Welcome to life lessons and laughter with your host Glenn Ambrose.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Welcome to the show everybody Let's bring on Aubrey Hello Hello.
Hello.
Hello So here we are and this one's recorded yes,
Yes I don't know why that doesn't really change anything for us,
But I I Said it anyway so So here we are.
So today we are talking about What are we talking about?
Empowering questions.
Yes Thank you No,
Thank you Empowering questions.
Yeah,
So it's you know,
I've like really what sparked this is I I put a post out the other day and Somebody commented that they really liked the question that I had in there.
So And I'll look for it as I explain so they liked the question and the question was an empowering question,
So You know the the reason that I like to say stuff like that is because I've noticed that we're conditioned to ask ourselves Disempowering questions,
You know,
We often ask ourselves like why me that's a That's a textbook disempowering question because inside the inside the question is Victim mentality.
Yeah,
Like nothing good comes out of that.
Why me?
Yep,
Like is there is there an answer that is gonna make you feel good to that question?
You know I'm just a loser.
No,
That doesn't feel good Life's not fair.
No that doesn't feel like there is no there's literally no answer to that question That's that's going to empower you,
You know,
That's going to make you feel good That's gonna move you towards the solution,
You know,
So what we need to do is continually move towards the solution You know Instead of focusing on a problem is focusing on a solution So I think I think I found it like does this result in me living the life that I want?
That was the question that I asked in the post Does this result in me living the life that I want to live?
You know That's an empowering question because you're because the focus is living the life that you want to live And then you either get a yes or a no if it's a no then,
You know Hopefully you're gonna be able to live the life that you want to live And you know,
Hopefully that registers as a bad thing And you and you go maybe I should do something different,
You know You know,
And if you answer a yes,
Then that's a good thing But you can it's actually productive,
You know,
It does something when you start looking at things like that You know and you said that this is something that you that you bring into your yoga teaching Yeah When we you know have when I teach or if I take classes It's a big theme just because in train in the training with yoga A big theme is letting go of what no longer serves you,
You know So when we do yoga,
We're physically moving through the emotional body in a physical way It's a great reminder.
We do it a lot in like the hip opening poses and ones that kind of bring more emotion into it is To just see if there's something else you can let go of there.
I say that a lot to my students Because they'll try and run from the pain You know Mentally and you want and I don't even mean I don't even mean like run away from the physical pain The emotional yeah,
The emotions flood in and and you want to go and but where you're at It actually have you ever seen Fight Club?
Yeah,
But I there's this long long time ago This is great scene with Edward Norton and Brad Pitt where Brad Pitt kisses Edwards Norton Edward Norton's hand with acid Okay,
Or it's like lie or something and it's burning his skin so bad and he's screaming and he's just like oh my gosh Make it stop.
I guess I and it's just burning and it was flesh and They show clips from his brain going to all these happy memories going to anything But where he's at and and Brad Pitt screaming at him and he's like you need to stay with the pain He's like don't go anywhere and he would you would see him go back and he'd go somewhere He's like,
Nope,
Come back come back Like you gotta pay attention and he eventually just throws he throws vinegar on it and it neutralizes the burn and he's like That's how you work through your stuff.
And it was a really cool scene.
It stuck with me forever I think of that a lot when I do yoga or work spiritually because We tend to want to run from that and I see that a lot with people dealing with past trauma and stuff They'll tend to remember happier things versus some of the negative things that did that right?
Yeah,
We romanticize the past Yes,
Yes And and so yeah,
That's to me that's a big thing a big theme with let go of what no longer serves you You know what comes up because people like think a little deeper.
Maybe there's something else here that you can let go of Right,
And that's it.
That's you know,
That's a very empowering question.
What can I let go of?
Because that's really you know,
I say this a lot in spiritual terms,
You know spiritual terms imply Imply non-action.
Yeah,
You know,
So it's like it's almost the opposite of you know So letting go like you,
You know,
You can't let go real hard Yeah,
Like you can't effort into letting go you either let go or you don't right,
You know So it's you know,
That's it.
So like a lot of spiritual terms are like that allow you can't allow real hard forget Remember like none of these things that you can you can put lots of effort towards it doesn't it actually You do it worse when you put effort towards it.
Yeah,
You know who sings that song who sings that song?
Yeah Yeah,
I'll stop thinking about it and it'll come to me,
Right?
Because the harder you try the more you constrict and the less it works,
You know So so this is we have to open up the flow and allow things to go We can't we can't go in there and make them go,
You know So so letting go is is is a big thing It's very empowering to be like,
You know,
What do I need to let go of in this situation?
Or you know,
Who do I want to be?
Yeah,
You know if if I want to be a a happy person a happy Successful person and I don't mean success in just the the financial way,
You know Total in the in the total encompassing way like if I want to be happy and successful What do I need to let go of what is holding me back from achieving true greatness?
