Decide + Become | Give Yourself Permission To Dream

19:25

19:25

Decide + Become | Give Yourself Permission To Dream

by Candice Alessia Berry

Rated

5

Type

talks

Activity

Meditation

Suitable for

Everyone

Plays

5

No matter what you're working towards right now — your health, your business, a relationship, a move, a dream you've been carrying for years — here's the truth: permission is not coming. Not from your partner, your family or friends. Definitely not from society. Not even, in the way you might be expecting, from your higher power. The only person who can give you the permission you’re seeking is YOU. In this episode, we're getting honest about the very human habit of outsourcing our power — waiting for someone, anyone, to confirm that we're ready, that it's time or that we're finally allowed to go after what we want. In the Wild Free Well world, we're talking about what it actually looks like to stop waiting and start deciding instead. If you’re ready to take back your power, jump right in! N.B. This episode may contain coarse language.

Self Validation Personal Responsibility Self Belief Self Reliance Self Inquiry Self Trust

Meet your Teacher

Candice Alessia Berry

Florence, Metropolitan City of Florence, Italy

Meet your Teacher

Candice Alessia Berry

Florence, Metropolitan City of Florence, Italy

Transcript

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Wild Freewell podcast. I am coming to you really quickly because I had an idea between clients so we got to be and just kind of get her done for this episode. But I think that what I'm going to say is going to be I mean, We're going to get straight to the point, OK? And here is the point, Friends. No matter what it is that you are working on, Moving through, Or moving towards right now, Okay? No matter what it is, Doesn't matter what the goal is, It doesn't matter how long you've been doing it for, It doesn't matter. Yeah, It just does not matter. What the thing is, Is irrelevant. But here is the sitch, Okay? Um, Permission. Isn't. Full stop. I'm gonna say that again. Permission is not coming. Permission in. . . Any shape or form is not going to magically fall from the sky. Okay so why am I saying this? So obviously I've been working through some things also on my end and like this is something that kind of like came up to me came to me this morning I was waking up I got up at like 5. 30 because the sun woke me up or the birds or whatever and it was quite wonderful, Very kind of Cinderella-esquey. It was fine. Um i wasn't ready to get up but i wanted to go back to bed and i just had this idea like Where have I not fully. . . Decided the thing, Whatever the thing is, Where have I not fully given myself permission? Okay, So let me walk you through this because like, Obviously, What is the point of us having this conversation if I'm not actually going to be honest about things? So you if you've been here for a hot minute, Y'all know about the like quantum leap, Y'all know about like the shitstorm that happened a couple of months later. And that kind of all knocked me off my path, Right? And it's like, Well, Why though? Why did that knock me off my path? Why did I give that thing permission to knock me off my path? Why did I not decide that nothing would knock me off my path? And why did I not give myself permission to continue on my path even though something, Someone, Some situation, Some whatever was trying to knock me off of it? Does that make sense? So like, There's a lot of, Like, Layers going on here of me not deciding, Me not giving myself permission, And giving too much power, Too much permission. To external bullshit and people and situations and whatever, Okay? So like the idea here is that no one is coming to save you. And I mean, We know that we know it, We know it, We live it. It is what it is. We know it. But sometimes it can be really hard to like kind of take that on board and really like. Understand or embody this no one is coming to save you and sometimes we live in a state where we are hoping to get permission from friends or family from. Maybe society which like yikes let's not and I think that social media is a really good example of this kind of. Bartering for acceptance that we are in this game of playing with each other and with these companies right they are. We're not getting into that anyways, But we're doing it. It's definitely a thing. We are searching for permission acceptance and approval by means of being on social media. Even if you think you're not. Look into that that's something to sit with that's that's we can have another conversation about that but in any case we are outsourcing our power even there we are waiting for people to clap for us we are waiting for people to approve of us we are waiting for people to give permission to us to do something okay and sometimes We are also waiting for God, For the universe, For our higher power to give us permission. To do the thing. And the reality is, Is like, There's nothing actually wrong with the last one of wanting permission from our higher power, Wanting that kind of confirmation. There is nothing wrong with that whatsoever. I would say, Um, It it's, It's certainly out of the trifecta that I've just listed of like family, Friends, Society, And then our higher power, It's, We certainly would be better off to look for that in our higher power. But then the question becomes, Are you asking for it? Like, Are you literally sitting, In prayer and meditation and conversation with your higher self, Your intuition, The universe, God, Buddha, Allah, Whatever it might be. Having that conversation where you're like, Okay, God, Universe, Whatever, Higher self, Please give me the next step. Please guide me. Please move me in this way. Like, Are you having that conversation? Are you opening up that dialogue to get the permission that you're searching for now? Does it need to come from there? No. Can it come from there? Sure. Can it come from society, From friends and family? Yeah, Absolutely. But like, Whoa, We don't want it to come from there. It absolutely can come from there. And sometimes it feels so good when it does. I know that in my last relationship, My partner, Honestly, Like partner is a gross, Gross over exaggeration of the situation that I was in. But the person that I was with, Was, Like, Not at all supportive of what I wanted to do, Of coaching, Of doing the social media stuff at the time that I was trying to do. And like he just thought that social media was like stupid and kind of a waste of time. I would argue that he's probably right. Kind of right but like that to each teach their own right like I mean it's not necessarily my cup of tea right now although that's I can feel