Welcome.
I want to take you on a journey,
A journey of deep understanding as it relates to the human experience,
Who and what you are,
And maybe how it is that we can return to a more grounded and loving space.
But I'm playfully nervous about going on this journey with you,
Because my intent here is not to offer up a bunch of information,
A bunch of things to think about.
My intent is to invite you into a meditative discovery.
And I'm going to use a lot of words and a lot of concepts.
I might tell stories or draw illustrations,
But most importantly,
All of these concepts for me fail.
Like,
They're pointless,
They're meaningless.
They're all attempting to communicate something that can't actually be pinned down with language.
And so my hesitation is almost that you would believe anything that I say,
And that's not the intent.
And most notably,
At least what feels right now,
The invitation is to clearly understand the nature of ego and how that colors our experience of being human and is ultimately the innocent source of difficulty.
And I guess,
Honestly,
We have a limited amount of time here,
And I could sit here for hours,
If not days,
Talking about this stuff.
And so I know in part,
At least verbally,
It'll be incomplete.
And I guess I'll note it while we're here at the beginning that if you resonate with this direction of inquiry,
If it piques your curiosity,
Then I really invite you to explore that course,
30 Days of Conscious Living,
Which is 15 minutes a day for 30 days.
Granted,
You could do all seven hours in one day,
But it's helpful if you just take it day by day and allow that journey to invite your awareness to look in a particular direction that may help you see the vast difference between reality as it is and the mess we turn it into,
Inspiring a profound gratitude for the reality of what you are and the reality of life as it is.
So let us first just acknowledge the reality of being.
Here we are right now,
Wherever you find yourself,
Whether you're sitting down,
Whether you're walking,
Whether you're driving,
Whether you're doing the dishes,
Here you are right now in life,
Just being.
And I find that the primary discovery to be discerned,
To be seen,
Is that there is very simply a vast contrast between what we might call present moment reality and the content of our mind.
And it might sound basic,
But I know a time in my life where it didn't seem like there was a difference.
And as far as I'm concerned,
This is one of the things that spirituality,
In essence,
Attempts to show us.
That there is life as it is,
And then there is the world that we create in our mind.
And so I just invite you to notice the profound difference.
That as you sit or be here right now,
There is the simplicity of being,
There is a profound nowness,
And then there is everything that could be going on in the mind.
Meaning,
You could be creating all manner of worlds that aren't really here right now.
You could be thinking about next week,
You could be thinking about the past,
You could be thinking about somebody else,
You could be thinking about the things that I'm saying.
And there's a world going on in your imagination that is not really here right now.
And it's not to say one is right or wrong,
It's just to discern the difference.
Furthermore,
If we can see that difference,
From a very playful space,
I invite you to examine your direct experience and notice that as you live your life,
How much of your life is lived in this world in your mind.
Again,
Not as if it's right or wrong,
But just to be honest.
How many moments of your days are focused on the content in your mind?
It's quite a bit.
Again,
Not right or wrong.
But it's interesting to notice that not only are we focused on the content of our mind,
But there's a fundamental belief that what we are thinking about is reality itself.
Not realizing that we're merely thinking about our thinking.
Thinking about a life that isn't really alive.
Managing stories.
Now,
The part that makes this super interesting to me,
And again,
Looking at my own direct experience,
When I investigate what we might call the human difficulty,
That which makes being human problematic,
I can't find that it's ever life itself that is the problem.
I only find that difficulty taking place in the mind.
The things I'm thinking about.
To fast forward to some flavor of a conclusion,
I would say that I'm never suffering over the reality of life.
I'm only suffering over the content in my mind.
And I've never found a way around this.
I'm always and only suffering over the stories that I tell.
And as a quick disclaimer,
Suffering is very different from an experience of physical pain.
You can have physical pain and not suffer over the physical pain.
You can hold space for physical pain to allow it to be what it is.
It doesn't have to disturb you emotionally.
