Hello everyone!
So we're going to take some time just to arrive and I'd love to know where you're coming from.
And if you've been here before you can put your your name and what you're hoping to get from today,
From today's live.
So Carly from Lincolnshire in the UK.
I hope I'm saying this right.
So I'm here in Sedona right now in Arizona.
And I'm really looking forward to this live.
I think that understanding the inner critic.
And changing our relationship to it is probably one of the most powerful and helpful things that we can do in our lives.
So.
Sholo AZ.
I'm not familiar with Sholo Tani.
Arizona too.
So just take your time,
Right?
Usually it takes a little bit of time for everyone to arrive and join in.
So if you'll just take the time to make yourself comfortable.
I have a little candle here lit next to me.
I have some water.
I have a nice matcha latte homemade.
And um Yeah,
We want to be,
The more comfortable we are,
The more settled and grounded we are,
The easier it is to go deep into the things that are not so easy.
Because today's topic of conversation,
As much as it's going to be incredibly helpful,
It's also very painful,
Right?
Living with an inner critic our whole life is not something that.
.
.
I don't think anybody enjoys.
At least I haven't.
And ever since I learned how we can actually dissolve the inner critic,
I've realized that there's just an incredible opportunity to change our relationship to ourselves.
And to how we experience ourselves,
And that's a gift.
So that's the gift I want to give you today.
So Karen,
Hello,
Good evening.
Karen,
I think you're in the UK,
If I remember well.
Sophia from Sweden,
I remember you too.
Yes,
So it's just the second live you join.
I'm so grateful.
Thank you for all the people who have the opportunity to join us again and again.
I really appreciate it.
So I don't want to keep you waiting too long.
I know some people are still coming in that said we're going to just.
.
.
Have like a very high level.
.
.
Kind of orientation about the inner critic.
I'm happy to hear anything that you have to share about the inner critic,
About your inner critic,
How it plays out,
Anything that you've learned,
Anything you want to understand.
We're going to be weaving the Q&A as we go along.
And we're going to have a lot of practices today because we cannot,
Through insight and knowledge alone,
Dissolve any pattern.
It just doesn't work like that.
That's not how the brain works.
We can have,
And you might know that from maybe personal experience,
I know that I've read thousands of books.
And even after reading those thousands of books,
It took me a lot of more self-exploration work to be able to actually start to rewire my brain and repattern some of the old protective mechanisms that were inside of me as a result of childhood trauma.
Isabelle,
Bonsoir.
And Una from Ireland.
Hello.
So.
We started a little bit talking about the inner critic,
But what's important to know first and foremost about the inner critic is that this is not your voice.
It's not you.
Some people would say,
And I don't disagree with that,
That said,
I don't know if it's the most.
.
.
Beneficial way to look at you know,
The inner critic,
That we inherit the inner critic from our parents,
Our caregivers,
Authority figures.
That is true.
And at the same time,
They also inherited it from their parents.
And on and on and on.
So this is a wiring that is definitely ancestral and familiar.
We inherited from our family.
And our family conditioning.
Are our ancestor,
The whole lineage,
And it's also a human thing.
There are very few people.
In the world.
That have been able to actually get the voice of the inner critic to just disappear.
And it's no longer there,
Meaning that they are able to have self-agency in their lives and they don't have like someone narrating in the background,
You're doing this wrong,
What's wrong with you?
You're so stupid,
Etc,
Etc.
Whatever it is that,
You know,
The inner critic,
You're not good enough.
You know,
It can say so many things.
And at the end of the day,
It's not us.
It's what we've internalized.
In regards to how we were perceived how our patterns our behaviors our um let's say personality developed and how the environment interacted with that and said,
Oh,
You shouldn't be like that.
You shouldn't feel like that.
You shouldn't draw like that.
You shouldn't dress like that.
You shouldn't feel like that.
You shouldn't talk like that.
You shouldn't,
You know,
So it's like on and on and on those messages that we receive,
Whether they were verbal.
Or non-verbal,
Because your soma,
Your body,
And your nervous system,
Your brain.
And your whole nervous system,
Your autonomic nervous system,
Are constantly.
.
.
It's called neurocepting.
They're tracking what's going on in the environment.
And from that,
They're deriving interpretations about whether what we're doing is being accepted or not.
And from there,
We internalize that because we say,
When I do this,
When I say this,
When I think this,
When I feel this,
This is how I am met.
Meaning I'm not accepted.
I'm not loved.
I'm rejected.
I'm abandoned.
I'm judged.
I'm demeaned.
So,
Then,
We catch on and we say,
You know what?
I don't want to feel this way.
I don't want to feel abandoned.
I don't want to feel rejected.
I don't want to feel like I don't belong because we are all wanting secure attachment,
That we're wired actually for secure attachment and secure relationships.
So we internalize that and we say,
Well,
If I can preemptively punish myself.
For who I am and how I behave and how I show up in the world,
Then I'll be safe.
And that was developed even if you think about like way back in time when our ancestors lived in small tribes.
And let's say that you did something that,
You know,
Like the tribe didn't like,
You would be abandoned and you would be all alone,
You know,
In the jungle and you would die or in the jungle or in the land,
Wherever you were that said you would be in,
You know,
In a land that was not favorable to human beings.
Beings living by themselves and therefore you wouldn't have protection.
So that you know,
Created,
Developed as a protective mechanism it's actually a protector and that's really important to understand because when you understand that context then what you understand is that The inner critic is not against you.
The inner critic is not your enemy.
The inner critic is actually a part of you that you want to befriend.
That you want to get close to,
That you want to start to listen to,
Not to hear the harsh self-talk,
Even though that's going to be part of it at the beginning.
But to hear what's underneath.
Because what's underneath is what it's trying to protect you from.
It's like the inner critic is always going to be worried.
About something.
That you're doing or saying or thinking or feeling.
Or being that would undermine your capacity to belong.
And to have secure attachment.
And so it's constantly looking for that,
Making sure that that's not happening,
That the abandonment,
The rejection is not happening,
And that the other thing is happening,
The belonging,
The secure relationship,
The acceptance is happening.
And that's why it can be so intense.
Okay,
So that's a little bit of like background on the inner critic.
And I'm going to look just to see if I missed anything.
I don't think so.
And but before I do that,
I just want to say hello to other people who have arrived.
So Jits,
Good evening from the Netherlands.
I love the Netherlands.
Jess from,
Hello from Australia.
I love Australia too.
And Jane,
Also from the Netherlands,
First time here.
Welcome,
Jane.
Yeah,
Welcome everyone.
Elaine from Wales,
Beautiful.
I've been to Wales too.
I was raised in Paris and I used to be in the corporate world and I traveled a lot.
So I know a lot of countries through my work at the time.
Okay,
So,
So far Are there any questions?
Or any additions you want to make about the inner critic.
Does it make sense to you when you hear what I said about why the inner critic is here and that it's actually your friend,
Even though it doesn't sound like it or feel like it?
It's there to protect you.
And the more,
Instead of trying to push it,
So the tendency is to push it away,
Suppress it,
Repress it,
Distract away from it,
Be annoyed with it,
You know,
Like even become another critic of the inner critic.
