feel our heart are telling us to do in order to connect deeper with our true self.
But that was one beautiful thing that came through to me during that time.
And then I was chanting and chanting and chanting.
And then I was looking over and seeing this beautiful,
Beautiful,
Beautiful earth because I was on a sort of a ridge.
And so I could see these planes of trees.
And amidst the trees,
There were little villages.
And in the villages,
I imagine there were people and all these people were just going about their day to day life,
Doing their thing,
Stuck in the world or not stuck in the world,
But caught in the world.
As it were,
They were,
They were,
It felt like there was just this immense beauty surrounding us all.
But that it was almost like there's just these lives,
Countless lives that are just being lived in a way that they may not even see this bigger picture,
Or they may not even have time to see this bigger picture.
It was like,
I was looking off and seeing,
Since it was so since I was so high up,
It looked like there's,
I imagine it as like little ant villages with like ants,
Like just running around,
Collecting food and moving grains of sand and things of that nature,
But not really knowing why or seeing a bigger picture and not in a judgmental way either.
It was just,
I was looking and seeing this,
This beauty,
This immense beauty,
But then also seeing that how so many people may not even see this beauty.
And then I felt like this inspiration almost like from the Divine Mother to sing a song.
And I felt like the song almost came instantly,
But there were a few adjustments that felt to make it more right.
But the song basically just wrote itself or was given to me or something and it goes like this.
She sees the struggles of all her children.
She cries and prays one day they'll see this game was made just to show them that her love is all they'll ever need.
So I cry and I pray to the Mother of Creation.
I forsake my struggles and petty dream.
Please return at once and show me that your love is all I'll ever need.
Forever I'm your mother.
Forever I'm your child.
Now I turn to you.
Take me home,
Mama.
So that was the song.
I mixed up one of the last lyrics.
It's forever I'm your child,
Not forever I'm your mother.
But I felt like it just gave the essence of what I was seeing.
And it was,
It just felt so eloquent the way it came to me.
And it was almost like that,
That is the Divine Mother speaking.
And even if it isn't,
It just was a way that I could see and hear and feel that made me feel connected to something deeper within myself.
That truth,
That knowing that there is a love,
There is a thing that we're looking for.
And we think we're finding it in other things.
And every time we find those other things,
We still are looking for something.
And then remembering that that Divine Mother or that true self,
That inner truth,
That love,
That real,
Real love is something that will fully satiate us and is something that is real and there.
That's a beautiful thought for me.
And I know it to be true.
I hope you appreciated this little journey and message.
All the love.
Thank you.