And there's a phrase once that I heard that is so on point,
Which is,
We don't suffer physical pain,
We suffer the stories wrapped around physical pain.
Not that I'm so intent on telling you what your experience is or is not,
But I invite you to see if it's similar to what I see.
Which is,
Examining my whole life,
My emotional disturbances,
My heartbreak,
My irritations,
My frustrations,
My disappointments,
Are never in response to reality.
They are only and always in response to the content of my mind,
The stories I'm telling.
I guess to tell a story about it,
Just using words,
It shows me that in some ways my salvation is reality.
Meaning,
The more I am lost in my mind,
The more I'm prone to suffer.
The more I am present in reality,
With my awareness somewhat focused on what actually is,
There's no suffering.
Which it could also be said that my salvation is the truth of life.
That which rescues me from the human dilemma is reality,
Is what actually is.
Which we could also just call the truth.
Now that sets up a very beautiful foundation to dive into this concept of ego and see how it operates in our lives and is the source,
Beautifully and innocently,
Of our human dilemma.
And ego is a concept.
And when I say the word ego,
People have different ideas and images of what that is and that's fine.
But let me just briefly point to what I mean when I say ego.
It's simply illustrating the idea of yourself.
Not wrong,
Not bad,
Not should or should not be,
It just is.
And see if you can go there with me and just look.
You as a human being have an idea of yourself and it is an idea that is a collection of stories that have been built up over your lifetime.
And that collection of stories and conditioning has created this construct of a person that you are thought to be.
More commonly,
You could just see that any idea of a self is an ego self.
Any idea which is a thought of a self is an ego self.
It is a self that lives in the mind.
And it's interesting because in the beginning we explored the difference between reality and the world in your mind.
And you can see the vast contrast between this ego self,
Who you think you are,
And the reality of what you are here in this moment right now.
Now,
The funny thing about this is that we are discerning the difference between the mind's content and reality.
And when I ask you to put your attention on the reality of yourself,
It's going to engage the mind's content.
You're going to start thinking about that self.
And so do you see that there's a different sensitivity that's being invited?
Where it's not so much saying,
Okay,
Now think about the self that's really here.
Because it's just going to activate your imagination,
Which isn't really what's really here.
And so even though the mind will be engaged and will think about it,
That's fine.
But there's a different sensitivity that can discern what I'm saying.
It's almost just like a presence that notices,
Where you recognize that there is a reality of something we will call a self that's simply aware,
That's simply here,
That's simply on,
So to speak.
There's no name to it,
Because that would be a product of the mind.
There's no story to it,
That would be a product of the mind.
It's just awake.
And furthermore,
In every moment of reality,
That self that is here is effectively always the same.
You might notice that sense of on-ness or awake-ness is the same from when you were a child.
Just the awareness of you,
Simply on.
Do you notice that?
It's like the same awareness that's always been there your whole life.
If you can see the profound difference between the world in your mind and the reality of right now,
Then you can see that the world in your mind is effectively imaginary.
Not wrong or bad,
It's just imaginary.
Everything you're thinking,
It's taking place in the imagination.
It's ephemeral,
It comes and goes.
And then,
The reality of right now,
We can just call it real.
It's what's really here,
Grounded in reality.
It's present.
It's alive.
And there is a profound difference in the aliveness of now,
The realness of now,
Compared to the content in the mind.
And one of the best ways to illustrate this,
At least for me,
Is the difference between a photograph of you and the reality of you.
The ego is like a photograph of you.
It looks like you,
But it's not really you.
Furthermore,
It's not even alive,
The photograph.
And whatever happens to the photograph,
If somebody ripped it in half,
It doesn't actually happen to you.
For the point of playful exploration,
Without judging yourself,
And just see the mechanism of this,
Do you see how much we operate in this human life,
Assuming that the picture of you,
Ego,
Is really you?
Meaning that your thoughts about yourself are really about yourself,
Meaning the thoughts that others have about you are really about you,
Meaning that we assume that whatever content is happening in the imagination,
We assume it applies to reality.
