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Welcome.
Let's see.
I just came back from a retreat at Esalen and people have been sending me such beautiful reports.
I'd like to read you something that someone sent me from Master Eichart who was a mystic in Europe around 1300.
So,
In German,
So consider what Germany must have been like in 1300,
You know.
It's like this.
So there's knights and peasants and serfs and this madness,
Right,
This disease.
This is Master Eichart writing in that time.
Start first with yourself and abandon yourself.
Truly,
If you won't first leave yourself,
Wherever you may go,
You'll find obstacles and war everywhere.
Those who seek peace in external things,
In places or ways or methods,
In persons or works,
In monasteries or isolation,
In poverty or humility,
In anything,
However great that might be,
Not one of them has the least value and it does not bring peace at all.
Those who ask this way ask wrong.
The further they go,
The less they find of what they seek.
They walk like the man who has lost his way.
The more he walks,
The more his delusion grows.
But if someone abandons himself,
Whatever else he might keep,
Whether it be riches or honors or anything,
He has abandoned all things.
See yourself and wherever you find him,
See of him that the more you go out of all things,
That much,
Neither less nor more,
God comes into you with all that is his.
I maintain by God's eternal truth that God must pour himself without reservation,
With all his powers,
Into everyone who has sunk completely into himself and has touched the bottom.
For it is God's very nature to give himself to all those who are empty.
And God will give himself so fully and completely that nothing will be left of himself,
Nothing will be left of his essence,
His nature,
Nor his creation.
God must pour everything,
His totality,
Into that person who has completely given himself,
Completely to everything.
Therefore,
I say,
If a man turns away from self and from created things,
Then to the extent that you do this,
You will attain oneness and blessedness in your soul's spark,
Which time and place have never touched.
There's no need to look for God here or there.
He is no further away from the door of your own heart,
No further away than the door of your own heart.
There he stands,
Waiting,
Till he finds you ready to open the door and let him enter.
No need for you to call for him,
Look for him afar.
He's waiting more impatiently than you are for that door to open.
He wants you a thousand times more urgently than you want him.
There's only one thing you must do,
Open the door and enter.
No one has ever longed so much for anything as God longs to bring man to him.
God is so close to us,
But we are distant and turned away.
God is within and we are without.
God is at home and we are strangers.
The eye by which I see God is the same as the eye by which God sees me.
My eye and God's eye are one and the same,
One in seeing,
One in knowing,
One in loving.
If I say that God exists,
This is also not true.
He is beyond being.
He is a nothingness beyond being.
I find in the divine birth that God and I are the same.
I am what I was and what I shall always remain,
Now and forever.
I am transported above the highest angels.
I neither decrease nor increase,
For in this birth I have become the motionless cause of all that moves.
I have won back what has always been mine.
Here in my own soul,
The greatest of all miracles has taken place.
God has returned to God.
So this teaching has been alive in our consciousness as humans for thousands of years.
We just haven't heard it.
We didn't know about it.
We are like the last ignorant savages out on the fringes that are finally getting the word,
You know.
The word that was alive in the Middle Ages in Germany.
In the eighth century it was a Chan master,
Yan Su,
Who said,
The great door of liberation has always been open.
There's never been an obstacle.
It's the same teaching,
Same doorway.
There it is,
In eighth century China,
Middle Ages,
Here today.
And now it's possible for all of us.
But to completely abandon yourself is the challenge.
Most people don't want to completely abandon themselves.
They just want to abandon the bad parts,
Keep the good parts,
Make the story better.
I want to keep this part of my life and make it better.
And I'll do that by being more spiritual.
I'll do that by being more enlightened.
I'll do that by.
.
.
And that's true.
You will have a better life that way.
But you won't find what you're looking for.
If that's what you're looking for.
Because,
You know,
In our time,
What's called spirituality or whatever this is called,
You know,
It's like become a lifestyle.
It's like I remember as an old hippie,
There was a time when if you wore long hair,
It meant something.
It was a sign that you were a freak.
You were an outsider.
You were something different.
And then it became a lifestyle.
And I remember when rednecks started wearing long hair and it became.
.
.
Right?
You know,
It's like.
