I love you.
Do those words still have meaning?
I love you.
We see those words everywhere.
We've heard them a thousand times before.
They've been thrown in messages,
Phone calls,
Films,
Comments,
Captions,
Songs.
Apologies,
Fake promises,
And necessary endings.
I think along the way we've all started taking I love you for granted.
And that really hurts my heart.
I love you.
Love you loads.
Love you babe.
Love you mate.
Love you,
Darling.
Love ya!
Love you,
Love you,
Love you.
All the different ways we say it without necessarily meaning the truth of it.
Now I'm not telling you to stop saying I love you.
I'm only asking you to remember.
What it means.
Love is not nothing.
Love is everything.
Love is the treasure.
Love is the gold beneath everything.
Love is what every lost,
Aching,
Armoured,
Exhausted human being is trying to find.
Even when they've forgotten that's what they're really looking for.
So if love is the greatest treasure in the world,
Then why are we throwing those words around like loose change?
Why are we saying I love you when we're not even connected to the feeling?
Why are we saying I love you like we're saying see you later?
Why are we saying it at the end of our sentences?
Because we just do.
Why are we using the most powerful words in the world?
Without checking whether our heart is actually standing behind them.
We have oversaturated the words I love you.
So I want to propose three new words.
A new sentence to convey the ultimate feeling in the world.
A deeper sentence.
A cleaner sentence.
A braver sentence.
I trust you.
I trust you.
I trust him.
That's what I want to be able to say to those close to me.
I trust you means my nervous system feels safe when you're around.
I trust you means my nervous system feels safe when you're not around.
I trust you means I can breathe when I'm with you.
I trust you means I don't have to perform,
Shrink,
Polish,
Explain or become easier for you to accept me.
I trust you means I know you accept me for who I am.
What could possibly be more powerful than that?
I trust you means I know you respect me.
I trust you means I know you honour me.
I trust you means I believe you care about what happens inside me.
Now how much more powerful is that than a flippant I love you tossed over the shoulder of a sentence just to make it prettier?
I think I trust you.
Should become the new.
.
.
I love you.
Because anyone can say I love you.
People say I love you because it's expected.
Because it keeps the peace,
Because it keeps them from leaving.
Because the silence feels awkward.
Because they want to say the right thing.
I love you has become way too easy and meaningless to say.
I trust you asks for something much,
Much deeper.
It comes from your body.
It comes from your heart,
It comes from your soul.
It comes from the part of you that knows your truth.
Not the part of you that wants to be nice,
To do the right thing,
That needs to be loved back.
That just wants to keep everything okay.
I trust you comes from your soul.
So from this moment on,
Every time you're about to say I love you.
Just pause.
Just breathe for a moment or two.
Hold those words in your mouth for a moment before you send them sailing across the sea.
And inside you in your own heart.
Change them to,
I trust you.
Don't speak those words,
Just listen to yourself,
Feel them from the neck down.
Does your body soften?
Does your breath deepen and open?
Does your heart say yes?
Does your soul recognize?
The truth of this.
Can you look at that person?
That friend,
That lover,
That family member,
That client,
That human being in front of you and feel those words land honestly inside you.
I trust you.
I trust you with my tenderness.
I trust you with my truth.
I trust you with my softness.
I trust you with the parts of me that don't know how to wear armor anymore.
I trust you to respect me when I'm not being useful.
I trust you to care for me when I'm not performing very well.
I trust you to see me without needing to own me.
Fix me.
Shrink me.
Or turn me into someone more comfortable for you.
If you feel those things inside you,
Then yes,
Say those words.
Say I love you.
Say I trust you from the deepest part of yourself.
Let those words come out dripping in gold and truth and soul and goodness.
But if the answer is no.
.
.
Please don't force those words through your mouth.
Just because you think you should.
Don't decorate a relationship with language your nervous system doesn't believe.
Because love is not something you convince yourself of.
Love is not an automatic reflex.
Love is not a filler word.
Love is not three pretty words we can use to feel awkward silences.
Love is not to be taken so lightly.
Love is sacred.
Love is alive.
Love is life force.
And if we're going to use these three sacred words,
Then we really need to mean them.
It's not that we stop saying I love you.
It's that we stop saying it asleep.
We let I trust you become the secret key inside I love you.
Because when love is real,
Trust is somewhere in the room too.
And when trust is not there.
Maybe what we're calling love is actually longing.
Dependence.
Habit.
Attachment Fear.
Politeness,
Fantasy,
Guilt or hope wearing love's coat.
So please stay true to yourself.
Tune into yourself before you utter those sacred words.
Look at the words first,
Feel the weight of them inside you.
The next time I love you rises to your surface,
Let your soul ask the question first.
Do I trust this person?
Not perfectly.
Not forever and not in some impossible fairy tale kind of way.
Do I trust this person here?
Now,
In this moment of my life.
With every part of me.
With all of my truth,
With all of my tenderness.
Are they worthy of your trust?
Because if the answer is yes,
Then those three words become the ultimate treasure.
And if the answer is no?
Your silence is more honest than the most beautiful sentence in the world.
