471: Why Vulnerability Is Your Greatest Superpower

25:27

25:27

471: Why Vulnerability Is Your Greatest Superpower

by Michelle Chalfant

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4.8

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talks

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Meditation

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Vulnerability can feel scary, but it’s one of the most powerful tools we have for creating connection, building confidence, and living from our most authentic self. In today’s episode, I’m sharing what vulnerability really is, why it matters, and how to practice it in ways that feel safe and grounded. Whether you’re trying to deepen your relationships, speak your truth, or get more in touch with your emotions, this conversation will help you take the first steps.

Emotional Intimacy Compassion Relationships Authenticity Emotional Resilience Self Worth Emotional Safety Compassion Development Relationship Boundaries Communication Skills

Meet your Teacher

Michelle Chalfant

Charlotte, NC, USA

Meet your Teacher

Michelle Chalfant

Charlotte, NC, USA

Transcript

Welcome to the Michelle Chalfant Show, The next evolution of the Adult Share Podcast. I am Michelle Chalfant and my goal is to help you to awaken to your true self. Together we will break through your barriers so you can find your purpose and live a soul aligned life. Each week I'll bring you powerful conversations with thought leaders, Spiritual teachers, Healers, And change makers, Along with actionable insights to help you to transform your life from the inside out. Welcome to the Michelle Chalfant Show. Hello everybody and welcome to the Adult Share Podcast. I am Michelle Chalfant. We are talking today about vulnerability, The power of vulnerability. How about this? What's the benefits of vulnerability? And I know some of you are saying, I don't want to be vulnerable. How does that help me? Well, Today's your lucky day. I'm going to explain to you why it is a not just a good thing. Being vulnerable is a great thing. We all need to learn how to embrace vulnerability. And if you're striving to live in your adult share, Which is the healthiest version of yourselves, I guess, I'm guessing that's why you're here. Yes. You need to learn how to be vulnerable. So today, If you're hesitant, I'm going to convince you, I'm going to explain to you why you're going to want to do this. So today I'm going to talk to you about what it is, The benefits of vulnerability, And then when is it okay and not okay to be vulnerable with another personality? Number one, Believe it or not, And I know some of you would debate me on this one, Vulnerability is a sign of strength. Yes, It is. Many people, I remember working with clients for so many years, When we talk about becoming more vulnerable, They would say to me, Well, That's a weakness. I don't want to be, If I'm vulnerable, That means I'm weak. It is absolutely an untrue statement to say that it's weakness. It's actually a strength because being vulnerable is a sign of courage. It's a sign of accountability. It means that if we're vulnerable, It means that we're very connected into ourselves and it creates authenticity. So if I'm vulnerable, I know what's going on inside of me. I'm in touch with what's going on inside of me. All my emotions, All of these things, All my opinions, I know what's going on. It means I'm able and willing to drop and look inside of self. So it's all great stuff, You see. Some people say to me, Isn't vulnerable crying in front of others? Yes, It is. But it's so much more than that. It really is sharing what's on the inside out into the world, Or even just with self. And again, Not just crying and emotions, But opinions, Truth, Thoughts, All of it. If you're vulnerable, It may not mean you cry about things. Crying is not necessarily linked to vulnerability, But you're in touch with what's going on inside. So that's number one, What vulnerability is. Number two, What are the benefits of vulnerability? Here's one that you all will benefit from, Every single person hearing this show. It creates deeper and stronger relationships. That's the biggest benefit of being vulnerable. You know someone that only speaks about the weather, That only speaks about the storm that's coming, Or more surface kind of things, More shallow topics. That's not vulnerable. We want to be able to share on a deeper level to create stronger relationships. So when we drop deeper inside of self, It means what's happening is we are needing to get in touch with our own emotions, Our own truth. And so before we speak to others, We got to do this within self first. So it means, Let me drop inside of myself. What is going on? I feel uncomfortable. Okay. That's okay. If this is new for you, That is okay. Sit in the uncomfortableness. Just be with uncomfortableness and watch what happens because I will guarantee you, And I mean 100% of the time, It will morph, But you have to be willing to sit in it. So whatever is below the surface, Drop a little bit. I'm not saying to penetrate all the way to the bottom. All you want to do is drop a little bit below surface level and notice what happens to yourself. Notice what emotions are coming up. Notice what's happening in the body. This will help you to become more vulnerable. So then yes, You can create deeper relationships. For example, If I only speak to my friends about my job or maybe just my kids, But I'm not sharing, Then I'm really worried about my son who may have ADHD or may be depressed. Or if I'm not sharing with my friends that, You know, I'm still so sad because my father died. I don't know what to do with all this pain and this grief inside. When we start sharing on that level, We have the potential and the ability to then