.
.
And now it's like everybody in the world wears jeans.
Jeans used to be a cultural statement.
It's not a statement.
It's a lifestyle.
Spirituality has now become a lifestyle.
Massage is now sacred.
Laughter And that's okay.
It's a better lifestyle than,
You know,
Many others.
It's more satvik.
It's more helpful.
It's,
You know,
Nothing wrong with that.
But if you settle for the lifestyle,
You miss the essence.
And so,
In this quote from Yang Tzu,
It says,
You know,
The further you search,
The less you find.
It was exactly what Mr.
Ackhart says.
The further away,
The more you look for God,
The less you find.
And so,
Papaji said,
Call off the search.
But here's the trick,
Is that unless you search,
You will never find it.
And if you search,
You're looking in the wrong direction.
Laughter And so that's it.
You have to be willing to.
.
.
That's how you lose yourself completely.
Is you give it all to the search and then you stop the search.
But if you stop the search before you give it all to the search,
You miss it.
And so,
You give yourself 100% to the search and you stop the search.
Because whatever you search for is looking away,
Looking outside.
So,
To enter this gateway of your own heart,
To return so that God comes to God,
So that the soul returns to its source,
So that love returns to love,
Is to lose yourself completely.
Laughter And so,
If this becomes an idea or a concept or a belief,
Then it also becomes part of the search.
It can't be casual.
It's like there's a holy fire that gets set.
And this fire has to do,
As with any fire or heat,
It has to do with resistance.
There has to be resistance because the egoic mind resists.
At this retreat in Estlund last week,
This guy had an incredible explosion of awakening,
Who was one of the most resistant people in the room.
He was a Vietnam vet,
So he was.
.
.
And I was talking about my life,
He saw me,
I was the enemy.
He said,
You know,
When I came back in 71,
Those hippies were spitting at me,
And I know you were one of them.
And so,
That's how he saw me,
You know.
And then,
We talked about,
I talked about being financially responsible,
And he hated that because he has worked hard and he has made money and he has supported his family,
And you know,
I'm this irresponsible,
Still a hippie,
And.
.
.
And so he had resistance,
But he also had willingness.
He had willingness to examine his own resistance,
To see,
Oh my God,
This is what I'm.
.
.
And in examining himself,
He blew open.
He blew open.
And burst into realization.
So the resistance is part of it.
There is a part of you that doesn't want it.
Has to be.
There's a part that wants to have the normal programmed life,
To have a normal life with a family and money and success and whatever it is that you are programmed for.
There's a part that wants that,
Naturally,
Of course.
And that's where the friction comes from.
That's where the heat is.
Because if you're not willing to follow that,
Then there's a war within you.
There's a fire within you.
There's a spark that gets set.
And then,
If you stay true to yourself,
Then it bursts open.
And so that's why we're here.
I've just got a poem from this guy,
This Vietnam vet guy.
I'll read you this,
Too.
How does the butterfly become so beautiful?
Does a caterpillar really have a choice?
Isn't it just the DNA?
Isn't it just his calling?
What would he say if he had a voice?
Don't each of us have just as strong a calling?
Aren't we called to be happy and free?
Doesn't your heart crave peace and love?
Don't you long to be loved unconditionally?
Wouldn't you love to be the wind,
To go wherever you want?
Wouldn't that kind of freedom be exhilarating,
To have no limits,
No worries,
Just be exuberant?
Well,
This is the true self I've discovered,
The one who is infinite,
Boundless and free.
My true self can be anything it wants,
The wind,
The rain,
A bird,
A tree.
I am totally one with the universe.
My connection to everyone and everything is real.
I can literally feel what it's like to be anything.
I am blown away,
It's all so surreal.
I am infused with love throughout my body.
I feel complete for the first time in my life.
There's no want,
No lack,
No emptiness,
No strong desires,
Not the least bit of strife.
This state is close to bliss,
It's so powerful.
There's light shining inside of me that's bright.
There's a flame burning fiercely within me that's so strong and so hot it is white.
I've never experienced anything like this.
I know this is God's love inside of me.
The truth of who we all are is amazing.
I know this is how God has meant us to be.
