When we want to fix someone,
It means we want to change them.
Even if in our head we are telling ourselves we want to change them for them,
That it's an act of kindness,
That we want to change them for them.
When we want to fix someone,
It means we want to change someone.
And when we want to change someone,
It means we are not accepting them for who they are.
And so any relationship where we are focused on wanting to fix someone,
That person in our lives will never ever feel fully accepted by us.
That person will never ever feel fully comfortable to be themselves in our presence.
That person will never ever feel fully safe in our arms.
So this codependent tendency towards wanting to fix others as a way of care,
It's a way of keeping people at a distance.
And in that respect when we flip the focus around to us at what we are doing,
We are pushing these people away.
We are keeping them at a distance.
And the person who actually needs changing is us.
Our desire to change another person,
To fix another person,
Is simply our desire to keep love away,
To have a closed heart,
To not let people in.
To accept people as they are is to let them walk in a door that we have flung open so wide.
To try to fix them is to have a shut door heart.
Codependency is about trying to control our environment and others.
It's a way of avoiding going within,
A way of avoiding contacting the parts of us that need to heal.
We delude ourselves that we are caring for others,
But all we end up doing is failing.
And I use the word failing in a positive light because it is one of our greatest teachers.
We end up failing ourselves and others because to honor another is to allow them to be without trying to change them.
And to honor ourselves is to turn codependent energy that we are inadvertently using to push people away back inward towards ourselves,
Back into our self-reflective hearts where we can heal and transform the only person that we possibly can.
Allいます umvit agoida Eurêna do asou.