And doing that,
It just keeps us looping.
So nothing resolves.
The patterns that it's trying to protect us from,
They stay in place.
And nothing changes because we go into the pattern and then the inner critic comes up.
And then we go back into the pattern because it's like it's so overwhelming.
It actually takes us into a part of the brain,
The amygdala.
That's like the threat detection center.
And then from there.
We,
Like.
.
.
Like we,
Our prefrontal cortex shuts down,
We don't have access to information that is accurate about who we are,
About our capacity.
About what we can do.
And so.
.
.
Yeah,
The more we can actually develop that relationship with the inner critic,
The more we are not going to be activating our amygdala.
And the other subcortical areas of our brain that keeps us kind of like in confusion and stress,
Anxious,
Worried,
Not feeling capable,
And then we can have self-agency.
So Petra is asking a great question.
Is inner critic related to perfectionism?
Yes.
You could say that,
Ah,
The inner critic.
And perfectionism are one and the same,
Or that the inner critic is playing out perfectionism,
Right?
It doesn't want anything.
That you do,
Say,
Feel,
Think.
To not meet what has been internalized as the expectations of your caregivers or authority figures or the world in general.
So it's constantly saying,
Does this match or does this not match?
Because if you don't meet the expectations,
Of the world,
Which become internalized,
Right?
The perfectionism is like the internalization of those expectations.
What happens?
You will be rejected.
You will be abandoned.
You will be judged.
You will be punished.
So it's constantly trying to prevent that from happening.
And that's what perfectionism is.
Perfectionism is like,
I can't risk doing,
Saying,
Feeling,
Being anything that is going to potentially lead to my abandonment.
Makes sense,
Petra says.
Thank you.
So is it fear-based?
It is fear-based,
Yes.
It is based on projecting.
Based on a an internalized experience from the past that certain parts of us are not acceptable.
And Nikki also,
You're right,
It is a trauma response,
Right?
And then there's little traumas and big traumas,
Right?
So it's always important to realize,
Like.
.
.
Even small things,
Even a parent,
You know,
Like let's say your finger painting and you did it on the wall and you kind of like made a mess because you're a kid.
And then the parent says,
You know,
Something harsh.
You know,
They love you.
That said they say something harsh.
They say like,
What's wrong with you?
And then they shake you a little bit,
You know.
And then it's like the child.
And they don't do the repair.
If they do the repair after and they say,
I'm so sorry,
Honey.
I was like exhausted.
And they take you in their arms and they repair the relationship.
Then that doesn't stay behind.
If there's no repair.
You would say that that's the trauma response.
The trauma response is an event that happened where something was really intense emotionally and there wasn't the support.
It was too fast,
Too soon,
Too much and without support.
And then we didn't have a way to realize,
Oh,
We were not bad.
We were not wrong.
We were just finger painting and we're children.
What it is and that's all it is.
So I hope that.
That gives some context.
Okay.
So in a way,
Right,
I kind of said that already,
But like the inner critic is a preemptive.
Supposedly foolproof self-abandonment.
Well,
Anti-abandonment strategy that said it's self-abandoning.
It's like,
Well,
If I can upfront tell myself all these bad things about myself,
Then I can find a way to change myself.
And then as a result,
I won't be abandoned by the world.
And therefore,
I will not lose my sense of belonging and secure relationships,
Which are,
Again,
We're wired for that.
That's the most important thing.
Katerina,
Hello from Ukraine.
Nice to see you here,
Katerina.
Welcome.
So.
.
.
Um,
Another thing I guess that I didn't say and then we're going to go into a little practice is that.
Um.
The the inner critic learned its strategies from what it heard and also from a young age.
Where there wasn't anything else available to it.
It's like the prefrontal cortex wasn't really online yet.
And so it hasn't learned another way to deal with uncertainty,
To deal with,
Well,
The unknown,
Which is uncertainty,
To deal with certain,
You know,
Like,
Let's say.
.
.
Characteristics or character traits that we have that are unique to us and that maybe not everyone would enjoy because we're all unique and there are things that we might still love about ourselves and that other people might not.
And when we sense that,
We can even have a harsh response to those parts,
Even though parts of us like those parts,
We can still kind of sense and perceive how others would feel.
Towards those parts.
So one more thing I want to say and then we go into the practice is that your inner critic has good intentions for you it's not working for itself it has no like it's it doesn't have anything to gain.
From being harsh like that.
It is trying to protect you.
It is trying to encapsulate your wounding so that it doesn't get triggered.
And so it's working for you.
And when you realize that,
Then there's.
.
.
You you.
You can start to develop a relationship with it.
And today is exactly what we're going to do.
Instead of,
Like I said before,
Reject,
Distract,
Suppress,
Repress.
No,
We're going to turn towards it.
We're going to start to know it,
Start to love it.
And we're going to even become kind of best friends with our inner critic so that then it can soften.
And then it can realize,
Wait a minute.
I'm not three years old anymore.
Wait a minute.
I'm not 10 years old anymore.
I have self-agency.
I can do things differently.
That's that.
Okay,
We're going to go into practice.
I just want to catch up.
Peace.
Hello,
Peace from Tucson.
Yes,
A few hours away.
I love Tucson.
I lived there for a little bit.
And then.
.
.
What is the difference between the inner critic and the ego?
That is a question,
I think,
That is kind of beyond what we're going to talk about today that said very high level.
I would say that the inner critic is part of the ego and the ego is so much more than just the inner critic.
The inner critic is one way that the ego.
.
.
Um,
Expresses and takes shape to protect us right the ego is all about protecting us from from being hurt basically and trying to protect an identity that feels safe.
And so the inner critic is part of that.
It's not.
.
.
You know,
It's not just.
.
.
Like the ego is way more than the inner critic.
Okay,
Eugene.
Hello,
Alessandrina.
Well,
This talk will be able to be viewed,
Listened to after tonight.
So,
Eugene,
I'm really,
So I'm trying to get,
So.
A month ago,
We had a Qigong talk and I recorded it.
And there are a lot of different rules with Insight Timer.
And I've been trying to basically publish it.
And I'm trying to work with them so that it can be published.
So I hope so,
Eugene.
So yes,
It's my hope that the recording will meet their requirements.
And as a result,
You'll be able to have access.
It could take maybe a week for their process of approval.
Gloria,
Hi from New York.
And,
Yeah,
Peace.
You love Sedona.
Sedona is great.
Okay,
So let's go into a little practice so that we can actually start to get into our bodies.
And.
Meet ourselves in such a way that just by doing that,
The inner critic begins to soften a little bit,
Or maybe it begins to let us know that it's there,
Right?
Because sometimes when we meditate,
You might have had that experience.
I used to have that experience a long time ago when I started meditating.
You know,
I had to be upright and it had to be a certain way.
And I had all of these voices inside my head about doing it right.
And that was my inner critic.
So we're going to kind of like soften and.
.
.
If the inner critic comes up for you as you're doing this practice,
Just notice it.
Notice it's there.
And remember it's benevolence towards you.
It's good intentions towards you because that's you starting to develop your relationship with it and changing how you feel about it,
Which then opens the door for it to change.
Okay.
So.
