It's all about judgment today.
The good,
The bad,
The ugly,
And the joyful.
Really,
Judgment can be joyful.
We all have opinions.
Welcome back to Shift Today with Allison.
I'm Allison Schuhoese,
Your host,
And I'm grateful that you're joining me today,
Wherever you are and whatever day it is.
So we are here.
It's summertime 2022,
And it's been a while since I've recorded anything.
Feeling a little awkward today.
Not wanting to judge myself and my performance.
So here I am jumping in.
Judgment has been playing a role in some of my writing lately and in some of my thoughts.
And I think partly because I've got so much going on.
It's summertime and usually things,
You know,
A lot of times things stop,
Right?
Programs will stop,
School's over.
Some people leave on the weekends to go to their lake houses or whatever it is that they are able to do.
And I don't know why judgment keeps playing a role.
But recently,
I had a really sweet friend of mine give me a compliment.
We were talking about hoarders of all things,
Hoarding and hoarders.
And,
You know,
I was telling her how my husband doesn't like to get rid of everything.
You know,
He likes to keep things in the attic.
And I just want to get rid of stuff.
Like let's take a load to Goodwill every week.
I'm all for that.
And sometimes I'm like,
Well,
Hold on to this.
And if I haven't used it in a year or two,
It's out of here.
So that's kind of how I roll.
And she was telling me how she's cleaning out her garage and her basement and all of these things.
And she's like,
I don't know why I just can't get it done.
I don't know why I just can't get it done.
I'm like,
Well,
I don't know.
Seems sometimes we get stuck in routines.
And I was telling her I joined this new writing group.
I'm super excited about this new writing membership.
I joined with Hay House because I'm working on two books myself.
And we get to do these breakout sessions.
And I was in this breakout session and there's about five or six women in this session.
And there's this woman who started speaking.
We each go around and talk about our books and what we're doing and what our hooks are and all that.
And she was talking about how her book is about what it's like to be a hoarder.
She said,
I am a hoarder.
And you can't tell really by where you're looking now.
But she goes,
If you went to my garage,
If you open the door,
You wouldn't even be able to walk in.
And she said,
There's something about just every time I go to organize things or to donate things or to give things to my children,
It's literally like I pick up each piece and there's a story or there's an emotion or there's something that goes along with each piece and I shut the doors.
And I'm like,
Not today.
I can't do it today.
And I thought,
Gosh,
You know,
It was fascinating for me to hear her talk about her experience of being a hoarder.
And it was literally like she was talking about each piece,
Piece by piece just kept coming into my mind.
And I thought,
Well,
I didn't,
I didn't realize the emotional attachment people have to things.
I mean,
I have things I used to I feel I used to have a lot more emotional attachment to photos or,
You know,
Gifts given to me or whatever.
And now I don't have as much emotion attached to items as I do to moments and experiences ever since my kids came.
They're just being with my kids and just the experiences and just the experiences I've had with relationships and with family members.
It's like those are what I really cherish.
And they fulfill me so much more than receiving a photo or a picture frame or a candle or whatever,
You know,
Whatever it is.
But it was just so fascinating for me to hear this from her.
And it really made me think about how my husband holds on to things too.
I remember when I moved in with him in South Carolina,
He had so much stuff.
There was so much stuff left behind by his ex wife and just an attic full of stuff and cabinets filled with things.
And I'm like,
Oh my God,
What is going on?
I mean,
There weren't they still had wedding gifts still in boxes.
And she had been gone for like five years.
Okay,
This needs to change.
You need to get rid of this.
What does this have to do with judgment?
Judgment really comes it's like,
Oh my God,
Like I just said,
Why do you still have this?
Like what are you holding on to this for?
And judgment really can come into if you really put it into two different camps.
There's the judgment per Oxford dictionary.
Judgment meaning the ability to make consider,
Consider decisions or come to sensible conclusions.
So there's like almost like a perception judgment,
Right?
And then there's the flip side of judgment,
Which is the ego driven negativity judgment punishment,
Almost judgments where a misfortune or calamity viewed as divine punishment.
And that's typically what we think of judgment,
Right?
We're going to judge one another of what you have or what you do.
And you know,
We're going to hold judgment against you,
Right?
Where there's really two different ways.
There's a perception of what my feelings are.
And then there's the judgment feeling that we're putting on somebody,
We're almost like a projected judgment upon someone.
And this is where I feel like we've made a shift.
I know for myself,
When I was talking to this friend who was talking about giving getting rid of stuff,
She made a comment to me and she said,
You know,
I've really noticed how much you've changed so much over the last few years.
Like you're not as judgy as you used to be.
You know,
You really listen to others and you take things into account.
And,
You know,
I'm,
It's really awesome to see that in you.
And at first,
Like there was like a moment where I'm like,
What is she like,
How judgy did I used to be?
And then I thought,
You know what,
That's her perception.
It's her idea.
And she's not wrong.
I have noticed in myself how much I prefer to listen to someone and listen to what their side is,
Even if I don't agree with it.
And there's right now with Roe versus Wade and all this political crap going on and gun control and I mean,
There's so much judgment being spewed instead of pausing to listen to one another.
And it's very hard when you feel so strongly about something to pause and not hold judgment.
Right.