This is the guy who just wandered into the room by mistake.
What do you guys have to say?
Yeah,
Come on up.
I can't wait any longer.
How are you,
Elon?
Great,
Good to see you.
It's been so long.
It's been a long time.
Did you come down from Washington?
I did last night.
I really wanted to shake your hand.
Want to hear a little story?
I didn't know how this would go.
I left here all those years ago.
I had re-upped for my second,
Third year.
I really wanted to try and be linear.
And yet at the same time,
It doesn't matter what I say.
It doesn't matter.
I just mostly wanted to come see you as my own man.
I had never been there.
So I really wandered into a room by mistake all those years ago,
Literally.
And you said,
All freaks and tweaks and welcome.
And I went,
Holy shit.
I found it.
The war was intense.
I still bump into things.
But mostly there were some highlights that I wanted to cover.
Social 9,
Superimposed 8.
So what had to happen was a death,
Almost literal,
With all the humility.
And quite literally forced into my home.
Everything,
The fight,
The search,
Was smacked down.
And it had to be.
It was so beautiful.
So I literally spent years in my home.
That's a little dramatic,
But close to a year and a half,
Two years.
Counting pennies and just this universally imposed silence.
And as a social 9,
It was death.
One of the lila therapists that I used to work with said,
Reflected to me,
Be alone,
Shand.
And there was this,
You know.
Along the way I tried to express my gratitude for these tools.
And the nuances keep growing and growing into this behavioral knot.
And really that's,
I mean,
It's just so,
It's been this,
You know,
My vision that I wanted to share with you is this classic social 9.
You know,
Somewhat sexual,
But you know.
And you always said,
So when you plant your staff,
Hang on.
And so for the 9,
The imagery is like driving along in the hippie van,
You know,
And planting the staff and everything from the back of the van.
And you know,
A couple times close to physical death,
The fight was so intense,
I wanted what I wanted.
And the imagery was,
I mean,
You know,
The mind wanted what it wanted.
It wanted to control it.
I have no idea what will happen.
And it was yet another surrender to come back,
To come home.
Because who knows now,
You know,
All the plans lay out there and they glitter,
You know,
And they feel true.
And yet there may be another entire surrender waiting.
I don't know,
And that's okay.
Good.
There is.
Yes,
That's the good news.
It's deeper and deeper surrender and deeper bliss,
Deeper insight.
The amazing thing though is that that's all experiential.
And so,
You know,
Over the years I've been waiting.
You came to Seattle and I was going to go.
I was going to come see you.
And this job came that I very much needed in so many ways.
And I still have it,
That this job comes directly from my rage,
I mean,
Every day,
You know.
And so I had to miss your Seattle satsang.
And so each satsang missed was always this big,
When,
And when had to be let go of.
And when is now?
Welcome home.
So good to see you.
Likewise.
Thank you.
See you around.
Good.
Once you've passed through the door of great liberation and you've,
Your soul returns to God and you know yourself as you are.
That's the end of the old,
But it's the beginning of something else,
The beginning of an unknown.
It's the beginning of deeper surrenders,
Deeper tests,
Deeper challenges.
Because as long as there's breath in this body,
There's a possibility for deeper.
And that's the good luck.
That's the good news.
People,
You know,
We all had this,
We all,
At some point had an idea of enlightenment means,
You know,
Then you're just this kind of happy smiley face that just,
You know.
But totality includes everything.
It includes this body,
It includes the faults,
It includes the ego,
It includes the challenges.
Everything's included.
It's all a test.
It's all an opportunity.
It's all an opportunity to see deeper,
To surrender deeper,
To emerge deeper,
To be yourself more fully.
As Shan said,
There'll always be these glittering possibilities just out of reach.
Whatever it might be,
Sex,
Success,
Jobs,
House,
Family,
Children,
Whatever.
There's always will be something to pull you just a little bit more that way.
And there's always the opportunity to not move in the face of it.
And if you do move,
You learn.
It's always,
It's all a test of love.
It's always an opportunity to see more deeply.
And our tests are the places where we are the most challenged.
I'm not a forgiving person.
It's not been my style in life.
Some can say forgive your enemies.
