Hey,
It's Dr.
Pamela and welcome back.
In this next audio,
We're going to explore what freedom and possibility means to you.
And let's start by taking a moment to just settle in.
Find your breath.
Let your shoulders drop.
Notice where you're holding any tension and see if you can just soften a little,
Like no judgment,
Not right or wrong or good or bad,
Just some awareness.
And just take a couple more deep,
Grounding breaths in through the nose.
Mmm,
Out through the mouth.
So when it comes to exploring freedom.
This is something that might feel both exciting and terrifying at the same time.
And I'm not talking about the freedom that comes from a vacation or a weekend getaway,
Although those are lovely,
Aren't they?
I'm talking about the freedom that comes from finally releasing the stories about who you're supposed to be.
And stepping into the possibility of who you actually are meant to be.
And who you're becoming in the process.
Don't get me wrong,
This is uncomfortable territory for a lot of us.
Because freedom requires you to face something you've most likely been avoiding.
Like,
What you actually want.
Not talking about what you think you should want.
Not what would be the responsible,
The reasonable,
Or safe want,
But what do you really,
Truly want?
And for many of the people I work with,
That question feels a little bit dangerous.
Because here's what I've observed in my spiritual psychology and mindfulness coaching.
You arrive at this threshold,
Right?
And you've spent decades building a life.
And more often than not,
That life is good.
It's genuinely good.
You have people you love.
You have work that matters and accomplishments that you're proud of.
But somewhere underneath the good,
There's a restlessness.
There is a stirring deep inside of you and a whisper that says,
Is this all there is?
Is this all I am?
And then you feel guilty for even thinking about it.
You might even feel a little ungrateful or think.
I should be happy.
Look at everything I have.
But that little whisper isn't going away,
Is it?
Right?
Sometimes it gets quieter,
Sometimes it gets louder.
Or maybe we just get better at ignoring it.
We stay busy,
We stay useful,
We stay needed.
Because as long as we're needed,
We don't have to face that internal stirring and that question underneath.
That we're afraid to say out loud.
If I'm not this role,
This identity,
This version of myself I've been performing.
Who am I?
What do I want?
What's mine to do now?
Let me tell you about a woman I worked with last year.
She was 53.
She had raised three kids,
Had her first grandbaby.
Had built a successful career,
A great marriage,
And by all accounts,
She'd done everything quote-unquote right.
But she came to me and said,
I have this dream.
I've had it for 20 years,
But it feels so selfish and impractical that I've never said it out loud.
And I asked her what it was.
And she said,
I want to write.
Not as a hobby,
But I really want to write.
I want to spend a year just exploring what I'm capable of creating.
And then she immediately followed it with,
But I can't.
The kids still need help with things.
My husband expects me to be available.
My job is stable.
I should just be grateful.
Besides,
It's too late anyways.
Who do I think I am that I can write now at my age?
Oh my goodness,
Can you hear all the internal barriers?
All the reasons why her desire doesn't get to matter?
Can you relate?
Because this is what we do.
We have become experts at explaining away our own desires.
But what if those.
Desires and those longings are actually our soul.
Tapping at the door reminding us that we have a divine calling to fulfill.
Because you see that whisper,
It's not a little nagging problem.
That whisper is an invitation.
And this is where horse wisdom provides such a great example for us.
Because you see,
The horse understands something about freedom that we've forgotten.
A horse in an open pasture doesn't spend its time worrying about whether it makes the right choice.
It doesn't second guess its desire to move toward water,
Towards shade,
Towards companionship,
Or towards what feels good.
A horse doesn't stand at the edge of the pasture,
Thinking.
But what if I go to the water and then I miss something happening over by the shade?
And what if I make the wrong choice?
And what if the other horses judged me?
That's not what the horses do.
They're living in the now.
They're living in the present moment and they trust their internal instincts.
They trust their internal guidance system.
And they respond to what's alive in the moment.
And the horse always moves towards what it needs without shame,
Judgment,
Or apologies.
And I would like to say that you probably knew how to do this once too.
Before the voices of parents and partners and culture and expectations became louder than your own inner knowing.
Before all of that,
You had instincts.
You had desires that were yours and you knew what made you feel alive.
You knew what you wanted without needing permission or justification.
You knew how to play without having to be productive all the time.
You knew how to dream without practicality.
How to want and desire without feeling guilty.
And here's the truth.
I want you to hear this because you still know.
You've just been trained to ignore it,
To suppress that little inner voice.
Women and men too.
Tell me some version of this story all the time.
I don't even know what I want anymore.
But when we slow down,
When we take the time to get quiet.
And create sacred space and when we stop performing and start listening it turns out That story is not quite true.
It's not that you don't know.
It's that what you want feels so big,
So impractical.