We assume the photograph is real.
Another way to illustrate this,
Imagine there's a moment where somebody insults you,
Where they say,
Oh,
I don't like your outfit.
I don't like what you're wearing.
Now,
Imagine one moment where you're terribly hurt by that insult.
It disturbs you emotionally.
It makes you feel bad.
And then in a different moment,
You say,
Oh,
That's interesting.
And it doesn't bother you at all.
In the moment that bothers you,
There's the assumption that them not liking your outfit means something about the reality of yourself.
And so you take it personally.
And then in another moment,
You realize that their commentary on your outfit is about the outfit and has nothing to do with you.
Do you see the difference?
There's one mode of operating to identify with the character of yourself,
The ego,
Where you really think it's you.
Therefore,
Whatever happens to it,
Whatever is said about it,
Seems like it's about you.
It seems personal.
And then on the other end,
There's the awareness that it's not really what you are.
It's totally not what you are.
So whatever is said about it,
Whatever happens to it,
Effectively only happens in the non-reality of imagination,
Which is to say nothing really happens to you.
And what fascinates me is how much we are hypnotized by this mechanism of ego.
Again,
I'll say it,
Probably not for the last time.
It's not an issue of it being right or wrong,
Should or shouldn't.
Just look at the mechanism.
Furthermore,
Maybe you can see that every time there's emotional disturbance,
It is in response to me identifying with this ego.
Like I mentioned earlier,
At least from what I see for my own direct experience,
I never suffer over reality.
I only suffer over the content in my mind.
And furthermore,
As it relates to suffering over the content in my mind,
That content in the mind is related to who I think I am.
Ego.
And as I'm suffering over that ego,
There is an identification which really believes I am that thing called ego.
I am that character in the mind.
It's like taking something personally and suffering over it,
And then given enough time,
Space,
Or distance,
You come to the realization that it's not really personal.
Therefore,
There's no need to suffer over it.
Suffering doesn't make sense anymore.
Because I was suffering over an assumption that it meant something about me,
Only to finally realize that it didn't mean anything about me at all.
Hence,
Suffering isn't required.
And this is your own homework.
This is your own invitation to look at your direct experience.
Because that's all I'm sharing with you,
Is I'm looking at my direct experience,
And here's what I see.
That in some manner,
The human dilemma is taking things personally that aren't really personal at all.
And then the liberation,
Which is to come back to reality,
To see the truth of things,
Is to see the truth that this isn't personal.
This isn't about me.
Like the example of somebody commenting on your outfit and it hurting your feelings,
You took it personally,
Thinking that they were commenting on you.
No,
It was the outfit.
It has nothing to do with you.
And furthermore,
You can say,
Okay,
But what if they are commenting on me?
They're not commenting on you.
They're commenting on their idea of you,
Which is not you.
But you can take their idea of you personally,
Which is to just take the content of the mind and try and make it real.
In essence,
It's also to say that there's nothing in the mind that's really personal.
But in our being hypnotized by this identity that's in the mind,
It takes everything that happens in the mind personally.
And so,
The fundamental challenge here,
Very simply,
Is the innocent assumption that I am who I think I am,
Which is to say,
I am the imagination of my mind.
And that's not really what you are.
That's the imagination of what you are.
I was on a group call yesterday,
And some people were sharing their very real human struggle.
And they go beautifully on and on,
Just sharing what's seen,
Describing the struggle.
And then they asked for my perspective.
And as always,
I tell people,
I can't really say for you,
But here's what I see in my experience.
And it was such a beautiful zooming out.
We could call it seeing the bigger picture,
Or seeing what's going on below the surface.
And fundamentally,
What I saw in their illustrations of their life struggle was essentially an ego that is struggling in its quest to be validated.
And it was playing an impossible game.
Therefore,
It was constantly disappointed.
Can I just say the disclaimer one more time?
I'm only talking about my direct experience.