that shifting too but like it was not his thing and so it was like he couldn't get on board with it being my thing and like that's that was hard and then the flip side of that is I'm in another relationship where. Social media and this kind of thing is very much my partner's thing. And then he encourages me a lot more and he gives me a lot of permission to go after what I want to show up the way that I want to show up and do the things that I want to do. And that is wonderful and it is really empowering and it feels so good. It feels so good when someone gives us permission, When someone claps for us, Like all of that is really great and I know that and I get it and that is still not where that needs to come from because it doesn't matter. If every single living breathing soul believes in you on God's green earth and you don't believe in yourself. That, The eight billion people cheering and clapping for you will never ever be more powerful than you believing in yourself, Than you clapping for yourself, Than you cheering for yourself, Giving yourself the permission and deciding to move forward. It is never going to be more powerful. So the point of this is that we're often outsourcing our power we know that we've talked about that before we talk a lot on the podcast about self responsibility about really showing up for ourselves we've talked about making energetic decisions but coming from this space of permission. It's this idea of like. . . I can have what I want. I can be who I want to be. I can go after the things that I want to go after. I can move in the direction that I want to move in. And I don't need any of those things. I don't need who I am, What I want, Or what I do to be palatable and agreeable to anyone else. So you're not waiting for your partner your friends your family to get on board your maybe not even talking to them about the things that you want right because we also need to learn to be selective we need to learn to. Cultivate within ourselves. The things that we most want and when we know we're strong enough, Then begin sharing them with other people and inviting other people into that. Not before. We have a tendency to pull the peanut gallery before we actually ask ourselves what the hell it is that we want or need or so on and so forth, Right? So this is really about that. It's really about giving yourself permission to be who you are and giving yourself permission to make the hard decision to do the thing that you actually want to do. Which I feel like I haven't been doing or I have been doing and then I've kind of come in and out of it and like we will to come in and out of it and that's totally fine as well. It doesn't have to be this. Pardon me, This all the time thing. It's not going to be. Nothing in life is all the time. Nothing in nature is all the time. We are not all the time. You know we're cyclical beings and that's fine so sometimes it's going to be great sometimes it's going to be hard sometimes it's going to be flowing and easy and wonderful and sometimes you're going to get tripped up and it's going to feel like there's obstacles in your path and all of that is okay and again giving yourself permission to allow. The unique unfolding of your journey and every aspect of it to really be okay. Like this is kind of like a blanket call. So this, This episode, What am I really trying to say to you? No one is going to come and say, Okay, Alacia, Now is the right time to do blank. Okay. It doesn't matter what the thing is. The thing is irrelevant. It's your dream though, Right? It's your dream. It's the thing that you really want and it does not matter if the thing that you really want is getting skinny, Is getting healthy, Is having a baby, Is getting married, A new job, Is moving to a new country, Is moving to a new neighborhood. It really does not matter what it is. That dream, No one is going to come and say to you, OK, Now is the time. So why are we waiting for that? Why are we putting ourselves in a position where we are giving our power away and expecting somebody else to give this dream the stamp of approval for us to then move forward? And this can look like Thank you. Because now I've got to put an asterisk on all of this. This can also look like following a million self-help people online, Following a million business coaches, Taking a million programs, And never actually doing the damn thing, Because you're so busy consuming other people's stuff. So it could be about following the seven million people who live in the town or city that you want to live in, But never actually moving there or following all of the fitness influencers or buying 7, 000 fitness programs that promise you that they're going to be the one this time, But then never actually moving forward with those things. We need to really like get under the surface there of why we're making the decisions that we're making. Like, Why are we asking for permission? Let's get clear on that. What is it that we're hoping to receive there? We're hoping to receive approval, Validation, A sense that we're good enough. Because that's pretty much the root of it for all of us all the time, Is that we're feeling like we're not good enough, Or like we don't have the skills, Or we're not ready to do the thing. And none of that is ever true. Do you know when you'll be ready? Do you know when you'll be ready? When you decide that you're ready. And it's the worst answer, And I'm honestly sorry to say it. Like, I don't want to say it. I don't want to say it, But it is really that way. And I don't want to say it because like, I need to hear it and I don't want to hear it either. So if I don't want to hear it, You probably don't want to hear it either. When you are ready, Then like when you decide that you are ready, Then you will be ready. And that is it. And not a minute before. And certainly not when somebody else tells you that you're ready. Like that's, It feels good when somebody else does that, But it's because we're looking for confirmation of what we already know inside. Okay. That's all we're looking for. So we can skip the middleman and we can just give that to ourselves. Why are we looking for permission? Why are we following a million other people's predetermined path and like hoping that this time it's the one that gives us answers? Think about that for a second. And I know I've been there. I have done so many courses, Done so many things. Well, It's just whatever. We could be here forever if we talk about that. But like, You have to look for the answers within you. I stopped buying crap like a long, Long time ago. I stopped buying into anything. I work with people very selectively, Like I work with coaches or other people and I follow almost no one