This is a training that will help you identify a negative thinking pattern and change it into a more productive thinking pattern.
It can also help you identify issues in your life which could help to inform goals for future self-development and therapy.
It will teach you a method for identifying and changing negative thoughts and emotions.
It borrows from various therapeutic techniques,
Namely dialectical behavioral therapy,
Cognitive behavioral therapy,
And behavioral activation.
There will be six parts which are identifying negative feelings,
Identifying your assumptions,
Putting assumptions on trial,
Finding your balanced thought,
Asserting your balanced thought,
And how to keep this method alive in your life.
I wanted to share a strategic method that I found to be effective in my clinical practice.
Secondly,
I have my own lived experience with mental health challenges and I found these techniques to be life changing.
I actually continue to use them to this day to maintain my mental wellness.
Before we get started,
I'd like to put things into context.
There are a few mindset shifts that I would like to encourage you to adopt.
Now you don't have to be a hundred percent on board with these right away,
Just be open to them because it'll help you go into this training in a more constructive way.
The first is that you can change your thinking patterns.
This is based on a concept called neuroplasticity or the brain's ability to change itself.
The second is that your past does not define you.
Yes,
It contributes to who you are as a person,
But it's crucial to remember that in every moment of your life you have the ability to choose what to do with your emotions,
Thoughts,
And behaviors.
The third is that it's up to you to change your thinking patterns.
You can't wait for it just to happen with time.
Yes,
Time and age can provide perspective on things,
But you need to make a commitment to yourself to at least try to make the changes that you're seeking.
The last is that the key to this is gentle,
Consistent effort over time.
Change doesn't happen overnight and also it doesn't have to involve some grand epiphany.
Change occurs through gentle,
Consistent effort over time and taking small steps each day.
Therapy is meant to be bi-directional and collaborative,
So obviously this is not therapy.
I'm going to ask you to do a small daily activity that won't take up too much time or effort,
So please have a pen and paper,
Word document,
Or other writing and recording method ready.
Okay,
Let's get into it.
Identifying negative feelings.
The first step in working on managing negative feelings and thoughts is to develop an awareness of what these actually are.
Most people are able to tell you if they're feeling bad or low,
But have difficulty identifying the specific emotions involved.
We develop the capacity for this awareness of negative feelings through the practice of mindfulness.
Mindfulness is the ability to be aware of your thoughts,
Sensations,
And actions in the present moment with a spirit of non-judgmental observation.
The dialectical behavioral therapy,
Or DBT workbook,
Tells us that mindfulness skills can help us focus on one thing at a time in the present moment,
And by doing this we can start to better control and soothe our overwhelming emotions.
Mindfulness can also help us learn to identify and separate judgmental thoughts from our experiences.
These judgmental thoughts can often fuel our overwhelming emotions.
Mindfulness also helps us develop a skill that's very important in dialectical behavioral therapy called wise mind.
Let's just start by picking an emotion and developing a conscious mindful awareness of it.
We all know that emotions color our perceptions of the world.
We also know that a lot of the time we're not even aware of the type of emotion we're having.
If we're not aware of our emotions,
We can't be aware of how they're coloring our perceptions of the world.
One analogy is like the difference between looking through a pair of glasses that you're wearing and then shifting your focus and looking at your glasses and being aware of the fact that you are wearing glasses.
So start by thinking of an emotion that you would like to observe.
Try to avoid emotions that are too overwhelming or painful at this time.
You could even try this exercise with a positive emotion.
If you're having difficulty of thinking of an emotion that you'd like to explore,
You can think about a recent situation that triggered an emotional reaction in you.
Make sure that you focus on the emotion itself and not the situation.
So if you want to practice observing the feeling of annoyance,
You can think of a recent time that you felt annoyed,
Like the last time you were stuck in traffic.
But make sure you focus on the emotion,
Annoyance,
And not the situation,
Being stuck in traffic.
Be specific about how you feel.
Name it.
Now that you've found your emotion,
Try to recall what it felt like to be in that moment of feeling that emotion.
But rather than just letting the emotion take over your perceptions of yourself,
Other people,
The world,
Try to just observe it.
Observe it for what it is,
A passing mental phenomenon.
One analogy that's frequently used in DBT is to think of the landscape of your thoughts and feelings as like the sky,
And each individual emotion as a cloud that's passing by.