I talk a lot about my thing of being in the south and being beaten by guys on horses,
And we were nonviolent.
I did that,
But three years later I much preferred being in the street fighting the police,
Throwing rocks back,
You know.
It's like that felt more real.
But if you are a loving,
Kind,
Forgiving kind of person,
That won't be your test.
Your test will be where you're weak,
Where your tendencies are.
Because it's only your own mind.
And it feels really nice to be back with you,
Although you're always with me.
And just maybe a little report.
So my journey continues,
And it's a,
How do I say,
It's like a new depth.
It's the play,
And I can play in it and watch it and see it and do the work.
And I'm doing focused work on what you would call the demons that come and arise.
What does that mean,
Focused work?
Well,
I'm working with Rafael Rod Bernie and Yaya up at the Self and Soul Center on Wagner Creek,
And they have a Sufi orientation,
But with ancient wisdom of various kind and in a two-year group with them.
Psychology mixed with various approaches to the truth,
All of which is the same.
Nothing's the same.
Okay.
Different flavors maybe?
The real trap we have is that I've seen so many people read a book that has 80%,
90% truth in it.
They say it's all the same.
Every voice is unique.
Yes.
And it's not saying the same.
Yeah.
And so you want to be very clear with yourself,
Very precise.
And seeing it's the same kind of melds this kind of custard mush over things that it's all oneness.
But it's not,
You know,
It's like where oneness is oneness,
There's no question of same and different.
And in distinction,
There's infinite variety and subtlety of distinction.
Right.
I hear that.
And that leads me to a bit of my report as I discover the particular flavor of this being.
Yes.
Right?
And as I have my experiences,
Huge anger has arisen for me in the last months.
And like a madness of I know what going postal is.
Yes.
And yeah.
Yes.
And so to be with that and to get rid of the object and to like just see it transform into what I didn't know about,
Which is a life force.
It's like the basis of life force,
It's strength.
That's right.
Right?
When it has no longer has the object.
And so from that it starts to bring me,
It gives me that power to be this one among all that.
Yes.
And so even in my merging and even now I have an even stronger desire to merge.
But now I can see that that's the energy of merging and I can see in the energy of merging one point of it.
Yes.
Yes.
That's beautiful.
It's essential to get in touch with this that you've been cut off from your own essence.
Right.
It's been denied.
Yes.
And so there becomes like a solidity.
Yes.
That's beautiful.
Yes.
And now you can take this solidity,
This energy of your own strength,
Your own life force,
Your own chi,
And you can be one pointed in stopping.
Yes.
Thank you.
Yes.
Yes.
Because now you have that capacity.
Until you've met yourself,
Until you've met this rage,
And you've met this,
Your own chi,
Your own strength,
Your own force,
Then you don't have the strength,
You don't have the willpower,
You don't have the integrity to fully stop.
But then when you have,
As you say,
This solidity,
That's what's required.
Now you can begin by stopping here.
And you notice all the tendencies to not stop,
To.
.
.
There's still a future,
There's still a what's next,
Still a tomorrow,
Still a,
Well,
I've got this and what about that?
That's where the heat will be.
It's beautiful.
Thank you so much.
I'm so glad,
It's so good to see you again.
Thank you.
My heart is so full.
Oh,
Thank you,
Thank you,
Me too.
Yeah,
As long as our egos are fragmented in a thousand different directions,
We don't have the strength,
We don't have the integrity,
We don't have the one-pointedness to stop.
How can I stop?
I've got these commitments over here,
I've got these commitments over there,
I've got this going on,
I'm afraid of that,
I'm running from this,
I'm chasing that.
So,
And yeah,
I want to stop,
But I'd like to stop,
But what about.
.
.
But then when it all comes one-pointed,
When you have,
When you've met yourself as you are,
Relatively,
When you've met your rage and your fears and your passions and your aversions,
And you can bring them all into this present moment because you're not avoiding anything,
Then you have your full capacity to be present to yourself,
Full capacity then to lose yourself completely as Master Agart said.
Because you can't lose yourself completely if you still have little pieces hanging out and stragglers and places going in different directions.