And if you want to see these things for yourself,
You can only see them in your direct experience.
Because so often,
As a way of avoiding looking in that direction,
The mind says,
But what about these people?
And what about those people?
What about people in this circumstance?
Yada,
Yada,
Yada.
We're not looking at your imagination of other people's experience.
The invitation is to look at the reality of your experience.
You can only see the reality of your experience.
But this investigation into the nature of ego takes us into what we will call the ego search for validation.
Now,
Can we acknowledge looking at our own direct experience?
That there is something within us that,
Let's just say,
Wants to be validated.
Wants to be accepted.
Wants to be approved of.
Wants to be liked.
Wants to be loved.
And I guess comically,
For the ones who say,
Well,
I just don't care about that.
The tone of attitude in your voice implies that you secretly care about it.
You get my point.
The mechanism behind this,
And again,
I'm using impossible concepts here to point to something.
But the mechanism of this and to illustrate it is kind of like saying the imaginary character of you is trying to become real.
Is trying to prove itself as real.
And I wonder if that language makes sense to you.
Like,
I wonder if you can take that and see how it applies to your experience.
You can almost say that there's something in us that wants to be seen.
Wants to be validated.
Wants to be understood.
And again,
Loved,
Accepted,
Yada,
Yada,
Yada.
It's a ego character that is essentially saying,
Please see me.
And this is interesting too,
Because if you look at the fundamental dilemma of the human experience,
In some way we can break it down to a sense of being not enough.
So there is a motivation that looks out into the world and says,
Tell me that I am enough.
Which is also in another way of speaking,
Something in you that feels like it's not real,
Looks out into the world and says,
Please tell me I'm real.
Do you see how all of these things are essentially saying the same thing?
And the illustration of this is essentially that the character of you,
The ego,
Is unreal.
And there's an intuitive sense of that,
Which is the inadequacy.
I feel like I'm not enough,
Or I can't find myself,
Or I don't know myself.
And so I want to go out into the world and prove myself as enough.
This is a futile game.
This is an impossible game.
What is essentially happening here is,
That which is unreal is trying to become real.
And that which is unreal can never be real.
Which is why we keep coming back to the same point of disappointment.
What we find is what we will just call fantasies of validation.
Temporary moments of validation that simply cannot sustain themselves.
And because they cannot sustain themselves,
We get on a sort of hamster wheel that constantly chases after that validation to keep the illusion of validation going.
And from what I see,
This is the game the whole world is playing.
This is the game that the human species is playing as they are identified with an imaginary self that is separate from all the other selves.
And that which is fundamentally being looked for,
Which is a real self,
A validated self,
A whole self,
Can never be fulfilled on that quest.
Because that quest,
Which is looking for it in the world,
Is actually just looking for it in the mind.
But it thinks that that quest is the only quest.
It's looking in reality.
I'm not sure if that makes sense.
Maybe I need to say some more about it,
But I say more about it all the time.
As you go out into the world looking for that which you think will make you whole and complete,
To you it looks like you're looking in reality or in the world,
But you're looking in the mind's content.
Meaning,
If you say,
Oh,
If only I had this certain type of car,
Then it would mean I'm enough.
And so you think that the car in reality is the prize.
But really,
The prize is in the mind,
Which is the association that says,
If I had X,
Y,
Z,
Then it means X,
Y,
Z about me.
Do you see how that's in the mind,
But we make it look like it's in the world?
Whatever the fantasy is that says,
Oh,
If only X,
Y,
Z,
Then I would be enough.
You think X,
Y,
Z is in the world,
But it's not.
It's in the mind.
And so we're still looking for a self that is enough in the mind,
Which is in the imagination,
Which is in the unreal.
So the only thing you will find is another self that is unreal,
No matter what story you wrap around it.
You can have a story that says,
Oh,
There's 1,
000 people who love me.
Oh man,
If only it was 2,
000.
And then you find yourself on an anxious quest to get 2,
000 people who like and love you.
And it might even feel good,
Right?