.
.
You can start by you can either invite a soft Open gaze.
And so,
By the way,
When we do that,
Whenever you're on the computer a lot or on your phone a lot,
Take some time to have an open gaze.
And you're going to see that it's going to shift your nervous system state.
Like now,
Because when we're very focused on a screen or a small screen even more,
It brings up that threat detection.
Mode in our nervous system and in our brain so we really want to practice that open soft gaze that allows us to be present with everything around us to be connected with everything around us and as a result to feel resourced and more relaxed.
So if you'll do that,
Or you can close your eyes.
And maybe connect to your breath for a moment.
You're not trying to change it,
You're simply noticing.
And notice the surface that you're sitting on if you're sitting right now or laying on if you're lying down.
And try to see if you can Really let the weight of your body and gravity just.
.
.
Deepen your yielding into support.
So for me,
I immediately felt like my shoulders dropped.
I tend to be anxious when I do public speaking.
And so usually my shoulders go up a little bit and as soon as I yielded into the support it's like okay I can relax here.
So if you'll do that for yourself and just notice what's happening in your body when you're doing that.
And then if your eyes are closed or open with a soft gaze,
Either way,
You can ask yourself like,
How does it feel to be inside of my body right now?
And just notice.
Whatever you notice.
You can do a little scan if you'd like.
Notice areas of tension.
You're not trying to change them.
You're just noticing,
Okay,
There's a little bit of tension in my right shoulder.
Belly.
And I'm just going to be with that.
And if by chance,
Appoint your name.
And at this time,
You are hearing like some kind of voice.
That's,
You know,
Kind of narrating a story about what's happening inside of you,
Outside of you,
About this life.
The part that's critical,
That's maybe criticizing you,
Your attention,
The way you're doing things,
Just notice it.
If it is there,
If it's not there,
Just continue to just be with yourself and just feel what you feel.
And if there is a voice?
As you notice it.
Notice if there is a corresponding body sensation.
Or body shaping.
Where is that inner critic living inside of your body?
Maybe it's tension in your jaw.
Maybe it's some tightness in your neck Maybe your chest.
Feels heavy.
Maybe your solar plexus feels contracted.
Maybe it's your lower belly that feels a bit queasy or tense.
Or maybe it's your pelvic floor.
That feels a bit.
.
.
Also tense and closed up.
And just notice.
Don't have to change it.
You're simply noticing.
And if you hear it saying things,
Just register.
That as Just a part of you.
And that part of you is not the whole of you.
It is just a part.
It's a part that has its feelings.
It's a part that has good intentions for you,
Even if it sounds harsh.
And you know.
.
.
Becoming aware of that.
You're integrating that understanding that It might sound harsh.
It might not feel good in my body.
Ultimately it wants to keep me safe.
It's worried about something.
And just.
Notice that and also notice it is not all of me.
It is just a part of me.
And we're going to develop that language as we do the focusing in a moment.
And as you realize that maybe there is a sound of relief.
That wants to come.
So it could be like.
Sigh.
Which by the way brings your vagus nerve online,
Your parasympathetic nervous system gets activated when you sigh because you lengthen your exhale.
And you can repeat Sigh.
And maybe you might notice.
That as you meet your inner critic if it came up,
With compassion,
And presence.
It begins to soften.
And if you want,
You can put a hand on your heart and just offer yourself gratitude for that.
For choosing to get to know your inner critic,
Which is not easy to do.
So that you can shift your relationship to it.
And you can,
In my opinion,
Experience a lot of changes on things that were not changing before because the inner critic was keeping stuff in place.
Okay.
So I'll just end by saying when we accept what is here right now,
Including the harsh self-talk,
And give it space to be exactly as it is.
It's more likely to change when it's ready to.
So take a moment to pause,
Rest and notice.
What happened?
As we did this practice what's different and then if you want to share in the chat about your experience.
I love that even if we don't get to practice as much.
For me,
What's most important is really that contact that we're having,
That connection.
And I find your insights,
Your reflections,
Your questions to be so helpful.
And they bring so much value.
To this interactive.
Um,
Live.
That we're having together,
Right?
This interaction that we're having.
Isabelle,
No bad parts.
No,
There are no bad parts.
Parts are just.
They were formed at the age that they were formed based on the experience that they went through.
And at the time that that happened,
Whatever they're doing now is the best that they knew how.
And the more we understand that and the more we are with them and we love them and we listen to them.
And we develop genuine care towards them.
The more they actually start to say,
You know what?
In IFS,
We call it unburdening,
Right?
In the internal family system or parts work,
It's unburdening.
That part is like,
You know what?
I don't need to do this anymore.
I can go and do something else.
And that something else is all the things you've been wanting to do in your life.
So that's a lot of freedom.
So Nikki is saying something I noticed.
I only heard you in one ear in my headphones.
Just so you are aware,
No need to fix it right now.
And I agree with Isabel.
I wonder if this is,
So I'd like to know if this is a general experience for everyone.
If you could let me know,
That would be great.
Because I haven't had that problem,
That said.
It could be.
Okay,
Well,
Let me see just for one second something,
But it could be on Inside Timers' side.
Yeah,
I'm using my microphone stereo.
It should not be happening.
I put it in high quality.
You know what?
Let's see.
Okay.
Tell me.
Okay,
I put it in high quality instead of stereo,
And it looks like that.
Fixed it.
And also I put the noise reduction on.
Good now,
Everyone.
So sorry,
I wish you had told me before.
I'm so sorry that was happening.
Oh,
Okay.
Someone wasn't wearing headphones and said it was okay for them.
So it's a headphones thing.
Okay,
Good to know.
I was able to acknowledge.
Okay,
So hold on.
Let me see.
Now that we,
I just don't want to miss anything.
Okay,
Robert is saying he had the same with our recession,
So it's not on my end.
But apparently that setting fixed it,
So that's great.
Okay,
So Jodi,
For a fleeting moment,
I was able to acknowledge my inner critic is part of me and not all of me.
Now I'm back to pretty much all of me.
That's fine,
Jodi.
That's normal.
And you'll see that what I'm going to teach you today is how to change that.
Because that's called merging.
And when we don't,
So in.
.
.
Focusing And I'm going to define in a moment what focusing is and inner relationship focusing.
We develop what's called self-in-presence.
In IFS,
They call it the self.
And self in presence is what allows you not to be.
Blended and and merge with your inner critic or any part for that matter today we're talking about the inner critic that said everything i'm saying is relevant to any parts of us so Don't worry,
Jodi.
It's a process.
Think about it this way.
I don't know how old you are that said,
If someone has practiced their whole life being merged with a part of them,
And did not develop much self in presence because that just wasn't something that was modeled for them.
And that was embodied by caregivers.
46.
So let's say you practice this your whole life.
It's not like,
You know,
One little practice of five minutes is not going to change that.
And Nikki,
You can always interrupt.
Please,
Especially for things like that,
Please do not worry.
Anything technical,
Anyone you can interrupt.
Anything,
Really,
You can interrupt.
Because I don't see interruptions as interruptions.
I love that we can have a flow.
Okay,
So I'm just going to put in the chat,
I'm going to read it.
