And let me see if I can spell out this trap of seeking validation in the world.
There's something within us.
That is seeking wholeness.
We could also say something within us that wants to be enough.
Furthermore,
That same wanting is at the source of our fear.
Or fear of not being enough.
And so,
In some way of speaking,
We can say that we are seeking to be accepted.
And we are trying to avoid being rejected.
And do you see fundamentally what this seeking is?
Is it is seeking a self that is whole and complete.
And the more you look,
You'll see how much this underpins your entire human journey,
Where you can see that your suffering relates to feeling like you're not enough.
And your joy is feeling like you are enough.
And we can see how this is associated.
With our desire to be loved?
And our fear of not being loved.
It all wraps around this.
It all wraps around the human quest that is seeking a self that is whole and complete.
And there's a fundamental confusion.
That makes it radically difficult for the human experience.
And that confusion.
Is the assumption that you can find that self in the world.
And the only way that this self can find it in the world is by getting it from others.
Which is to say,
I need other people to see me as whole and complete.
Which is also to say,
I need other people to accept me and not reject me.
Which presents a really odd predicament.
Because it essentially says.
.
.
I need to be who I think other people want me to be.
In order to get validation from them.
In order for me to be whole and complete.
Do you see that predicament?
Like if I need for you to like me.
In order for me to be whole and complete.
Then it's very dangerous for me to be honest.
It's very dangerous for me to be authentic and sincere.
Because in order to let the truth be the truth,
I have to let go of outcome.
I have to let go of you.
I have to let go of wanting something from you.
And so I effectively have to lie.
Which is to withhold the truth and be what I think you want me to be.
In order to get the thing I'm seeking from you.
And this is predominantly what people are doing in the world.
They are pretending to be something that they're not.
Because they're afraid of being rejected.
Because they want so badly to be whole and complete,
And they think that the way that they get that.
.
.
Is from other people.
And it will inevitably fail.
But there is a sincerity.
In the seeking.
That is something that we will call a self that is looking for wholeness.
We could say it's the spiritual impulse.
Effectively,
And maybe more accurately,
In our seeking for wholeness,
We are actually seeking the truth of life.
Which is also the truth of our nature.
Something inherently knows.
There is wholeness.
There is love.
And it is so intimately tied.
To the core of our experience.
It's like it's the only thing we long for.
But what we are longing for is the truth.
I don't know if I just made that confusing.
And the challenge here,
Seeking it in the world.
It's not so much that it's being sought in the world,
As it is that it's being sought in the mind.
Because.
.
.
Everything that we think is in the world is just a projection of the mind.
And what I mean by that is,
If somebody said,
Oh,
If I have a really nice car,
Then it means I'm worthy.
And they go seeking the car.
It's not really the car that they're seeking.
They're seeking the association in the mind.
Right?
They say,
Oh,
If I have X,
Then it means Y.
And so they go out and seek X in the world,
But that's all mental stuff.
Do you see this?
We're actually chasing stories in the world.
But it's actually taking place in the mind.
So here's the dilemma.
If you can see that it's all happening in the mind.
We're effectively looking for a self that is really whole and complete.
Keyword really,
Meaning real.
But everything in the mind is imaginary.
There's nothing real in the mind.
So all of our attempts to find the realness of what we are in the mind.
You will only encounter the imagination.
It's not real.
Which is why it's so fleeting.
Which is why it constantly comes and goes.
Which is why it's so unstable and inconsistent.
And part of what spirituality is attempting to do.
Is to invite a stillness.
And connect with something that's actually real.
Which is to step outside of the mind,
Step outside of all the stories.
And recognize,
Maybe with a different sense organ,
A deeper truth of what you are.
And,
You know,
This is where it's impossible to use language to talk about these things.
Because as I'm attempting to point to something real,
I'm using the imagination of words to point there.
And so the words can't actually go there.
Which is why we can tell all different types of stories about it.
But the fundamental invitation.
Is to be still and just get radically honest with yourself.
And that's what's meant by finding it within.
Is to know deeply what's true.
And partly we can find more and more what's deeply true by questioning the things we think are true and seeing that they're not true.
It's kind of like saying,
I think it's true that getting XYZ will make me enough.
And the more you look at that,
You'll see that it's just nonsense.
And then you're like,
Okay,
Well,
That's not true.
Which invites you to let go of that quest,
Which invites you to let go of that fear,
Right?
Because if you believe that,
Then you will be afraid of not getting XYZ.
And it shows you,
Oh,
I don't really need that fear.
I can let that go.
And the more you let go of all of these little fears.
You start to see that there's nothing to fear.
And that sort of opens a door.
To see a deeper truth of what you are.
And I love how intimate this is,
Right?
Like,
You can't just be here and listen to a discourse on it.
There's a real invitation to go there.
And it's scary to go there.
Sometimes it's safe to just sit back and.
.
.
Listen.
But the invitation is to really go there inside of yourself.
And see what's going on inside of you,
Which is kind of like saying.
To see how lost you are?
In the world.
To see how lost you are with.
Trying to get something that's impossible.
To see how lost you are in this character that you imagine yourself to be.
And it's beautifully humbling.
Because the humbling,
Is the great letting go of all the nonsense.
The great letting go of the pretending.
The great letting go of the performance.
And you realize,
Oh,
I can just be here.
I don't need to be important.
I don't need to be special.
I don't need to be liked by the world.
Because it's all not about me anyway.
It has nothing to do with me.
And so I don't need to give it my attention.
I can just be here.
And there's a great unraveling because we've lived a life with a particular conditioning that has effectively convinced you that you are something that you're not.
And it's fascinating because the whole world,
In a way,
Is just lost in the noise,
Lost in the conditioning.
And the conditioning breeds more conditioning.
It just gets passed down.
And again,
It's part of the play,
So it's not like it's a big deal.
It's just part of the play.
And it also speaks to the beautiful mechanism of suffering because suffering is essentially trying to wake us up to this.
Because if you pay attention to suffering,
In one way it points directly to the illusions being held onto.
It's pointing directly to where we are not in alignment with the truth of things.
In the same way that When you touch fire and it burns,
That pain is saying,
Hey,
You're not supposed to touch fire.
That's not how things work around here.
And so suffering is an alarm mechanism that is essentially saying the way that we are perceiving our experience is not in alignment with what is true.
And we all have many different ways of interpreting that and approaching that.
I mean,
Because you can view that through a lens of right and wrong and then judge yourself,
Which isn't what it's saying at all.
Just like when you touch fire and get a burn,
You can think God hates me.
I'm being punished.
It's like you can add so much to it that's not really there.
It's just an alarm mechanism that helps you function,
That helps you find your way.
And so as you go about your life,
The pain response that comes with touching hot things is there to help you.
To not touch hot things.
Same with suffering.
Suffering is there to help you.
But more often than not,
We build up these resentments for our suffering and we start blaming life.
We start getting resentful in a way towards other people or to God or to whatever.
Not realizing that this is all designed to support you.
And what a wild shift it is.
To open your heart in that direction.
To see that this is all designed for you and that there's nothing inherently against you.
Which is really interesting because.
.
.
The more lost we are in the idea that we need something in the world to be whole and complete,
Then it seems like the world is in your way.
It seems like other people are in your way.
It's like,
There's no way this could be designed to support me.
Because it's not giving me what I want in the world.
Which just speaks to how confused we are,
Adorably.
About our inherent worth and value,
Right?
Because if what you're ultimately seeking in the world is to be whole and complete,
Than to find out that you're already whole and complete.
Then there's nothing in your way anymore.
It's just life happening.
Which again presents a completely different life.
Transforms.
All aspects of your life.