You're telling a story.
Oh,
I'm almost there.
I'm almost enough.
I almost got it.
And then you get there,
You let it settle in,
And then you think,
Actually,
It's 3,
000.
And so you get back on the wheel and you go try and find 3,
000 people that validate you.
My point being,
No matter where you go in the world,
No matter what you collect,
It's never going to solve the problem of ego validation.
It can only give you the illusion of validation.
And depending where you are in your journey,
Some people might be in that illusion of validation and it feels very real.
And that's fine.
But what I'm implying,
And again,
Looking at past experiences,
For me,
Where that validation seemed to arise,
It always fades away and ignites a new quest of seeking some new form of validation,
Which also and always comes with a perpetual fear of not getting it,
Which is what doesn't allow you to relax on the journey because you might not get the all-important thing of validation,
Acceptance,
Approval,
Love,
Yada,
Yada,
Yada.
And don't you see how this is the conditioning of the whole world?
The conditioning of the world is to offer up a prize in the world that says,
If you become XYZ,
You will finally become whole and complete,
Which is essentially the world saying,
Do what I want you to do and then I'll love you,
Which is why so much of this boils down to love.
And again,
It's just using language to point to something.
But it could be said that we're seeking love,
But we're seeking for it in the world,
Which is to only be seeking for it in the mind,
Which is to only be seeking for a love that isn't real.
It's imaginary,
Which is why it's so fleeting,
Which is why it's frustrating.
And again,
None of this is wrong.
None of it deserves any flavor of self-judgment.
For me,
It's just interesting.
Here's what happens for me as I recognize,
Acknowledge,
And surrender to the truth of this.
And understand,
I'm going to use words,
Right?
I'm going to share concepts.
I'm going to attempt to point to something that can't actually be spoken.
So I don't know what your mind is going to do with this.
So just know that I'm just talking about my direct experience.
What I recognize for myself in all of these things that I've already said,
Whereas I recognize that there is a character in my mind that is completely imaginary,
A character that I sometimes think is real.
And I see that it's always seeking some sort of conclusion in the future,
Where it will finally be whole and complete.
It wants to matter.
It wants to be important.
It wants to be real.
And that character is the only thing that suffers.
The reality of me doesn't suffer.
It's just the character that suffers.
And as I surrender and acknowledge the truth of this,
Here's the message that I hear.
Might be different for you.
The message is,
Tiger,
You don't really matter.
And it's funny because this phrase can either piss me off or it can liberate me.
And again,
I don't know what your mind does with that phrase.
But for me,
The message is this person that you're trying to maintain,
This one that feels like it's not enough,
Will never find what it's looking for because it's not real.
You can keep trying and making your life a hell.
Or you can surrender that self and just come home.
Another way of saying this,
Maybe more in a religious context,
Is,
Dear Tiger,
Would you please stop trying to be God and just let God be God?
I love that description because it is so on point as it relates to what I'm saying.
What the ego is doing.
The ego,
In essence,
Is trying to steal the glory from God.
The ego is trying to make life about the ego rather than letting life be about God.
And it creates hell in the process.
Of course,
This is the illustration of the devil.
This is what that points to.
Whereas the devil was once an angel in heaven and there was a big party and everyone was giving praise and glory to God.
And this particular angel looks around and says,
But what about me?
I want to be important.
I want to be special.
I want people to worship me.
And then I'm not super familiar with the story,
But gets banished from heaven,
Which I assume is he banished himself.
He said,
I don't want to be here.
And goes off and tries to do his own thing and get people to worship him.
Which essentially says,
Love me and I'll give you what you want.
Tries to get other people to see him as the important one.
And creates hell in the process.
And this is so on point as a story that illustrates the mechanism of ego,
Especially when I just look at my own direct experience,
I can see it in my relationships.
It's so loud that that's what it is.
And so in recognizing this,
In surrendering to it,
And I only surrender to it because I see there's no other option.