So I did a lot of like the neuroscience of this so that you can also understand what's happening in your brain and what's happening in terms of the rewiring of your brain.
So I'm going to put it in the chat for anyone who wants to keep that.
If it lets me,
No,
It's too big.
Okay,
So I'm just going to read it.
And then you'll have access to it through the video.
So when you notice the critical voice.
So we didn't do that yet.
That's it.
That's what we're going to do in a moment.
As something in me.
Rather than the whole of who you are.
You activated the observing part of your prefrontal cortex,
The part that can hold.
I notice this rather than being swept by it.
So that's very relevant to what Jodi was saying.
Daniel Siegel,
One of my teachers,
Who I love,
By the way,
Calls this Mindsight.
He's one of the people who has studied the mind,
The brain meditation more than anybody else in terms of neuroscientists.
Psychologist he is really brilliant So then the body sensations you track.
So whether it was like a tight chest,
Held breath,
Tension in your jaw.
Or your nervous system re-enacting a protective response that was encoded earlier in life.
Dr.
Bessel van der Kolk,
Also one of my teachers,
In his research,
He documents how threat responses become stored as chronic physical patterns,
Constricted breathing,
Muscle tension,
Postural collapse.
And the body continues to run.
Run these patterns,
To continue to take these patterns and this shaping long after the situation has passed.
This short practice that we just did is the beginning of separating the observer from what is being observed.
And each time you return to doing that,
Your capacity.
To observe what is happening instead of,
Like Jodi said,
Just being pretty much in it and merge with it,
That's going to be more and more available.
You probably know being here on inside timer that,
You know,
What changes the brain is repetition,
Repetition,
Repetition.
Okay,
So I see we're already at 40 minutes.
I'm supposed to do an hour.
I never do an hour,
Just so you know.
And hopefully for the ones who can only stay an hour,
You can watch the recording.
So I wanted to tell you a little bit about focusing very quickly.
Focusing was born as a result of a study in Chicago by Carl Rogers and Eugene Genling.
Eugene Genling was a philosopher and a.
.
.
A therapist or a psychologist.
He's mostly known as a philosopher.
And Carl Rogers was a psychotherapist and they did the largest study.
In the 70s to try to understand what is the.
.
.
The commonality.
Of in in patients who have successful therapeutic treatments.
What is it?
That makes it work.
And what they found is that all the people who had very high success rates with their therapy,
We're actually focusing So what were they doing?
They were connected to their felt sense as they were speaking about it.
So they were not just doing talk therapy.
They were going inside and being connected to the felt sense,
Right?
And today that's what we're doing.
We're developing a relationship with our inner critic.
With the felt sense of our inner critic,
Not just what it's saying,
How it's manifesting in our body,
How it's expressing itself.
I did not study with Eugene Chenlin that said I'm studying with.
.
.
And Weiser Cornell,
Of inner relationship focusing,
Who developed from,
She was a student of Eugene Chenlin,
And she developed her own focusing process.
And it's,
So the foundation is to develop.
Self in presence.
And then also to develop presence and focusing language.
And then finally to be in touch with the felt sense.
So today that's what we're doing.
We're developing,
Cultivating self in presence.
We are using presence language.
I'm going to teach you that in a moment.
And then we're also going to really connect and be in touch with the felt sounds.
So I see Marjorie you're saying.
That there is a live in a series continuing tonight.
Okay,
Wonderful.
On the shame triangle,
From shame to love using parts work.
Okay,
So I just want to say that focusing is different than IFS.
And I also study IFS with Dr.
Frank Anderson.
I very much appreciate IFS.
That said,
We're not talking about IFS here.
This is different and it's a different process.
That in my opinion.
Allows you to develop a relationship with the inner critic.
That dissolve the inner critic without Aww.
Without having the intention or without having the motivation to.
And what I mean by that is like,
Yes,
We have the intention.
That's why we're here.
And we have the motivation.
That's why we're here.
That said,
The way that we approach the relationship.
With the inner critic must be one that is completely like neutral.
The moment that we,
Especially with a protector,
The moment that we go And we are.
Basically,
Taught to get a protector to change,
It's going to Hide.
So it's going to move away and hide as far as possible as it can,
Because it believes that it's here for a purpose.
It believes that it should be here.
It believes that it's serving and that it has good intentions.
And therefore,
It's not going to want us to see it if it knows that our intention is to change it.
Jude is asking,
Is this saying that embodying feeling somatic work is what will lead to success in our inner work?
Absolutely.
100%.
I've spent the last.
.
.
I spent the last 18 months studying somatic psychology and somatic therapy,
And I can tell you that Because 80% of the nerve fibers are afferent,
They go up from the body to the brain.
The work that we do bottom up.
Is so much more powerful and effective than top-down.
Top-down is 20%.
They even think it might be just 10%.
So it doesn't mean top down is not good and helpful.
Right.
We want to reinforce that loop.
Right.
Between the brain and the body.
The nervous system and the brain.
It's good to do that.
And we.
.
.
We also want to be in our bodies.
And that's what made focusing so powerful.
It's being in touch with the felt sense.
Um.
.
.
Yes,
Marjorie,
Thank you so much.
I appreciate it.
And I do want to make the distinction because this is not about IFS today.
It is about focusing and it's a different process.
And because I'm studying both,
I can see the nuances.
And.
In my opinion,
And this is very personal to me,
Again,
Having studied both and absolutely having so much appreciation for IFS and parts work.
I don't think.
.
.
For me,
That IFS can get me to the place where that focusing can get me in because the.
.
.
Deliberateness and the gentleness and the playful curiosity that doesn't have any motives.
That is a very different,
In my opinion,
I'm not saying that that's true for all IFS practitioners.
That said,
In my opinion,
That's different than IFS.
Having done IFS work.
And the unburdening and all of those processes it's yeah it's um It's a bit different.
So anyway.
Yes,
Nikki,
Intellectual top-down somatic bottom-up.
And especially people who have ADHD and other neurodivergent traits,
Which I'm a part of that population or,
You know,
Those categories.
I mean,
I don't like labels that said,
You know,
I do have some of those traits.
The bottom-up is so important.
It's one of the most important things.
Marjorie Eugene.
Gendling.
Jane Lynn,
Hopefully it doesn't correct,
And Carl Rogers.
You can look up their studies.
On focusing.
Okay.
So just so you know,
By the way,
The work of Dr.
Peter Levine.
And,
Um,
Even the term felt sense,
Actually comes from Chen Lin.
And Peter Levine received a prize,
I can't remember,
Like some kind of Nobel Prize,
Or not the Nobel Prize,
Nobel Prize,
That's said,
In the realm of psychology.
And the year he received it,
He says,
The next year,
Eugene Genlin needs to receive one because everything I've ever done,
All the work I've done is a derivative of the work of Eugene Genlin.
So he's not very well known,
That said,
For me.
Focusing has changed my life.
Even type of type of personality bottom-up is more effective.
I'm not sure what you mean,
Chibet.
Even type of a personality bottom-up is more type A.
Okay,
Type A.
Yeah,
That makes sense because we can get trapped up there.
And that's going to be hard to change.