Selfish.
And late and maybe risky,
Too indulgent,
Too embarrassing.
Or two,
Something,
Fill in the blank.
And so you've learned to make yourself smaller.
To edit your desires.
To stay within the boundaries of what feels safe and acceptable and what won't disappoint anyone else or make anyone else feel uncomfortable.
Somewhere along the way,
You gave your freedom away and started to let those external voices run your life.
But let me tell you something.
This next season of your life is not about playing safe.
It's not about shrinking to fit into a story that no longer serves you.
It's not about being small so other people can stay comfortable.
This is your time to ask the daring questions.
And I mean daring not in a reckless way,
But in the way that challenges the status quo.
What if I didn't have to choose between my own desires and being a good parent or grandparent?
What if the thing I'm afraid to want is exactly what I'm meant to pursue?
What if this restlessness isn't a problem to solve?
But a call to answer.
What if disappointing some people is the price of finally becoming my true self?
So I want you to try something with me right now.
I want you to feel into something.
And I need you to suspend that practical mind just for a moment.
We're just going to put that voice on pause that says,
But that's not realistic,
But I have possibilities.
We're just going to pause that for a moment.
And I want you to imagine.
That all those external constraints were removed.
The judgment,
The expectations,
The fear of disappointing people,
The financial concerns,
The timing,
All the practical logistics.
Just for this moment,
Set them aside.
And in this new spaciousness where we've released that external weight.
I want to know what starts to emerge for you.
What vision becomes possible?
What do you actually,
Truly want?
What is your deepest heart's desires?
What is your soul calling you to bring forth to the world?
Don't censor it.
Don't make it reasonable.
Don't immediately explain why it can't happen.
Just notice.
What's there?
What's emerging?
What is coming through and showing itself to you right now?
Maybe it's a creative project you've been postponing for years or even decades.
Maybe it's that book you've always wanted to write.
Maybe it's a relationship that needs honest conversation.
Or maybe it's a relationship that needs an honest ending because it's no longer serving you.
Maybe it's a completely different way.
Of structuring your days or finally pursuing that thing you said you'd do.
Someday.
Maybe it's rest.
Deep unapologetic solitude.
Or maybe it's an overdue adventure.
Whatever it is.
I want you to know this.
Your desires and your dreams,
They are not frivolous.
They're not selfish.
And they are nothing to be embarrassed about.
They are your soul's GPS.
Pointing you toward the life you're meant to live.
In your next season.
Now I know what you're thinking,
But Dr.
Pamela,
I really do have all these responsibilities.
I can't just run away and do whatever I want.
And you're right.
But freedom isn't about having no responsibilities.
It's not about abandoning your life or the people you love.
Freedom is about consciously choosing how you meet those responsibilities while also honoring what's alive inside of you.
It's about adding yourself to the list of people whose needs and desires matter.
It's about recognizing that your flourishing doesn't diminish anyone else's.
It actually creates more capacity.
For genuine love and presence.
So,
The question isn't,
Can I have permission to want what I want?
Rather,
The question is.
.
.
Am I willing to take myself seriously enough to explore what becomes possible when I stop waiting for permission?
Take that in for a moment.
Because I'm sure that you've probably spent years being responsible,
Being reliable,
Being the one who holds it all together all the time.
And that has served you and it has served the people you love.
And I'm not asking you to become irresponsible.
I'm asking you to become equally responsible to yourself.
Just as much as you've been for everyone else all these years.
What if this next phase of your life is about adding you to the list of people you're showing up for?
What if you became as committed to your own flourishing as you've been committed to everyone else's?
Not someday,
Not when the conditions are perfect,
Not when everyone else is settled,
Not when you've earned it or proved yourself enough.
Now.
This season of your life starts now.
And here are the questions I want you to carry forward from this.
And I want these to be gentle questions for yourself.
And take a moment if you need to pause and maybe you want to journal around this.
But these are the questions that will change your life if you let them.
First,
I want you to ask yourself.
If I trusted that my desires matter,
Not more than everyone else's,
But as much as everyone else's.
What would I do differently this week?
Not someday.
This week.
What's one small choice you could make that honors what's true for you?
Second.
I want you to ask yourself.
What am I protecting to stay small?
What am I afraid will happen?
If I actually take up the space,
My soul is calling me to occupy it.
Let those questions work on you.
Don't rush to answer them.
Pray about that.
Meditate with them.
See what wants to emerge.
And remember.
The person you're becoming.
Already inside you.
It's not someone you need to create from scratch.
That person is who you are when you stop performing who you think you should be.
I just want to acknowledge you for being here and showing up for yourself in this moment.
Acknowledge your courage and acknowledge your willingness to want more.
Because you deserve to fulfill your souls.