You know,
What is holding what am I holding on to that's preventing me from really exploding and being who I want to be You know,
So this is you know,
That's that's one of the best ways I think to come at Empowering questions is like I consider it the back door because it's not the door people usually come in You know,
It's it bypasses the ego and it you know because usually the ego wants to you know,
Convince you of a particular thing,
But if you come in an unexpected direction It's usually not prepared for that Yeah,
So it's so it's like,
You know,
What what do I want to let go of what do I need to Know,
You know what is no longer serving me Like you said is a very good way to to phrase that if it's not Serving me anymore,
Then I need to let it go and stop having it as part of my experience Yeah,
And part of who I am.
Yeah,
I think I think there's a lot of empowering questions like a big thing I see a lot is in conflict with people and I see it with myself if I'm having like Not great emotions with someone or negative feelings or energy or vibe and we're just not communicating,
Right?
And it's almost an argument,
Right?
Maybe it is an argument.
I Have to then ask myself in that moment Do I just want to be right and and if I do just want to be right?
Is it worth giving up this right because I get to be right and then I get to be alone and being right and I get to celebrate with no one being right except myself I get to have this great party about how I'm right,
But it leaves me nothing but Right,
And it's a right you're right Right,
I get to wave the parade that I'm right and we get to you know do all that But it leaves me nothing in the relationship that I have with the person So I think that's a really a big question Yeah You know,
Yeah is the relationship more important than my ego I don't know Okay,
So And I think it's get this is something that has expanded a lot,
You know,
I don't I don't know when it's Because we're already at the expanded state now.
I don't know when it started expanding I don't know if it's been expanding for 30 years or if it just started five years ago or what but it's certainly Expanded in society now.
Everybody is focused on being right and They don't give a they will I mean in the last three years more people have cut off friendships family relationships everything because of External things going on in the world that technically doesn't even really affect them,
Right?
You know and but they have to be right.
I mean people have polarized over over politics I mean when when I was a kid it was rude to ask about politics and it's true I mean,
I mean,
I mean,
I mean,
I mean,
I mean I was a kid it was rude to ask about politics and it was very often that you heard like like husbands and wives Be like,
Oh,
Yeah,
You know,
We we vote differently Just very matter-of-factly.
Yeah.
Oh,
Yeah We you know husband and wives vote differently all the time now would end up in frickin divorce Yeah,
You know if you back the wrong political party,
How could you even be in the same household with somebody like?
It's caused in the past few years it's like,
You know politics and getting locked in a room Yeah,
Yeah,
It's like I mean,
It's just Heightened all the problems,
You know so we can see them so that you know,
So we're supposed to be When things get worse everybody panics because they get worse.
It's like no that's contrast.
They're supposed to get worse And then we're supposed to see them and then go.
Oh my god.
This is out of control I don't want to live like this anymore and then choose something different You know a lot of people haven't quite gotten to that point yet.
But this you know,
That is You know that that's what that's the adjustment that we need to be making but it's all about being right and it's you know I have to I have to keep this on my radar because I can do it You know,
I can still do it.
It was it was how I grew up you know,
My my father is a very intelligent person and he had very intelligent ways of doing things and And he could explain it really well and all that so basically he was always right and I grew up in a household where he Was always right,
You know,
And I mean like of course,
He wasn't always right,
You know But it was like that.
I mean You know,
So some of those times he was actually wrong I have to say it was probably pretty rare.
I mean because my main Battle with my father was like he was kind of right and I would just do the wrong thing just to be the opposite of Tim,
You know,
So I mean,
You know technically yeah,
He was right,
But But he wasn't right with the way that I was feeling,
You know,
I was gonna go prove it You know just by rebelling against it.
Yeah,
You know,
So but Growing up in that atmosphere.
I learned to do the same thing and I remember I remember arguing with somebody After it was either before or after a football practice I remember we're in a locker room and I was arguing with somebody about something and My my friend that I grew up with my best friend since we're like four years old Knew me my whole life,
You know,
We hung out my whole life He was on the football team too.
And and somebody was like Mike tell Glenn that you know I'm right and Mike looked at him and he goes you're arguing with Glenn And guy goes,
Yeah,
I guess I'm not getting involved But I'm right and you know tell him and he goes no he goes it doesn't matter.
You cannot win an argument with Glenn Yeah,
Because what's gonna happen is let's just say you're right What's gonna happen is he'll keep talking and eventually he'll spin it around until he's saying what you're saying and you're saying what he's saying Oh,
How he does it but that'll happen and then he'll be right He's like so it's just I learned a long time ago not even to bother to argue with him and Like and I still remember that and what was interesting about that I had no idea that I was doing that zero.