And that's not going to lead to a lot of change inside here because like the wounding of type A.
Or perfectionist,
You know.
Tendencies comes from what we've internalized in our body,
What we have in our bodies.
So let's see if I can share this in the chat if it's too long.
It's too long.
Can't really write much in the chat.
Okay.
So I'm just going to read this,
The arc of what we're doing right now.
So first arriving in the body,
Right?
Then locating the,
Um,
The inner critic somatically.
Then we're going to make compassionate contact with the inner critic.
Once we do that,
Then it can start to open up.
Like if we're really showing that we care,
That we're interested,
We're not trying to change it,
We're not trying to make it go away,
We're interested,
Then it's going to open up and then we can listen for its worry.
Its need or needs.
And the want that is underneath.
Because as much as a neocritic can be worried about something,
Or have a need that is not being met,
Ultimately it wants also something for us.
It wants a certain experience for us.
So there,
You know,
The don't want and want are.
.
.
Always connected.
Always know that there's like the things that we don't want are actually.
Driven,
Of course,
By wounding from certain things having happened that were painful.
That said,
It's also because we want something else.
So being connected to that.
Also,
Insight Timer asked me to remind you,
If you're enjoying the live and if you have the capacity,
If you can donate,
We always appreciate it.
Okay.
And then after listening for the worry,
The need or the want,
Receiving the support.
That you need to soften the inner critic.
And that's what starts to transform our patterns.
Because when we receive that kind of support and the inner critic softens,
Then all of a sudden there's not this inner conflict and this war that's preventing us from looking at like,
Huh,
I could do this differently.
I'm okay.
Like,
I don't need to be,
You know,
Hard on myself,
Or I don't need to,
You know,
To shut down,
Or I don't need to have this pattern that then my inner critic,
You know,
Like,
Says,
Like,
You shouldn't be like that.
Once you start to have that kind of support and you develop that relationship with the inner critic and the inner critic softens,
Then you have access to that information.
You have access to that realization,
Oh,
I can do things differently.
It's accessible to me.
And that happens naturally.
Okay,
So we're going to go now into using the language something in me.
In this practice,
When we use something in me,
We are using focusing language.
When we say,
Instead of saying,
I am,
Or I feel,
Or.
.
.
Basically being identified with a pattern that's playing out.
Or a personality trait that we have.
The moment that we say I am,
I feel,
First of all,
We're in a certain part of the brain and we're identified.
And we are in our emotional centers of the brain.
And it's going to feel kind of like.
Nuts.
Like not so great,
First of all,
In our soma.
We're going to have a protective pattern that comes up and also.
.
.
We don't have access when that happens to like.
.
.
How that's not all of us.
And how that's just one part of us that feels this way.
So,
Yeah,
We're going to go into that.
So something in me.
So anytime you sense something,
Instead of saying I feel or I am.
Or this and this and this.
Something in me is feeling.
Something in me.
Or I am sensing thank you for all the hearts,
By the way.
I love them.
So something in me is feeling.
Something in me is experiencing.
Something in me is saying.
Something in me.
.
.
Anything.
That's the shift in language that we're going to make.
Nikki is saying,
Makes me think of Kristen Neff,
The self-compassion queen.
She taught me that being mean and a bully to myself is actually counterproductive.
She is right.
Absolutely.
It doesn't work.
Is the language there is also within the focusing work context?
Yes.
That said,
At this time,
It's better just to use something in me or I am sensing something in me.
That said,
Shebet,
That's also a great one.
There is something in me.
We're just staying simple here.
We're just saying something in me or I am sensing something in me,
Which then takes you into a different part of the brain,
The brain that is like observing.
I am sensing that is not doing the thing or something in me that is not all of me.
And then there can be this disentanglement,
Right?
This unmeshment that occurs where now we're not merged with the part as if it was all of us.
Okay,
So let's begin.
So if you start by connecting.
.
.
To the space that you're in.
And.
.
.
Sometimes,
For some people,
That means orienting yourself.
So you can look around.
The space.
And look up,
Look to the left.
Look to the right and really pay attention to certain things.
Maybe if you're inside,
You're noticing the walls.
Your ceiling.
The windows.
And noticing,
So right now I'm in the living room,
So I'm noticing,
And it's an open kitchen,
So I'm noticing the kitchen counter,
The chairs around.
My feet on the ground.
So just really sense the space.
And you can even tell yourself,
I am,
So you can say,
I'm going to say,
I am Alessandrina.
Um,
You know,
You say your name and today is,
You know,
April the 21st and I'm in New York or I'm in Sedona or wherever you are.
And you can even say your age and that helps you to become more present to right here,
Right now.
And then if you can kind of like sense for.
.
.
Something in your environment that is delightful,
Something that brings you that sense of just,
Yeah,
Delight.
So for me right now,
I'm looking at the candle.
Next to me.
And the flame.
And the candle is like turquoise blue,
So it reminds me I.
.
.
We lived in Miami for 25 years,
So it reminds me of Miami.
And the beautiful turquoise waters.
So just find something that helps you to really feel safe in this space.
And then like we did in the first practice,
If you'll sense.
.
.
Like support.
On the chair or the sofa or the bed that you're sitting or lying on.
And just see if that sense of support allows you to kind of soften and yield more.
Like really feel your sit bones sinking in.
You're sinking in.
You're surrendering.
Your weight is surrendering to gravity.
And you can either have a soft gaze,
Like we practiced earlier on,
Soft and open gaze.
Or you can close your eyes.
And if you have a soft and open gaze,
As you do,
Maybe you also focus on a point so that your attention can also not waver too much.
You're aware of the environment and you're also present.
Present with my voice,
Present with yourself,
Present with your body.
And if a breath wants to come and release,
You can go,
Ah.
And if that leads you to close your eyes,
You can close your eyes.
And bring your awareness to the center of your body.
So that would be your throat.
Your chest.
Your stomach,
Your belly.
And that is where a lot of the felt sense resides.
It's not all of it that said a lot of our emotions,
A lot of the felt sense that we have.
About the things,
Our experiences,
Our thoughts.
Relationships,
A lot of that is.
.
.
Lives in that space.
So just allow yourself to move there.
And sense for what's already.
So you're tracking like somatic markers or cues.
Something being there something that you're holding just become aware of that you don't have to change it Just being with it.
And stay connected with the felt sense of that inner experience that you're having.
And you can even,
In your own words,
Internally describe to yourself.
What you're sensing and you can use the language of something in me is so you could say something in my belly feels a little tight.
Or something.
And my heart feels like.
There's a weed sitting on it.
Or I am sensing.
.
.
That my breathing is not as free.
As.
.
.
It was a moment ago.
And it can also be a positive experience.
So you can sense something that feels good too.
That's totally okay.
Just like we turn towards something of delight to resource ourselves to begin with,
You can turn towards a felt sense that is supportive.
That feels good.
That's also developing more self in presence by doing that.
And now as you sense what you feel inside yourself and you stay connected with your felt sense,
If you'll bring up situation a time recently where you heard the harsh voice of your inner critic.
It came up.
Please just stay at the edge of that.
You don't have to turn the volume all the way up.
Imagine you have a knob.
