Welcome,
And I hope that each one of you will come to find peace within yourself.
Today I want to talk a little bit about dealing with judgmental people,
And this meditation is based on a live session I did recently.
You know,
All our lives we have people who judge us.
Even as a baby you're going to have some relative who says to your mother,
Shouldn't he be walking by now?
And as you get older,
Often your parents can be judgmental.
They don't like the way you dress.
They don't like the way you wear your hair.
They think you need to study more.
And then you start working and you find you'll encounter judgmental co-workers.
Some will think that you never do anything exactly right.
And then later in life,
We get into the realm of spouses,
And partners,
And in-laws.
I had a mother-in-law who knew the right way to do everything,
And she made sure to tell me.
So all our lives we encounter people who judge what we do,
Or what we say,
Or what we have,
Or what we like.
And often their criticism can weigh on us.
And whether we realize it or not,
This criticism weighs us down,
Like rocks we're carrying around.
In reality,
However,
Their criticism may say more about their internal landscape than about ours.
And I know that knowing that doesn't always make the sting less sharp.
So I want to share a few strategies that you might implement in your own life when you encounter judgmental people.
One thing you can do is anchor yourself in authenticity.
When someone judges you,
Return to your own intentions.
What were you acting from?
Kindness?
Curiosity?
Integrity?
Let that be your compass.
Another thing you can do is breathe through the sting.
A few slow breaths can soften the initial reaction.
And that creates a space between their words and your response.
Always good to think a second before you respond.
And a thing that's important is that you need to release the need to convince someone.
You don't owe anyone an explanation for your values or choices.
And silence can be a powerful boundary.
You have to sometimes have a compassionate perspective and see the wound behind the words.
Judgment often masks fear.
People may judge what they don't understand or what threatens their sense of control.
And recognize what they fear can shift your response from defensiveness to one of compassion.
You can empathize without absorbing.
It's possible to see someone's pain without taking it on as your own.
It's like watching a storm from a safe shelter.
Most importantly,
You have to set practical boundaries.
Protecting your peace.
In some cases,
You have to limit your exposure.
If someone consistently undermines your peace,
It's okay to step back.
Remember,
Boundaries aren't walls.
They're gates with conscious openings.
Another thing you can do is redirect the energy.
A gentle,
Oh,
I see how you feel,
Or that's not my experience,
Self-awareness can often diffuse tension without escalating the conflict.
And in this modern age of social media,
You have to choose your audience.
People you encounter don't need to know everything about you.
So in order to effectively handle judgmental people,
You have to set clear boundaries,
Practice self-awareness,
Respond with empathy,
All while maintaining your self-esteem.
And remember,
Their comments are often a reflection of their own insecurities,
Rather than a valid critique of you.
Close your eyes now,
And let's get in touch with our breath.
It doesn't matter if you're sitting,
Standing,
Lying down,
Or tucked back in your favorite recliner.
The only thing that truly matters when you meditate is that you're comfortable and alert.
As we start to settle in,
Let's get in touch with our breath.
We're just breathing in and breathing out,
One breath at a time,
And then the next.
There's nowhere you have to be,
Nothing you have to do.
Just be here.
And let's scan our body.
Relax your face,
Unfurl your brow,
And unclench your jaw.
Relax your neck.
Relax your shoulders.
Relax your arms and your hands.
Look for any tension in your chest and belly.
Relax your legs and your feet.
And as you begin to relax,
Let's focus even more on our breath.
Our breath is our anchor,
And our breath is like a river as it flows in and flows out.
Notice your breath.
Don't just breathe,
Notice it.
Notice this life-giving thing that we do constantly.
Maybe where you feel it in your nose as the breath flows in,
Or the movement of your chest and belly as the breath flows in and flows out.
And if you have thoughts,
Just let them go.
Acknowledge them and let them pass by.
They're like clouds in the sky or waves on a lake.
And the same goes for sounds.
If you hear sounds in the room you're in,
Just let them go as well.
As you relax,
Let the breath be your anchor,
Your quiet companion.
You are here,
You are safe,
You are whole.
Breathe,
Just breathe.
We're breathing in and breathing out,
One breath at a time.
Now if you will,
Bring your attention to your feet,
Wherever they are,
And feel their weight.
And as you do,
Imagine roots growing from the soles of your feet and reaching down deep into the earth.
And with each breath,
Feel more grounded.
Gradually,
As you continue to breathe,
Move your awareness up to your legs,
To your hips,
To your spine and shoulders.
And as you do,
Let go of any tension.
You are not here to perform,
You are here to be.
Now if you will,
Gently bring to mind a moment when someone judged you.
Not to relive it,
But to witness it,
Like watching clouds drift across the sky.
And notice how this makes your body feel.
Heightness,
Heat,
Just breathe and breathe into that space.
And repeat the following positive affirmations.
You can say them either silently or out loud,
And I'll say each one twice.
This judgment is not my weight to carry.
This judgment is not my weight to carry.
I will not take negative comments or behaviors personally.
I will not take negative comments or behaviors personally.
And last one.
I can't change anyone else,
But I can continue to be positive.
I can't change anyone else,
But I can continue to be positive.
Now as you sit there and breathe,
Let the breath sweep through you like a wind through tall grass.
And imagine the words of judgmental people as stones in your backpack.
Because I said earlier,
Judgments of others weigh us down.
Sometimes like carrying around a backpack full of stones.
And whether you know it or not,
It does weigh you down.
So picture this backpack full of stones.
Now,
One by one,
Take them out.
Hold each stone and name it by what they judged,
Not enough,
Too much,
Wrong path.
And as you do,
Place it gently on the ground.
And with each release,
Feel yourself getting lighter.
You can say,
I return to my garden.
We're just following our breath,
Breathing in and breathing out,
One breath at a time.
Picture your inner world.
Wildflowers and soft moss and sunlight coming through the trees,
Dappling everything with light.
This is who you are.
Not their opinion,
Not their fear.
Just sit and rest in this garden.
Following your breath,
Nowhere to go,
No place to be.
Marry this stillness with you throughout your day.
Remember,
You're not a courtroom.
You are a garden.
Not everyone knows how to tend wildflowers.
If you've listened to my meditations before,
You know that I like quotes.
So I want to share a couple with you now.
Biologist Colin Wright said,
Another person's judgment of your lifestyle or passion says more about them than you.
And relationship manager Caroline Caldwell said,
In a society that profits from your self-doubt,
Liking yourself is a rebellious act.
Wise words.
Now as we come to a close,
Open your eyes and come back into the room.
Wiggle your fingers and toes and stretch and feel how good it is to be alive.
How good it is to be yourself and you are enough.
Not everyone knows how to tend wildflowers.
And anything that doesn't serve you,
You have to let it go.
You have to let go of the judgments of others.
I hope this has been a beneficial and calming session for each one of you.
You are enough.
Till next time.
