How Self-Love Can Help Build Confidence In Relationships

So recently I've seen a significant increase in the amount of people that are seeking one-to-one support to do with their relationships.

So I just wanted to put together this little podcast just on some thoughts of mine around I guess how beginning or how loving ourselves can help help us to really manifest the relationship that we want you know that perfect relationship although there is no such thing as a perfect relationship but really we can just do our best.

So we've become so caught up in what everyone else wants in life striving continuously to keep up our appearance so that we're not judged and criticized.

We're so worried about how other people view me this I.

When we find ourselves getting frustrated with how others feel about us how they see us what we're really telling ourselves is that how I view myself is not important.

How you see me is more important than how I see me.

We start to believe that there is something wrong with me which is where we're going wrong you know people's opinions are just people's opinions.

How they think about you is only their perception on whatever they are going through right now and we take that perception as genuine feedback and we never really scratch under the surface and ask maybe it's not what's going on in my life that has caused this misperception.

Maybe it's what's going on in theirs.

Because how we think about ourselves matters it matters a whole lot how we talk to ourselves how we reprimand ourselves how we remind ourselves that something that we've done was wrong or we failed at something or something that needs to change matters.

It's great to get the thumbs up from people.

It's nice to want people to like you.

It's not a bad thing to try and fit into a tribe in this way.

In fact it it feels instinctual.

The key for me is whether we are needing the approval of people.

It is need or it is the need to get it and if we're grasping at a life hoping or needing continual praise desiring affection desiring attention we live and this is a new term for me in a clickbait society and it's heartbreaking to see that a lot of the things people are watching these days is down to their own feeling of lack in their own lives.

Now I heard a wonderful talk from Mind Rolling Jetson Rinpoche recently and she asked what was asked by a question by the audience that asked her about feeling lost and confused as the coronavirus has forced people into lockdown and they no longer felt free and her comment was beautiful.

She said freedom isn't found in the home freedom is found in our mind or something similar like that.

I hope I've done her enough justice.