I had no idea and You know,
I mean this was in high school and this was I still remember this This was a profound moment in my life.
It was a huge eye-opener going.
Oh my god.
I do do that Yeah,
I am like I'm Always right.
Yeah,
And I will keep going Until somebody dies passes out falls asleep,
Or I'm right and I don't really care which Yeah,
Whatever it means necessary is really yeah,
Well I'm going to be right,
You know And I just and I had no idea that I was doing it and I try you know from that,
You know I remember processing that like days after I would keep thinking about it and thinking of examples and going Oh my god,
This is I actually do do that,
You know and from that moment on I Started pulling back now.
I think it was still a decent part of my Personality until I stopped drinking.
I mean,
Yeah,
You know,
I mean there's nothing better to do than debate when you're drinking A gold medal,
You know Yeah It was like the only thing I could do Yeah,
But it's you know,
But and then so of course it's that that that Part of my personality that I have to keep an eye on and I'll still catch myself doing it every once in a while I think I'm a lot better than I used to But that you know,
I think I'm a lot better than I used to be I think I'm a lot better than I used to be Yeah,
You know,
So but but that you're right though.
That's what it comes down to You know,
Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?
Do you want to be peaceful or do you want to be right?
Is the is the relationship that you're in with other people more important or is you feeling right more important?
Yeah,
Because most stuff doesn't that we talk about and argue about doesn't really affect Affect us the way we think it,
You know the way we act like it does Yeah,
You know when we're arguing we act like it's life or death or it's so important and then we just go about our lives after that,
You know Because I think it you know,
Once the the defenses go up it's kind of like You kind of should cut the conversation In my opinion just because I don't think after defenses go up.
It really is just an argument to be right You're no longer dealing with logic.
You're no longer dealing like it's just really Yeah,
Yeah,
And you pick and choose You pick and choose what information?
You use to prove your point,
You know And we do that and you know like people I've explained this a lot of different times in a lot of different ways but I think it's really important because You know,
We just talked about judgment like when you see people doing it We tend to judge people and one of the things like if you see something rampant in society You have to understand that we all do it.
Yeah That's why it's rampant in society society isn't a thing It's made up of people and we're a person so we're in it You know like and maybe we don't do it as much or to an extreme as other people But chances are we do do it and this is something that I notice people do not realize about themselves You know when when you really start understanding that That people are just trying to be right and they pick and choose information.
They're like,
How can they do this?
This is insanity You can't just pick and choose information.
It's like you do it every day when you walk into a room,
You know,
Like We're talking about this a little bit too earlier But like when you walk into a room like I noticed this one after I was welding for a few years I like you you start noticing different things like So I welded for a while and then for many years Thereafter when I would go places that had steel around it or be around like a bicycle I would look at the welds on the bicycle if I went into Walmart They have big metal racks.
I would look at the welds on the racks because I welded so it just caught my attention It was just something that I was used to looking at,
You know So most people obviously don't do that Like this but this is how we are.
This is how our brain functions Like what we do is there is like I think you know,
And I've seen other people talk about this It's like 30,
000 bits of information that we're exposed to like every second So we can't take it all in so our brain just prioritizes And so we do it all the time and like I one of my friends Back in Rhode Island cleaned houses and she's like it's weird because I'm a big fan of clean houses It's weird because as soon as I walk into a house The first thing I notice is the the line between the ceiling and the wall Because that's some place that most people don't clean So I can get a feel for how dirty that house is and now it's such a habit that it's the first thing I do When I walk into a room Wow,
You know and it's just this is but this is how we train our brains and over years We just get used to looking at certain things and and just dismissing other things that are in reality And we do it all the time,
You know So when you catch somebody doing it,
You don't have to judge them and be like,
Oh my god I can't believe we all do it.
And if we're arguing and our defenses are up forget about it.
We really do it Because our brain is seeking Things to back our point,
You know,
So you're I agree with you.
I think you know once the defenses go up This is why like raising my son.
I learned Well,
This was more one of the more extreme examples,
But I you know,
I try to do it in a lot of situations I talk to people about sensitive conversations a lot.
So I'm like the first thing that you need to do is lower their defenses Lower let them know that this is not an attack on them First off,
You know set your intention a lot of times like if you're gonna talk to a family member Tell them why you're talking to them in the first place The reason that you're talking to a family member about something that's sensitive is Because you actually love them and you would like the relationship to be better than it is Not because you feel like stabbing them in the back of the neck It's you know,
It's like but if we're so used to defending ourselves in society That it's just people expect to be attacked so to open up a sensitive conversation and say listen,
This is because I love you and Really?
My goal here is for us to be close because that's what I want because that's how much you mean to me I'll send the defenses start going down.
You know,
Then you can Then you can transfer information and it actually might penetrate I Completely agree with that.