connect with others on that level. So the deeper I can go within myself and get in touch with what's going on inside myself, The deeper relationships I can have outside of self. So this is why it's so, So, So important to begin to become vulnerable and tune into self so that then I can create these beautiful relationships outside of me. So when I'm dropping into self, I may notice that one of my friends or family members is kind of irritating me because I'm in tune with what's going on. So being vulnerable is not just sharing with another, I'm sad about this or I'm doing this or I feel this. It also could be vulnerable to share with another person when they're like irritating us or when they're doing something that they can't see. Let me give you an example. I have a friend that was divorced a couple of years ago and she's living in the past. She's pointing her direction in the past. She's blaming. She is feeling remorseful. She's living in regret. All she talks about is what life used to be. She is not able to live in the moment at all. So every time that we get together, I mean every time, She's talking with regret about getting divorced. Why did she ever do it? She's beating up on herself, Etc, Etc, Etc. And I just listen because I'm a good friend, Of course. This is what I do. I listen, Listen, Listen. But after all this time, I finally decided to say something to her because she was just on this hamster wheel, Like she couldn't get out of the past. So I made the decision to speak up about what I was experiencing because as you know, We're all mirrors for each other. And I realized she probably can't see herself right now. She's so stuck in the past. Let me go ahead and share with her what I'm experiencing outside of her. So I said to her, I said, Hey, And this is vulnerable. This is me becoming vulnerable with her. So I said to her, Hey, Lori, I love you so much as my friend, But I want to let you know it's time that you accept the divorce and move on, Period. And she was like, What? What are you talking about? And then I said, You're keeping yourself stuck in the past and it's hurting you. Just wanted to let you know what I'm experiencing when I'm with you, Period. Very vulnerable for me to share that because again, People will say, Well, Isn't a good friend listening? Shouldn't we just listen? Yes. But when we're stuck like that, We can't see how much we're stuck. We can't see sometimes where we're stuck or how we're stuck. So as a good friend, It's my job to mirror for her what's going on. And let me tell you, There's always a risk that when we share something like this to another person, That they're going to get upset with us, That they're going to be defensive or try to shut us down, Or of course get angry that we said anything and all this. This is why we want to share with others in a kind and very respectful way, Number one. Number two, We want to hold our ground and our truth. In other words, We want to be in our adult with presence, With presence. So when I said this to her, I was not wishy-washy. I was not afraid. I was not worried that she was going to get defensive or attack me. I went in so solid. And I said exactly what I said to her. And my energy was solid. If my energy had fear at all in it, That's then when people are more likely to come back at you and poke holes, Get defensive, Get angry. And if you're solid, When someone comes back at you, You hold that truth. You hold that truth, No matter what. So let me give you an example of that. If she were to come back to me and say something like, Are you saying that you're tired of me talking about this? I can't believe you said this to me, Michelle. I would say very calmly back to her with again, From our adult, It doesn't mean I'm zenned out all the time in my lotus with my mudra going in my lotus, My lotus seat with my hands in a mudra and all this. It's like, That's not adult, You guys. It can be. But in my adult chair, I'm going to come back to her with presence and say, That's not what I said, Lori. That's not what I said. What I said to you is I love you. And I'd repeat it. What I said is I love you. And you got to say it slow. You guys say it slow with presence. And again, There's an energy. What I'm saying to you, Lori, Is I love you. And I feel like it's time that you accept your decision to get a divorce and move on. It'll be healthier for you to move on. It's been a year and a half. It's time. I'm saying this to you as a friend. Notice my bullet point statements. I'm not getting lost in the weeds. I'm not saying, Well, I didn't mean to say that, Lori. Forget it. You know, I didn't mean that. La, La, La, La, La. I am solid in what my truth is and I'm sharing with her. Now, She may say to me, Well, I don't agree. And maybe you just don't want me to share anymore. And then I'd come back at her and say, Listen, If you want to share with me all of your regret for the rest of your life, I will sit here and listen because I love you. However, I just want you to know I don't believe it's serving you. Period. Bullet point statements. Okay. Bullet point boundaries. Same thing. I'm just going to give her statements of truth back, Hoping that she resonates with them even a little bit. And the stronger and the clearer that I am, The better chance that she has of understanding where I'm coming from and feeling, It's all about energy, Feeling my truth and then making a shift for herself. She may not and that's okay. Anyway, So with Lori, She did come back to me and say, Because I held my ground. I was like, Girl, I love you, But this is not healthy. And she came back and she said, You know what, You're right. And I said to her, I reminded her, I said, Remember, You wanted this divorce and it's time to move on, Period, Period. That's it. So being vulnerable