Avoidance

My name's Nat and you're listening to The Wonder of Life.

This week I'm discussing avoidance.

When we avoid things we stop the flow of energy.

By avoiding things we make things difficult for ourselves and others.

By learning not to avoid things we can become comfortable in life,

We can learn to face things and be stronger.

We can set up boundaries for both ourselves and for other people.

And when we've got boundaries in place things are a little bit easier in life.

People respect us more and we learn to flow.

More things can come to us and we live a happier life when we're not avoiding anything.

So this week I'd like you to contemplate what you're avoiding and hope that this podcast can help you face some of those fears or some of those feelings and help you move past them.

Before getting comfortable please make sure that your phone is switched to do not disturb and that if you're in a room that the door is closed.

If anyone else is around you ask them kindly to not interrupt you or ask them to join you.

This is your time to relax and to wonder about life from a place of peace.

Make sure you're comfortable and warm and cosy.

Get yourself settled and relaxed.

We're going to tune into the breath.

We'll do the first breaths using only the nose.

But before taking your first breath please be aware that when you breathe in with your nose your stomach should inflate.

If it doesn't it means you need to correct it.

Breathing through the nose deep into the stomach will relax you.

So breathing through the nose watching the belly rise and then lower is the way to do it.

Let's start.

Breathing in through the nose and out through the nose.

And again in through the nose and out.

Four more time in through the nose and out.

You're now ready to wonder about life.

Welcome to the wonder of avoidance.

Many of us avoid things.

We avoid money.

We avoid secret crushes that we have.

Sometimes we avoid difficult conversations and standing up for ourselves.

Generally we avoid a lot and the reason being is because it feels uncomfortable.

We feel partly to blame like something's wrong and we shouldn't really be feeling the way we're feeling.

So we try to move past the feelings that we have inside.

Sometimes we drink or sometimes we take drugs to avoid feelings and situations.

Sometimes we won't pick up the phone or we won't open that email because generally we haven't dealt with what's behind it.

We haven't owned up or faced whatever it is we're avoiding.

It's difficult sometimes to embrace everything.

It's not easy to own those parts of us that we aren't really comfortable with.

But to move forward in life and to be happier and to suffer less from anxiety or depression,

We have to get used to not avoiding things.

Avoidance is one of the strongest,

Most powerful energies there is.

It's behind procrastination.

It's underrated but it stops us from doing so much.

One of the biggest things I ever avoided was money.

I didn't like to have financial conversations.

I attached owing people money to the fact that I didn't have any money which didn't make me feel very good.

It made me feel like I was less than or like I was embarrassed and owing people money makes you feel like a bad friend.

It makes you feel like you should be doing better and you're not doing enough.

But if you're open and you're honest and you can stop avoiding people,

Most people accept a situation.

They can't argue with the fact if you don't have any money.

As long as you promise to pay them when you can,

Things usually get better.

But it's when we start to avoid or lie to these people that we have problems.

Avoidance angers people.

It frustrates people.

People would prefer the truth.

But more often than not,

Avoidance is our option.

It's the one that we always choose and we hide behind.

When we avoid money,

We avoid the flow of it.

After all,

Money is just energy.

Everything in the world is just energy.

So if you're putting a block on money and you're avoiding it in some way,

It's not going to come to you.

It's very difficult to get out of a negative financial situation when you put your head in the sand and ignore it.

But if you've ever worked through all of your bills and faced all of your debts,

You will know the elated feeling that you get from doing so.

I personally coach people and work with this.

I've spent so many times avoiding things,

But now I realized that avoiding things doesn't help.

And when I stopped avoiding things,

My life got so much easier.

Intimate conversations are something else that people avoid.

Opening up and being raw and vulnerable about how you really feel can be really scary.

We always try and avoid these conversations because we don't want the other person to see us in our true light.

We'll feel unlovable and awkward and uncomfortable.

But really,

When you have an intimate conversation and it's done out of love and respect,

The transformation that can happen between two people is incredible.

The love that you can develop when you have an open and honest conversation can secure any relationship in the future and also in the present.

It gives whatever it is you two are trying to create a better chance.