You're kind of like diffusing a bomb,
Right?
Yeah,
And then because yeah once you're gone,
You might as well just stop and just be like,
Hey Let's you know So like with couples a lot of times I tell them like as soon as you have to make rules for fighting,
You know Like no name-calling.
No,
No swearing and like either person can end the conversation at any time if it starts getting heated Or they notice the other person get heated.
Yeah,
You know you have to have that Sense of safety that you can walk away if it's getting heated like that and then revisit it,
You know Otherwise,
It's just yeah Yeah,
Definitely like reinforcing the unconditional love type of thing,
You know creating that safe space Where someone doesn't feel like they're there the floors gonna fall out from under them Right,
You'll get a lot more likely of getting honest conversation,
Too so,
How can I Like one of the questions that I ask and it's our empowering question is how do I make this person feel safe?
You know,
How do I how can I make this person feel safe?
How do how can I let this person know that I'm not here to attack them?
You know,
That's that's an empowering question.
Sorry.
So so yeah,
So Yeah,
I was I I did the same thing the energy just went internal there for a second Look at the pretty stars right the space between the stars.
Look at the space between the stars.
Yes Yeah,
And if you don't know what we're talking about go watch the previous podcast Yeah,
Yeah Let's see,
So i'm gonna look at some of these other empowering questions because I looked up to just to give myself some Because I don't walk around with a suitcase filled with these What do you want your life to be about you know,
Who do you want to be that's a good one,
You know Who do you want to be?
You know years ago.
I I did that I put a I literally wrote a list of I think we talked about this before I put a list of all the different characteristics that That I want that I found Valuable in in people,
You know honesty integrity things like that.
I was like,
Well,
You know The ability to the ability to take a compliment like These different things I put and I put a list down And I kept it on my desk,
You know handy and I whenever I needed to make a decision I would look at that list read over it and go.
What would that person do?
You know,
What would they do?
What would a person like that do and be like,
Oh well they would do this and it's easier because it's not about you Emotion clouds our vision You know,
What should I do motion floods in?
And clouds our vision so it's like but as soon as we externalize it and pretend that we're talking about somebody else You know,
You can do this with any problem You know just pretend you're pretending one of your friends came and asked you the question and then you know What would you tell them?
It's a really good way to to work through some of your own stuff But I would look at that and I'd be like,
What would a person with these characteristics do?
What would they do in this situation?
Oh,
They would do this and then I would do that,
You know,
And then and then after a few months You know,
I look at that list and I start reading it and i'm like,
Oh my god.
I I'm,
I think i'm that person.
Yeah That's cool.
Did that happen?
You just start acting through what that person is and you become that right Yeah,
And and it it is cool because it's like you know a lot of this stuff when we talk about the work We do on ourselves.
It seems so out there You know when you're not when you're not Where you want to be being someplace different seems so foreign and you know,
Sometimes it feels impossible And all this stuff and it's and that's a lot of the things that we're talking about So so here's another empowering question.
It's what can I do where I am?
You know,
That's a question that I noticed that a lot of people don't ask because a lot of people,
You know,
Like they they Either because me having my own business doing what I love It brings up this conversation or because people a lot of people don't ask What they love it brings up this conversation,
But I end up in this conversation a lot about you know how to Do what you love for a living?
You know and and it's all like usually when you start talking to somebody about it They have a laundry list of what why they can't you know,
And and it's all like You know,
I don't have any time.
I I don't have any money.
I I don't know where to begin.
I I'm not good on computers.
I Whatever,
You know,
It's just it's endless You know the list of why they can't you know But then what can I do?
What can I do?
And I think that's a really good question.
I think that's a really good question you know,
Um,
But then why What can they do at this time?
You know,
What can you like?
Why could you do something?
That's a question people don't ask themselves They can answer why they can't but then you look at them and go well,
Why could you start your own business?
Yeah,
What?
What do you mean?
It's like That's a problem,
Right?
You know So you've literally spent all your time Getting real deeply clear on why you can't do something But you've never even contemplated why you could You don't even understand the question Yeah yeah,
And that's uh,
You know that reminds me a lot I think I've heard this in your past podcast,
But um It reminds me a lot of picturing The best case scenario along with the worst case scenario,
Right?
Like this is i'm not picturing both but maybe like,
You know,
You typically see the worst case and what could go wrong And it's like,
Okay.
Well,
What could go right?
Yes Yeah,
It's asking two sides,
You know,
Because if you know,
This is that's a that's actually a really good point because like The the reason it's it's helpful is it plays off of what we already do,
You know So sometimes coming up with things out of thin air is hard But if it if it works off of what we're already doing then it's kind of easier to remember And easier to do so if we're used to you know,
Asking ourselves why not then starting to ask ourselves Well,
Why could it work?