It's not,
I surrender to it because surrendering is an option.
And I choose that.
No,
There's no other option that is actually valid.
Because all other options,
Which is trying to be God just leads to a new version of hell.
And so the surrendering.
Is acknowledging the truth of it and giving up the fight.
The fight to make this about myself,
Which is also the fight to take things personally,
Which is trying to make things about me,
Which is the only thing I suffer over.
I give it all back to God,
So to speak.
And,
You know,
Again,
Speaking from my own direct experience,
I wonder if you see that this is the same for you.
How much of your suffering is directly tied to making this life thing about you?
Rather than just letting life be life,
Rather than letting people be people.
Rather than trying to find some prize in the future that finally makes you whole and complete.
You give up that quest and just come home.
And just be here,
Be present.
Enjoy the miracle of life you've been given.
Or in effect,
It doesn't have to be about you.
It can be about what God has created.
And,
You know,
Again,
Using silly words,
Some people interpret these maybe flavor of religious words in a negative way,
Which is the failure of these words.
Like I'm not talking about your idea of God.
I'm not talking about your idea of spirituality.
I'm trying to use these limited,
Clumsy words to point to something beyond all that.
But to illustrate it,
It's like standing on a cliff and there's this beautiful sunset that's falling behind the horizon.
And you have this choice to be present and enjoy the beauty of what is.
Or you can be in some sort of internal dream of an argument that is complaining about not being enough.
One is to be in reality,
The beauty of this,
Whatever it is that's happening.
And then the other is to be lost in your mind,
Trying to validate who you think you are.
And even from a relationship aspect,
So often,
Especially with this fundamental drive from the ego that's trying to be validated,
We look at these people that we are in relationship with as if their sole purpose is to validate our ego.
They become objects.
They become instruments and tools for the ego's agenda.
Therefore,
They bother us because they're not doing what we want them to do,
Which helps us in our quest of being validated.
They're in the way.
I play this game often with my beautiful partner,
Where I watch her from two different lenses.
I watch her from the lens of my character,
Where she is my partner,
Where I love her deeply,
I don't want to lose her,
Yada,
Yada,
Yada,
Which inspires a bit of fear,
Right?
Like,
Oh,
No,
I don't know what's going to happen.
And oh,
No,
I'm not enough to hold on to her.
And then there's the different lens of where I just get out of the way.
I disappear.
I'm not there.
In effect,
We can say,
I look at her while letting God use my eyes.
What does God see?
And there's just this beautiful creature.
Do you see this?
Without the fear of a separate self that is afraid of not being enough,
What's left is just love.
What's left is the beauty of what is,
Whether it's the beauty of human beings,
Whether it's the beauty of nature itself,
The symphony of life.
And so it's so fascinating to see that there is that,
The reality of what is.
And then there's what I turn it into that is birthed from a fear of not being enough.
Which is the contrast between heaven and hell.
How does this relate practically,
At least for me in my direct experience?
You know,
I see a world out there where so many people are trying to be enough.
Whether that's climbing a ladder,
Whether that's stacking cash in a bank account,
Being validated,
Being seen.
And it's a game that they're free to play.
There's no judgment at all.
And I see that within me is something that wants to be enticed by that game.
And then there is a deeper part of me that sees how it's just me trying to make life about me.
And I see that it's not true.
And I see that it's the source of all my suffering.
And in seeing that,
It's a frightful thing.
It's a bit terrifying.
It's terrifying because in one aspect,
It strips away everything I think I want in the future.
It strips away the things I might secretly be holding on to about tomorrow.
Because it effectively forces me into the truth of,
I don't really know.
Which is also to show me that this life thing isn't about what I want tomorrow.
And again,
I struggle to put words to it,
But this life thing is about the miracle of life itself.
And I am simply invited to rest in that miracle,
To enjoy that miracle,
To play in that miracle.
But using maybe religious language to not try and steal the glory from God.
To not make it about me.
And there's a very,
Very sweet liberation that comes with that.