Avoidance in relationships is so common.

We avoid being honest.

We don't want our partner to know that we may fancy someone else or that we may have feelings.

And even if those feelings are just crushes,

We try to push them away.

And that's when they become more.

We become fixated and it's not healthy.

But if you'd have already just said,

This is how I feel,

The energy would not be trapped inside of you.

It would be out and it would be something that you can discuss.

But some of you might be thinking,

My partner wouldn't accept that.

It wouldn't be easy.

And you might be right.

But do you really want to be with a partner that won't allow you to express your true feelings?

If someone's going to be angry,

You need to work on that in the relationship.

For both of you to have a pure,

Loving,

Unconditional relationship that you're happy in,

You need honesty and openness.

To avoid these conversations because you're scared of the other person's reaction is you limiting yourself from your full potential.

You're here to be the best version of yourself.

And so is your partner.

And the idea is to move past any block that may be in the way of that.

Intimate conversations and not avoiding anything are the quickest way I know how to become the best version of yourself.

And no one's perfect.

At this point,

I wanted to talk about men and their avoidance of things,

Generally their feelings and also their truth.

For example,

If you're a guy and you've just met a girl and you really like this girl,

But you're also not ready to be in a relationship,

The honest thing to do would be to tell this woman that you really like her and there's nothing wrong with her.

But currently at this time,

You're still looking to play the field.

To lie to this woman and tell her that she's the only one is going to cause you more problems.

She's going to have an expectation of you being the one and you're going to consistently start your relationships as if you were lying to be able to express and say to yourself,

This isn't right for me right now is an honest thing to do.

But sometimes we don't even ask ourselves that question.

Some men have a lot of trouble stepping up to their true feelings.

What this podcast is designed to do is to help you play around with the idea of your avoidance to look into your life,

To see where you're avoiding things.

And if you're with someone,

But you're not sure that you want to just be exclusive with this person,

Then try not avoiding the conversation and try being honest with her.

Some of you may be lucky and end up being with a woman that is comfortable and okay with that.

You may find out that you're not the only man either.

And in some cases it may mean the end of your relationship.

But if you can stand there at the end of it and say that you said your truth and that you stuck by your own boundaries,

No one can hate you for that.

They might try,

But no one can really say anything else about you if you're honest and if you're open and also for the women.

If you've just stepped into a relationship or a connection of some kind and you're looking for more,

Or maybe you're looking to play the field also,

Be honest about that.

You can't expect a man to give you everything that you need and that you want in that moment.

It's unrealistic.

But if you do have certain needs and you want them to be met,

Make sure you're asking the right person.

By asking,

Are you serious and do you want this to go further?

It can be embarrassing.

It's awkward and we tend to avoid it.

But a lot of women like confirmation.

If hearing those words,

Yes,

You were the only one is what you're looking for.

You have to be brave enough to ask for that.

Also when you get the answer,

If it's not exactly what you wanted to hear,

Try not to cast hate onto the other person.

If you want something,

It's because you want it.

You can't control what other people want.

If you have a mutual agreement where you both want the same,

You have a good chance at a relationship.

But by avoiding this conversation at the beginning of a connection,

It's an unrealistic setting for you to build anything on top of.

It's not a strong foundation.

Many of you might be surprised to realize that you actually do have a choice.

You actually can have fun in a connection without there being full commitment.

You can be honest and open and by not avoiding anything,

You're both living in your truth.

From that place,

Something beautiful can be born.

Whether that's a friendship or a relationship is entirely up to you.

But why not give yourself the opportunity to explore?

There's other things that we avoid in life and all of these bring up a feeling in the body.

We feel sometimes cold and sometimes frightened.

We can have embarrassment.

We can have resentments.

But for a lot of the reasons avoidance is to do with us.

It's not to do with the other person.

It means that we're not facing how we truly feel.

I hope from this podcast that you can realize that there are maybe a few things that you're avoiding and that by moving past them,

Life becomes easier.

For anybody who'd like to ask a question on this subject or get help with anything,

You can email me at nat at where's nat at dot com.

Thank you for listening to the Wonder of Life.