Today I want to talk to you about the myth of co-parenting.
I'm Melanie.
I'm a reformed divorce attorney turned spiritual divorce coach.
And I say the myth of co-parenting because in my 25 plus years and hundreds of divorces filed I have seen co-parenting actually exist in the wild one maybe two times.
So what I mean by co-parenting is it's a popular legal term thrown around in courtrooms and by attorneys and judges.
And it implies that both parents are working as a team on the daily operations,
The daily maintenance,
The daily life lessons and guidance of their children.
And I know in theory co-parenting is what we all should be doing but the reality of it is if we were able to work as a team with our partner on something as important as that we probably would not be ending the relationship.
So the reason I'm saying co-parenting is a myth is because I want you to stop beating yourself up if you haven't accomplished it.
You are still a great parent,
You love your child,
You do what is in the best interest of your child even in the light of not being able to co-parent with your former spouse.
And that is okay.
It is okay.
So what I'm asking you to consider is the idea of parallel parenting.
In my experience I have found that this seems to work best for parents and the children of divorce.
And what I mean by parallel parenting is when you have your kid in your house you do your thing with the guidance and the maintenance and the daily operation and do what you know is best for your child and allow the other parent to do the same.
Don't try to have control or dictate or make rules about what goes on when the child is with the other parent.
The other parent loves the kid and has the kid's best interest at heart and it many times is not going to be exhibited or accomplished in the same way that you do it at your house.
If there's different bedtimes,
If there's different philosophies on when you do homework,
If there are different philosophies on what you eat when you're there,
The types of foods,
All those things,
The best thing to do is to let it go.
Release any sense of control or fear that you have concerning your child when they're with your ex-spouse.
And I have found that children benefit and learn more when the parents have different parenting styles.
They learn how to adapt.
They learn that neither one is good or bad.
They're just different.
They learn what their preferences are.
And I also ask you to remember that your child is on his or her own spiritual journey.
They have chosen you two as parents for a reason.
And when we can release and let the universe handle it and let our child go upon the path that has been set before them and have their own spiritual journey and receive their own guidance from the universe,
That is what is in the best interest of the child.
So in conclusion,
I ask you to let go of the myth of co-parenting.
Stop beating yourself up if that's not really working for you and your kids and your ex.
Embrace the idea of parallel parenting.
Let go of control.
Let the universe do its own thing and everything's going to work out okay.
I see God in you.
Namaste.