You know that it's like remembering to look at both sides of the coin We live in a world of yin and yang,
You know So whether you think you can or whether you think you can't you're right Yeah,
And I think I think people like to plan a lot too and the thing is we don't know anything Yeah Yeah people like to plan Like planning is good if you do it,
Right it's bad if you do it wrong Yeah,
You know so planning is good when you understand that you can't actually plan Like you you can't see into the future And every step you take makes you it literally makes you a different person.
Like do you think?
Or look Or act alike the same as you did when you were three,
Right?
So you've changed So the way you think changes why because of your experiences?
Right,
You have more experiences.
You've learned more you like So everything changes because of your experiences It's like that in the microcosm,
Too everything changes Instantly as soon as we do something we become now all of a sudden we have just a little bit more experience Now we have just a little bit more knowledge.
Now.
We have just a little bit more confidence You know what everything it changes us Every step we take so if we're taking 10 steps towards something we are literally Interacting with reality in a different way at step five Then we were at step four and this is the thing that people don't take into consideration So they just stand at step zero and they go Well,
If I can't figure out how this is going to work out and how it's going to be in my favor And how everything's going to go And how I win in the end then it's really not worth my time.
You can't like Nobody can do that Literally,
Nobody could ever ever ever do that in any situation ever ever So So you're setting yourself up.
Yeah,
So it's big like if you take people that are successful at building business I like you you're a successful it's big like if you take people that are successful at building business,
I like using business as an example because like if somebody like I have a friend that's really good at building businesses and he He knows how to do it.
Like,
You know,
If somebody's really good at building businesses,
They can probably do it consistently It's not just one flash in a pan here.
There's a system.
They understand how things work and they're good at it,
Right?
So so it works consistently So if it works consistently then A person like that should be able to You know if unless you're clear on this point They should be able to put together a plan 10 steps know exactly what they're going to do every time because they've done it multiple times And and even those people know that that's impossible Yeah,
Because you know as you go,
You know,
We live in an ever-changing reality You know,
So things change something that you know,
You're going to hit snags Yeah,
Something is going to go wrong and you're going to have to adjust your plan Yeah,
So a plan is just something hypothetical to follow.
It's not actually concrete You don't actually do it the way it's laid out Direction and you just have to stay flexible Exactly patient really and knowing that You know,
Yeah,
Just staying flexible Right.
Yeah,
So so and you make those adjustments as you go and and that's just in a reality-based thing That's not even taking into consideration How you're going to be changing intellectually and emotionally?
On your journey,
Too You know,
So you're going to be looking at things differently,
You know also like at step zero you look at a problem You go.
Oh my god.
I'm going to be doing this You know,
You look at a problem you go.
Oh my god I couldn't even imagine how I could get around that then all of a sudden you take five steps and you're like I feel empowered From these five steps i'll find a freaking way,
You know,
And then all because you're different like that,
You know So it's so what can I do where I am,
You know in some situations?
It's helpful to make a plan but like you said remain flexible In some situations you can't you know,
One of my favorite things to tell people is like most most things Nowadays,
You need a website Or at least a landing page or at least a facebook freaking Business page or you need something on the freaking computer that's accessible that has your information on it You know build that because you can build it for free in your spare time six minutes at a time if you want You know it doesn't like it does there there's no You can spend 15 dollars or or 99 cents on a domain name For the first year and lock it in do that,
You know Build your landing page.
Why because it's something it's putting energy towards it If we want something to expand we need to put energy towards it So what can I do now to put energy towards it anything and we need to do that Energy towards it anything and we can find you can always find something to do.
Yes,
Like an action step Right.
Yeah,
And then you do that And then all of a sudden you go.
Oh,
Well,
Well if I if I have a landing page,
I guess I should have I guess I should Like I have the name of the business And I guess I should maybe come up with pricing Or maybe I should have a at least a couple sentences of about me Good idea Or maybe I should have something that says what the hell my business is Yeah,
Maybe yeah So so as you create what you're writing about what your business is You get clearer about what your business is in your head,
Right?
You know,
Or you don't know what your business is.
Okay.
Well,
I think it might be something to do with this And then as you're writing it you go.
Oh my Wow,
That actually sounds good Or no,
I'm heading in the wrong direction.
What I really would like to do is something more like this And you you figure it out as you're putting energy towards it,
You know Yeah,
So as you're taking that action steps,
It's actually creating itself Yeah,
No,
Absolutely.
I um,
I think there's like small I like that I like the idea of taking small steps like that that are manageable Um,
I don't know how like cohesive this is.
I heard this a little while ago That someone I don't know who said it.
It was just a conversation but the idea that Taking on a commitment that you don't know if you're going to be able to take on kind of thing Like like you just make a power move like and you don't know how it's going to turn out And you don't really you know what I mean?
