You may not realize how often you're waiting.
Waiting for confirmation.
Waiting for approval.
Waiting for someone to tell you that what you are about to do makes sense.
That it's valid.
That it's allowed.
And while you're waiting,
Something else is happening.
You are holding yourself back.
Not because you don't know what you want,
But because some part of you is still checking whether you are allowed to want it.
And if that resonates,
Stay with me.
My name is Martha Curtis.
I'm a psychotherapist and coach,
And I work with creatives and support individuals who are or have been in controlling or abusive relationships.
And one pattern shows up repeatedly.
People don't lack direction.
They wait for permission.
And in this talk,
We are going to look at what it means to keep waiting for approval,
Even when no one is actually stopping you.
We will explore how this pattern forms,
How it shows up in everyday decisions,
And what changes when you stop organizing yourself around external validation.
So how does the need for permission develop?
Because you don't start out this way.
You learn it.
You learn that certain choices need to be explained.
That certain decisions will be questioned.
That stepping outside expectations creates friction.
So you adapt.
You check first.
You explain in advance.
You wait before you move.
Over time,
This becomes automatic.
You may recognize this in how you make decisions.
You hesitate before sending something.
You explain yourself before anyone has asked.
You delay action until it feels safe enough.
And sometimes you already know what you want to do,
But you pause anyway.
And that pause is the pattern.
When you look more closely,
You are not just waiting for approval.
You're waiting for certainty.
Certainty that you won't be challenged.
Certainty that you won't be misunderstood.
Certainty that you won't have to justify yourself.
But that kind of certainty doesn't come in advance.
So the waiting continues.
The longer you wait,
The more you organize yourself around other people's reactions.
You start filtering your decisions before you act.
You adjust your position in advance.
You hold back,
Even when nothing is actually stopping you.
Gradually you move further and further away from your own authority.
Not because it's gone,
But because you're not using it.
And if you've been in environments where your decisions were questioned or controlled,
This will feel familiar.
You may have learned that moving independently creates tension.
That certainty invites challenge.
That acting with approval has consequences.
So you adapted.
You became careful,
Measured,
Aware of how you might be perceived.
And that adaptation made sense.
But it doesn't need to continue in the same way.
Stopping this pattern doesn't mean becoming reactive or careless.
It means recognizing that you can decide without pre-approval.
That you can act without explaining everything in advance.
That you can move before everything is agreed or confirmed.
That's not about becoming louder.
It's about becoming clear.
There isn't a moment where someone officially tells you that you are allowed.
There isn't a point where approval arrives and everything becomes easier.
The shift is internal.
You decide that you no longer need to check before you move.
You decide that what you know is enough to act on.
You decide that your position doesn't need to be pre-approved.
You don't have to change everything at once.
But you can start here.
Notice where you hesitate.
Notice where you explain before acting.
Notice where you are waiting without being asked to wait.
And instead of pausing,
Take a step.
A direct one.
And you might want to reflect on the following questions and maybe stop even after each question.
Where are you still waiting for permission?
What have you already decided but not acted on?
What would change if you moved without checking first?
You don't need someone to confirm that your decisions are valid.
You don't need agreement before you act.
And you don't need to justify everything in advance.
At some point the shift is simple.
You stop asking and you start deciding.
And if this talk resonates with you,
Consider sharing it with someone who may still be waiting for permission in places where they no longer need.
Until next time.