It invites me to lay down the anxiety that fear is not being enough.
I can stop playing that game.
You know what it's like to stop playing the game of inadequacy?
It's to see the truth of inadequacy and stop fighting with it.
What is the truth of inadequacy?
Very simply stated,
It's the truth that who I think I am is not enough.
And never will be.
Because who I think I am isn't real.
And as I acknowledge that,
I can embrace it and stop trying to conquer it.
And let it be a beautiful reminder of what is enough.
And it's certainly not the character of who I think I am.
It invites me home to the present moment.
Using language,
It invites me home to the heart of God.
Rather than traditionally where it invites us,
It invites us into our imagination of self-importance in the future.
Where we feel inadequate and we say,
What can I do in the world so that I can be enough?
What can I do in the world so that people approve of me?
Do you see how that invites you into the mind?
And it reinforces the sense of inadequacy.
The painful version rather than the beautiful version.
You're right.
Who I think I am is not enough.
This isn't about me.
And there's so many beautiful ways that manifest in my life.
This is a great illustration.
And surely you've experienced this in some way.
To recognize these things I'm talking about allows me to hold such a beautiful space in relationships.
Whereas,
If my partner's having a difficult time,
If she's super bothered,
If she's just having her human moment,
You notice that tendency for us to take that personally?
Like it means we did something wrong.
It means we're not enough.
You see what we're doing there?
We're making it about us,
Which effectively pushes them away.
Somehow,
When I inherently see that this isn't about me,
I get out of the way.
There's nothing to defend.
There's nothing to protect.
There's no pride,
Essentially.
And there's a beautiful space that's held.
Likewise,
I see this too,
Where somebody might be angry with me about what I say or whatever.
And then we have a conversation about it.
And I always look forward to these conversations,
Because I know it's just an innocent misunderstanding.
And to get out of the way,
Where it's not about me being right,
It's not about me being above,
Whatever.
There's no agenda.
I've disappeared.
It's just emptiness.
And then,
As things are allowed to be said,
What we find underneath all of the noise was an innocent misunderstanding,
Where the real conclusion is,
I just love you.
Isn't that the fundamental conclusion?
I love you.
And I'm scared.
How beautiful is that?
But how often can we not get to the truth of the matter,
Because we're so busy protecting this idea of ourselves?
Wanting other people to think about us a certain way,
To have some thoughts and not other thoughts.
How much mental energy do we spend throughout our days thinking about what other people think?
All of this is an attempt to protect that character,
Trying to make life about that character.
It's trying to be God rather than letting God be God.
It's just exhausting,
At least from what I see.
And the only way out of that exhaustion,
The only liberation that I see,
Is effectively the truth of life.
Which is also the truth of my own disappearance.
That this isn't really about me.
That who I think I am isn't real.
And it's amazing how I always come back to these same conclusions,
No matter what life experience I go through.
And my goodness,
Not that I'm going to get into it,
But I've been through this.
I've been through some pretty horrendous,
Sufferable experiences.
And I still cannot escape the truth of these things.
Where in some effect,
I was taking personal what wasn't really personal.
I was making it about me.
And I was so convinced that the other person was wrong.
I was so convinced that the other person was making me suffer,
Rather than I was suffering over my mind's content,
While trying to protect an image of myself.
I can't say that for anyone else,
But I will say in the countless conversations that I have with people,
It's amazing how we also come back to this same conclusion,
Which opens our heart up to a world of forgiveness.
It opens us up to a deep understanding that in some way,
All is well.
A deep permission to just breathe.
And an invitation,
Not a requirement,
But an invitation to let go.
So this is my eternal invitation that I keep coming back to every day,
Every decade.
See the truth of what's real and surrender the unreal.
Let this be about what God is doing,
Rather than what I want to be happening,
So that I can protect an idea of myself.
I don't have to,
It's not required,
But it's the only way.
And then I'll forget all of this and get lost again and find my way home.
Thanks for hanging out with me.