Just just trusting and taking that power move and Taking on a commitment or something that feels a little bit big and like oh,
I don't know if I can do that and taking it on and uh through Completing the commitment you're like building the character That you need to be who you want to be through doing that.
It was just interesting Um because i've heard that and then what you're mentioning is just like very manageable um,
Which I think is just like A great first step for a lot of people that don't have any idea where to begin Like right.
It's it's just just start just do something Your brain around I can wrap my brain around that,
You know,
You can explain that but anything more I think Can get a little overwhelming right?
Yeah in the beginning and some people you know It depends on your personality and where you are.
I mean that power move is great because it's like,
You know,
The the really the the the most exciting I don't know if exciting is the right word,
But the most most profound moments in our life really Are are when there's a mixture of excitement and fear You know like that's what we're looking for Yeah,
That's the best man,
You know like now granted not everybody's ready to Dive into that so you just go take a small step and that's fine,
Too But at some point if you can get to a place where you're excited and scared at the same time That's the best because that means you're stretching your excitement Is is your soul coming alive?
It's it that means that's where the excitement is Coming from it's it's it's the it's our guidance system.
That's letting us know that this is Oh my god.
Oh my god.
What if it worked out?
Oh my god You know,
What if I actually do that like that is feeding your soul man.
That's the shit right there.
So that That's what needs to lead us And then the fear says i'm not comfortable.
So I need to stretch to achieve this I need to be more than I am right now to be able to achieve that to be able to do that So that's the combination It's the excitement with the fear.
Oh crap.
I gotta stretch and but this is gonna feed my soul You know,
That's really the power move that when you get that man kick yourself in the ass Go to a freaking tony robbins weekend or something and get your ass moving forward Because that's the stuff right there,
You know That's when your life changes,
You know,
But in the meantime,
It's like most people stay stuck because Like if something isn't getting done in your life that you want to get done whether it be start a business Or cleaning the bathroom.
I don't give a crap what it is If something you have something that you want to accomplish and for some reason it's just not getting done 99 of the time it's because it's too big.
Yeah,
And what we do is we instead of just accepting that it's too big and Cutting it down smaller.
We we start saying like oh we we start taking a disempowering Move.
Well,
I should be able to just clean my bathroom.
I mean normal people just clean their bathroom I mean I should be able to motivate myself to clean the bathroom and we disempowering Ourselves and judge ourselves,
You know instead of saying okay.
Well,
It's not getting done Fact just stick to the facts.
Let go of the judgment.
It's not getting done.
Well,
Maybe Usually that means it's too big.
So what if I just clean the sink?
That's it just a sink Okay Does that sound reasonable or that you might think of the sink and you might go?
I don't want to do that either.
Okay,
The sinks too big.
Could you take the the the cleaning stuff under Where the cleaning stuff is and put it in the bathroom.
Could you do that?
Yeah,
I can do that.
Okay,
Then do that and people won't do that because they think it's silly It's not silly.
It's a victory.
It's a small victory You feel better about yourself.
I did something towards my goal.
Yay me even if you don't say that In your head.
That's what your body feels your body gives a positive feedback whenever you whenever you do something positive It gives you natural it releases endorphins whether you know it or not,
Even if it's minimal Okay,
You got that little thing in there.
Okay.
Now what?
You're not going to get it.
You're not going to get it.
You're not going to get it If it's minimal,
Okay,
You got that little thing in there.
Okay.
Now what can you now?
Can you clean the sink?
No,
But I could put it on the back of the sink.
Okay,
Cool.
Put it on the back of the sink Like there is no step too small Stop judging it and just find what you can do where you are You know and then then all of a sudden your confidence builds and it's not so daunting Part of the reason is just because you just you just prove to yourself that you can It could take you six months to clean that bathroom and you would but at least you know,
You'd do it You start believing that you're actually going to accomplish it and then all those psychological blocks that were blocking you from do it Doing it they start falling away.
Then all of a sudden one day you go like,
Whoa I'm actually enjoying this and clean the whole damn thing Even and all you plan to do was the sink,
But you just fell into a pocket Let me clean the whole thing,
You know,
Or you don't but you get it done six months later Either way,
It's a win.
Yeah,
It's manageable though Yeah taking steps in the right direction.
I like that a lot So we got to find out what we can you know,
This is it's it's all about empowering ourselves This is what I always land in when i'm talking about spirituality It's the most empowering thing there is You know everything you look at and spirituality is about empowerment It may because it it it aligns you with your own power,
Which feels good Yeah with your own capabilities to manage your own life Then all of a sudden you don't feel I think the biggest one is taking responsibility for your life You know not we are the biggest Society of victims that's ever existed on the planet Nothing is our fault Especially my generation.