So we all have parts of ourselves that we cut off,
That we don't want to see,
That we don't like,
That we're afraid that they're deviant,
Or afraid that they're wrong or bad or shouldn't be here.
If I'm a good person,
I wouldn't be feeling this or whatever it is.
And so we set up these psychic walls against our own tendencies,
And in that we fragment ourselves.
And when we're fragmented then we don't have our own integrity of being to make the real choices,
To choose what we really want.
And so then all these barriers have to come down.
All the judgments about who you are stop.
What if you're not a good person?
What if you're not a kind person?
What if you're not a loving person?
What if you're not a bitch?
What if you're not a hateful person?
What if you're not any of those names?
What if you're not defending one name and then proving you're not the other name?
What if all those judgments just stop?
Then you can just allow whatever is here to be met without judgment,
Without blame.
And all the different fragments of ourselves can just start to come back into a totality.
So if we return to that opening beautiful quote from Meister Ercard,
You know,
Meister Ercard,
To lose yourself completely.
To lose yourself completely,
What does that really mean?
It doesn't mean to be mindless.
People think to lose yourself completely you go get drunk and go staggering through the street,
And you lose yourself.
Because that's really,
You could say that alcoholics have this desire to lose themselves completely.
Junkies have a desire to lose themselves completely.
There's a desire to finally finish the pain,
To get rid of the suffering.
But that's the opposite direction.
That's mindless.
That's different from no mind.
So to lose yourself completely is to have a quiet mind and an open heart.
But you can't have a quiet mind if you've got all little unfinished pieces of yourself floating around out there.
If you've got this unresolved rage that's never been met.
If you've got these fears that are secretly running your life.
If you've got these desires for this fantasy of what's next.
You can't have a quiet mind because you've already become attached to these others.
So then this is where inquiry,
This is where self-reflection.
To look at yourself,
To overhear yourself,
To overhear your own internal conversation.
To go,
Oh,
I'm fantasizing about the future.
Oh,
I'm afraid of what's next.
Oh,
I'm afraid of this.
Oh,
I don't want that.
And you reflect on it and you realize this is the noise of mind.
This is the only obscuration between you and this gateway of freedom that's already open and waiting and calling you.
And so it takes our own conscious participation to reflect on ourselves,
To see ourselves,
To look more deeply.
And you lose yourself so completely that there's nothing left but God.
We have this idea that I'll become one with God and then God is in me.
Big me and a little God.
If you lose yourself completely,
You know it's the same I,
The same I that sees,
The same I that loves.
There's no I and I.
So then if you haven't passed through this gateway of liberation,
What is it that's more important?
There's obviously something more important.
Either more important or something you haven't yet paid attention to,
You haven't yet addressed.
Some fragmented,
Because as long as you're fragmented you can't fit through the eye of a needle because this piece is flying off in different directions.
So what hasn't been addressed?
Where are you still attached?
What is it you still want from being a me that you think you won't get if you're God?
And that's where our own intelligent reflection is so essential.
That's where you have to be willing to see what's going on.
Because once you've passed through this gateway of liberation,
There's no doubt.
There's no question.
There's no,
Well,
Am I or aren't I?
Or,
Well,
Yes,
I know I am,
But,
You know,
Well,
We are all one.
Whatever belief systems,
They're all gone.
There's no beliefs.
No ideas,
No concepts.
It's a certainty,
Absolute certainty.
So what is it that you're holding more dear than this certainty?
What is it you haven't yet examined because you're afraid you might lose it or afraid you might something?
Hi.
Hi.
Yeah,
Two phrases resonated with me.
One was postal and the other was Vietnam.
What was the first one?
Postal.
Postal.
And then Vietnam vet.
And I do remember,
You know,
The story you mentioned at the vet said that he had extreme rage about,
You know,
Being spit on.
And I remember when I came back in 70,
And I had a very fragile,
Came out of the field,
Didn't know how to,
You know,
Was dressed up,
Look good,
Had medals on.
But I didn't know how society would react.
And I heard stories about that.
And I remember seeing a vet in the airport walking towards me,
Not a vet,
But a hippie.
And he was walking towards me and I just I started to engage him visually.