And you don't,
Or now it's not a knob,
Just the arrows.
And just click down.
On the arrows,
Turn the volume down.
And just like,
You know,
You can hear it.
Okay,
It's there.
You can hear that harsh voice.
It was there.
And just stay at the edge.
So again,
Not full volume,
Just stay at the edge of your inner critic.
And as you connect to that again,
Do a body scan.
Go inside.
And notice,
Especially in that central channel,
Right,
Of like the throat,
The chest,
The stomach and the belly.
Even the pelvic floor what's going on there like Where is that inner critic that was saying those things?
The other day or earlier today or just even now maybe saying something like,
Where does it live in my body?
And what does it feel like?
Just notice.
And be curious.
I try to soften and again yield into the support of the chair.
And try to see if you can be with that.
And you might say something in me.
Is feeling critical.
Or something in me,
Is being judgmental.
Or I am sensing something in me that sounds really harsh.
So whether that's present time or you're bringing something from the past into the present,
Just like Cultivate being with that inner critic and using.
.
.
The focusing language something in me or i am sensing something in me And right now we're just focusing on that's being critical or that's being harsh or that sounds harsh.
Or you can even say something in me is saying like,
You're not good enough.
Or you're not doing this right.
Whatever it's saying.
Just.
.
.
Be with it.
Use the focusing presence language.
And track the somatic sensations.
Track what's happening inside your body.
And also,
Maybe as you're doing that,
Realize I am the space.
Where all of these parts including the critical part can be.
As they are.
So you are the space.
So now you're developing some self in presence.
You're opening up.
You're making space and notice if that created a shift.
In your somatic experience,
In your felt sense?
Is it different now that you know that this part is there?
You're calling it something in you.
It's not the whole of you.
And there's also.
.
.
You are the space.
Where this part and all the other parts can be exactly as they are.
And maybe you're noticing a sense of spaciousness.
And maybe you're realizing that you are this vast container.
You're not the inner critic.
You're not what the inner critic is saying.
You know this vast container where The inner critic can exist.
Other things can exist and you can welcome them all.
And here and be with them all without trying to change them and just that naturally,
Gradually.
Leads to a softening.
So I'll just close this part of the process by saying when you accept what is right here right now and give it space to be exactly as it is,
You feel less identified with it.
Less merged with it,
Less overwhelmed by it,
You stay regulated,
Your nervous system stays regulated,
And as a result,
These dysregulated neural pathways that the inner critic is,
It's a dysregulation that was learned,
They can start over time through practice and repetition to dissolve.
And the changes that you've been wanting to experience,
They can happen without force.
So I would love to hear your reflections on this experience.
And any questions?
And then I'm going to just share quickly some of the neuroscience.
So there was research by two people,
Lieberman.
And colleagues.
So Lieberman and colleagues at UCLA.
That showed that when you use the phrase something in me,
It activates a different part of the brain than when you say I am or I feel.
It also showed that when you label an emotional state,
Instead of just feeling it.
You are actually creating a separation between,
Again,
The observer and the experience,
And that reduces the activity in the amygdala,
Which is the threat detection center in the brain.
And then.
.
.
What Ann Weiser Cornell from Inner Relationship Focusing,
My teacher,
This is what she calls self in presence.
What they're describing.
It's a state that the nervous system can be in or not be in.
So it's basically,
If you have been part of my co-regulation,
Neuromodulation and self-regulation workshops,
The lives that we had here on Inside Timer.
You will have learned that this is what's called ventral vagal energy.
It's when we're in the social engagement system.
And we're available.
Right.
Our prefrontal cortex is online.
We're available for relationship.
And that is the state also of self in presence.
We're available to ourselves,
To our parts and to others.
When you are in that state,
You are curious about your inner critic.
When you are not in that state,
When you're merged with your inner critic and what it's saying.
Your inner critic's reality becomes your reality.
And there's no focusing happening there because now you've forgotten everything else that you are,
Everything else that's possible.
The only thing that is playing out is that old track of I am this and all of the associated memories that you have from the past of having supposedly been that.
So if we feel small,
If we feel not good enough,
If we feel unlovable,
If we feel unworthy.
That's not going to be just in that moment,
Right?
We're actually bringing up the content of all the times that we felt that way.
And if we don't use the presence language,
The focusing language of something in me or I am sensing something in me.
Then we are back in the experience of all of those,
You know.
Wounding and difficult times that we had.
When we came up with those beliefs about ourselves.
Okay,
So I see a lot of hearts.
Thank you so much.
Robert said he found this very informative.
Thank you,
Robert.
And Tani said a lot to think about.
And she's saying thank you too.
You're so welcome.
Yes,
It's a lot to think about.
And more than to think about,
It's a lot to.
.
.
Practice differently.
Right?
Because the thinking And the insight doesn't lead to actually the brain changing.
So I'm just,
And I'm not saying don't think about it.
I'm just saying and then practice it because that's the only way that we change because that's the only way that all of these emotional,
You know.
Ah.
Basically,
Responses that we have in relationship.
To the inner critic and the way that the inner critic plays out.
That's um i've got my train of thought because i'm trying to read the um uh the messages at the same time so it that's how we we start to untangle and then change things.
So let's see.
Marjorie,
It's Anne Weiser Cornell.
Anne,
A-N-N.
I'll put it in the chat.
Earn.
Weiser Cornell.
I'm going to catch up with the chat and then we're going to continue.
We're going to do one more practice.
I know I'm running late.
I always do because I like to interact with you and,
You know,
To answer your comments.
That said,
We're going to do just one more practice.
So Julie is saying my 17 year old.
Daughter was not able to go to school today because of her inner critic.
I plan to share with her what I learned from you.
Thank you.
She has social anxiety.
I'm so sorry,
Julie.
Oh.
Yeah,
We live in a world where,
I mean,
Most people have social anxiety.
There are a lot of things.
If you want to send me an email separately through the platform.
Um,
Sometimes it takes me time because I'm busy to answer that said,
I can point you to different things,
Even certain,
Uh,
Herbal remedies.
If she's open to that,
That really help and that are not harmful for social anxiety.
Um,
I'm,
I'm ODHD,
So I have a lot of social anxiety too,
So I can completely relate and thank,
I'm,
I'm so grateful that I have,
You know,
The practices that I have so that it doesn't actually,
Completely overwhelm me and overwhelm my process of,
Of life.
Um,
So please reach out,
Julie.
I'm,
I'm truly,
I want to help.
Um,
Nikki saying such a beautiful practice.
Wonderful.
You're so welcome.
So Jodi,
At this time,
No,
Because I'm just so busy.
I'm actually creating a documentary on trauma right now.
So that's taking up a lot of time.
And I just finished a new course on Inside Timer.
You might want to look that one up.
It's for nervous system regulation,
And that's also very helpful.
That said,
Um,
You can look up what Anne is doing,
Anne Weiser Cornell.
She has incredible courses,
Very simple ones,
So you can learn more from her.
Um,
PC saying,
Thank you so much.
That would be a great skill to teach kids for sure.
Jude,
I so agree with you.
I wish that was like one of these things that we have to learn.
Okay,
Julie,
I look forward to your email.
What are the herbal remedies?