We're the worst Nothing is our fault,
You know,
And it's just like it,
You know,
Well,
It's it's the government's fault.
It's Somebody's taking christ out of christmas.
How the hell is that even possible?
You know like we blame everything my job is to Everything my job is stressful.
No,
It's not It's the way you're processing your job.
People don't treat me,
Right?
That's because you don't know how to set boundaries take responsibility for your life You know,
It's we're we're too busy pointing the finger at everybody else This is what we talked about with the call-out culture,
You know We're pointing the finger at everybody else figuring out what they're doing wrong when meanwhile,
We're part of a dysfunctional society.
That's living dysfunctionally It's like point the fingers in and just you know,
Ask yourself empowering questions Find out what you want and how you can achieve it And then do that Yeah Because without that if you don't know what direction,
Uh,
You're going you're gonna end up with no direction You know,
Yeah,
Yeah,
And that's you know that Bill bill mentioned zig ziglar in our last um podcast and It was like when I first started my business.
I put this zig ziglar quote who zig ziglar's like not Spiritual he's not a spiritual teacher But it's all the the birthplace of self-help was all business oriented stuff.
It's all self-help positive mentality And one of his quotes is a lack of direction not lack of time is the problem.
We all have 24-hour days You know and that is the problem Like and it's i've used that and you know,
My philosophy is just slightly different but it means the same thing Like I look at if i'm looking at something and i'm going like I I don't see how I can do that I'd stop and I go well did somebody do it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay,
Then are they a person Yep Am I a person?
Yep,
Did they know what they were doing when they started?
Nope.
Do I know what i'm doing when i'm starting?
Nope Okay,
So we're the same Right if someone else did it yeah,
We're starting from the same freaking place.
Yeah I'm just at the starting place,
You know,
That's a misconception people think that other and it's all unconscious because when you say it out loud It's ridiculous But people think because people walk around they go like writing books is a good example people like oh I I don't know the first thing how to write a book like like that's a legitimate argument for not writing a book Right.
It's like nobody knew how to write nobody has ever known how to write a book Before they wrote a book ever like yeah,
You know and and it goes like that with everything Nobody knew how to climb a mountain before they climbed a mountain.
Nobody knew how to start a business Nobody knew how to raise a kid.
Nobody knew how to golf.
Nobody knew like you can do it anything everything Yeah,
Nobody knew how to walk Like we don't know Yeah,
I don't know You're always not knowing at the beginning that's the beginning that's you're supposed to not know in the beginning if you already knew You'd be I don't know what the hell you'd be You wouldn't be human So,
But subconsciously people actually use that to keep themselves stuck Well,
I I wouldn't even know where to begin Yeah,
I mean,
I think that's a good point.
I think that's a good point Well,
I I wouldn't even know where to begin right Google where to begin Duh,
You know Yeah,
Make us start researching start,
You know,
It was like 50,
You know,
Some people don't I don't I don't know if I talk about the other things that I did Before I started this business that often it like I mean I talk about my jobs because you know for Reasons but like I I started a business Trying to say I knew I wanted to do something with spirituality,
But I didn't know what so like I was into reading And watching movies and listen to audios a lot Back at that stage of my life.
So I created a website selling spiritual books and videos and audio That's cool.
And Back then it was just like,
You know,
I didn't know what to do and somebody said hey i've got this software that you can set up a Online store.
I was like,
Oh,
Okay.
He's like,
Yeah,
He's like I can give you the software Like really he's like,
Yeah,
I can get I can show you how to do it and everything.
All right,
Cool So he gives me the software and then he disappears gone.
I couldn't get in touch with him again So now I had the software and this idea And I had to figure out how to do it wow So and this was 15 years ago.
So like I was you know,
It was like oh embed html code And i'm like,
What's html code?
So that's what I did I literally googled what is html code And then I read it and did I understand it fully?
No,
But I had a vague idea.
I'm like,
Okay You it's some code that you put in between a greater than and a less than sign And it tells the computer to do something.
Okay.
All right embed it How the hell would I embed?
What do you what is embedding?
So I googled how do you embed html code?
Yeah And then you know and then I went in and then I searched in the software Like a spot that looked like the freaking thing on the computer And I copy and pasted it And it worked there you go,
You know,
And I did that with everything I did that with the postal service generating shipping costs in real time I did that Like and I and I created this whole website That's amazing.
Then I found out like no like Creating a website is all well and good.
But if nobody goes to it,
You don't really sell anything And amazon is pretty good competition So like,
You know,
So it it ended up after a while,
You know,
It just folded but but whatever I did that I started a personal training a group coaching business You know and I So I started it.
I I couldn't get a location.
So I started in the summertime in roger williams park In rhode island to do outdoor group fitness coaching because I knew the fitness industry so like you know,
So You know,
So I I did these things but I didn't know what the hell I was doing,
Right?
