As the phone rang for the arrival of the in-home vet who would be euthanizing my best friend,
I found myself wanting to call the whole thing off.
I needed more time.
If only I could have another day,
Another week,
Another year.
The morning flashed before my eyes and before I knew it,
A complete,
Gentle,
And loving stranger was in my home,
Laying in front of my dying 14-year-old beagle.
My best friend,
Who had been with me for 14 years,
Threw a whole lot of life.
And the hardest decision of my life was held in this very moment.
I could feel my heart beating,
Tears streaming down my face.
I didn't want to believe that we had come to the end of the road.
Yet,
A part of me in that moment,
Looking at my best friend who had barely moved for a few days,
Was at peace knowing I was putting an end to any suffering I was not aware of.
My husband and I laid in front of him,
Cradling his head,
Me kissing the spot on his cheek that had his special scent.
I couldn't look at the vet.
It was a moment where my soul looked truly into another soul,
And I could not look away.
I was just repeating the words,
I love you,
Over and over again,
As my best friend stared at me,
As if he was saying,
I love you back.
He slipped out of this realm with no noise,
No flutter,
No shake,
Just peace.
And in an instant,
He was no longer in his physical body.
I wept,
But I felt that for the first time in my life,
I made contact with something so much bigger than me,
Something that put me in a state of grace.
I witnessed a creature who loved me unconditionally become absorbed into all that is.
It was truly the most peaceful and loving moment of my life so far,
One that I won't soon forget.
And,
Sweet soul,
If you're breathing with me right now,
I'm guessing you have lost a best friend as well.
Our grief is unique.
Our grief is indescribable.
And even though we may never meet,
I am holding space for you in my heart at this very moment.
Enough space to simply say,
You are not alone.
Place your hands on your chest.
If it's comfortable,
Close your eyes.
And turn your attention to your breath and begin to feel the soothing quality of the inhale and the exhale,
Just like the tides.
Think of your best friend now.
See them in their perfect and natural state,
Beautiful,
Gentle,
And loving as you remember them.
See their eyes and their unconditional love for you.
Feel it.
That love that has no judgment.
This creature knew your soul inside and out.
And that is so special.
This creature saw you on your best days and on your worst days and always loved you,
Regardless of any faults.
To them,
You had no faults.
And as you breathe a bit deeper,
Start to draw in that unconditional love that is still there for you.
That urging and yearning of your best friend in this very moment to remind you that you are loved.
Breathe it in.
The veil between heaven and earth is very thin.
And know that in this moment,
That unconditional love you are feeling and have felt is just as potent and direct from your friend from heaven as it is on earth.
They want the very best for you and in this moment are urging you and all of us to live more from that place of unconditional love.
For imagine a world where we all held space for unconditional love,
Just like our animal friends.
Take a big breath in.
Take a big breath out.
When your heart is hurting,
When you're missing the one who continues to love you from a place that is so near,
Yet feels so far.
Place your hands on your chest and know that rhythm of the beat of your heart will continue to hold a never ending source of unconditional love from your friend.
Allow it to be your reminder that their greatest gift to you is that unconditional love.
It's there forever and always.
You are not alone.
You are so very loved forever and always.
