Hello friends,
This is Mark Gladman,
Also known as Brother Frederick James,
Your friendly neighbourhood monk in docks.
Welcome to this next installment in our series,
The Psalms of Refuge,
Where Today we're going to have a look at Psalm 139,
A psalm that's unlike so many of the others that we've sat with so far.
As we begin,
I just invite you to take a few moments to become still.
Allow your body to settle.
Let your breath find its natural rhythm.
Is to allow yourself to be fully present,
Fully alive in this moment.
And as you settle,
Just gently become aware of the presence of God.
A presence that's close.
Intimately present,
Closer.
Than your own awareness of yourself,
Closer than your own breath.
The one who knows you completely and still holds you in love.
Is take a nice slow breath.
And rest.
So Psalm 139.
Why is it unlike so many of the other psalms?
Well it's interesting because there's no images of fleeing danger.
There's no storms or armies or external threats.
The refuge of Psalm 139 is a little more,
Maybe the word subtle.
But also far more confronting.
Because the refuge of Psalm 139.
Is being fleen on.
And flee sane.
And yet.
.
.
Not rejected.
So let's take a moment just to listen to the words of Psalm 139.
And let the words sit with you and just simply receive them,
Hear them.
For what they're saying deeply to your heart.
Psalm 139.
O Lord!
You have searched me.
And non-me.
You know when I sit down.
And when I rise up.
You discern my thoughts from far away.
You search out my path.
And my lying down.
You are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue.
Oh Lord,
You know it completely.
You hem me in,
Behind and before,
And lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me.
It is so high that I cannot attain it.
Where can I go from your spirit?
Or where can I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven.
You're there.
If I make my bed in sheol.
You were there.
If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the farthest limits of the sea.
Even there your hand shall lead me.
And your right hand shall hold me fast.
If I say,
Surely the darkness shall cover me.
And the light around me become night,
Even the darkness.
Is not dark to you.
The night is as bright as the day,
For darkness is as light to you.
For it was you who formed my inward paths.
You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works,
That I know very well.
My frame was not hidden from you.
When I was being made in secret,
Intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes beheld my unformed substance.
In your book were written all the days that were formed for me,
When none of them as yet existed.
How weighty to me are your thoughts,
Oh God,
How vast.
Is the sum of them.
I try to count them.
They are more than the sand.
I come to the end.
I am still with you.
Search me,
O God,
And know my heart.
Test me and know my thoughts.
See if there is any wicked way in me.
And lead me in the way.
Everlasting.
Now there's a kind of spiritual shock in this psalm if we really allow it to hit us deep.
It touches something most of us spend our whole lives trying to manage.
The fear of being fully sane.
Not just our strengths.
But our contradictions.
Our hidden thoughts.
Are inconsistencies.
I'm talking about the parts of ourselves that we edit.
Before presenting to the world.
But the psalm doesn't treat this divine knowing as intrusion.
It presents this divine knowing as intimacy.
As if being fully known isn't something to fear.
With something to rest in.
For a moment.
I invite you to hold this question.
What would it be like to be fully known?
Fully known.
Floors,
Warts and all.
And still feel completely safe.
No hiding,
Performing,
Managing perception,
Just being held.
The sun moves through time in a really interesting way too.
It says God knows us before we speak.
Before we act,
Before we decide.
Before we understand ourselves.
The images in this psalm mustn't be taken as being about some sort of God who's spying.
A surveillance god.
This is a psalm that at its depth is about belonging as though your life is already held within a wider awareness of love.
Before you arrive at any moment in time.
God is already there.
Is take a nice,
Slow,
Deep breath.
And again imagine your life held gently within that type of awareness.
It's interesting that I think.
.
.
That for many people the struggle isn't that they feel distance from God,
It's that they feel distance from themselves.
Fragmented and scattered,
Carrying versions of themselves that depend on situation and expectation.
But Psalm 139 says there's a deeper self.
A self that's already known,
Already seen,
And already held together in God.
And so as you breathe in this moment,
Just rest with this idea,
I do not have to hold myself together right now.
Is also something.
That's a little bit confronting in the psalm,
Because if God truly sees everything,
Then nothing's hidden.
The parts we're proud of,
The parts we're ashamed of,
The parts we're confused by.
All of it is sane.
And yet the tone of the psalm.
Isn't one of fear.
It's one of war.
And even a bit of tenderness as if.
.
.
Being fully seen doesn't diminish us but reveals something deeper about who we are.
And notice what happens in you as you sit with that.
Was there tightness or resistance?
Or maybe there was a softening or a piece,
Just notice.
How you respond today.
The invitation of this psalm isn't to understand everything about yourself,
It's to rest in the one who already understands everything about you and to discover that you are still held in love within that knowing.
And as we prepare to close,
Just allow these words to become a simple memory.
In a prayer.
I am known.
I am held.
I am not alone.
You might repeat them as a breath prayer if you like.
Breathing in.
.
.
I am none.
Breathing out.
I am held.
Breathing in.
.
.
I am not alone.
Breathing out.
I am safe.
Let's do that again.
Breathing in,
I am non.
And out I am held.
In,
I am not alone.
Out.
I am safe.
And as those words sink in deeply,
I invite you to pray with us.
Loving God,
You know us completely.
Not only what we show to the world,
But what we carry in silence.
Teach us not to fear being known,
But to rest in being held.
When we feel divided within ourselves,
Bring us back to wholeness in you.
When we're tempted to hide,
Remind us that we're already seen with love.
May we rest in the truth that we are never outside your presence.
Amen.
Thank you so much for being with us today.
May you move gently through your day with less to hide.
And more trust in the one who sees you fully.
And may grace,
Peace and love go with you today and always.
Amen.
Remember friend,
You are known,
You are held,
You are not alone.
You are safe.
Go in peace.
Till next time.
Bye for now.