You know Hoping for the best,
You know trying to learn that and they didn't work no expectation because you just thought you didn't know what you Were doing from the beginning.
So I did these things and I did it Expectation because you just thought you didn't know what you were doing probably Yeah,
I have no idea what i'm doing,
But i'm gonna do something i'm not gonna sit here You know,
So I built two businesses from scratch that failed in You know Probably I don't know in a five-year period or something But I didn't like my job I and I knew that I didn't like working for people So I wanted to create something,
You know something that helped people in some sort of freaking way,
Right?
So I you know,
Yeah,
So I tried Yeah,
You know people think it's like some fairy tale that like I woke up spiritually and then all of a sudden I started a life coaching business and the rest of this history,
You know,
It's like no man No,
There's stairs there's levels.
It was like 10 years between Between my initial awakening and when I started my business.
Yeah.
Yeah and a bunch of stuff going on in there Why?
Yeah and a lot of failure Yeah But like so so that you know,
So when I started this business if if I ask myself disempowering questions It'd be like well,
Why should I start a business?
I mean,
It's probably gonna fail like the last two failed,
You know,
I could have if I but I Didn't like no,
That's not how that's not the questions.
I was asking myself.
It was more,
You know What's going to bring me joy?
What would I like my life to look like in the future?
Yeah Let's work towards that doing anything humanly possible where i'm at,
You know with sole custody of a 12 year old Now what?
Right.
How do I get there?
You know,
What can I do now?
And I just did that,
You know,
So it's it's yeah It's the mindset I I saw Somebody sent me a video Or posted a video or something about gary v talking about this He said he said something like,
You know,
Like we've all had our childhood Experiences and if we look at our childhood experiences and say well I can never do anything because of that you're screwed Right,
Right then you're done like that just blocks you from everything But like that he said what he chose to do was look at his childhood experiences And say yeah,
I had those experiences And I could use those as an excuse to not do anything or I could look at the other option And he said there's literally billions of examples of people who have had difficult upbringings That have lived incredible lives all throughout history since the beginning of time.
There's billions of people that have done that So it's just a matter.
It's just a choice You know,
Are you going to look at it and say well,
No I had I had difficult childhood experiences So that's my reason for doing nothing or are you going to look at it and say,
You know?
No,
Because other people did nothing that had difficult childhoods Right and are you going to choose that or are you going to choose?
The people who actually did something with their lives and do what they did or use them as an example or use them as hope Hey,
They did it.
Maybe I can do it.
Yeah and try You know,
But if you just shoot and that's not just childhood experiences That's everything,
You know,
Oh i'm 50 years old.
I can't do it now I'm 70 years old.
I can't do it now You know or so you can use your age you can use your sex you can use your sexual orientation You can use your upbringing you can use your husband.
You can use your wife.
You can use you you name it It can be an excuse.
Yeah There's always you know Your busyness level You know like when I started my business,
My son had just moved in so I was Full-time and his mom stepped out.
So I was full-time solo caregiver Um,
My son was playing tons of soccer at that time.
He was like on three teams at one point driving all over new england And I was starting my business and I was collecting food stamps and heating assistance I couldn't pay my bills.
I was leaning on credit cards,
You know,
Like it It's not you know,
I didn't have any silver spoon.
So I started what can I do?
Yeah,
Well I could I could start a crowdfunding thing.
I didn't know anything about starting a crowdfunding thing,
But I did And I reached out and luckily enough,
You know some friends and family members made some Some donations and I ended up raising I think like 1500 bucks.
Wow And that was enough to allow me to get a a third-hand beat to shit multi-station exercise thing for like 300 bucks That I put in there so I could do some personal training and 300 bucks for some Some dumbbells that you can change the weight on I didn't have that much room Wow and a bench and a tv for spiritual cinema for my events for for like 300 bucks on black friday at walmart and A couch and a chair so I could do life coaching that the guy who owned The house upstairs that I was renting sold me for 70 bucks along with a book Because he didn't want to move it.
Wow You know so yeah It happened and I got like 26 chairs on on craigslist For like 150 bucks for events And a desk that my cousin gave me when I was helping her clean out her cellar You know what?
I mean,
But this is that's you know,
That's how I started my business Yeah It's uh,
You do what you gotta do you're gonna exercise Resources and get creative and just not let excuses creep in and stop you from going to where you want to go Right and ask yourself those empowering questions and hey,
Can I do this?
Can I do that?
Yeah Check in with yourself and I just looked we're recording this we gotta fly.
We're at an hour All right,
That's everybody we're done my laptop is on like eight percent so I was like we're almost there Okay.
Thanks everybody.
Talk soon looking for more check out over 200 episodes of life lessons and laughter Or click the link in the description of this episode to connect with glenn directly
