Today's episode is about the internal parent.
Ooh,
I can't wait to read this to you.
Stay tuned.
♪♪♪ Greetings and welcome back.
It's Alison Schuhazi.
Thank you for joining me today.
Ooh,
I was doing my morning meditation.
And with that,
I did some reading.
I have a book that my counselor recommended to me.
It's called The Seven Healing Chakras,
Unlocking Your Body's Energy Centers.
And it's by Brenda Davies.
I should say Dr.
Brenda Davies.
She's a psychologist.
And I am loving this book.
I want to have coffee with this woman.
I am actually trying to figure out how to reach out to her because everything I read in here,
I'm a thousand percent connecting to.
It's amazing.
Absolutely amazing.
And I want to read something to you.
And I wonder if you get an aha moment like I did.
I mean,
This was just so epic.
It made me so happy to read this.
So here we go.
I'm going to read this section.
This is out of Dr.
Brenda Davies' book,
The Seven Healing Chakras.
It's under Accepting Support.
And it's in a section.
It's all about protection exercises and how we protect ourselves.
You know,
And I'm a big fan of boundary,
Right?
We have a boundary.
I'm not a fan of multiple boundaries.
That's siloing.
But in here,
It's under Accepting Support on page 59,
If you happen to have this book.
It's just this one section.
And it says,
I'm going to read this verbatim from her book.
You do have an intuition.
Now's the time to get it out and use it.
Your intuitive voice will generally lead you in a light and gentle way.
As a general guide,
If there is a voice saying in a parental way that you should do something,
That is not your intuition,
But an internalized parent of long ago.
Wow.
Wow.
And I had just finished writing about the difference between offering versus agreeing.
And that hit me.
I was just writing about this.
I'm like,
I am so connected.
Do you ever have those moments where something comes to your mind,
A feeling,
A decision,
And you feel solid about it?
It's like a full-body yes.
I had a client say to me a few months ago,
My intuition is now like a full-body yes moment.
And I was like,
Yes.
I was celebrating with her on Zoom.
I'm like throwing my hands up in the air.
I'm like,
Exactly,
You're getting it.
You're connecting with yourself.
Oh,
It just brings me so much joy when I get to witness these moments with my clients.
And seeing the full-body yes in the moment,
Right?
When something might not feel 100% comfortable,
Because when I do talk about the intuition,
There is a lot of discomfort in that,
But there's not yucky feelings.
There's a very big difference between slipping into depleting,
Self-sabotaging feelings versus,
Wow,
This really doesn't feel comfortable,
But it does feel right.
That is what I can hear her saying in that moment.
If something is gentle and it feels right,
Why are we not going for it?
Even if it's uncomfortable,
But it's if it's this parental person in your mind saying,
Nope,
Nope,
Nope.
What is everyone gonna think of you?
What if you fail?
This is terrifying.
You absolutely should not be doing this because nobody else is doing it.
But it's safe for you.
Why are you not?
Why are we not?
I put myself in the same category.
There are times that I am feeling so depleted,
I'm terrified to go in a certain direction,
But there's a full body yes.
And it's so fascinating when this happens,
Right?
Because we are the ones holding ourself back.
Yes,
We are the ones holding ourself back.
And we really are giving the power to somebody else when somebody we're saying,
Nope,
I can't do that because my boss says I can't do that.
Are you in the right job?
I do believe that sometimes we are in a position,
Whether it's corporate America,
Whether we're starting a business,
And we might feel like we're obligated to do this,
Right?
There was,
I worked for a company in South Carolina and the man that owned the company was amazing.
He was awesome.
I had a great relationship with him,
Lot of respect for him.
He was a straight shooter.
And I remember having a conversation with him and he was talking about how he was looking forward to the day when his children,
He had two sons and a daughter had,
He's since passed,
Two sons and a daughter when they were ready to take over the business.
And I looked at him and I can't believe I said this,
But I said,
Are you sure they wanna be part of the business?
And he looked at me and his eyes got really big.
And he said,
I don't think I've ever asked him that question.
I said,
Well,
Don't you think you should ask him that question?
Because if you're sitting here expecting them to come and take over the business,
What if they don't want to?
What if this isn't in their plan?
You know,
As parents,
I know,
I know a lot of friends who are expecting their kids to go to college and do well at college and go off and get these big careers and earn lots of money and take care of them when they get older.
I can't believe it,
In 2023,
I'm still hearing this from some people.
And very rarely do I have a conversation with some friends because I'm at the age where a lot of my friends,
I'm in my fifties,
Their children are older and they're off to college or some are even graduated.
And the expectations that are swirling.
And I even see some friends who their kids are going off to school and my friends have no clue who they are.
And they're trying to throw themselves into other challenges and to other tasks that have nothing to do with them.
And I can see that it's almost like they're floundering at who they are.
You know,
Just recently,
My husband and I went on a sunset cruise with some friends.
And our kids are at the age now where we can leave them for a few hours alone and go do some things as adults again,
Which is so lovely.
But I always make sure I check in with my kids.
And I'm like,
Hey,
We're gonna go out for a couple hours.
Are you okay?
We're gonna be here.
You know where we are,
Blah,
Blah,
Blah.
Because they have expressed moments and feelings of,
Mom,
I don't feel comfortable when it's really dark out and you're not home.
It really brings up anxiety.
And I think,
Okay,
Thank you.
First of all,
Thank you for sharing that with me.
I'm not sure how often children actually share their feelings.
It's usually they share what they want,
Right?
But this is something that they need.
They need to feel safe.
And that's very important to me as a mom.
And I will adjust some things so that my kids feel safe because I can and I choose to do that.
And not everybody does.
But when something is coming up for you in your life,
How often are you struggling with a decision?
How often are you struggling with a diagnosis?
How often are you struggling with the fears that you've chosen to hug onto,
Right?
How often is that happening for you?
What is the internal compass of your being saying to you when those things are happening?
Are they keeping you?
Is it the internal parent keeping you in this realm of fear,
Like a maze you don't know the direction out of?
And so you've become so comfortable in the fear of the unknown,
The fear of trying,
The fear of failing,
That you're not making a choice,
A new choice,
Changing,
Paying attention to the compass,
Paying attention to the gentle direction within you when you feel,
Ooh,
I wanna make a change today.
Oh,
But is it gonna be the same amount of money?
Am I gonna have the benefits?
Am I gonna,
Is somebody else gonna think bad of me?
Is somebody not gonna like me anymore?
Who is making the choice for you?
You are allowing that to happen.
I don't know.
For me,
I can tell you,
I have shifted,
I have worked,
I continue,
Continue to do my mindfulness practice so that when big things come up in my life,
Diagnosis,
Not just for me,
But those I love,
Accidents happen,
What mindset am I in to support others and not judge?
Financial changes,
Natural disasters,
They're happening every day.
What is your internal compass saying?
What direction is it pointing?
Is it pointing to push out and continue raising the vibration and negativity?
Or is your internal compass shifting into a direction to pay attention to what is needed?
Do you need to get involved?
Do you need to support someone?
It is,
Is it out of offering or obligation?
You have a choice.
You have a choice to shift today into a greater tomorrow.
So just for today,
Pay attention to the direction of your internal compass,
Your intuition.
Is it guiding you into a gentleness and to pause to pay attention what feels right,
Even in discomfort?
Or is it a noisy parental ego saying,
Nope,
Don't do it,
Don't do it,
Not gonna be good,
Not gonna be good,
Keeping you stuck in a stagnant place?
I don't know,
You have a choice.
Thanks for joining me.
Thank you.