Rather than fixating on the cloud until it fills up your entire space of attention,
You can remember that it's a passing mental phenomenon,
And you can watch it go by,
Like watching a cloud move across the sky.
This is a pretty challenging skill and a pretty radical shift in the way that we experience emotions and their roles in our life.
If you're interested,
I really encourage you to check out more opportunities for developing your mindfulness skills.
This could be watching YouTube videos,
Doing some reading about it,
Or even downloading an app.
This is just a bit of a taste of what it means to be mindful and nonjudgmental about our emotional reactions.
Rather than just letting emotions run wild,
Developing an awareness of which emotions we're experiencing,
The situations that they commonly arise in,
And the thoughts that they're associated with,
Is a great first step in being able to change our negative thought patterns.
Identifying your assumptions.
If you're feeling badly,
It usually means that there's an underlying thought that is generating that feeling.
Right now we'll do some work to identify what that thought could be.
That thought usually comes in the form of an assumption.
These assumptions are made about the world,
Of other people,
And of ourselves.
For example,
Let's take a look at this sentence.
I'm feeling hopeless because I didn't get that dream job that I interviewed for.
The part that comes after the because describes a situation in which you're likely making an assumption.
Let's unpack the situation and try to get to the root of the assumptions that are underlying it.
Possible assumptions related to the situation might be,
There are no opportunities out there for me.
No one appreciates my skills.
I have no skills.
Here's another example.
I'm feeling depressed because my partner has broken up with me.
Possible assumptions related to this situation might be,
There is no one out there for me.
No one will ever love me again.
I'm unlovable.
Take some time right now to think about the assumptions that you can identify in your understanding of the world,
Of others,
Or of yourself.
Breaking it down in terms of assumptions about the world,
Others,
And yourself can make it a little bit easier.
And again,
Write it down.
Okay,
Now that we've identified some assumptions,
Pick one of these assumptions to challenge and change.
How do you decide?
Well,
Usually I suggest that people take one of two paths.
One,
Pick the one that you think will be easiest to challenge and change.
You might not be a hundred percent behind this assumption in the first place.
Or two,
Pick the one that you think will have the greatest impact in your life if you were able to challenge and change it.
This might be the one that provokes the strongest negative emotional reaction in you,
Or one that keeps popping up in different difficult situations.
Putting assumptions on trial.
Now that you've identified the assumption that you want to challenge and change,
Put it on trial by weighing the evidence for and against this assumption.
This is a key component of cognitive behavioral therapy,
Or CBT.
When we are making assumptions,
They're often based on appraisals of situations and emotions which are not fully rooted in reality.
The work of CBT is to analyze the situation logically and try to strip away the haze created by strong emotion so that we can appraise a given situation,
Thought,
Or emotion in a more objective way.
A helpful tool for this may be to identify which common cognitive distortions are at play.
This isn't strictly necessary,
But it can help with this part of the process.
Okay,
Let's start looking at the evidence.
There is some evidence for believing this assumption that you've made.
That's why you've made it after all.
It's not completely unfounded in reality.
But have you really taken a look at all the evidence against your assumption?
Think about past experiences.
Think about things that your trusted supporters would say or think.
Think about times when things have worked out for you.
Write down your assumption and write down the evidence for and against your assumption.
First,
Let's go through an example together.
Here's an assumption.
I am unlovable.
What's the evidence for this assumption?
Well,
My partner just broke up with me and they told me that they don't love me anymore.
What's the evidence against this assumption?
They fell in love with me in the first place.
I have friends and family who love me and I have many attributes that I find lovable in others,
Like generosity,
Humor,
And kindness.
Here's another example.
The assumption,
There are no opportunities out there for me in terms of work.
What's the evidence for this assumption?
I've been looking for jobs for ages and found nothing and the few opportunities I did get for an interview,
I didn't get the job.
What's some evidence against this assumption?
Well,
I'm getting callbacks and interviews in the first place.
I haven't yet expanded my job search in terms of location and skill set and I haven't tapped into all of my social and professional networks yet.
Take a look at your assumption and see if you can identify if it's an example of a common cognitive distortion.
If so,
Go ahead and put the fact that it's a cognitive distortion in the evidence against column.
Sometimes it's difficult to think about evidence against your assumption.
Issues like depression and anxiety can make it difficult to see anything positive in the world.
If you're having trouble finding evidence against your assumption,
Here's a couple ideas.