And instead of putting that judgment piece in front of you first really pausing and listening to what somebody else is saying,
Even if they can't hear as well,
Right.
There's times where we're spewing things at each other and we're talking and talking and talking and there's no way somebody else is going to hear us because they're stuck in where they are and what their perception is and where they need to be in their life.
So it makes it a challenge to be heard when someone else is not even in a place to listen.
So what we can do is we can have our feelings.
We can have our judgments.
We can have our perceptions.
We are allowed to have our opinions.
But we also have to remember on the flip side,
We don't want someone pushing,
Projecting those things on us as well.
So if it's something you don't want put on yourself,
Remember that and try not to project it back out to someone else.
And it's really hard to do.
It's really hard right now.
I wrote a post recently saying that pro-choice and pro-life are really the same things.
It's really about perception.
It's the perception that we each have.
I believe in the gift of life.
But I also believe in the gift of choice,
Which I think we all believe.
And we can be on one side or the other.
Actually,
We could really be on both sides.
But there's just so much hate that goes behind it and so much,
What's the word I'm looking for,
Not boundaries,
But barricades that we're not allowing the listening to happen to one another.
If we can't listen to one another,
We're not going to move forward.
You can have your beliefs.
But if we can't listen to one another,
And going back to what my friend said to me about being judgy,
She's not wrong.
And I really sat with it.
I really thought about it.
And I'm like,
You know what?
I really have.
And I might still even be judgy today.
However,
I still do my very best to listen to what someone else has to say.
And if I can't,
If I can't listen,
I might walk away.
I might need to walk away because I'm not in a space of patience and kindness and within myself to have that patience to listen.
So I might need to walk away.
But it also comes down to the changes I've made in my life in the last,
Say,
Eight years is I've released people out of my life who are unbelievably judgy.
And that's all they do is judge people.
And I can't stand it if somebody is going to say something judgmental behind someone else's back whom I love very much.
I can't,
I can't be around that.
And I choose not to be around that.
And that's where a big change has come in my life is that I've released,
I've gotten vulnerable enough to say,
I'm done.
I can't,
I can't do this anymore.
And if you're not going to say this to them,
Then you can't say it to me.
I've even stand up for myself.
And I'll ask a really tough question sometimes when,
For instance,
I might be having a conversation with a family member who just instantly wants to judge somebody because they're not making the choice that they believe that they should be making.
It goes back to those shed shields I've talked about in the past.
And it's like,
Well,
Not my monkey,
Not my circus.
I'm not even going to get involved in it because it has nothing to do with me.
But yet they want to continue talking about what somebody else should be doing in their life.
And I don't feel like I can judge somebody.
I'm not in their shoes,
Just as I wouldn't want them judging me.
And it's difficult.
It's a difficult,
Almost game to play.
Judgment really can turn into a game.
And I think a lot of times in our society,
It's all about if you follow the judgment,
It all ends up into fear and control and expectations.
And that's hard.
That's hard.
That's not going to make us move forward anywhere.
So I understand what it's like to be judgy.
I raise my hand.
I've been judging myself.
And guess what?
I'll probably do it again because I'm human.
But at the end of the day,
If I can't listen to you,
I will stop and probably walk away and pause.
Otherwise I do want to hear the other side.
I want to understand where people are coming from.
Because at the end of the day,
I think if we can understand where somebody is coming from,
Especially if they believe so differently than I do,
I want to understand where that is coming from.
Where that fuel,
What is fueling that?
Is it because somebody told you to believe this?
Or is it because you truly do believe in something?
And if you do,
Just because our beliefs don't align,
Doesn't mean we can't be considerate to one another.
It's the actions that really stump me,
I know,
In my path.
When I hear judgments,
But I see these actions happening that don't make sense,
That causes me to pause and make a choice.
Do I need to continue down this path?
Or is my intuition saying,
No,
This is not healthy.
This is not good.
This is not going to work out.
Sometimes my intuition has been tapping on my shoulder for years saying,
Why do you keep going back to be with these judgy people?
Why are you continuing?
And then you get into that moment,
And typically I would drink too much just to soften the blow for my mind.
But then I might lash out and I might be not a kind person to some other people because I'm so angry,
Not at them.
But I'm angry at myself for putting myself in those positions of anger.
So something to think about on this judgment.
There's so much swirling.
And I hope that maybe you can take a pause for a minute and understand that people's opinions are allowed to change.
People are allowed to have their own perceptions just as we are all allowed to have our own.
It's that patient pause and listening to your intuition.
Is this a healthy environment for you to be in?
Is this something maybe you need to step away from today because you're not strong enough to listen?
And listening to ourselves count.
If we can't listen to ourselves first,
It's going to be impossible to truly hear what somebody else is trying to say to us.
And if they aren't in a place to listen either,
They're not going to be able to hear us.
So take a pause for a moment.
Use your common sense.
Allow your intuition to come forward.
Don't punish yourself.
Don't punish somebody else.
Don't lean into the judgment of punishment.
Lean into the perception,
The shrewdness,
The self confidence.
So you can discern what is right and wrong for you.
And allow this that to soften the moment.
So just for today,
Take a moment to pause.
Leave the judgment behind.
Feel what feels right for you in your life and your surroundings for you to be your best self and to allow others to be their best self.
And then I hope you're allowed to shift today into a greater tomorrow.
Bye bye.