Shelley,
If you go to my blog,
So through this dashboard,
You can see our website.
If you go to my blog,
You can find the herbal remedies that I recommend for social anxiety.
I have one in particular,
Or just email me.
Uhh.
.
.
Yeah,
It would make a world of difference for kids' self-esteem for sure.
I really like focusing and I'm glad to hear you talking about it.
Yes,
Joni,
Joni.
I love focusing too.
I learned about focusing about 18 months ago and I'm taking a lot of different trainings with Anne Weiser Cornell and yeah,
I find it to be really,
Really helpful.
And Annette Dubrell,
An IT teacher,
Has a basic focusing practice.
Awesome.
Track on IT.
So check that one out.
And I might also create something.
I think I might have some of my latest tracks.
Probably if you look at some of them,
They might also.
Have integrated some of that language because once you learn that language,
You don't go back.
You know,
That's just so helpful.
Okay,
So.
.
.
For those of you who can still stick around,
Again,
My apologies for running so late.
We're just going to do one more practice.
And then we'll finish.
And any donations,
Again,
Are appreciated if you're able to donate for this live.
So let me choose the practice.
So I have acknowledging the protector.
Okay,
I think we're going to do this one,
Which is.
.
.
Compassionate dialogue and getting in touch with the benevolent intentions of your inner critic.
I think that's a great way to end.
Okay,
So let's do that.
In focusing,
We always start the same way.
We allow ourselves.
Thank you so much,
Jodi,
For the donation.
Really appreciate it.
We start by,
You know,
Sensing our environment,
Feeling safe in our environment.
And then we start to feel the support of the chair or the sofa or the bed we're on.
So that we give our body cues of safety.
Like I was saying,
In polyvagal theory,
The state of self in presence is actually ventral vagal.
Ventral vagal is a social engagement system.
We don't socially engage unless we feel safe.
And we need to give our bodies enough cues of safety to feel safe.
So we're going to do that one more time.
One thing that's really also useful is like if you remember how deep you went in a prior practice,
You can bring yourself back now.
To that level.
Of relaxation.
By simply remembering,
Oh,
That's what that felt like.
Bring it into your awareness.
If you've done some of my meditations,
You might have noticed that I.
.
.
In the past was creating a lot of anchors.
I was telling you,
Anchor this state,
Remember this state so you can come back to it.
When I learned past life regression and hypnosis from Dr.
Brian Weiss,
One of the beautiful things that he taught me and that never left me was.
.
.
If you come out of the state,
Right,
Because we go very deep,
Right,
We go into theta brainwaves,
Even delta brainwaves sometimes when we go into past life regressions,
Which is why the content of our mind opens up.
And we're able to access just so much information that wouldn't otherwise be available to us.
That said,
Let's say there's a sound in the environment,
It takes us out or something intense that we're processing takes us out.
He said,
Remember where you were right before and get right back there.
And when you start to develop that neural pathway of doing that,
You can do it every time.
You can remember how relaxed you were and how deep you were.
And you don't have to go back because progressive relaxations,
By the way,
In past life regressions are very long.
Some people even on this platform are like,
Wow,
That was just way too long.
That's it for beginners.
That's what it takes to get them to that state where they can be in,
You know,
Like a semi-hypnotic state where they can be so relaxed that they can access really deep content.
So try to remember if you got deep in the last practice.
And see if you can bring yourself back to that state if you can.
And still connect to your environment.
Just be relaxed.
Remember how relaxed you were and look around and look for cues of safety.
And things that are delightful.
So for instance,
I just looked outside and here spring is full on in Sedona because we've had incredible weather all winter.
And so it's like flowers everywhere.
And the leaves are dancing and there's birds and hummingbirds and butterflies.
And I'm just looking at that and the beautiful blue sky.
And I just feel my heart open and I feel safe.
So whatever it is for you in your environment right now,
Just connect to something.
And then again,
Feel the support of your chair.
Allow yourself to sit.
In your chair.
Yielding to the support.
Let the earth hold you.
Realizing you're not alone,
You don't have to have it all together and hold it all together,
You can be helped.
You can be supported.
Just allow yourself to.
To settle into that.
And once you're there,
If your brain again,
You can have the gaze soft and open or you can close your eyes.
And then bring your awareness to the center of your body,
Your throat.
Your chest.
Your stomach and your belly And just hang out there for a while.
Just feel what you feel there.
Just noticing.
And noticing that whatever you feel is just something in you.
It's not the whole of you.
It's not the whole of your experience.
It's something in you.
And like I mentioned before,
It doesn't have to be something that's unpleasant.
It can be actually something supportive,
Strengthening,
That gives you a sense of capacity.
Just notice.
Notice what you notice.
And just allow yourself to be with that for a moment.
And notice what's already here.
And now like we did last time.
Bring back a memory.
Of when that harsh Voice.
When your inner critic was present.
And again just at the edge of it.
You don't have to turn the volume all the way up.
Just very low.
Just let yourself hear it.
And also notice what's happening in your soma and your body.
And realize that you're making contact with your inner critic right now.
And this is a very sacred.
Relationship that you're developing.
Making contact with it and maybe when you turn down the volume And when you're right at the edge of it,
It's easier.
To make contact with it.
And to get to know it.
To be curious about it because it doesn't overwhelm you.
It doesn't take over.
So at whichever level,
At whichever distance is the right distance for you.
Just let yourself be in presence.
With your inner critic.
And as you do.
You might say to it,
I know you're there.
Or,
I see you there.
And if it helps,
If you don't feel that you can say that,
I know you're there,
I see you there,
If it's too,
Even that is too activating for you.
You can maybe.
.
.
Say something in me is,
So as you're speaking about the inner critic and you're hearing what it's saying.
You can say something in me is saying or something in me is being critical.
Something in me is being harsh.
And that may create a little bit of distance.
Between you and it.
It might start to Soften it.
You might feel more spacious.
And then.
.
.
Then maybe you can say Hello.
I see you there.
Or hello I know you're there.
And you can place a hand somewhere that feels supportive to you.
I love to place my hands on my heart.
Sometimes one on my heart,
One on my belly,
Which is,
By the way,
Very regulating.
And then as you make contact,
With that voice.
With that inner critic.
Just let it tell you what it's saying.
And you might say to it,
Might you be worried about something?
Or,
Might you be trying to protect me?
From something.
Or might you be wanting something?
For me that is not here right now.
And notice what's happening in your soma.
Not trying to get it to tell you what it's worried about or what it wants for you or what it's trying to protect you from.
You're simply.
.
.
Starting a dialogue.
You're entering in relationship with your inner critic.
And it might be the first time in your life you've done that.
Might be the first time that you've slowed down enough.
And you've quiet your mind enough.
And you've created enough inner space to be with it.
To actually hear that it's not trying to hurt you or to harm you.
Or to berate you that it actually has good intentions for you.
And so just listen.
Listen with your body.
Listen with your heart.
Listen with your mind,
With your gut.
With your nervous system.
Listen with all of you.
Listen to what it's been trying to tell you.
And you may sense a shift,
Maybe a softening.
Maybe some kind of release.
Maybe it becomes easier to breathe.