You can ask a supporter to work through the worksheet with you.
You can send a text or a message to a supporter to help you out or you can look through old photos or happy memories to inspire you.
It is challenging and you're not alone.
So go ahead and make your best attempt at completing this task.
Finding your balanced thought.
Now that you've weighed evidence against and for your assumption,
Develop your balanced thought.
The point of the balanced thought is to help you take into account all sides of the story.
When we're not in a good place mentally,
We have a mental filter on that only allows us to see the negative side of things.
We need to basically bend our brains into taking all sides of the story into account.
The balanced thought helps us with this.
This balanced thought doesn't need to be sunshine and rainbows because things are likely challenging for you at this time.
Just try to find a statement that takes into account both evidence for and against your assumption.
This statement can often take the form of,
Even though evidence for the assumption,
It's also true that evidence against the assumption.
Let's go through an example together first.
The assumption,
I'm unlovable.
Evidence for,
My partner just broke up with me.
They told me that they don't love me anymore.
Evidence against,
They fell in love with me in the first place.
I have friends and family who love me and I have many attributes that I find lovable in others like generosity,
Humor,
And kindness.
Balanced thought,
Just because my partner broke up with me doesn't mean that I'm unlovable.
I have things about me that are lovable and I'm not going to close off my future to the possibility of meeting someone new.
Here's another example.
The assumption,
There are no opportunities out there for me in terms of work.
Evidence for,
I've been looking for jobs for ages and I found nothing and every time I interview I don't get the job.
Evidence against,
I'm getting callbacks and interviews in the first place.
I haven't yet expanded my search in terms of location or skill set and I haven't tapped into all of my networks yet.
The balanced thought,
Just because I didn't get this job doesn't mean that there's nothing out there for me.
I can do my best to expand my search,
Look into all of my networks,
And do what I can.
Give it a try.
Take a look at your assumption.
Evidence for and evidence against from the previous section.
Now come up with a balanced thought.
Remember,
It can take the form of even though,
It's still true that,
And again,
Write it down.
Asserting your balanced thought.
Now that we found our balanced thought,
What do we do with it?
How do we make it live in our lives when we have a tendency towards only viewing the negative?
When you're feeling upset,
Negative feelings,
Thoughts,
And assumptions can keep crowding balanced thoughts out.
That's why you need to outsource your balanced thought.
Make the balanced thought something that you don't have to put the work into when you're feeling poorly.
The idea is that when you're feeling more able to look at evidence for and against the assumption,
This balanced,
More objective version of yourself can help a future version of yourself that may be in a difficult situation and not feel as able to have this balanced perspective.
It's kind of like an advanced directive for yourself.
So how do we do this?
We do this through making it automatic and taking the work out of things.
When you're in a bad place,
You feel less able to do the work of thinking the balanced thought.
So when you automate it and take the work out of it,
You can access the balanced thought easier when you're not in a good place.
The way we do this is by scheduling things in,
Making a habit out of it,
Putting reminders up so that we're forced to look at them,
And externalizing our thinking through writing or speech.
There are different ways of doing this.
Here are four easy-to-use methods.
Number one,
Journaling.
A note of caution.
Sometimes journaling can be counterproductive.
If you're just steeping yourself in your unhelpful thoughts and feelings without challenging them,
It can just strengthen those unhelpful thoughts and feelings.
Journaling as it relates to asserting the balanced thought usually means a daily or at least regular practice of journaling about the balanced thought.
For example,
You can use the balanced thought as a prompt and journal about it.
How does this balanced thought make you feel?
Explore your evidence for this balanced thought.
How might your life be different if you were able to think this balanced thought instead of just the thought that leads to your worries and challenges?
Schedule in the journaling and make it a regular practice that you have to do no matter what.
Some people like to do it first thing in the morning.
Some people like to do it right before they go to sleep.
Whatever works for you.
Number two,
Affirmations.
Basically,
Affirmations are positive reminders that you can use when you're not feeling your best.
You can write down the balanced thought,
Different iterations of the balanced thought,
Or thoughts related to the balanced thought on brightly colored pieces of paper and stick them up in difficult areas of your house.
If you have a hard time getting out of bed,
Stick them on your ceiling right above your bed so you have no choice but to look at them when you open your eyes in the morning.
If you have difficulty with your self-image,
Stick them on your mirror.
