I had a call the other day,
And this person,
In the sweetest way,
Asked me,
Even though it seems we know that life is a miracle,
Everything's connected,
Quantum this,
Quantum that,
Possibly angels everywhere,
And she's left with this simple desire to do the work that she's doing.
And she wonders and questions,
Yeah,
But can I really trust all of that?
Can I really just trust and keep going?
When I have this human life,
When I have these bills to pay,
When I have this need for retirement later on,
Can I really trust?
It broke open a beautiful conversation where we explored,
Well,
What is trust?
What do you think that is?
If someone were to say,
I'm going to go down this path,
And I really want to be famous,
And I want the world to love me,
Can I trust God enough so that will happen?
Is that what trust is?
That we trust so hard that somehow we get what we think is the answer?
We can trust so hard that if we keep going,
Then everything will end up how we hoped it would be?
Is that what trust is for?
And it kind of opens this window and shows us our adorable and playful insanity in being human.
You know,
This issue of trust,
And here we are on our human journeys,
Doing whatever we do,
And we have these little movements in our hearts,
These inspirations,
These longings,
Even these pains and these sufferings.
And it's hard,
At least for me right now,
To put it into words.
What are we trusting in,
And for what,
Given what seems to be the practicality of our human lives with a past and a future?
And let me just speak to this in the only way I can,
Which is looking at my direct experience.
There's plenty of moments where I think I'm trusting,
Then I find out,
Oh,
That's not what trust is.
But in taking into account all of these things,
Being human and whatnot,
What I can't get away from is that there is a deep sincerity within me that feels moved.
And it's sincere.
I can't get away from it.
And if I try to get away from it,
If I try and hide from it,
It always keeps coming back and knocking on my heart.
And so what I see in that as it relates to the direction of my life,
What I should do or what I shouldn't do,
Is simply to trust in what's true and keep going.
Knowing full well,
It doesn't mean anything about a certainty that it might be going where I think it's going to go.
But what I recognize is that at least I'm living in alignment with what's true,
Because I know what it's like to not.
And I'll tell you what.
If somebody guaranteed me a particular outcome in 20 years,
But I had to lie,
Cheat and steal my way there,
No.
Do you see how that would just destroy your soul in the process?
You would absolutely take the uncertainty of tomorrow if it meant you can move in what's true.
I think that's a really good illustration,
Because in so many ways that are all adorable,
We move in,
Let's just say,
Dishonest ways,
Because we're afraid of not getting what we want tomorrow.
In fact,
We will move in ways against our sincerity,
Against what feels like a calling,
Because it threatens what we think we want tomorrow.
Is that not the same thing?
And we wonder why there's that little part of our soul that feels like it's dying.
And you know,
My goodness,
Silly words.
In one way,
It's like I ask myself,
What the fuck am I even doing here?
On this planet?
How is this even happening?
Why am I here?
And then I find the reality,
Well,
I am here.
What am I going to do?
And you know what's kind of funny?
Is that in that landscape of freedom and permission,
That kind of says just be yourself,
What I find in my authentic humanness is that's kind of hard.
And there we see the great landscape of the adventure.
The genuine difficulty that is on purpose.
Yeah,
It is hard to honor what's true.
It is hard to acknowledge that deep authenticity with regards to what's moving inside of you.
It seems so much easier to pretend,
Which is the same thing as it seems easier to lie,
Cheat and steal.
But what do I find is that hurts.
And what a beautiful hurt it is,
Because what is it pointing me back to?
A trust in the truth?
Even though moving in what's true invites me to let go of tomorrow.
So there is my choice.
I can either just acknowledge that I am here.
There is what is sincere.
There is what is true.
And I can either hide from it.
Because why?
Honestly,
It's difficult to do the hard thing.
Because I see that I'm terrible at doing the hard thing.
Even if that's showing up in a way that,
Let's say my soul asks me to show up.
But it's in that journey itself that the false parts of myself burn away.
The ways in which I hide burn away.
And it's in moving through that great difficulty,
I step more and more into the truth of what I am.
And in some parts,
Sacrificing everything I think I want in the world.
You know what?
A great illustration of this,
And we talked about this on that call,
As it relates to,
Can I trust it?
Right?
Can I trust life?
And the analogy we explored was somebody on a health journey,
Where let's just say they have this profound realization,
Holy shit,
I am not taking care of myself,
And I'm getting sick,
And I can't function.
And I see that it's because I'm lost in this,
Let's just call it an apathy,
That really avoids the hard things.
Because it's really easy to be unhealthy until it catches up with you.
And so we think,
Gosh,
I'm going to go on this journey and take back control of my health.
Can I trust?
And here's the thing.
There is a miracle of biology that says,
If you start putting real food in your body,
And you move around a little bit,
You will start to experience more health.
But you know what that trust isn't going to do?
It's not going to do the hard work.
It's not going to make it go faster because you're being spiritual about it.
It says there is already a system in place that supports you in your sincerity,
That desires to be healthy.
And in other practical ways,
There is a system in place that says,
If you add genuine value to the lives of other people,
It will support you.
But guess what?
There's a system in place.
And sometimes it's kind of hard.
Right?
Just like getting outside and moving your body.
I don't want to do that.
Sometimes it's not stopping at the restaurant.
I really want to stop there.
It's so hard not to.
Well,
What's the system say?
And you make that choice that honors the deeper sincerity.
That recognizes,
Oh,
This is a learned pattern of laziness.
That wants to avoid difficult things.
And I'm choosing that pattern over my own heart.
Over what I'm really here to do.
Again,
This is the same with relationships.
You see,
It's all the same thing.
It's a system.
Yeah,
You can trust it.
But it doesn't mean it's going to be easy.
Which is actually kind of beautiful.
Because while you're here on this planet,
It gives you something to fight for.
And what's more beautiful than fighting for the truth of what's in your heart?
And facing yourself.
Having a conversation with yourself that says,
Hey,
Look,
Buddy.
I know you think you've had fun.
But you've just been avoiding what you really want.
You've been avoiding the battle.
The one that you know you've been asked to fight.
I think it's time we show up for that fight.
I think we're done hiding from the hurt that comes from not showing up.
And make a decision to actually be here.
To actually be alive.
And fulfill that sacred call that you know is in your heart.
And yes,
I know.
Sometimes you wish this spirituality thing could be butterflies and rainbows the whole way there.
But as it's been personified in all spiritual traditions,
There is some flavor of a war going on.
Some epic battle.
Call it good and evil,
Call it conscious and unconscious,
Whatever you want to call it.
But there is very clearly an invitation for us to turn the light on.
And take it in to the darkest places that exist within us.
And for me,
That's what makes being here worthwhile.
I think I'm done rambling.
Thanks for letting me talk to myself.