is not just, Again, Me sharing my emotions with somebody, But it's also sharing a truth for someone else, Like in this case. So number two, Vulnerability fosters intimacy in relationships. As you can imagine, When you are in touch with your emotions and you're sharing with another person, Specifically someone that you're intimate with, It helps to build a deeper and stronger connection and intimacy becomes better, Stronger. All of those beautiful things. So being vulnerable with someone that you love is powerful. It can change your relationship. Now I can already hear the email or feel the emails, See the emails coming in saying, I've tried to be vulnerable with my so-and-so and they don't want to hear it. They don't want any part of it. They're uncomfortable with it, Et cetera. You know, You guys, It's all about how we say it. And sometimes we don't go in full bore, But we do it with baby steps. So it starts really small. Don't overwhelm someone. If someone is more surface-y or someone that doesn't, And I don't say that as a judgment. Hear me now. That is not a judgment. If someone is not able to go deep with their communication, With their emotions, It's okay. It just is. It is how it is. Who cares? Big deal. Move on. But if you want to change someone, Remember, You might be the one that has to change the dance first so that the whole relationship can then shift. So go slow with this. So if you're in a relationship with someone, You might say, Hey babe, I just want you to know how much I love you. If that's not something you say to one another, Start there. Or Hey babe, Can I just tell you something? I really, Really care about you deeply. Period. Remember, Hold your energy, People. Be present. Be present when you are speaking. You know, I said to my husband the other day, I said, I was looking, We have this window from the kitchen that goes out on this covered porch. And I looked up and I was like, Oh my God, He's out there journaling. What do you know? And he came in and I said, Hey babe, I just want you to know, I really appreciate the self work that you're doing, The self work that you're doing. I really appreciate that. Period. Again, I am creating this vulnerability between the two of us, This intimacy between the two of us on an emotional level that of course turns into something more physical when you've got this emotional connection down. So man or woman does not matter. You need to work on connection on this emotional playing field. Okay. I have some men that write in that go, Well, I'm not emotional. You were one time at one time when you were a baby, You cried. So we've got to develop that again. You've got to open that door to vulnerability. You want to become more intimate. You've got to open the door to vulnerability. Okay. All right. Number three, Vulnerability increases self worth. Yes. It's powerful for you. So when I'm being vulnerable, I feel more confident in who I am. I'm in touch with what I am feeling emotionally. I know who I am and I own it. I know who I am and I own it. Okay. So powerful. That's powerful. Doing self checks with our emotions and of what's true for me is another way to build vulnerability and of course, Self worth. For example, You've heard me probably say this before. Things like, Where do I like to eat at a restaurant? Do you know? What are my favorite things to do? Do you know? Many people share with me, They don't know. So tune and turn inward, Which is a vulnerable act and get to know yourself. This builds vulnerability and self worth. Okay. Another benefit of vulnerability is that it creates compassion for self and others. Because when we are vulnerable, There's compassion for who we are. We start to get to know ourselves at different levels and it's like, Oh my gosh, That's so beautiful. I have this inner part. Maybe it's an inner child part that's so lovely and who's sad or who's grateful or who's whatever. Oh, I have so much compassion for myself, Which by the way, Then translates into having compassion for others. So it really changes us, Really changes us. Okay. Last one. When is vulnerability okay and not okay? Yes, Unfortunately, Sometimes it's not safe to be vulnerable. So the first thing I want you to ask yourself is who's safe in my life? Who's someone that's even relatively safe that I can practice being vulnerable with? I'm going to encourage you to go very slowly with this. It's kind of like putting your big toe in the swimming pool to check the water temperature before you dive in at the deep end. Like, Let's go slow. If this is new for you, Let's find one person, Like think about who in your life that you feel relatively safe with, If not very safe, And let's start sharing small truths or opinions or emotions with people just to test the water. So I would not jump into a political debate. Okay. That does not turn out well, As we've, As we know. But something like, Let me give an example. Hey Jane, I'm working on being more vulnerable. I'm having a lot of fun with this. What does vulnerability mean to you? How do you feel about it? Period. Or question mark. That's it. So I'm not exactly being vulnerable, Sharing my deepest, Darkest emotions, But I am doing a temperature check of this person, Which is vulnerable, Asking a question other than have you seen the latest weather? Have you read the news? All of this. I'm kind of going a little deeper by saying, What's your opinion of vulnerability? How do you feel about it? And if they say, Oh yeah, Tell me more. What do you mean you're being vulnerable? What does vulnerable even mean? Or they might say, Vulnerability is kind of a weakness. That's not something I'm interested in. Then you could say, Really? Because I've learned something else. I learned the opposite, That it's actually a strength. You may just have