You know what I took from this and I appreciate if we're all a little different in our own perception of what she meant there but when we have become free from our own emotions free from the negativity that we bring on ourselves when we feel free from the belief that we're not free everywhere we will always find ourselves in lockdown so in the same way if we're always seeking approval of others if we're grasping hoping for some sort of applause or some vindication then we are in the same way I guess inhibited by the freedom of others and how we feel about ourselves means less than how others feel about us you know so how we see how we view ourselves is at the bottom of the pile and the only way we can begin to work with this is to stop caring so much about the voices and opinions of others and I know you're going to say isn't that just my opinion right well I guess it is but in reality like when you when you see Nobel laureate award winners you know the real people in this world the peace peaceful people the scientists that are living every day in the service of us you never hear them seeking approval at all in fact most of us we don't even know about them until they're in front of us on a world stage winning an award and most probably you've never heard of them before because they're just doing what they're doing because they're just doing what they're doing and if they listen to everyone like for instance that incredible woman who won the 2014 Nobel peace prize Malala she had listened to everyone she'd stopped being a voice for women in Arabic countries I mean the change she has made is incredible and she never started out seeking fame or awards she just believed she could make a difference in this world and how others saw her ridiculed her threatened her was insignificant in comparison to the belief that she had in herself now I have no doubt that she was tested at times wanting to give up the weight of change or being different can do that to people although I'm sure she just stopped listening to the negative voices and listened to her own inner guidance system became a role model for women globally now we can start living our own dreams we can start living a life that we wanted and successes when success is no longer managed by how others have judged us on their lives successes is what makes the the most amount of sense to us or you based on our own inner guidance system and we begin to recognize we all have the right to create our own our own dreams success begins to matter in a way that is totally different things things begin to happen to ourselves through belief through intention a view on ourselves that doesn't carry the weight of burden of how others view us that how we see ourself matters and if you have some morals thrown in there some values and some purpose whether you're in a relationship or not it doesn't matter anymore as you're busy living your life and the universe usually has something special with these people some call it flow or alignment but when we're in harmony when we're in the flow of the universe and you can feel it you know where you're when you're flowing as you're busy you're engaged but there is a warmth in your heart that no one can extinguish and none of this or most of the time has taken another all that's happened is that you stopped caring about others opinions and added significant wealth to your own self-worth and there's nothing sexier than that now there is that quote the the most beautiful thing you can wear is confidence i love this and i look at my little girl and i can see she exudes confidence and i watch my sons and i can see how they're happy to speak up and ask questions and you know i even remember watching hearing my son went to a milk farm and there's a vegetarian asked some pretty upfront questions of the people there i was a 11 year old child not caring what others thought was thinking purely about the care of the animals that these people were in charge of it's inspiring now whenever i hear them put themselves down we challenge that belief right then we we ask now is that statement true it is this someone or is it just someone else's opinion of you and then we discuss why thinking of ourselves like this as my teacher often says just doesn't bear any fruit so we need to bring ourselves back into alignment with our values and and a great place to start is to is to put down some values you know put some values down of you or what your values are that you have of of yourself and put them somewhere prominent and anytime you find yourself judging yourself and you're not really thinking about yourself prominent and anytime you find yourself judging yourself asking am i moving towards my values or away and if it's a way this is when we bring in compassion this is what needs to change as the dali lama always said we need an evolution of the heart and this is a wonderful place to start just challenging these limiting beliefs and we start and when we start bringing this inner alignment things will start happening to us that we never dreamt of we know some people call it synchronicity to how unexplainable coincidence begin to happen in our life when we start stoking the fire of our own values when our flame burns with compassion for ourself we start igniting the fires in others too and this this is beautiful to people we start attracting other flames as together we know how our flames can burn brighter confidence in ourself when we when we see success as enjoying the simplicities of life when we're more in control of our emotions and not continually hoping for something when we aren't in constant comparison and we start vibrating with the universe interdependently rather than seeing ourselves as independent weighed down by other people's perceptions and that word is key here perception of others other people's perceptions as we have no idea what lens they're seeing through right now at this moment yet we take it on board as as being a better measure of us than ourselves but when this vibration is our energy this awakening and it doesn't need to be perfect now the thing that we are all connected to whatever it is it made us imperfectly perfect it or i i mean it or um i mean i suppose we we gave ourselves the opportunity to explore grow love care for as well as hurt and pain and struggle as this is the perfect imperfection this is the impermanence if we were completely leveled and the universe just couldn't work if everything was permanent if we knew everything about everything and had no emotion where's the growth where life would just be boring lifeless we would all probably just wither away along with the universe itself so apologies out i think i just went off a little bit off tangent but what i mean is that we are in harmony imperfect harmony that we are vibrating at a universal frequency frequency that's not about that that is bound by morals and values but not rules we have an evolution of the heart that we treat others with the same beauty that we treat ourselves that our morals are based on ethics and not rules martin luther king jr worked on ethics and morals not rules mohammed ali went to jail based on his morals not rules over generations those that stood for what was right were often belittled until aligned until people aligned with their morals and realized it was the rules that were wrong and needed to change and what we put out to the world ends up being a very important thing and what we put out to the world ends up coming back to us and we when we aren't liking what's coming back we need to not see it as a sign of failure see it as a sign of growth and opportunity because it's that growth that makes you beautiful to others the right others the others that see you not the appearance of you now this growth this growth doesn't get you a degree or a phd in anything although there is no piece of paper there's no accolade that you will need no award no trophy you have become everything that you'd hope for you've become you so i hope this made sense if you enjoyed it please i'm going to be sharing a lot more of these so don't hesitate to subscribe to the page or share it like i'd love to hear your comments what your thoughts what did you think about this little podcasty thing i hope it helped in some small way and have an amazing rest of your day