If you have difficulty around food,
Stick them on your fridge.
If you have difficulty coming up with affirmations yourself,
You can get your trusted supporters to write them down for you.
Bright paper focuses attention so bonus points for using that.
Number three,
Mirror work and self scripts.
For those who are more auditory learners rather than visual learners or writers,
This can be a better option and it doesn't need to be done in front of a mirror if that's challenging for you.
Just saying things out loud is helpful.
Basically,
This involves saying your balanced thought out loud to yourself.
Some people find it helpful to say stop out loud when they catch themselves descending into a spiral or visualize a stop sign.
Then assert the balance thought to yourself out loud.
Some people find it more helpful to use the I or first person and some people like you or the second person.
I honestly use this one all the time myself.
If I catch myself in a negative thinking spiral,
I'll say no wait out loud and then assert a more balanced thought to myself.
You can actually do this anywhere.
Duck into a bathroom at work or get some fresh air at a party if you need some space.
Number four,
Phone notes and alarms.
Write down your balanced thought or a short journal style entry about your balanced thought and save it in a note in your phone.
Set a daily alarm to go off at the same time each day.
Maybe pick a time of day that's particularly challenging for you.
Some people find mornings really challenging while others have a really hard time at night.
Label the alarm something that reminds you of the balanced thought and reminds you to look at the note that you wrote.
When the alarm goes off,
Just open the note and read it.
You can also pair reading the note with an activity.
For example,
If you have social anxiety,
You can review the note every time you need to go to the bathroom at a social gathering.
This method,
Especially with alarms,
Can be helpful for people who think that they might lack the ability to remember or to feel motivated about doing these kinds of exercises.
There are lots of other ideas that you might have or that you might encounter,
So feel free to use whatever works for you.
These were just some ideas.
Schedule in regular conversations with a trusted supporter to talk out your balanced thought.
Listen to music that reminds you about your balanced thought.
Meditate on your balanced thought,
Whatever you need to do to make it live in your life.
Take a moment to think about what you'll do to assert your balanced thought to yourself and then write down your plan.
How to keep this method alive in your life.
If you're able and if you found it helpful,
You can repeat all of these steps with all of your other assumptions and keep asserting your balanced thoughts to yourself.
You have to remind yourself of the balanced thought in ways that will seem a little out of character or forced at first,
But once you get into the habit of asserting the balanced thought to yourself,
It will become easier to access it.
Or in other words,
You can fake it till you make it.
Don't believe me?
Here's a little information about the concept of neuroplasticity,
Also known as your brain's capacity to retrain and change itself.
Neuroplasticity involves the capacity of the brain to rearrange its neural networks.
The neural pathways that you have for negative thoughts and feelings are well-worn.
Think of a path in the forest that is walked on every single day.
In order to form a new path,
Or one that involves responding to stress with a more balanced view of yourself,
Others,
And the world,
You'll need to veer off the well-worn path that you usually walk down,
The negative thought pattern,
And force your way through the trees and bushes to make a new path for yourself,
The balanced thought pattern.
The first few times will be rough,
And it may be difficult to even see where this new path begins,
But the more that you do it,
And the more well-worn that this new path becomes,
The easier it will be to locate,
And the easier it will be to walk down this new path.
Eventually,
That old path of the negative thought pattern will begin to become overgrown,
And you won't be able to find it anymore.
That's how neuroplasticity works.
Make a commitment to yourself to give this method a good try.
Every day for a week is a bare minimum.
Two weeks,
Once a day,
Will give you better results.
Remember,
This is a commitment that you have to make to yourself.
It shouldn't be arduous.
It should be something that allows you to take the work out of remembering your balanced thought.
If the idea of doing this every day seems a bit much,
Try to take more of the work out of it.
Go back to the previous section,
And choose a method that sounds easier.
Once you've decided on your plan,
Write it down.
One note on seeking additional support.
Now that you've completed this training,
You should have an idea of the assumptions that you're making that are driving your negative thought patterns and feelings,
The evidence for and against these assumptions,
And some ideas for more balanced thoughts that you want to assert to yourself,
As well as ideas for how to go about asserting these balanced thoughts to yourself.
Congratulations on taking these first important steps in combating your negative thinking patterns and retraining your brain.
Congratulations,
You've reached the end of the training.
I hope that you can feel at least a little bit proud of yourself for taking this