And I just wondered,
I wonder what he's going to do.
And I wonder how I'm going to react.
And he looked up.
He was kind of,
He caught my eye and he smiled and gave me the peace sign.
And that was really profound at that time,
You know,
Because I felt accepted.
I felt like,
You know,
I wasn't being attacked.
Yes.
So those two things and I used to work for the post office.
So that was the other other thing.
But,
You know,
I've I've had I think a big obstacle for me.
You said,
You know,
Self-inquiry,
Examine what what is bothering you or what you think is is occurring.
And for me,
I think it's fear.
I'm certain it's fear.
And I think it's fear of losing control or or and I try to control fear.
And I had I think it was it was conditioned in me in Vietnam because I saw what happened when you lose control.
You were vulnerable.
You were pretty,
You know,
You were pretty useless.
And it happened to people.
I didn't blame them.
I remember coming to that point where it almost you make a decision.
You know,
It's almost a conscious decision.
Well,
Am I going to,
You know,
Lose it here or am I going to just,
You know,
Turn everything off and move forward?
And at that point,
When you do that,
Then you can do it easier the next time and easier the next time.
Pretty soon you're it's automatic.
And I've noticed that in and since I've been back,
Maybe I had about three emergency situations.
It just came up all of a sudden.
And instead of one time I was with another person.
But the other two times I was by myself.
Two of them happened in a car.
And I go into it.
I remember everything slows down and I go into it and I don't feel anything.
In fact,
I get more calm.
Yes,
It's a weird feeling.
I get calmer and calmer.
And I just remembered three cars were spinning out of control around me and I had to I checked my rearview mirror because the guy behind me was losing it.
People in front of me were spinning out in front of me.
So I had to tap.
But I remember going through all this and it probably was only a matter of 15 seconds maybe at the most before I was on the highway.
It was icy before I was able to get over and just,
You know,
Avoid all the wreckage and that.
But I didn't have any other person was with me.
Just,
You know,
He looked like maybe because he wasn't driving,
Maybe because I was in control again.
It was a control I felt.
But I didn't feel anything.
And he looked.
He says,
Do you want to stop?
And I said,
Well,
If you want to,
I said,
I'm fine.
And it happened again.
I had a Vietnam vet recently.
I described I meet with a group and I described the situation.
We're going,
You know,
Sixty five down the highway.
Somebody didn't see me and pulled.
So I had that same situation where it just slows down.
And I thought,
OK,
I may hit this retaining wall,
But I got to keep going.
But I can't.
And it worked out.
He said,
I thought you were told.
Don't you love those moments?
I don't.
I guess I do.
I guess they're kind of a zone moment.
I love those moments.
Well,
I wish.
Well,
I mean,
It is a common moment.
It's totally calm.
Time stops or slows down and you can handle the moment.
So now if you take that capacity.
OK.
And you turn it inward so that you're willing to give this control to something deeper,
Something that's not about being out of control.
Like the people who run amok in the streets or people who freak out on the battlefield.
It's actually giving control to something more trustworthy than might than I think myself.
Yes,
That's right.
To find your true self.
Because what happens is in those moments when time stops and everything freezes,
You're not thinking about the past,
You're not thinking about the future.
There's no personality involved.
It disappears.
That's what's trustworthy.
Yes.
Or it feels like at that moment.
Yes.
So then that you surrender to that itself.
So that the personality,
The ideas,
All this drama of your life and the relationships and the stuff,
All that can then surrender to what's deeper and more trustworthy.
You can lose yourself so completely.
This is really what it's about.
You lose yourself so fully that you give yourself to what's trustworthy.
Then it's like time doesn't have to stop.
Time doesn't have to slow down.
There's something trustworthy that's here all the time.
Yeah.
Well,
You know what I do when emotions come up.
And I have been able to,
And this is more on the relative side,
But if I get,
I notice my emotions in a day.
If I get any,
When I classify negative emotions,
I don't,
I stop the story.
I just go to,
Okay,
I'm going to stop the story.
I'm just going to go into the feeling of it.
And it seems to dissipate.
It does dissipate and it may return and then I do it again.
And that's a beautiful technique.
