There is an enormous weight that we carry in trying to control the perceptions others have of us.
We want to be seen in a certain way and when there is a threat to the image we have built and try to hold onto,
We go into struggle mode in order to protect it.
The reality though is that people will see us how they see us.
What they're seeing is a mere fraction of what has actually happened.
Our actions are so deeply intertwined with the whole lifetime of their conditioning that it's really not up to us how we are perceived.
I spoke to someone the other day who was concerned at the offence someone had taken to her speech.
When everyone else in the room found what she said incredibly funny.
She didn't tell me what she said but to doubt very much that it was offensive.
It's far more likely that it triggered something in the offended person's mind that was due to their conditioning.
This is why we shouldn't change who we are to please anyone in the room.
It is wasted effort.
I've heard it said that if you walk into a room,
Three people will love you,
Three people will dislike you and four people won't care about you either way.
So drop their opinions of you.
Be who you are just as long as you aren't saying things that are untrue or unkind.
You can even say to yourself when you catch yourself worrying about how someone has perceived you.
Their opinion of me belongs to them and has almost nothing to do with what I do.
When we put a foot wrong in the world,
Those who are meant to love us will find our mistake endearing.
They'll see us as human.
This is called the pratfall effect.
Those who dislike us will have just another excuse for their hatred to add to their list of why we are such terrible human beings.
When you get something perfectly right,
Those meant to love you will celebrate with you whilst those who dislike you will also use that as another excuse to add to the list.
So you see,
There's nothing you can really do.
Win or lose,
You will be loved or loathed,
So why bother with the effort?
Just shine as you.
If you make a mistake,
Admit it.
Say you messed up.
You'll try to be more careful in the future.
You are human.
We all do it.
It's no big deal.
Then there are the worldly wins in Buddhism.
Opposites that we experience and can easily get trapped in,
Praise and blame are the two which interest me most because I see them so often in my life.
I can do something with little effort and fortune favours me.
I'm praised when I wonder if the effort deserved it.
And I can do something with all my heart and fortune turns against me.
I'm blamed and I certainly don't deserve the blame that follows.
There are so many variables to interactions and behaviours.
Learn to be kind to yourself.
Judge your day on what you plant,
The seeds,
Not the harvest.
The weather of the world is completely out of your control.
Seeing all of this clearly is letting go.
Even if you plant very little,
So what?
You're tired or depressed.
Life isn't easy for you.
Be kind to yourself.
Be kind and loving in this world.
It's all okay.
Some days you'll have no enthusiasm.
Some days you'll be bursting with inspiration.
So don't drive yourself into the ground.
Wait for the sun to shine and make hay then.
I heard Vinnie Ferraro tell people to drop the bar,
To lower their expectations of themselves.
We need to learn to be happy with whatever we get done,
Even if sometimes that's absolutely nothing.
We as a species need to rest more in this modern world of mayhem.
Rest my friends and do it wholeheartedly.
I'm currently doing a couple of live sessions every week over on Insight Timer.
So look for me there,
Christopher Manning,
And follow me and you'll be informed when I go live.
Take care.
Peace.
