Quitting Is Sometimes The Best Option!

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Quitting Is Sometimes The Best Option!

by Rianna Hijlkema

Rated

4.8

Type

talks

Activity

Meditation

Suitable for

Everyone

Plays

443

Too often are we told quitting is not an option, quitters never win, never give up, you cannot fail unless you quit, the moment you want to quit you need to keep pushing. Which keeps people stuck in jobs they hate and in relationships that drain them or that repeatedly cheat on them. Today I want to tell you that quitting is sometimes the best thing to do.

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Meet your Teacher

Rianna Hijlkema

Antigua Guatemala, Guatemala

Meet your Teacher

Rianna Hijlkema

Antigua Guatemala, Guatemala

Transcript

Hey, Happy you're here. My name is Rianna and today we're going to talk about that quitting is sometimes the best option. Now, Before we start, I want to get clear. I'm not a quitter. I'm a fighter. I keep going even though all odds are against me, Even though it's hard. That's how I built my whole life. I fight for what I want and I never give up. And that's how I got my first boyfriend too. I was 17 years old and we had been dating for two years and then one evening, I was just finished with my work and I thought, Oh, I'm going to surprise him. So I went home, Freshened up, Put a nice dress on, And then I cycled the five kilometers to his house. I parked my bicycle in front of his house and then I walked to the door. And I don't know if you've ever had this feeling that you're somewhere, Everything looks the same, But something feels off. Well, I had that. The moment I walked to the door, I had this yucky feeling like something was not right and I couldn't place it. So I ignored it and I opened the door full of excitement and there he was, My boyfriend, Kissing my best friend. I don't know where I got the guts from, But I walked in, Tapped him on his shoulder and I smacked him in the face. This is a true story. I'll never forget that moment. And he neither, I'm sure. But that was the first time I quit something. Too often are we told quitting is not an option. Quitters never win. Never give up. You cannot fail unless you quit. The moment you want to quit, You need to keep pushing. Which keeps people stuck in jobs they hate and in relationships that drain them or that repeatedly cheat on them, Like my boyfriend. Today, I want to tell you that quitting is sometimes the best thing to do. For almost six years, We've been going through fertility treatments. And it's been one of the hardest things of my life. Dealing with pain, Anger, Hope, Expectations, Sadness, Grief, Loss, Love, All at once while living abroad. But to be honest, All the injections, The thousands of dollars and the wasted time were nothing compared to the day that I had to make the decision to keep going or quit. To continue the physically and emotionally demanding treatment with a very tiny chance of having a baby or quit IVF and give up on our dream to start a family. You know, The hardest thing in life is deciding whether to walk away or try harder. Sometimes quitting is not the best option. For example, When I was in the last year of my bachelor and I got a bad grade on my internship because I didn't do exactly how my mentor wanted me to do it, I had a very reasonable but emotional response that I wanted to quit. Thank God my school talked me out of it because three weeks later, I graduated. Or the day that I was climbing Mount Everest and I had blisters everywhere, I was freaking cold and in the middle of a snowstorm, I decided this is enough. I sat down and I told my husband, I quit. Thank God he talked me out of it or I would have frozen to death. But you know, Sometimes quitting is the best option. Like a cheating boyfriend. Or when you have a job where there's no opportunity for growth. Or when you're doing IVF but the chance of a healthy baby is less than 1%. Or when you plan to become a doctor but then on the first cool day you realize that you have an intense fear of needles. True story. So how do you make the decision to quit? Some people make decisions with their head. And that looks like this. First, I'm going to apply for another job. And if I get it, Then I'll quit my job. Or they say things like, So there's this girl on Tinder that I really like, But there's so many more options. Maybe, Maybe I should look further first. You know, I don't want to miss out. Some people, Like me, Make decisions with their heart. And that looks like this. I'm too tired to listen anymore to those stupid jokes of my boss. I quit. True story. My boyfriend just looked at another girl. I quit. You know what I would suggest is to check in with your head and heart. You know, Back in 2011, I was thinking about leaving the Netherlands and discovering the world. My heart said, Yeah, That's exciting, Adventures, New people. But my head yelled, No, You don't have a job, A plan. You cannot just drive to Paris all by yourself. And when there's a conflict, I've learned that it's really important to check in with your gut, Your values. And mine is freedom. So it was clear. I packed my bags and I never turned back. That was the best decision ever. But now about you. What is the thing, Task, Job, Relationship you might need to quit? And what does your heart say about that? And what does your head say about this decision? Now, Just like with me, There might be some doubts or conflicts. So ask yourself the question, What are your values? Does that help you in making a decision to maybe quit this task or relationship or job that you're currently doing? Okay, But Rihanna, Then what? Once you've made the decision to quit? You know, They say when one door closes, The other opens. I don't think that's true. You know, When one door closes, You end up in the hallway waiting for the next door to open. And the hallway is a messy place of uncertainty, Loneliness, Hope, Expectations, Doubts and fears. You are in between the person you no longer are and the person you're not yet. And in this messy place, This is where you have to reinvent yourself and redesign your future. You cannot do this alone. You need to find your tribe, People who are in the same situation as you, Who get you like-minded people. When I quit my boyfriend, I wasn't interested in any man. So my tribe existed of girls only. When I quit my life in the Netherlands to travel the world, My tribe existed of other travelers. When I quit my job and became a business owner, My tribe existed of entrepreneurs. When I quit IVF, My tribe existed of no one. You know, Travelers, Entrepreneurs, They are everywhere. They're super visible, Like yelling from a rooftop, Here I am. But people who are childless after IVF are not. And they don't talk about it. They didn't show off with pictures of their bruised belly and their empty arms on Facebook. They don't post a picture of the nursery room that will never be used or share photos of the drawing they received from themselves. They don't. They're struggling in silence and nobody knows. But I was looking for my tribe everywhere. I wanted to connect with people who are like me, People who would get me, But I couldn't find them. So I started writing about my story, My feelings and experiences. And people started reaching out to me. But you know, It doesn't have to be this way. You don't have to wait for your tribe to find you. You can go and find your tribe. So that decision that you were thinking about before, I want you to sit with the following thoughts. What is the tribe you would need if you make that decision to quit? What kind of tribe do you need? What kind of people do you need around you? And where would you be able to find these people? Is there a place for them? Is there a platform you could reach out? Is there a community that you could go to? Where would you be able to find them? And how could you reach out to them? Is that by a text, A voice text? Is it by calling somebody? And if you're feeling called to make this decision to quit right now, When could you reach out to your tribe? Maybe today? Is there somebody you could send a message? Somebody to reach out? And it might be a stranger, But it might also be somebody who is already in your network, Who you haven't spoken to for a while, An old friend, Or a neighbor that you once lived next door to and you feel like they are the people that would be able to hold space for you, Are in the same situation, Or have been in that situation. Like I said before, I'm not a quitter. I don't give up so easily. I fight for what I think is worth it. But when I'm in doubt, I ask my heart, My head, And I check in with my core values. And then? Sometimes quitting is the better option, Even when it means giving up on your dream. Now that doesn't mean it's easy, But one thing I can tell you for sure. It's better to quit than to not make a decision at all. Because the longer you delay your decision, The longer your life is delayed. And life is too freaking short for that. Thank you so much for listening. My name is Rianna, And I'm wishing you a great day, And I hope you'll find the guts to make that decision, That thing that you need to quit right now, And start living your best life. Have a great day.