Maybe your belly relaxes.
Maybe your heart is not so tight.
Maybe you feel more upright.
Maybe your shoulders relax down.
Just notice what's happening inside of you.
As you make contact.
And how do you know that something has shifted?
How do you know something is different inside of you?
Not as that.
That's important.
How do we know?
And if you notice something you might say something in me feels more relaxed Something in my chest has opened.
Something in my belly.
Is more expanded.
Something in my breath is more.
Soft and open Just notice and be with it.
And if that feels available to you.
You may want to tell the inner critic,
Thank you.
I see you.
I hear you.
I see your good intentions for me.
I want to get to know you.
Just see if that's okay.
If you have that space in that relationship.
It might not be there yet.
It might take more time,
More trust to develop before you can do that.
Let's say know that that's available.
And know in your heart.
That your inner critic is always trying to protect you from shame,
From abandonment,
From rejection.
From sense a sense of failure of not being good enough,
Not being lovable,
Being abandoned.
Being rejected.
Just know that.
Like,
Really.
Anchor,
Integrate that knowing in your heart.
That's why you speak so loud.
That's why you tell me those things.
And see if that awareness creates more safety.
More of a sense of well-being and And if that opens you to your relationship with your inner critic even more.
And you might also As we end,
Say,
I understand you've been working so hard to keep me safe.
And I so appreciate you.
And I thank you.
And take a moment.
To be with yourself.
To be with your felt sense.
Pause.
To rest.
And notice what is different what has shifted And I would love to hear in the chat What was your experience?
How was it for you?
What did you learn about your inner critic?
Was it easy to make contact?
Was it easy to start to listen?
Were you able to turn down the volume?
So Karen is saying very beautiful practices.
Something in me felt a little uncomfortable with the inner critic.
Perhaps I need more time.
Absolutely.
Do you think self-sabotage is linked to the inner critic?
Self-sabotage And not everyone will agree with that.
That is just my opinion and my understanding.
There's no self-sabotage.
It doesn't exist.
There's just parts that have different motivations.
One part is saying,
I want to do this.
And the other part is saying,
Absolutely not.
We're not doing that.
And so Karen,
In this situation,
So by the way,
If we say self-sabotage,
That doesn't feel good.
Telling ourselves that we're sabotaging ourselves,
That is not going to lead to expansion and to us feeling good about ourselves,
Right?
So that's language that exists.
Everyone is using that,
Self-sabotage,
Self-sabotage.
Doesn't exist like anyone who does part works.
Any type of part work,
Whether it's IFS,
Whether it's,
You know,
Parts work,
Uh what's the other one the focusing of course um a gestalt uh It's just fragmentation.
We're fragmented.
We have different parts.
They want different things.
They have different agendas.
And therefore,
Thank you for all the hearts.
And therefore it's not self-sabotage.
That,
By the way,
That might be an inner critic saying self-sabotage.
So what is it trying to protect you from?
So.
Yeah,
Karen,
Like,
Of course,
It's not going to feel comfortable.
Because if you have a lot of associated pain with hearing that voice,
And if it's kept you feeling small,
If it's kept you feeling like,
Like unable to do certain things,
If it's kept you not feeling good about yourself.
You're not going to want to go anywhere near the inner critic.
It's like,
Oh my God.
That said,
The inner critic,
The more you get to know it,
The more it can heal and it can.
.
.
Get.
It can.
It's not,
This is the term of IFS,
Unburdened,
Be unburdened.
It's not the term of,
You know,
Focusing that said it can open up and it can feel safe.
I don't need to do this anymore.
It's like.
.
.
The memo.
We got the memo.
The pattern has changed by itself through awareness,
Through self-awareness,
Through self-agency,
Rather than through the punishing,
Harsh voice that we've internalized.
I hope that's helpful.
Karen,
Take all your time.
Practice,
Practice,
Practice.
I really hope that this is going to be available on Inside Timer as a recording.
And therefore that you can practice.
And please do check out Annette Dubrel on IT for her basic focusing practice,
And then I'll see when I have time to create something too.
Jeannie says,
Wonderful,
Deep body floating around into another state.
I love that,
Jeannie.
I get the same when I do focusing.
Anybody else?
Wants to share anything before we close,
Any questions.
I didn't get to share all the science.
That said,
Because we're allowed to say that you can go on our profile,
Um… you can you can go to my blog and on my blog this week,
I'm going to write an article based on this live on focusing and on the inner critic.
So that might be something helpful.
And then when I have time,
I'll record a meditation.
Karen,
Can you share her name,
Please?
Thank you so much.
Are you talking about the teacher that Johnny talked about,
Annette Dubrell?
If you look up,
Like 23 minutes ago,
Johnny shared her name.
And says that she has a practice here on Insight Timer.
And if that's not what you mean,
Tell me what you mean.
And then Marjorie said,
Mind said it was trying to encourage and motivate me.
Beautiful.
Exactly.
Right.
And there's other ways to be motivated.
And encourage that we might feel a bit more relaxed with,
And that might actually allow us to be more capable,
Right?
Not to say,
Again,
Encouragement and motivations are great,
Just maybe not the harsh language.
It only knows the harsh language of my parents,
Of course,
Who also wanted the best for me,
Yes.
And that's what they learned.
They learned that,
Hey,
If you want something,
If you want to get something and get the best out of you,
You got to speak harshly to yourself.
And it's the contrary.
Speaking harshly to ourselves.
Actually contract us Gets us to feel small,
Gets us to feel less capable.
And therefore,
We're not empowered to actually live at our highest,
You know,
And to express our potential.
So that's my experience.
Okay,
We only got to do three practices out of the six I had that said that's not uncommon for me.
I had such a wonderful time with you and all the comments and the wonderful engagement and the 2,
220 hearts and they keep going up.
If you like this live,
Please donate.
That allows me to continue to make time because it's a lot of preparation.
It's a lot of time.
Also doing the lives and also promoting the lives on social media.
So your donations really help with that.
And I look forward to seeing you next month.
If you can make it next month,
We're going to work with breath work.
Uh also for emotional regulation i can't remember the exact name of the of the live that said we'll do all kinds of breath work.
One of my teachers is Dr.
Ariel Schwartz.
Of course,
I learned breathwork.
I studied with a yogi,
With a swami from India 25 years ago.
So I have a lot of practices.
And if you love breathwork.
Pranayama,
There's an incredible book by Iyengar.
I can't remember what the name is,
But there's only one on the breath,
And it's brilliant.
It's very complicated.
It's for people who want to dive deep.
Deep and we're going to talk about all of that and work with that.
Jodi said it was amazing.
Thank you so much.
I feel a fraction of hope and I haven't felt that in a while.
I'm so happy to hear that,
Jodi.
Keep going.
I can only tell you from my personal experience,
My inner critic used to be.
.
.
Through the roof.
1 to 10,
Level 10,
Cranked up all the time and my relationship with my inner critic has completely changed and it's really allowing me to be gentle with myself and to meet myself in a way that I'm actually empowered to do the things that I want to do and also enjoy myself more.
Okay.
Much love,
Everyone.
Thank you so much for joining.
I'm so grateful for all of you.