in my industry because I don't want the noise. But like, Even then. Here's an excellent example. I have my own coaching method that I take clients through. I started doing my own method. I think it was two or three or two years ago, Something like that, Um, Was when I first started like implementing this method. It's pretty much the only pathway that people choose to work with me. There's a couple of different ways that you can work with me, But this is one of the only ways that people, One of the main ways that people choose to work with me. It's actually, I don't even remember the last time somebody chose another thing anyways. So what's the purpose of this conversation? So I have this, This coaching method that takes you through steps, ABC. Okay. And it helps you to do X, Y, Z. And it's basically about getting really clear on your vibes, Your values, Understanding what it is that you actually want, Creating a powerful vision for the future, Doing identity work, Doing embodiment work, And like really taking you from ground zero of who the hell do you want to be to actually living that version of you in the real world on a daily basis, Okay? Let me share a secret with you. I think that maybe in the last two years, One client has finished the program with me, Has gone through like every step of the process. Okay. And do you want to know why I share that with you and why I'm not embarrassed about that either? It's not because the program isn't great. It's because the program doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. The only thing that ever matters is you and that you get what you need and that you give yourself permission to say, Okay, I got what I came here for. For and I don't need anymore. I don't need to finish the program because that's not a prerequisite to moving forward in life. Like who the hell am I? What is this program? It's something that I created. It's a process that I use. It's something that I think is valuable. Absolutely. 100%. Am I behind it? Totally. Totally. I've seen the shifts that it makes in my life, In clients' lives, And I know that it's really powerful. However, Do you have to complete the program to be good enough or worthy or to have gotten what you needed? No. No, You need to give yourself permission to understand when you've arrived at that sense of completion and just be like, Okay, This is enough, Right? So like we're not looking to coaches, Therapists, Books, Programs, Courses, Whatever it might be to validate us either because they're not going to because they can't. Because they can't. One, Because usually if you're taking a course too and you're not working with somebody directly, Then that course doesn't care whether you finish it or not, Right? It's a container that's there for you to jump in and out of whenever you feel called to. But even then, It's not up to the coach to know what is right for you. It's up to you to give yourself permission to say, I got what I needed. I'm done. Not that I'm going to be a good girl or boy and I'm going to finish the program because that's what needs to be done. Or maybe you do part of the program now, You do part of the program later. Do you know what I mean? We make our own rules. And that's part of this too, Isn't it? Giving ourselves permission to do what we want to do, Move the way we want to move, And be who we want to be. And we don't need to justify this or get somebody else's stamp of approval before we move forward towards what we want. I don't need you to finish my program to know that my program is awesome. I don't need you to finish the program to prove to me that you've walked the path. I am walking the path with you and like as soon as you know that you've gotten what you needed, That is the only marker that actually matters to me because you matter to me because my clients matter to me, Right? And their lived experience is always going to be more important than this objective program that I created. Yeah, It's wonderful. Okay, But like that's not the point. The thing. They're the thing. You're the thing. I'm the thing. And that's all that matters. So we need to start giving ourselves permission to follow the intuitive nudges, To do what we want to do, To show up the way we want to show up, To be the people that we want to be and not wait for any living, Breathing soul to tell us that it's okay to do that. Permission isn't coming. It isn't coming. You have to give it to yourself. What would that look like for you today? Think about that for a second. Think about an area of your life that you're trying to move forward towards, That you're a goal that you're trying to achieve, A dream that you're going after, What would it take or what would it look like to give yourself permission to go after that thing. What if you stopped waiting for somebody else to tell you, It's now, It's time, You're ready. This is the right decision. No one is ever going to know, Not even you, We are never going to know when something is the right decision until we make the decision. We can feel that it's the right decision. We can move in that direction with the intention that every decision we make is the right decision, But we will never know until we're on the other side. Hindsight is 2020. So we had better start moving in the world as if every single thing that we're doing is right. Because it's just going to make our lives so much easier. And even the bad things, This is taking me exactly where I need to be. Not because I want to call in more bad things, And not because I'm giving permission for the bad things to come into my life, But because This is a part of my journey now, And I'm going to make lemonade out of lemons. And I'm going to give myself permission to alchemize all of the things that happened and turn that into gold and turn that into something wonderful and beautiful and worthwhile. And that moves me towards where I want to move, Which I think is honestly another episode of the podcast. So we're going to stop here. If you loved this episode, Please follow me here on Insight Timer. And if you want to connect with me more, You can join my group, Which is the Wild Free Well space here on Insight Timer. I do share things recently sporadically, But that's going to change. About like other topics or we go deeper into the topics from podcasts, There's an opportunity for Q&A, There's an opportunity for you to ask for topics or to submit topics that you want covered on the podcast and it's just a really fun space. And I would love to have you there. What else? Yeah, That's it. Follow, Subscribe, Comment, All of that stuff. And I hope this episode served you. I hope you have a wonderful weekend and I will see you on the next episode of the podcast. Ciao.