But what I'm speaking about is not technique.
Okay.
Like Master Icahart,
Wasn't the technique he's talking about.
He's talking about how to become one with God.
And surrender is,
There's no technique possible.
It's the surrender of all technique.
It's the surrender of all doing.
Okay.
It's full stop.
I read your stuff and I,
I love,
It makes me feel good.
So I go into a meditation almost when I,
And I know it rings true,
But I know that's also an experience.
It's just,
You know,
But it still makes me,
I come back to it and think about it again.
And then it goes away and I come back to it and I go,
Okay,
So this is,
I feel this is like a little bit,
A taste or a flavor of what it's like.
And so I know it's true.
I just,
I don't think I've gone through the,
You know.
You haven't,
But you want to.
Yes.
Beautiful.
Then you can stop here.
Right now you stop.
No future.
No past.
This moment.
It's scary to let go like that.
Yes,
It is.
But so what?
Do you know how to deal with fear?
I,
You know,
I do.
I do.
I don't know how to deal with created well.
It's terrifying.
It's terrifying.
It's a death.
Yeah.
It's a death and it's terrifying and so what?
That's the way you deal with it.
So what?
So you're afraid.
You're supposed to be.
It's good.
That's the signal that you're getting close to what's real is it's terrifying because everything that you've known disappears.
It's unknown and it's unknown is terrifying.
So what?
It's supposed to be terrifying.
We had a phrase called it doesn't mean nothing in Vietnam.
That's it.
That's exactly it.
It doesn't mean nothing.
Yes.
So then you stop here and it doesn't mean nothing.
Everything that you thought was real doesn't mean nothing.
Everything.
Your body,
Your life,
Your partners,
Your children,
Your past,
Your job,
Your future,
Your house doesn't mean nothing.
There's something that does.
There's something that's real and that's what you want.
That's what you want.
That is what I want.
Yes.
So if I stop everything right now.
I feel more peaceful.
So then drop in.
The one who feels more peaceful can surrender and drop in to find what's deeper.
The one who feels more peaceful can just disappear for a second and what's left.
I don't know.
I just feel calmness.
I definitely do.
But I know that's just an experience but yet I do feel that.
So that's the beginning.
But don't know anything.
Don't come back and comment on it.
Just let it be as you are and then don't move from here.
The tendency is to pick up the next moment.
Yes.
I do that well.
Yes.
So that's what the discipline is.
And discipline means?
Don't touch the next moment.
No matter how tempting it is.
No matter how automatic and habitual.
But that isn't a practice though.
You don't make that into a practice.
Picking up the next moment is the practice.
Stopping.
Oh,
Stop it.
Okay.
I like that.
Okay.
I'm already good at that.
I'm conditioned for that.
Yes,
That's it.
Condition is very strong.
But it is what it is.
What's the phrase?
Don't mean nothing.
Yeah.
How ironic.
Yeah,
It used to be one of my favorites.
I hadn't thought of that in years.
It just popped,
Bubbled up.
Yes.
So if you don't leave this moment,
Then what's here?
Just peace for me.
Yes,
Peace.
That's how deep is peace.
It's deep.
Yes.
Yes.
It's the beginning.
It's the beginning.
It's beautiful.
The tendency will be to pick up the thought,
To think about it,
To analyze it,
To say what's wrong.
It's not enough.
I want more.
Yeah.
Stay here.
If you stay here,
Everything will arise to be met.
Everything.
It's all waiting to be met.
And so all the rage,
All the terror,
All the battlefield stuff,
It's all waiting to be met.
And if you meet it without moving,
You'll find peace is there in the middle of all of it.
And peace will take you deeper.
Thank you.
I'm so glad.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Yeah,
Sure.
There have been so many moments that I wanted to say to you expressly,
Like what it is that drives this meeting for me is that by stopping the layers of neuroses continue to fall away.
Yes.
And there were some pretty thick ones.
You know,
I mean,
Really.
And that in itself is what I would say to your form.
I don't know about words.
Spent a lot of time alone,
Really.
And it's that in itself that like brought,
I don't know,
The ability to go deeper and deeper and deeper.
Yes,
That's right.