a conversation with them about vulnerability, Which is the next, Which is a great step. Fabulous. And if they actually go there with you and say, Well, I want to learn how to do this, Then you can say something like, Hey, Well, Do you want to try it now? Like what's going on inside of you right now? Like, Is there an emotion? Do you have a physical feeling in your body? Or how's your family life? Tell me something that you wouldn't tell anyone else. Let's do this. And by the way, Let's create a sacred vault space, Or let's create something safe. I won't let this leave our conversation. So you want to create safety for them too, And you. Let's just see how this goes. Have fun with this. Play with this a little bit. So that's how we do it. So we're testing the waters. That's how we know it's okay, Right? Unfortunately though, Some people we cannot be vulnerable with. They just can't handle the truth. They're very triggered. They can't handle our truth. They can't handle our emotions or their own, By the way, Or our state of who we are. They don't want to hear about vulnerability. They might get defensive or blame us, Blame us for triggering them. So I really want you to pay attention to this and choose wisely. You know, In doing this work of the adult chair, A big part of living in our adult chair, Of course, Is living authentically and sharing with others who we are, How we feel, Et cetera. However, We want to do that with boundaries. A big part of it is stepping into our voice and whether it be sharing, You know, With ourselves, Having more compassion or with others, Vulnerability, Setting boundaries, All of these beautiful things, Wonderful, But we can't do this with everyone. So holding the voice back is just as important as speaking your truth. So we do want to do this with boundaries. This is why I invite you to go very slowly with this, Very slowly, Because you can build someone into this beautiful relationship of vulnerability and intimacy. If you have to do it slowly though, Again, Dip your big toe in the water and maybe they'll join you putting their big toe in the water. And then you go a little bit more. But doing the adult chair, I have people that say, I spoke up to my whole family about how I felt. And they got so mad at me. Or I spoke up to my boss about what I was feeling. And then he was so thrown and he got triggered and da, Da, Da, Da. It's like, We want to test the waters because unfortunately not everybody can handle the truth, Our truth, Our emotions, And it's okay. We don't judge any of those people. It's okay. Maybe someday they will be okay with it. So if you have someone and you feel like, I'd like to test the waters with them, Again, You can say what I said, What I just said, You could say, I'm working on being more vulnerable. Would you be willing to help me and listen for five minutes? I really want, I'm really working to, I'm learning how to share my emotions. Would you be willing to help me with this and just sit and listen without fixing? Because guess what? When you become vulnerable and you're, And the other person is just witnessing you, It might give them the courage to also become vulnerable with you. So you start the new dance, You start it and let them follow the lead. Maybe or maybe not. You might say something like, Some people ask me, I want to work with my mom or my dad on this. How do I do that? Like the same thing. Hey mom, I'm working on becoming more vulnerable with people. You're a safe, And this is, I like to do this sometimes, I'll say, You know, Because you're such a safe person, May I do this? May I, May I practice this with you? So when people hear that, They're like, Oh, She thinks I'm safe. Okay. So they step into that, They step into that energy of, Oh, I want to create an extra safe place. Cause they just said to me that they think I'm safe. They feel proud, Which is fantastic. It sets up a great atmosphere for you to share. Okay. Okay. Remember, Humans are wired for connection and the feeling of belonging. So being vulnerable with another human being creates exactly that, Which is a deeper connection and a sense of belonging. We're wired for this connection, You guys, People want to learn how to be vulnerable, But some of us were raised in a way that it was unsafe. We got shamed for our emotions. We got made fun of. We got bullied from our siblings when we cried or when we had our emotions. It is okay because you can start right now and you start slowly. It's all about learning how to be connected to yourself and sharing your reality. And sometimes it's difficult if we did not have a safe childhood where we were okay to share what we were, What we felt emotionally. I get it. So this is all I've got for you guys. I hope you enjoy this. I hope I have piqued your interest to become more vulnerable. And remember, You don't reach an endpoint. It's like continue to be vulnerable. You can go deeper and more, Deeper and more with your vulnerability. And you know what? It helps you to more firmly secure a seat in your adult chair. It is just a fabulous way to live because when you're in touch with what's going on inside of you, There's nothing outside of you that anyone can say that will throw you because you already know. It's like, Whatever. Yep. Working through my codependency. Yep. I know I've got shame around this. Yep. I know how I feel about my mom. Yep. Yep. Yep. It's like you already are so in touch with what's going on inside of you. People outside of you, They can't really throw you. It's an incredible, It's incredible freedom when you are vulnerable. So there you have it. Okay. All right. I hope you all enjoyed the show today. So I hope you have a wonderful, Most beautiful week. I love you all so much. I'll see you seated right here next week in the adult chair.