That's right.
And that's what made those tools that you gave me the most,
You know,
Those are what I held to you.
And then the nuances,
Those have revealed that place where it's possible to leave the next thought alone.
Yes.
That's it.
That's it.
Yeah.
I just really wanted you to know that over all these years that,
You know,
This neurosis that.
Yes.
And so I had so many moments of this will be the last thing that you said so many times in my tenure in the group.
Like,
It used to be in historically that pupils weren't ready.
They had to be they had to be willing to be readied.
And that meant usually going off like being alone.
I don't know about that particular process,
But that was literally where I went to.
Yes.
Without a choice.
Yes.
That's grace.
That's.
Yeah.
And I would say it,
You know,
I mean,
I think it's been almost five years I've been waiting to say these things to you.
So that it was the question.
What do you want?
Yes.
That's where the healing began.
Yes.
And I've been so,
You know,
There's nothing that could ever express my gratitude for that.
So thank you for giving me that piece.
Thank you.
Thank you,
Shand.
So this is where it begins with what do you want.
So it begins where it ends if you're willing to really tell the truth about what you want and then you give your life to it.
But first you have to know what you want because we're all programmed to want lots of things.
Genetically,
We're programmed to want family and security and that's genetics.
Society has programmed us to want prosperity and whatever the millions of things that society produces.
So there's all these wants that have been ingrained into us genetically and society and then to find what we really want.
What do I really want?
It's a question that never gets asked.
Usually it's what do I settle for?
What can I get?
How much?
So to find what you really want and then to give your life to it.
To put the ridge pole on the ground and say,
It stops here.
I want freedom.
I want truth.
I want to know myself.
If that's what you want,
Then that's the possibility.
That's the realization.
If what you want is peace,
Well,
You can get an IV drip and get peace.
You know,
If what you want is comfort,
There's lots of ways to sell out for comfort.
But if what you want is truth,
Truth will set you free.
If what you want is to know yourself,
It will set you free.
If what you want is realization,
You have to know that.
To know it,
Until you know what you want and give yourself to it,
You haven't begun the spiritual life.
Everything else is preliminary.
When you know it and you give yourself to it,
That's the beginning of the search.
And when you're willing,
You stop the search right there.
That's the beginning and the end of the search.
But the search has to begin and it has to end.
Most people,
It never begins.
Most people,
It's a lifestyle choice to be more spiritual,
More kind,
More compassionate,
Which is beautiful.
Be more spiritual,
Be more kind,
Be more compassionate.
It's a beautiful lifestyle.
Get sacred massage.
Hot stones now are supposed to be sacred.
Hot stones are sacred massage,
I'm told.
Nothing wrong with that.
Hey,
Better than when I was a kid,
These be alcohol rub downs with the Y.
So you find what you want and you stay true to it.
And then there's this terror of losing everything,
The terror of losing my life,
Losing what I've gained,
Losing all my accumulation,
Losing all my relationships,
Losing all my whatever it is.
It's a terror.
And then this terror is this holy fire.
And at some point,
Time stops.
It slows down and then it stops.
We've all experienced those moments.
Athletes have it when they're in the zone.
And that's the high of being an athlete is when you're in the zone and time stops.
And even though the game is going really fast for you,
It's slow motion and you just move.
Accidents.
That's what I loved about revolutionary politics.
I loved that moment on the street where the police are coming at you and time stops.
It's just a rush.
But then to use it to face yourself,
To use it to go inward,
That's the possibility.
And that's why we're here.
It's possible for you.
We didn't know it 30 years ago.
No one knew it was possible.
30 years ago,
It was impossible to stop the mind.
Everyone will tell you.
30 years ago,
If you work real hard,
You spend your whole life,
Maybe your mind would stop for a moment.
Not true.
Everyone here,
The mind stopped.
At least for a moment.
It's possible for you.
Our parents never knew it was possible to be free.
They had to settle for the best deal they could get.
And their parents and their parents and their parents.
You now know it's possible for you to be free.
It's possible for you to be realized.
It's possible for you to be fulfilled in this very moment.
It's up to you.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you.
Thank you.
May all beings be free.
Thank you for being here.
